BetterCallSaul
Master Don Juan
I've been away for a while but finally got a chance to check back in here and wanted to post a little about what's been going on with me, specifically my marriage and overall personal development. Those of you who are new here I realize you don't know me, but you can easily search previous threads for my posts to get a little more info regarding who I am.
I had to cut back time here due to increased commitments at work. A couple of other people I work with also had the same requirements imposed on them. One thing I noticed is that these other people really enjoyed complaining a lot about all of this. Now objectively speaking, by completing these assignments, I've set myself up pretty well (I think) for future promotion or increased raises in the upcoming years. I also get fancy new professional designations after my signature in my email...to add to the entire alphabet soup of crap I already have. I don't actually include that stuff in my email, but it's just nice to have. This also increases my marketability if I ever wanted to get a new job somewhere else. .......... what I really wanted to comment on about all this is that yes, my upper management who imposed this crap didn't give us any choice. They just said do it. It sucks, I think it was bullsh!t like my other co-workers did, but if you are a middle aged guy and complaining that it's not fair, well I feel sorry for you because life is not always fair. I figured that out when I was 17 and liked a girl in school but got turned down. I dealt with it and moved on.
Let's see, what else....I'm up to bench pressing 165 now. I'm hoping that maybe by this time next year I might be up to 200, but I don't push myself too much when it comes to this particular exercise since I never have a spotter available. I know some of you guys who do this more often that's probably nothing for you, but in the limited time I have I think I've made pretty decent progress. I do need some new 50 pound dumbbells pretty soon though.
Now onto the marriage stuff which is the bulk of my post. Just hit the 10 year anniversary mark actually. No, marriage is not easy. Plenty of times you feel like strangling your spouse over some dumb sh!t they're doing; what really determines if you're going to make it as husband/wife is if you the both of you can come together to work to resolve any issues that are causing these problems. That can't even happen unless both of you are commmitted to trying to make the marriage successful.
Since I've been here I've tried to give what little advice I can here and there to guys who are interested in LTRs about what might help in some situations. One thing I've said before and cannot emphasize enough is that just because you're in an LTR, or even a marriage, do not assume that you can just coast on through life. Your wife will continue to throw sh!t tests at you, the frequency might be less, but they will still happen. I expect this will probably continue up until I'm 80+ years old in a nursing home drooling over some hot 20 year old's tits. It's important to know how to maintain frame as the man and how to lead, because in a marriage you are the head of the household. Your future wife disagrees? She doesn't see it that way? Wants to be complete equals in authority in all things? Move on.
I think I could boil down a lot of the problems marriages today face into just a few specific key areas. I suppose anyone could argue I'm leaving out other critical factors, but I'm trying to keep it simple.
1. Feminism - the mantra our wealthy society here in the U.S. preaches because since we're so advanced, the gender roles of yesteryear are outdated and archaic. Any woman does not or can not accept the man as being the leader in the relationship or head of the family in a future marriage is not a woman you want to be in relationship with at all. I'm not saying she's a bad lay; hell keep her in your rotation if you want but do not expect her to suddenly see the light one day after some other guy just broke up with her, the wall is creeping in on her because of her age, and she's looking for some safe guy now. The feminist mantra also serves to breed a sort of entitlement attitude in women these days that think their man should work all the time to bring in the money so that she doesn't have to work and also allows her to talk down to her man when she feels like it. Old fashioned respect is completely destroyed in that way of thinking.
2. Lack of male leadership - it's easy for anyone to come on a web forum like this one and say that all this alpha stuff we talk about is golden and new guys now understand how everything is supposed to work, feminism is to blame for all of society's problems, etc., but unless you actually follow through on this, you're just kidding yourself and wasting your own time and life. I'm just a guy on the internet; I'm glad if I can help someone out here, but if you really don't put any of this into practice you're not doing yourself any favors. A LOT of men are all talk, no action. You need to evaluate if you are this type of person. I know another married couple in our social circle and the husband is my age and sort of leans toward alpha-style behavior; he talks a great game and everything but does nothing about it. His wife most definitely wears the d!ck in the family and it's so bad that she will exhibit domineering behavior toward him in public, even around other friends. He does nothing about it. Not even 30 minutes later we could be talking about alpha tactics again and he's completely aloof about what just happened.
3. No desire to tackle tough problems - a lot of people (this means men and women) simply do not want to try and solve certain issues when things get tough. Well hell I can kinda see where they're coming from. I mean, a big fight with your spouse? Sleeping on the couch or guest bed? Hell, so much easier to just go on Tinder and hookup for the night right? Why not just use that to create a new rotation to cycle through while in your relationship just in case stuff goes bad? Or sit in front of the tv and watch pretty much any show you can think of between modern cable or the internet, or heck throw in sitting in a stupor playing video games for hours on end. Technology is great but it also gives us an easy way out. So when people take that easy way out, which I liken to a modern day, high tech version of drinking, those problems go unresolved and will fester like an infection. Weeks may go by and things seem ok, but the next time a big fight happens, one of you is very likely to throw out that major thing that happened the last time in an effort to "win" this new fight. Are you like this? I have no idea and frankly I don't care either. You need to be honest with yourself. If you can work on tough things, you need a partner who can too.
Here on SS, really as men we can only work on #2 and #3. As far as #1, well, you can simply choose if you'll let that be an influence in your life or not by the woman you're seeing.
