The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Darrenez]

Why?

I don't know about your situation but in my situation I don't want to GIVE HER the satisfaction knowing that I'm still available after she shat on my heart.

Just because I love her ,maybe I worded it wrong. I meant if she ever wants to give things a go , I wouldn't be out of order to her for how she dumped me. If you read about my situation(couple of messages above) with my ex you'd see that I'm not mad at her for dumping me.

 

[aWolf]

Count me in

- I'm 23 year old
- Been with the girl for 4 years
- Broke up last night because she was flirting with my best friend
- We live in the same dorms, I'm a collage student and our rooms are facing each other. The dorm is designed that each we all share same living room and kitchen, and no I cant change my location until this semester ends.
- I have to mention that I'm clinically depressed person, I take pills and go to psychiatric session. The reason of my depression is not women, I had a rough life.

So, here we go

Day 1: Aloof and emotionless

I've did NC before with this girl, but I've always done it because I wanted her back. I got her back each time
This time, I'm truly doing it for myself, I want her out of my life completely. Because of that I deleted her her phone number and unfollowed her on social media.
The thing is I dont miss her or have any positive feelings towards her, I honestly hate her so much right now I could kill her. Maybe the drugs I'm taking are making my emotions numb, or maybe because its the first day since break up. I will not talk about the break up to my psychiatric cause I domt want to make her significant in my life.

We share a living room, so I saw her today but I didnt contact her. I just lay there watching a movie on TV and chatting with my friends.

I have a date tomorrow with a 18 years old girl I've met in a party,she's a model but not that pretty. But nonetheless, will have some fun with her

 

[Noyou]

I have been thinking of contacting her today and telling her how I feel. Its been nearly 30 days now and I haven't really heard from her. Part of me thinks that its a short life and I want her to know how I feel (although I'm sure she does)as what have I got to lose? apart from pride and 30 days wasted of no contact!
Another part of me thinks that nothing will change and if she really did want me back , she'd contact me...surely.

I don't want her thinking ,well he didn't obviously care about me otherwise he would have been in contact and part of me thinks she also too stubborn to try and win me back if she wanted to.

I won't ring or contact her , its just that I was thinking we only live one life and I don't want to regret trying to win her back...advice would be appreciated guys:rockon:

Life is too short to be hung up on one woman that is not deserving of you. Live and find out whats best for you, and who knows, maybe it's her down the road, if not, then you learned a lesson about love and such and you move on. If she dumped you because the "grass might be greener" or some other crap, they'll be back if you treated them well.

My ex contacted me 2 weeks after the breakup that she initiated that and said she didn't know if she wanted to talk to me or see me anymore, but yet she does contact me after the break to see "how I'm doing" and "hows the new job?!" to quell her own doubts and guilt.

I get random friend requests from random women or people on Facebook that I don't know anything about in which the profiles are made days or weeks ago

My LinkedIn gets looked at by random visitors and the ex herself (then put herself as anonymous)

But im smart enough to know it's just about her and her feelings, not mine. It was all about her during the relationship and it won't change overnight.

Stay strong folks

 

[arjunck]

So the phone saga continues.. I told her via a text that I will give her friend the phone back myself.. She texts me back asking me if I do not want to talk to her.. Didn't text her back.. Of course I dont want to talk to her.. Why would I?? I gave her my heart, she fukcing stomped on it!!! The no contact is giving me new powers.. I like it.. I must say though.. I did not act like an AFC right after the break up.. I just stopped calling her.. The first few days were tough.. Now on day 9, it seems she misses me and that gives me hope.. I need to kill the hope and try to move on.. Hopefully I will be able to..

 

[Dtsm3]

Day 4,

No contact at all. But I do have to go see the long term ex tomorrow to discuss the selling of our house. ****ing can't wait for the day thats all done.

Was speaking to a friend of mine who knows the short term ex last night. The more I talked to him, the more I think I'm ****ing fed up with women and will be happy just to be on my own for a while. I've concentrated too much on women and not enough on me. So my goal .... get down the gym and get myself as fit and healthy as possible, and if I ever see the ex's again, I can make them realise how ****ing stupid they are and what they have lost. **** um!

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Oh god, I'm in the hospital to meet the dermatologist. The hospital where she works. Please god, don't make me stumble upon her. I'm afraid of a 110lb girl....

