The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[slappy]

Don't get me wrong, post all you want. I just thought you were going about it the wrong way, but it makes more sense to me now.

Cheers.

Sorry to sound like a heartless wench. I'll post when I'm in a better state of mind and I'll seem even more relatable.

But guys take note, this is what NC does to your exes. They do, think and say stupid stuff like I just posted. (I mean this to mean that you're getting to them! You think you might not be, but you really, really are. I'm meant to be NC ready and I'm like this, so imagine how your ex would be who has no idea how to prepare for this! Keep it up lads you're doing great!)

Anyway thanks heaps Cheeks, I'm going to do a lot of thinking before I come back, I might break NC and see if the ex wants to talk and maybe give things another shot, if I do get rejected and he doesn't want to do this maybe it's then time for NC and to post here considering I will have been essentially dumped.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

But guys take note, this is what NC does to your exes. They do, think and say stupid stuff like I just posted.

To be honest sweetheart, they do, think and say stupid stuff without the help of NC. For what it's worth it still seems like you're going silent treatment instead of NC (there is a difference, subtle as it is). But I second Cheeks' sentiment, and all the best.

 

[lifeishardman]

day 1
got dumped 3 days ago by my girlfriend of 2.5 years, tried meeting her to get another chance and texted a lot yesterday to no avail and came off pretty pathetic I'd imagine. she said she would want to be friends and such when I was willing and I agreed and asked her about it a bit more and some more things about the future and came off really unwilling to let go.

i was a pretty crappy boyfriend for a while, selfish and often unwilling to compromise but I was trying to change and I thought things were getting better but too little too late I suppose.



guess now i'll go for method 2 and try to stay away

if I had hopes of her coming back did I blow it all by being a whiny loser yesterday? she was my best friend and university and life are really starting to crush me and losing my main support system is rough.

does anyone have advice?

 

[Adz--]

2 months and cant remember the day

I'm starting to feel like i have taken 5 steps back. I really am tempted to break NC.
Earlier today my mind was on her from the moment i woke up, went to work and all i think is her. I fooled myself into thinking yeah i'll call her up and meet up.. (without any intention of even calling her) just so i could get her off my mind.
Now that i'm home, i can't focus on studying and i feel that i have to look up on her, or call her off private number to hear her voice..

One hand i'm raging in my mind, the other is wanting to down a bottle of booze.
This is so f*ckin frustrating..

 

[Cheeks]

if I had hopes of her coming back did I blow it all by being a whiny loser yesterday? she was my best friend and university and life are really starting to crush me and losing my main support system is rough.

does anyone have advice?

You're only human. You're not a whiny loser. Remember she had a head start on all of this; she was ready for the break way before you even knew what hit you.

Its going to be one of the hardest things you'll ever go through but I can guarantee you will only make thing worse for yourself if you chase her. Your emotions are revved up right now and only time and clarity will give you the right perspective.

Be strong and refrain from contacting her. Keep in mind that anything you do at this point will only make her want to run from you. Do nothing and disappear, that is your only play.

 

[Darrenez]

'm on a week now and haven't felt tempted at all tbh however when we were on a break,I was able to withstand contacting her in a month so I'm sure I'll easily be able to last a another month or more.

Saying that though and I know your all say I'm mad I do feel like I've lost out as she was such a nice person and a good girlfriend.. I was a good boyfriend however I did make a few mistakes but I do feel like I've lost out as I'm not with her anymore.. I know I shouldn't be thinking like that but my girlfriend wasn't a bish like quite a few on here so I'm finding it hard to be mad at her.

I mean she did go on a date when we had a break but that's about the worse thing she done. Saying that she only wants to be friends with me is annoying but in a way I'm not mad at her as that's how she feels. Just reading on her a lot of guys are pissed with their ex's but I'm not ,well not much anyway lol.

