The Nice Guy has been killed and the Bad Boy Emerges!
Ohhh that's right! =-)
I finnally get it, after all these years, no matter how hard I used to try to "Understand Women" I was always the one that ended up getting my heart riped out of my chest and trown back in my face with little to no regards from the opposite sex. I was the one who women loved to give the speach known as; "I really like you but...not really" Ahhh yes! The words so many guys like myself have heared troughout the years "Let's just be friends". I was lucky if I got a kiss on the cheek, if nothing else.
Today...I get it.
I am almost chuckling to myself as I write this, it is a good feeling and I am fortunate enough to have visited this site and read so many articles, books, magazines, you name it, about dating, that have helped me improved!
Even though it has taken me perhaps 10 years to realize this, I am 23 however and I've probably started having an interest for women since the age of 13/14, but alas I am gratefull I did not continue on with this mentalitly and behavior that I previously carried.
You see, I grew up with my parents always telling me to do right. They tought me alot about respect and how to treat people. In school, I always had good grades and report cards and I never got into trouble. As a child, my dad was always teaching me to respect women and to treat them with class. etc...
One thing I loved and that I remember doing as a kid, was watching Disney movies and cartoons on Saturday mornings. Shows such as Darkwing Duck, The Amazing Spider-Man, The Muppets, Seasame Street and various others, shows that simply tought kids good values about life in general.
I saw alot of movies as well when I was a kid. Movies such as; Aladin, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White. You name it! I had seen them all. Movies that all had one thing in common ; they tought every single young man out there, that if you were a "Prince charming" and treat every girl like a "Little Princess" it would drive you to the promiss land and you would get the girl of your dreams that you so desired and you would live the rest of your life with her happily ever after.
Even Movies like "Beauty and the Beast" lead me to belive this, I mean after all, if a man such as "The beast" who was so physically and mentally deranged, sweaty, smelly, fury, who drooled all over the place and was just generally un-pleasant to be around with, could get a beautifull girl like Belle, why couldn't I? I was a kid, I didn't know any better.
Looking back on it now, I remember watching shows like "Family Matters" on TV in the afternoon when I came home from school after I had done my homework, where the nerdy guy, Steve Erkel, always faced rejection with Laura Winslow, one day after another, yet he never gave up. He tried everything, heck he even built a machine to completly re-invent himself, he changed his looks, voice and general attitude. And in the end, all of his hard work and perseveration had paid off, because during the season finale, Laura had finally "came to her senses" so to speak, and finally saw what was "On the inside" of Steve Erkel and he ended up winning her heart.
Movies and shows like those is what tought me and reinforced what my parents and everyone else had told me at a very young age that: "It's what's on the inside that counts"
Ahhh, if only it were that simple, but I know now that it is not....
So, I tried and tried and tried to always be that "Price charming" that girls seemed to want when I went on dates with them, I mean after all, that's what I had been tought all my life, so it couldn't possibly be wrong, right?
I went out of my way to be nice to girls. If her ex-boyfriend was possessive, I made sure I didn't get uptight when she spent time with someone else.
If she liked teddy bears, I made sure she got a “really cute” teddy bear for her birthday. If she wanted something, I dropt whatever I was doing and went to get it for her.
If she valued a guy who listens, I payed attention to everything she said, making mental notes, if possible, on things she liked and things she hated. Why? Because that's what I had been tought, I was a nice guy and I liked this girl, so I made sure I fited what she considered to be the perfect guy.
Of course, it only took a few weeks for the girls to sit down with me and deliver the “I like you, but not like that” speech.
Key phrases like “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” or “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you” were frequently used. Sometimes, if I was really lucky, I got the classic, “I am a lesbian.”
I remember in both College and Highschool every time a group of girls got together, they dreamt up the perfect man. You know the kind: Honest, cares about her feelings, good looking, intelligent, funny, not affraid to express himself emotionally, caring, sincere, understanding and blah, blah, blah. They wanted a magical, dream guy that apparently thrived on never forgetting birthdays, offering non-judgmental advice and holding open doors and helping the elderly cross the street.
So, as I got more dates, I tried even harder to be that man for them, taking everything I had learned, from my parents, from my teachers, from the media and from the women THEMSELVES. But, no matter how hard I tried to be all those things I listed above, I kept getting the same results.
I finally woke the Fu<k up one day, a couple months ago I would say and I finally sat down and started thinking about this...long and hard. Why was it that I was single and many of my friends weren't ? I mean most of these guys were COMPLETE ASSHATS to their girlfriends. Treated them like they didn't matter, as if they didn't care.
It was then that I wised up and I realized that, everything that I had learned my entire life about women.....was a lie. My perception was wrong and I was mislead...... =)
My eyes were opened and I saw the truth.
I learned that the classic tought that was wired into my brain since childhood that "All women want to be treated like princesses" was not only false, it was also the greatest lie ever told in the history of mankind!