 

[Dtsm3]

Feel like **** again today. Just cant help but feel like all the problems I have had have been of my own making. Feel lonely! :

 

[arjunck]

Is telling your ex why you are going NC breaking NC?? I had to reply because she was going on a text spree this morning.. I told her that I doubt if we could ever be friends considering she broke my heart and that I will not be speaking to her for a long long time.. She said take your time.. Wasn't I clear enough?? If I did break NC, I should have done it to reinforce it instead of giving her hopes.. No?? Help me out..

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I just realized how bad the **** that I've done to her.

It was about the time that she started talking to the other guy - some old creepy man was hitting on her, more like sexually harassing her. She told it to me over the phone, crying !
Instead of being SMART and ALPHA I told her
"Look, I'm not gonna tell you I'll go there and kick his ass like any guy would say and do nothing...how about you go and tell that to the hospital security? Coming over there and threatening him will cause me trouble in the military"

After everything, I didn't even visit her the day it happened. I bet THAT'S where she lost attraction and started talking to the other guy.
I even asked her "why didn't you tell him anything in response?"..DUMB DUMB DUMB

Was I scared? Yeah
Was I stupid? F**K YEAH

I should've at least told her I would TEAR HIS FACE OFF just to make her feel secure.
I would give anything right now to go back in time and change what I did, not in order for us to be together - just to fix what I did wrong.

I know that there's nothing to do now and dwelling on past mistakes does more harm than good (I'm really pissed at myself right now) so spare me with that lesson.

I guess I just didn't LOOOVE her like I think I did upto the point I've lost her. Am I seeking validation?

 

[Noyou]

I just realized how bad the **** that I've done to her.

It was about the time that she started talking to the other guy - some old creepy man was hitting on her, more like sexually harassing her. She told it to me over the phone, crying !
Instead of being SMART and ALPHA I told her
"Look, I'm not gonna tell you I'll go there and kick his ass like any guy would say and do nothing...how about you go and tell that to the hospital security? Coming over there and threatening him will cause me trouble in the military"

After everything, I didn't even visit her the day it happened. I bet THAT'S where she lost attraction and started talking to the other guy.
I even asked her "why didn't you tell him anything in response?"..DUMB DUMB DUMB

Was I scared? Yeah
Was I stupid? F**K YEAH

I should've at least told her I would TEAR HIS FACE OFF just to make her feel secure.
I would give anything right now to go back in time and change what I did, not in order for us to be together - just to fix what I did wrong.

I know that there's nothing to do now and dwelling on past mistakes does more harm than good (I'm really pissed at myself right now) so spare me with that lesson.

I guess I just didn't LOOOVE her like I think I did upto the point I've lost her. Am I seeking validation?

Alpha= You don't give a damn
Beta= saying something about it.

Most men will be beta about what she said

What happened wasn't your fault, stop blaming yourself and over analyzing, that right there wasn't the turning point, and more than likely the turning point was something dumb and unreasonable on her part.

 

[Noyou]

I just realized how bad the **** that I've done to her.

It was about the time that she started talking to the other guy - some old creepy man was hitting on her, more like sexually harassing her. She told it to me over the phone, crying !
Instead of being SMART and ALPHA I told her
"Look, I'm not gonna tell you I'll go there and kick his ass like any guy would say and do nothing...how about you go and tell that to the hospital security? Coming over there and threatening him will cause me trouble in the military"

After everything, I didn't even visit her the day it happened. I bet THAT'S where she lost attraction and started talking to the other guy.
I even asked her "why didn't you tell him anything in response?"..DUMB DUMB DUMB

Was I scared? Yeah
Was I stupid? F**K YEAH

I should've at least told her I would TEAR HIS FACE OFF just to make her feel secure.
I would give anything right now to go back in time and change what I did, not in order for us to be together - just to fix what I did wrong.

I know that there's nothing to do now and dwelling on past mistakes does more harm than good (I'm really pissed at myself right now) so spare me with that lesson.

I guess I just didn't LOOOVE her like I think I did upto the point I've lost her. Am I seeking validation?

Alpha= You don't give a damn
Beta= saying something about it.

Most men will be beta about what she said

What happened wasn't your fault, stop blaming yourself and over analyzing, that right there wasn't the turning point, and more than likely the turning point was something dumb and unreasonable on her part.

Shes a grown ass woman and if she's being hit on, she can handle herself. More than likely she wanted to tell you because she wanted to gauge how far you'd go for her and such. This isnt high school where we go beat someone up for hitting on your girl

Ask yourself, why would she tell you this? I've gotten hit on by women when I was in my relationship, doesn't mean I go tell my gf everything

 

[Cerwin Vega]

He told her "you don't know what your body is doing to me" and "don't worry I'll be gentle"..words of a 40 something man to a 19 yo girl.
She way crying like mad over this..I think every person takes it differently. I don't see it as a big deal either but the point is that I think she was genuinely deeply hurt by the situation and I was non reactive.