 

[beatjunkie]

Guys so I just left the country for work related activities and to visit family. I work for an international organization that issues recognized diplomatic passports for its staff so that we get our jobs done without the burden of visa applications and so forth. Mine expired. Guess who is the one who has to renew it? HER. So it doesn't get renewed in time for this trip (her fault or not, not sure) but lucky I have a visa in my personal passport for the country that I'm in now so I still managed to fly out.

Now, when in the airport I get a call from the HR Assistant (she was the one I gave my passport to to give to my X; following office protocol) and she is very apologetic and says she tried to call her (my x) this morn as a last ditch attempt to get it renewed (all it needs is a signature from the top dog) but she didn't answer the phone. I told her (the HR Assistant) that it's ok, thanks for trying, but i knew this would happen. a few more polite words and end of convo.

No big deal right? Well now I'm outside the country wishing that I didn't sound too bitter on the phone. Emotions rising again and now I wish I had responded to my X's "how are you???" text message a few days ago.

I dont want this to fvck up my work life because i have an epic job that I really dont wanna leave. I'm guessing this adminstrative 'mishaps' may happen more now that I ignored her. I dont wanna fight her and wish her all the best so long as she stays the fvck away from my source of money.

Should I break contact and try to settle things diplomatically one more time? Wisdom and experience is needed here. I'm worried this NC is designed for those who don't have to deal with coworkers..

 

[beatjunkie]

and i just found out she blocked me on gchat after ignoring her "how are u???" txt a few days ago.

this sucks. i dont know if i'm strong enough to do this guys. it doesn't feel like it. its against my character to be mean and cut ppl off but i thought NC was supposed to make me better. i'm thinking of contact.

here comes rock bottom again.

 

[beatjunkie]

post 100...and holy sh*t. i think i may be the one with BPD......

 

[beatjunkie]

Right an apology is owed to you guys.

Apologies for my erratic messages earlier and spewing all that negativity. I had a very long talk with my brother and things are sorted. When i told I'm worried I may be BPD he said "Maaaan I wish I could slap your right now. You are ok so shut the f up and go pick up girls like I know my little bro doses and is known for." Major moral boost that was. I will reread all posts as I believe they have all the encouragement and advice I need. I am gonna go ghost and implement. Watch me outshine these ho3s. Will report on SS when I have results.

God Speed men!

 

[Darrenez]

I saw one my photoalbums yesterday and it did make me upset and I didn't even look through it lol..so today my photo albums will be going into a box and away for awhile. I didn't want to ring her although it did get me sad as it made me think of her again..6 years of mememories just gone,just like that. Hard as it is to block these memories and thoughts you have to do it...its the only way.

 

[Rave18]

Day three

Tried to find out a bit about what her friends and relatives were up to. When I thought a bit about why > I realized that I had posted something on Facebook, that was supposed to stay between us, and I felt guilty about doing it. I would have e-mailed her and apologized, but it all seems meaningless now.

I also realized a few other things, the main one being I saw her as a solution to my personal problems. I chased her, cause I couldn't deal with the challenges that life threw at me and being with her provided a momentary relief. Women want a MAN, I don't think I was one
-
Nice post http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=214951

 

[HW1984]

After 30 plus days... NC Broken

I called her Saturday afternoon. She answered and it was a good light hearted convo. Nothing about the past. She was timid at first then normal. She said she thought she'd never hear from me again. I feel fine with calling and do not regret it however it did open her back up to communication.

She called me late last night after having a panic attack. This type of stuff started in the last couple months of our relationship which was a key factor in the break up. Right away she acted as if she shouldn't have called but said you've always been the one that could calm me down and I know we're not dating anymore but I need to talk to someone. I acted very shut off. I offered to stay on the ohone with her but she just said no your're probably sleeping and that was pretty much it. I didn't offer much support. Maybe the wrong move but it is hard to re open yourself back up to someone.

What should I do now. Best guess is to leave it alone and if she contacts me again then she does but if not oh well. The other part of me is telling myself to check in with her today just to see how she is doing. (probably the beta move.) Her excuse for calling me was that she called her friends but no one answered. I call BS there. Not sure wether to feel good that she called me or used.

