Inspector Clouseau
Senior Don Juan
I found this article on the Internet absolutely hilarious and of sound wisdom, not to mention hilarious.
The Inspector
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The Manual of Love
1. Don't assume a woman will initiate contact with you just because she finds you interesting. Society is the book of women and society thinks women who initiate contacts with men are of ill-repute ("sluts"). Society is more important to a woman than an interesting man. Knowing this about women brings respect.
2. Treat a woman's feelings and thoughts as so trivial as to be non-existent. Women experience this as "being treated like a woman". You must be the one to initiate contact with her precisely because her feelings and thoughts are trivial. If she is dating another man tell her that he is useless and is no match for yourself. Tell her that she must have had a lapse of judgment.
3. Be subtle. Tell a woman she looks great with your words but tell her that you want to totally consume her mind and body with your eyes. Women think this is subtle. Any kind of a lie is subtle to women.
4. Act like you have no pride in yourself. Work out, dress well, and be popular. These are signs to a woman that you are without morals and that you want a woman and are a serious contender.
5. Don't think of anything except sex in the first place and don't be too choosy. You need to go through quantity to find quality. You have nothing to lose except your pride and pride is only for losers.
Importantly if you show that you have high standards this will alienate women, because they know deep down that they are no different to all other women. If you have loved many women then any individual woman will feel as though you love her personally.
6. Behave like you find all women attractive and that all women find you attractive. Because a woman doesn't think for herself (remember that society is the book of women) she will only find you of value if she thinks other women find you to be of value.
7. Act like you know what you are doing and use the time honoured ways of humiliation and diminution. Tell a woman that her dress is plain but her hair looks wonderful. Tell her that you're going to have to teach her how to dress and kiss properly.
8. When in doubt - make the move. Ask her out, kiss her, touch her, gently pull her hand and guide her into your bedroom. Women are waiting for you to give them a life. If you find yourself wondering if you should, chances are very good that she is wondering why you don't. This is a test of self-confidence that almost all women demand of men before they will take them seriously. If you think women have a mind of their own then women will think you are a fool.
9. Realize that rejection isn't that big a deal. If a woman rejects you it means no more than the wind wasn't blowing in the right direction at that particular time. As all women are alike there are plenty more fish in the ocean.
If you fear rejection you will make women feel as though they are actually making choices, and they will despise you for that. No woman wants to be made to feel that she could possibly make choices that have consequences.
Treat women like numbers. Proposition three women and you will get one acceptance. Women feel honoured if you treat them in this easy-going manner.
10. As far as women are concerned words are for romance and deception. So NEVER, NEVER, ask a girl to kiss her, etc. Listen carefully to a woman, but never believe anything she says. Rather, interpret what she says according to what you know of her.
Women are physical rather than intellectual creatures, so rather than telling a woman you love her you should move your hand directly to her crotch.
11. Agree thoroughly with the goals of feminism - especially the central ones - whatever they happen to be at the time. In fact you should agree with what any woman has ever said on any subject. But whatever you do you should never change the way you actually treat women or you will be in danger of becoming a saint - and a saint is a joke as far as a woman is concerned. By all means tell a woman she is extremely intelligent and courageous, but be sure to treat her like she is no different to any other woman - with no will of her own and whose thoughts and feelings are totally inconsequential.
Never expect women to actively do anything at all, no matter how much they claim to want self-determination. Always remember: "Wait for a woman to come to you and you can always be sure of receiving an invitation to her wedding."
[This message has been edited by Inspector Clouseau (edited 12-07-2001).]
The Inspector
---------------
The Manual of Love
1. Don't assume a woman will initiate contact with you just because she finds you interesting. Society is the book of women and society thinks women who initiate contacts with men are of ill-repute ("sluts"). Society is more important to a woman than an interesting man. Knowing this about women brings respect.
2. Treat a woman's feelings and thoughts as so trivial as to be non-existent. Women experience this as "being treated like a woman". You must be the one to initiate contact with her precisely because her feelings and thoughts are trivial. If she is dating another man tell her that he is useless and is no match for yourself. Tell her that she must have had a lapse of judgment.
3. Be subtle. Tell a woman she looks great with your words but tell her that you want to totally consume her mind and body with your eyes. Women think this is subtle. Any kind of a lie is subtle to women.
4. Act like you have no pride in yourself. Work out, dress well, and be popular. These are signs to a woman that you are without morals and that you want a woman and are a serious contender.
5. Don't think of anything except sex in the first place and don't be too choosy. You need to go through quantity to find quality. You have nothing to lose except your pride and pride is only for losers.
Importantly if you show that you have high standards this will alienate women, because they know deep down that they are no different to all other women. If you have loved many women then any individual woman will feel as though you love her personally.
6. Behave like you find all women attractive and that all women find you attractive. Because a woman doesn't think for herself (remember that society is the book of women) she will only find you of value if she thinks other women find you to be of value.
7. Act like you know what you are doing and use the time honoured ways of humiliation and diminution. Tell a woman that her dress is plain but her hair looks wonderful. Tell her that you're going to have to teach her how to dress and kiss properly.
8. When in doubt - make the move. Ask her out, kiss her, touch her, gently pull her hand and guide her into your bedroom. Women are waiting for you to give them a life. If you find yourself wondering if you should, chances are very good that she is wondering why you don't. This is a test of self-confidence that almost all women demand of men before they will take them seriously. If you think women have a mind of their own then women will think you are a fool.
9. Realize that rejection isn't that big a deal. If a woman rejects you it means no more than the wind wasn't blowing in the right direction at that particular time. As all women are alike there are plenty more fish in the ocean.
If you fear rejection you will make women feel as though they are actually making choices, and they will despise you for that. No woman wants to be made to feel that she could possibly make choices that have consequences.
Treat women like numbers. Proposition three women and you will get one acceptance. Women feel honoured if you treat them in this easy-going manner.
10. As far as women are concerned words are for romance and deception. So NEVER, NEVER, ask a girl to kiss her, etc. Listen carefully to a woman, but never believe anything she says. Rather, interpret what she says according to what you know of her.
Women are physical rather than intellectual creatures, so rather than telling a woman you love her you should move your hand directly to her crotch.
11. Agree thoroughly with the goals of feminism - especially the central ones - whatever they happen to be at the time. In fact you should agree with what any woman has ever said on any subject. But whatever you do you should never change the way you actually treat women or you will be in danger of becoming a saint - and a saint is a joke as far as a woman is concerned. By all means tell a woman she is extremely intelligent and courageous, but be sure to treat her like she is no different to any other woman - with no will of her own and whose thoughts and feelings are totally inconsequential.
Never expect women to actively do anything at all, no matter how much they claim to want self-determination. Always remember: "Wait for a woman to come to you and you can always be sure of receiving an invitation to her wedding."
[This message has been edited by Inspector Clouseau (edited 12-07-2001).]