The TRUTH is this: Nice guys finish last, and most never get a chance to start! The fact of the matter is this; they are often better at being friends than boyfriends. And it doesn't pay off to be "Too Nice" to a women, because they don't appreciate it. When I think and look back at all the times I've given a girl a ride home, only for her to get out of my truck and not even say something as simple as thanks.
Women prefer a guy who comes off as strong and a bit on the dangerous side.
It helps if this guy is a bit rough around the edges — a “fixer-upper,” if you will.
Women, you know what I’m talking about. This guy seems a bit rude, a bit uncaring and has a hint of jerk.
What women really want is not a “Nice guy” at all, oh hell no! No matter what they tell you and how much they say they do. What they actually want is more of a “Jerk’” guy. Most “Jerk” guys are smart, witty and, most importantly, painfully gorgeous. On the surface, they are sarcastic and rude with no respect for authority. Deep down, they are pretty sensitive and, every once in a while, they will do something sweet.
I have done alot of research and can only speak from my experiences and those of my friends but I have learned that it’s very easy to mistake kindness for weakness.
Most nice guys will tell you that the nicer they are, the more girls will walk away from them.
It’s true.
When I read a post like the following;
http://p094.ezboard.com/faskmenfrm1.showMessage?topicID=97674.topic
A post among many other's of which I have read, which only further proves the point.
Today, I am not a "Nice guy" to women, not at all. I have changed.....alot.
I treat them with respect, of course, but I no longer go out my way to make them happy. If it's her birthday, I'll give her a pretty card, that's about it. I won't even think twice about buying her the nicest teddy bear in the gift shop or anything else she might have mentioned she liked.
If I take a girl to the movies, she can open her own damn door as we go in, I'm not her servant, and pay for her share, cause I certainly won't.
If we go out for dinner, I'll decide where we eat, why should I care where SHE likes to eat? I used to ask so many times the girls I dated "Where would you like to go for dinner sweety" in an attempt to be considerate of their taste and choice in food and I always got the same response; "I dunno, you decide, doesn't matter to me".
If it suddently starts to rain as were taking a walk just before sunset and you forgot to bring your coat...too bad, get over it, don't bother asking for mine because I won't be frezzing my ass off for you.
If you need to use the bathroom when we go to the mall, cool, no problem, but you certainly won't see me waiting on you when you come out 20 mins later and I won't be anywhere to be found , you'll have to come find me, and I'll probably be checking out the latest tunes and DVD's at HMV or Music World.
That's how I roll.
-Former Mister Nice Guy
Ohhh that's right! =-)
I finnally get it, after all these years, no matter how hard I used to try to "Understand Women" I was always the one that ended up getting my heart riped out of my chest and trown back in my face with little to no regards from the opposite sex. I was the one who women loved to give the speach known as; "I really like you but...not really" Ahhh yes! The words so many guys like myself have heared troughout the years "Let's just be friends". I was lucky if I got a kiss on the cheek, if nothing else.
Today...I get it.
I am almost chuckling to myself as I write this, it is a good feeling and I am fortunate enough to have visited this site and read so many articles, books, magazines, you name it, about dating, that have helped me improved!
Even though it has taken me perhaps 10 years to realize this, I am 23 however and I've probably started having an interest for women since the age of 13/14, but alas I am gratefull I did not continue on with this mentalitly and behavior that I previously carried.
You see, I grew up with my parents always telling me to do right. They tought me alot about respect and how to treat people. In school, I always had good grades and report cards and I never got into trouble. As a child, my dad was always teaching me to respect women and to treat them with class. etc...
One thing I loved and that I remember doing as a kid, was watching Disney movies and cartoons on Saturday mornings. Shows such as Darkwing Duck, The Amazing Spider-Man, The Muppets, Seasame Street and various others, shows that simply tought kids good values about life in general.
I saw alot of movies as well when I was a kid. Movies such as; Aladin, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White. You name it! I had seen them all. Movies that all had one thing in common ; they tought every single young man out there, that if you were a "Prince charming" and treat every girl like a "Little Princess" it would drive you to the promiss land and you would get the girl of your dreams that you so desired and you would live the rest of your life with her happily ever after.
Even Movies like "Beauty and the Beast" lead me to belive this, I mean after all, if a man such as "The beast" who was so physically and mentally deranged, sweaty, smelly, fury, who drooled all over the place and was just generally un-pleasant to be around with, could get a beautifull girl like Belle, why couldn't I? I was a kid, I didn't know any better.
Looking back on it now, I remember watching shows like "Family Matters" on TV in the afternoon when I came home from school after I had done my homework, where the nerdy guy, Steve Erkel, always faced rejection with Laura Winslow, one day after another, yet he never gave up. He tried everything, heck he even built a machine to completly re-invent himself, he changed his looks, voice and general attitude. And in the end, all of his hard work and perseveration had paid off, because during the season finale, Laura had finally "came to her senses" so to speak, and finally saw what was "On the inside" of Steve Erkel and he ended up winning her heart.