 

[beatjunkie]

After 30 plus days... NC Broken

I called her Saturday afternoon. She answered and it was a good light hearted convo. Nothing about the past. She was timid at first then normal. She said she thought she'd never hear from me again. I feel fine with calling and do not regret it however it did open her back up to communication.

She called me late last night after having a panic attack. This type of stuff started in the last couple months of our relationship which was a key factor in the break up. Right away she acted as if she shouldn't have called but said you've always been the one that could calm me down and I know we're not dating anymore but I need to talk to someone. I acted very shut off. I offered to stay on the ohone with her but she just said no your're probably sleeping and that was pretty much it. I didn't offer much support. Maybe the wrong move but it is hard to re open yourself back up to someone.

What should I do now. Best guess is to leave it alone and if she contacts me again then she does but if not oh well. The other part of me is telling myself to check in with her today just to see how she is doing. (probably the beta move.) Her excuse for calling me was that she called her friends but no one answered. I call BS there. Not sure wether to feel good that she called me or used.

sorry to hear that bro. damn after 30 plus days too. since you've broken it, best thing i can think of now is to ONLY reply is she texts/calls but don't initiate anything yourself..

maybe the senior DJs can chip in here?

 

[HW1984]

Not really upset about breaking NC. Just feel in a tricky situation right now. She called for help but we are not together so I should not support her. If I do I will just become that shoulder to cry on while she's out with other guys. I have too much self respect for that. The other side of me says if I stay cold it may push her further away.

 

[fuko2007]

sorry to hear that bro. damn after 30 plus days too. since you've broken it, best thing i can think of now is to ONLY reply is she texts/calls but don't initiate anything yourself..

maybe the senior DJs can chip in here?

Both of yall need to forget about the EX. They are called your EX for a reason and are your EX for a reason. And HW1984 your back to square one. Quit trying to find reasons to talk to her. All your doing is being her tampon and helping her get over you. NC is to help you not to try and get her back, if your trying to use it as a tool to get her back your screwing that up to.

Ive told you to not talk to her or you will end up getting hurt again. This is the last time i want to hear about you contcting her. And beatjunkie your not BPD.

 

[beatjunkie]

Not really upset about breaking NC. Just feel in a tricky situation right now. She called for help but we are not together so I should not support her. If I do I will just become that shoulder to cry on while she's out with other guys. I have too much self respect for that. The other side of me says if I stay cold it may push her further away.

think you have to ask yourself seriously if you want any part of this girl in your life. if you do, then get ready to be an 'emotional tampon' and hear all her issues. i think that going back into NC right away will really get to her because u already did 30+ days so she will assume its gonna be for another 30+ days so get ready for lots of calls, txts and stuff.

personally if i had broken contact after so long i would have let her know that "look, we can be friends but i can't support you like i once did. will be here to listen but i can't promise i will help u on-demand basis."

breaking NC got you all confused, sucks man. hope things work out for the best for all.

 

[beatjunkie]

Ive told you to not talk to her or you will end up getting hurt again. This is the last time i want to hear about you contcting her. And beatjunkie your not BPD.

lol thanks man, everyone's silence got me a little worried. but nah i'm good brah, focused on my moneyyy mayyn

DAY 14

 

[HW1984]

Thanks Fuko.....

Your responses are always the cold harsh reality that I need. Back to day 1. Not using this to try and get her back. That would be good for no one.

 

[yonggg]

hope all of u are ok.
its been while
im now on day 44 and feel so much better.
i havent improved so much due to my desperation earlier.

but now i will focus more in improving myself,
improving my business, and do whatever it takes to improve myself.
i have been working out these last 3 weeks.
im gonna do what it takes to become the real DJ, and better person

sometime it feels like im too late because i was desperate for too long earlier, but just said to myself, **** it, i will keep pursuing and trying to improve.

now im slowly gaining my confidence back..
will post again later..