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 30

Guys,

i just crossed the half-way point of this challenge. I will probably go longer than 60 days. Anyways one day at a time. At this point I can say I learned more than I expected. Namely;

- You don't NEED anyone in your life. But we certainly want to be wanted.
- I am stronger than I thought, some days were hell and other days were ecstatic.
- A healthy lifestyle is more important and valuable, both in the short and long run, than any relationship.
- The human mind and it's thought patterns are the most powerful and intriguing processes out there. Cliche but you are truly what you THINK.
- Focusing on work and your relationship with your family is more rewarding than I imagined.
- Doing a frantic google search for how to get my ex back led me to SoSauve, and this forum has been the best platform for relationship and self improvement advice I have ever found.

My half way point day started off with my neighbor banging my door at 4:30 AM complaining of strenuous stomach pain. As there is no 911 service in this country I'm in, I dressed in a rush and rushed him to the hospital. He got an IV and I sat by his side the entire time it took for him to get better. At some point I had to hold tears back and realized that I have been a fool for focusing on the non-important things in life...girls.

You may think that I feel better for doing a good deed. However, I am not as well off as you think. Yes I feel a sense of accomplishment but it is marred by thoughts of my ex. I feel extremely lonely at the moment and I am doing my best to be optimistic. I will go for a walk later and listen to music. Taking this slower than a day at a time...I am focused more on making it to the next hour. I refuse to go back on anti-anxiety medication and especially so on upping my dosage of antidepressants. God give me strength.

Please try harder and remain optimistic. All of you.

 

[Blackmesa]

Blackmesa - Day 6

Hello guys,

I am in NC since 10 May when she dumped me. I've created a thread with more details of what happened: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2150559#post2150559

But the TL;DR is: LTR was great on first couple months and I maintained a fairly decent alpha mindset. She saw an erotic poem a friend did to me 7 years ago as a joke. She thought me and this friend have/had feelings for each other and that I am bisexual. I am not bisexual and spent the last month fighting with her over this. This became a paranoia on her head and the relationship crumbled slowly. She tried to break up several times because of this, and ended breaking up with that cliche "I only see you as friend now" crap. It saddens me deeply to see the LTR end for this absurd reason.

I am feeling really bad these days, because I hate unsolved issues. I hate when people think things about me which are untrue. Part of me miss her, of course, but part of me is angry because the lack of closure on the situation. It's not like it "didn't work out", it was just an unfortunate situation that caused this and an LTR which could do great, crumbled to pieces.

I also developed a sexual problem I had when my first GF dumped me, I masturbate a lot to forget, and it's not a healthy masturbation... I am trying to contain myself.

I will keep following the NC rules and also keep posting regularly on this thread!

Thanks!

Regards,

Blackmesa

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Thank god I haven't stumbled upon her at the hospital.

The dermatologist gave me an OK to start the treatment. I hope I'll also get a whole bunch of sick-days as well.
I started talking to almost every girl I see, embarrassed myself by doing the "did it hurt" line just because I had NOTHING else to say and I just forced myself to talk to the girl (she blew me off hahaha), took the number of a 2 girls, been texting with one back and forth and the other said "I have a boyfriend" right away and then I said we'd just go for a jog. (she's kinda chubby so I don't miss out on anything )

I still feel like a huge chunk of me is missing. She was just like my family, I felt 100% comfortable with everything she did, I loved her tiny odorless farts lol.

I am still very anxious about her and the new guy but it's natural. I wish it was the stone age where you could kill your rival and breed as many women as you want.

Not afraid to say I listened to "Crazy" by Aerosmith and cried my eyes out, we used to dance to this song and it melted my heart every single time. Why are you so stupid, girl, why did you force me to do this, girl...I think I'm at the hardest phase now, the "Why?!" and "How could you?!" phase.

That's it. No more cheating. No more lying. My next relationship will be based on, like David X said, Honesty, Trust and Respect.

@beatjunkie how are you man? What do you mean "go longer than 60 days"? I don't ever want to hear from my ex nor contact her...why ever stop NC?

End of day 18

 

[beatjunkie]

Ok so i just back from the club. Saw my ex's ex-fiancee. Him and his friends were starring hard and laughing at times. Could be at me or not, but i'm 80% sure it was directed at me. Didn't do anything, enjoyed my time. I live in a very small country and word is probably going to get back to her. Why am i worried? Because through this NC thing I was trying to prove to all that i am able to live life alone. Now she is probably going to think oh he needs friends and parties like the rest.

