The LTR...

[Walk the Air]

Alright, heres the deal... Its been 8 months now. This is my first LTR, and to be honest Im learning new things every day. The problem is, little things are becoming big things. What I mean is, we never ever argued, and now for some reason we have disagreements over the smallest things. I have no idea why this is happening... Its not affecting the relationship, we still get along fabulously, and nothing has really changed, besides the small disagreements. I assume most of you will say this is expected, or tell me to quit whining, but for some reason I have a feeling it will get worse. So give it to me, cause I am lost.

And btw, after each one someone is usually upset. Only later after we talk about it AGAIN, do we realize how stupid it was. Maybe its just immaturity, f***, I have no idea.

 

[CLOONEY]

The little "in love" stage is over. You are now seeing her FULL personality! This stage happens with everyone, you just need to keep TALKING about the problems and fixing them, dont just talk, and let the problems persist over and over. You have to Iron the problems out, it might take 6 months to a year, but if you two stick with it, u could have a great relationship.

Just hope she doesnt bail, thinking because you are fighting, you are not "the one". Her fantasy land has been destroyed.

LTR's take a LOT of hard work and commitment.

Good luck!!

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Yep, sounds like the honeymoon is over... this usually means that you both are a bit too comfotable with each other... too predictable.... it's time to shake up things a bit, make it interesting again.... try not to view her as your gf, but more like a good friend.... if you do this, the jokes, and the mood is more relax... just think of her as a bud.... take her out to a public place, either for ice cream, or coffee, or dinner, and ppl watch.... and when you see some gasly looking chic, say to her 'That's my other gf, let me hide behind you, she'll get jealous if she sees me with you.' ..... forget the pity crap... maybe you both need to take care of your personal business, instead of trying to be up each otehr's butt? ....it happends to the best bro...

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Familiarity breeds contempt. I always liked that saying, and here its only proving its worth yet again.

I take a slightly different perspective than Clooney and InLaws, though they both give sound perspective and advice. At eight months, assuming a reasonable time spent together, their honeymoon period should have been over five months ago. I could see a month or two either way, but five? Comfort zones and some semblence of a routine should have been galvanized for a while now. I could be completely off base by undervaluing independent growth rates for individuals in tandem, but I'm just not quite sure that's such a factor here.

If you guys are arguing over piddles then there's the possibility that both of you aren't quite sure what to make of your hitherto uncharted foray into relationships and are trying to work out what you are in relation to one another. What do you feel about her? Do you feel stifled? bored? unusually attached or withdrawn? What? Do you have any actual issues that need resolution, but maybe you just don't want to deal with? If she's the one who usually starts these riffs, does she?

The root of most problems with other people, especially in LTRs can usually be found in the self.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[Genghis Juan]

They say the first 4 to 6 months of an LTR don't count at all. Evaluate it from this point onwards. I've been in 2 LTR's and this has happened for both. Shake things up, destroy the routine, keep her guessing so she doesn't get too comfy with you and doesn't take you for granted. Make her still feel like she has to earn her keep. Keep flirting with girls and DJ'ing them, especially in front of her, so she knows inherently that you are a prize that other women would like to have.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Genghis Juan
They say the first 4 to 6 months of an LTR don't count at all. Evaluate it from this point onwards. I've been in 2 LTR's and this has happened for both. Shake things up, destroy the routine, keep her guessing so she doesn't get too comfy with you and doesn't take you for granted. Make her still feel like she has to earn her keep. Keep flirting with girls and DJ'ing them, especially in front of her, so she knows inherently that you are a prize that other women would like to have.

I like this advice. Also, don't run over the little things. It's stupid to expect you to be PERFECTLY compatible with the woman you're seeing. But if these things come up REPEATEDLY and you can't work out a fix for them, THAT'S when you need to question the relationship's value to both of you.

 

[CLOONEY]

"If you guys are arguing over piddles then there's the possibility that both of you aren't quite sure what to make of your hitherto uncharted foray into relationships and are trying to work out what you are in relation to one another. What do you feel about her? Do you feel stifled? bored? unusually attached or withdrawn? What? Do you have any actual issues that need resolution, but maybe you just don't want to deal with? If she's the one who usually starts these riffs, does she?"

Good advice by Cyrano.

However I have to disagree about the "honeymoon" period being over so early. Studies have shown that the honeymoond period usually lasts around 6-12 months, however it can last anywhere upto and around 24 months (2 years).

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
"If you guys are arguing over piddles then there's the possibility that both of you aren't quite sure what to make of your hitherto uncharted foray into relationships and are trying to work out what you are in relation to one another. What do you feel about her? Do you feel stifled? bored? unusually attached or withdrawn? What? Do you have any actual issues that need resolution, but maybe you just don't want to deal with? If she's the one who usually starts these riffs, does she?"

Good advice by Cyrano.

However I have to disagree about the "honeymoon" period being over so early. Studies have shown that the honeymoond period usually lasts around 6-12 months, however it can last anywhere upto and around 24 months (2 years).

That is absolutely true Clooney... but after reading his post, it's obvious that, the 'honeymoon' sure looks like it's over.... the woman that I'm with right now, I think we went for a whole year without one cloudy sky when we started dating, not one... not hard to do if you spent the majority of your time having sex. But like th eoriginal poster stated, there's pity bickering going on already.... evident that maybe, the honeymoon is over. *shrugs* other than that, I agree with you... every case is different, and I think with this one, the 24 month honeymoon doesn't apply anymore. Besides, he said it's been 8 months, which really falls into what you said about honeymoons last upon average 6-12 months.... *scratches head*?

Nice read btw Cy.