Movies and shows like those is what tought me and reinforced what my parents and everyone else had told me at a very young age that: "It's what's on the inside that counts"
Ahhh, if only it were that simple, but I know now that it is not....
So, I tried and tried and tried to always be that "Price charming" that girls seemed to want when I went on dates with them, I mean after all, that's what I had been tought all my life, so it couldn't possibly be wrong, right?
I went out of my way to be nice to girls. If her ex-boyfriend was possessive, I made sure I didn't get uptight when she spent time with someone else.
If she liked teddy bears, I made sure she got a “really cute” teddy bear for her birthday. If she wanted something, I dropt whatever I was doing and went to get it for her.
If she valued a guy who listens, I payed attention to everything she said, making mental notes, if possible, on things she liked and things she hated. Why? Because that's what I had been tought, I was a nice guy and I liked this girl, so I made sure I fited what she considered to be the perfect guy.
Of course, it only took a few weeks for the girls to sit down with me and deliver the “I like you, but not like that” speech.
Key phrases like “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” or “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you” were frequently used. Sometimes, if I was really lucky, I got the classic, “I am a lesbian.”
I remember in both College and Highschool every time a group of girls got together, they dreamt up the perfect man. You know the kind: Honest, cares about her feelings, good looking, intelligent, funny, not affraid to express himself emotionally, caring, sincere, understanding and blah, blah, blah. They wanted a magical, dream guy that apparently thrived on never forgetting birthdays, offering non-judgmental advice and holding open doors and helping the elderly cross the street.
So, as I got more dates, I tried even harder to be that man for them, taking everything I had learned, from my parents, from my teachers, from the media and from the women THEMSELVES. But, no matter how hard I tried to be all those things I listed above, I kept getting the same results.
I finally woke the Fu<k up one day, a couple months ago I would say and I finally sat down and started thinking about this...long and hard. Why was it that I was single and many of my friends weren't ? I mean most of these guys were COMPLETE ASSHATS to their girlfriends. Treated them like they didn't matter, as if they didn't care.
It was then that I wised up and I realized that, everything that I had learned my entire life about women.....was a lie. My perception was wrong and I was mislead...... =)
My eyes were opened and I saw the truth.
I learned that the classic tought that was wired into my brain since childhood that "All women want to be treated like princesses" was not only false, it was also the greatest lie ever told in the history of mankind!
The TRUTH is this: Nice guys finish last, and most never get a chance to start! The fact of the matter is this; they are often better at being friends than boyfriends. And it doesn't pay off to be "Too Nice" to a women, because they don't appreciate it. When I think and look back at all the times I've given a girl a ride home, only for her to get out of my truck and not even say something as simple as thanks.
Women prefer a guy who comes off as strong and a bit on the dangerous side.
It helps if this guy is a bit rough around the edges — a “fixer-upper,” if you will.
Women, you know what I’m talking about. This guy seems a bit rude, a bit uncaring and has a hint of jerk.
What women really want is not a “Nice guy” at all, oh hell no! No matter what they tell you and how much they say they do. What they actually want is more of a “Jerk’” guy. Most “Jerk” guys are smart, witty and, most importantly, painfully gorgeous. On the surface, they are sarcastic and rude with no respect for authority. Deep down, they are pretty sensitive and, every once in a while, they will do something sweet.
I have done alot of research and can only speak from my experiences and those of my friends but I have learned that it’s very easy to mistake kindness for weakness.
Most nice guys will tell you that the nicer they are, the more girls will walk away from them.
It’s true.
When I read a post like the following;
http://p094.ezboard.com/faskmenfrm1.showMessage?topicID=97674.topic
A post among many other's of which I have read, which only further proves the point.
Today, I am not a "Nice guy" to women, not at all. I have changed.....alot.
I treat them with respect, of course, but I no longer go out my way to make them happy. If it's her birthday, I'll give her a pretty card, that's about it. I won't even think twice about buying her the nicest teddy bear in the gift shop or anything else she might have mentioned she liked.
If I take a girl to the movies, she can open her own damn door as we go in, I'm not her servant, and pay for her share, cause I certainly won't.
If we go out for dinner, I'll decide where we eat, why should I care where SHE likes to eat? I used to ask so many times the girls I dated "Where would you like to go for dinner sweety" in an attempt to be considerate of their taste and choice in food and I always got the same response; "I dunno, you decide, doesn't matter to me".
If it suddently starts to rain as were taking a walk just before sunset and you forgot to bring your coat...too bad, get over it, don't bother asking for mine because I won't be frezzing my ass off for you.
If you need to use the bathroom when we go to the mall, cool, no problem, but you certainly won't see me waiting on you when you come out 20 mins later and I won't be anywhere to be found , you'll have to come find me, and I'll probably be checking out the latest tunes and DVD's at HMV or Music World.
That's how I roll.
-Former Mister Nice Guy
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