And now looking back on all I've typed, this is getting too dam long so I'll end it here and if there's desire for more I'll write up extra later.
I had to cut back time here due to increased commitments at work. A couple of other people I work with also had the same requirements imposed on them. One thing I noticed is that these other people really enjoyed complaining a lot about all of this. Now objectively speaking, by completing these assignments, I've set myself up pretty well (I think) for future promotion or increased raises in the upcoming years. I also get fancy new professional designations after my signature in my email...to add to the entire alphabet soup of crap I already have. I don't actually include that stuff in my email, but it's just nice to have. This also increases my marketability if I ever wanted to get a new job somewhere else. .......... what I really wanted to comment on about all this is that yes, my upper management who imposed this crap didn't give us any choice. They just said do it. It sucks, I think it was bullsh!t like my other co-workers did, but if you are a middle aged guy and complaining that it's not fair, well I feel sorry for you because life is not always fair. I figured that out when I was 17 and liked a girl in school but got turned down. I dealt with it and moved on.
Let's see, what else....I'm up to bench pressing 165 now. I'm hoping that maybe by this time next year I might be up to 200, but I don't push myself too much when it comes to this particular exercise since I never have a spotter available. I know some of you guys who do this more often that's probably nothing for you, but in the limited time I have I think I've made pretty decent progress. I do need some new 50 pound dumbbells pretty soon though.
Now onto the marriage stuff which is the bulk of my post. Just hit the 10 year anniversary mark actually. No, marriage is not easy. Plenty of times you feel like strangling your spouse over some dumb sh!t they're doing; what really determines if you're going to make it as husband/wife is if you the both of you can come together to work to resolve any issues that are causing these problems. That can't even happen unless both of you are commmitted to trying to make the marriage successful.
Since I've been here I've tried to give what little advice I can here and there to guys who are interested in LTRs about what might help in some situations. One thing I've said before and cannot emphasize enough is that just because you're in an LTR, or even a marriage, do not assume that you can just coast on through life. Your wife will continue to throw sh!t tests at you, the frequency might be less, but they will still happen. I expect this will probably continue up until I'm 80+ years old in a nursing home drooling over some hot 20 year old's tits. It's important to know how to maintain frame as the man and how to lead, because in a marriage you are the head of the household. Your future wife disagrees? She doesn't see it that way? Wants to be complete equals in authority in all things? Move on.
I think I could boil down a lot of the problems marriages today face into just a few specific key areas. I suppose anyone could argue I'm leaving out other critical factors, but I'm trying to keep it simple.
1. Feminism - the mantra our wealthy society here in the U.S. preaches because since we're so advanced, the gender roles of yesteryear are outdated and archaic. Any woman does not or can not accept the man as being the leader in the relationship or head of the family in a future marriage is not a woman you want to be in relationship with at all. I'm not saying she's a bad lay; hell keep her in your rotation if you want but do not expect her to suddenly see the light one day after some other guy just broke up with her, the wall is creeping in on her because of her age, and she's looking for some safe guy now. The feminist mantra also serves to breed a sort of entitlement attitude in women these days that think their man should work all the time to bring in the money so that she doesn't have to work and also allows her to talk down to her man when she feels like it. Old fashioned respect is completely destroyed in that way of thinking.
2. Lack of male leadership - it's easy for anyone to come on a web forum like this one and say that all this alpha stuff we talk about is golden and new guys now understand how everything is supposed to work, feminism is to blame for all of society's problems, etc., but unless you actually follow through on this, you're just kidding yourself and wasting your own time and life. I'm just a guy on the internet; I'm glad if I can help someone out here, but if you really don't put any of this into practice you're not doing yourself any favors. A LOT of men are all talk, no action. You need to evaluate if you are this type of person. I know another married couple in our social circle and the husband is my age and sort of leans toward alpha-style behavior; he talks a great game and everything but does nothing about it. His wife most definitely wears the d!ck in the family and it's so bad that she will exhibit domineering behavior toward him in public, even around other friends. He does nothing about it. Not even 30 minutes later we could be talking about alpha tactics again and he's completely aloof about what just happened.
3. No desire to tackle tough problems - a lot of people (this means men and women) simply do not want to try and solve certain issues when things get tough. Well hell I can kinda see where they're coming from. I mean, a big fight with your spouse? Sleeping on the couch or guest bed? Hell, so much easier to just go on Tinder and hookup for the night right? Why not just use that to create a new rotation to cycle through while in your relationship just in case stuff goes bad? Or sit in front of the tv and watch pretty much any show you can think of between modern cable or the internet, or heck throw in sitting in a stupor playing video games for hours on end. Technology is great but it also gives us an easy way out. So when people take that easy way out, which I liken to a modern day, high tech version of drinking, those problems go unresolved and will fester like an infection. Weeks may go by and things seem ok, but the next time a big fight happens, one of you is very likely to throw out that major thing that happened the last time in an effort to "win" this new fight. Are you like this? I have no idea and frankly I don't care either. You need to be honest with yourself. If you can work on tough things, you need a partner who can too.
Here on SS, really as men we can only work on #2 and #3. As far as #1, well, you can simply choose if you'll let that be an influence in your life or not by the woman you're seeing.
And now looking back on all I've typed, this is getting too dam long so I'll end it here and if there's desire for more I'll write up extra later.