What do you guys think? From experiences that you may have had, how will she react?

Ps. @ CerwinVegaFan. I know how you feel. Please don't let this lead to you clinical depression (saw your other thread). Please stay strong man. We have all been through what you are going through and know that we understand. Feel free to post as many times or ask as many questions are you need. We are here for you bro!! Remain firm!!! Try to get a better paying job to help you feel better.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Edited my reply

I will stay strong brother. There are some fall downs that seem endless but day by day I am getting a bit better.

I know it's easier said than done, but why the hell do you care what she'll think? It's OVER man, she's moved on, you don't have to prove nothing to anyone. Do you think she kept all of her promises? Mine promised me not to date anyone for a year or two ESPECIALLY not that doctor and viola...there you go. Going out clubbing and having fun with friends is nothing to be ashamed of. I'd actually want to rub it in her face (not too much) and show her that she only held me back from being awesome.

 

[ovoxo]

Toxic 2 year "relationship" with my ex. She's a full blown jezebel. I put relationship in quotes because it wasn't much of one at all. Tons of infidelity on her part even with people who were considered my "boys". Lots of this is my fault since I didn't properly vet her and I ignored tons of warning signs despite knowing of this forum before anything started with her. I fell victim to my inexperience and believing what she said. "Your the one that can make me change"..etc She put on some serious push/pull and got me to chase her even though initially I wasn't interested at all. It was game over.

We've been out of the "relationship" for 18 months now but it's been tough for me to let go. And even when I do I've seen her around due to many mutual friends and my cousin who's almost like my brother being one of her "best friends".

Pain slowly going away with time. On and off no contact since last November. A period of 2 & 1/2 months, 6 weeks and another month. Every time I'm making progress she shows up at my house and I basically have to start over. She's the type who knows how to put things in your head and will do/say JUST enough to keep the option open. I'm aware of this but still find it hard to consistently keep my composure. Month ago before this most recent no contact I fell for the "so when are we getting back together" b.s. Just so that when I bring it up to maybe push things forward she can say "I'm forcing it".

Recent no contact was broke yesterday when she showed up at my house again. She swears up and down she hasn't had sex this year.. But her tweets tell a different story. Hard to lie about not having sex when theirs pictures of hickey on your neck that you sent to a friend on your public twitter. Then she's gonna claim that's not inconclusive evidence of sexual activity even though she was intoxicated that same night.

Embarrassing to think I ever got involved with a female so low quality. Like I said before she's a full blown jezebel. 9/10 face and body but ****ty character combined with daddy issues. I'm sick of her shiît and lying to my face.

Deleted Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, (blocked and or don't even have the apps so I'm not tempted to search her name either). Blocked her phone number as well.

Day 1 of hopefully final no contact

P.S. Also trying my best to go no fap and practice sexual transmutation. Went 2 months before with my first no contact attempt and felt amazing. Time to get that feeling back! And also work out & work on my business.

 

[arjunck]

The phone saga continues.. She texted early this morning saying her friend needs her phone back.. This after I said I will be needing two weeks to return it as I am plenty busy these two coming weeks..

I just do not want to break the no contact rule.. But she keeps texting.. Should i just go give the phone and be done with it or should I finish the challenge first before I meet her!??

It was a cold break up.. She wanted to be friends but I started the no contact right away.. Not much has been said between us after we broke up.. Today is the tenth day..

What should I do??

 

[Noyou]

The phone saga continues.. She texted early this morning saying her friend needs her phone back.. This after I said I will be needing two weeks to return it as I am plenty busy these two coming weeks..

I just do not want to break the no contact rule.. But she keeps texting.. Should i just go give the phone and be done with it or should I finish the challenge first before I meet her!??

It was a cold break up.. She wanted to be friends but I started the no contact right away.. Not much has been said between us after we broke up.. Today is the tenth day..

What should I do??

1. Her friend will ask you for the phone back, not your ex.
2. To get her to stop, get a friend to give it to her.
3. Continue NC

Keep on the NC
Don't look back
Looking back will promote weakness
Don't contact her for ANYTHING, even if she's broken down on the road in the middle of the bad part of town, family emergency, heath problems, NOTHING!

She wanted out, then that's what logic dictates happens, you are out of her life forever. Period. NO EXEMPTIONS

Do not get soft on these exs gents, they have been proven already to advantage of your good nature and dropped you on your head, stop the madness and move on. Prove that they are wrong, not to them but for yourself and your sanity.