FreeMan1971
Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2009
- Messages
- 12
- Reaction score
- 0
I, FreeMan1971, am an rAFC when it comes to LTRs.
I am a strong successful man. I enjoy being single. I enjoy my life. I have failed more often than most when it comes to dating but I have learned my lessons, taken my lumps, and am better as a result. I could stand to be more rigid when it comes to my non-negotiables: I have struggled with the 'so-close' woman, letting her in and it biting me in the azz.
I struggle with learning my lessons in LTRs. I must, however, because I am getting similar results. My last two ended in similar ways: silent treatments, loss of IL, an explosion of IL and then LBJF. The pattern I find disturbing.
My marriage: I recall our wedding reception. She told family and friends that we were moving back to Ohio. We had never discussed it. Four months later, after the silent treatment, I get a burst of attention and sex like we used to have. She writes me some five page love letter and a week later disappears with my kid. Took me three months to find them, she sets me up to get jumped during my first visit but I evade. Divorce.
Took a five year hiatus from LTRs. Enjoyed life, being single, and accomplishing lots of goals from my 'bucket list.' Meet a woman with almost all of my qualifications. Where I screwed up this one, in retrospect:
1. Didn't control the pace. Moved too fast. When her lease was up, I of course, asked her to move in.
2. Showed stress. When she started disrespecting me in response, I walked out. I let her walk back in with gibberish where an apology at the least should've been.
3. Treated her mother poorly. Discounted it.
4. Had very shallow friendships. Rationalized it.
5. When our sex life slowed, I was direct about my discontent. Typical AFC 'verbal communication solves everything' error. Played the waiting game when I got no response.
6. Addressed every instance of disrespect and told her in no uncertain terms that I would not tolerate it. Did not see the forest for the trees, that she would continue the attempts just in new ways. Jumped through hoops enforcing my own damned boundaries.
etc...
What disturbs me is this: Deteriorating loss of IL. Silent treatment. Talking of marriage wanting to name first kid after herself. Burst of IL for a week. Then 'See Ya!' on her part. Same Pattern!
I am stronger and more confident every day. I grow. I value myself. I treat myself right. I just think that there is another lesson that I have yet to learn, but I can't put my finger on it.
I am a strong successful man. I enjoy being single. I enjoy my life. I have failed more often than most when it comes to dating but I have learned my lessons, taken my lumps, and am better as a result. I could stand to be more rigid when it comes to my non-negotiables: I have struggled with the 'so-close' woman, letting her in and it biting me in the azz.
I struggle with learning my lessons in LTRs. I must, however, because I am getting similar results. My last two ended in similar ways: silent treatments, loss of IL, an explosion of IL and then LBJF. The pattern I find disturbing.
My marriage: I recall our wedding reception. She told family and friends that we were moving back to Ohio. We had never discussed it. Four months later, after the silent treatment, I get a burst of attention and sex like we used to have. She writes me some five page love letter and a week later disappears with my kid. Took me three months to find them, she sets me up to get jumped during my first visit but I evade. Divorce.
Took a five year hiatus from LTRs. Enjoyed life, being single, and accomplishing lots of goals from my 'bucket list.' Meet a woman with almost all of my qualifications. Where I screwed up this one, in retrospect:
1. Didn't control the pace. Moved too fast. When her lease was up, I of course, asked her to move in.
2. Showed stress. When she started disrespecting me in response, I walked out. I let her walk back in with gibberish where an apology at the least should've been.
3. Treated her mother poorly. Discounted it.
4. Had very shallow friendships. Rationalized it.
5. When our sex life slowed, I was direct about my discontent. Typical AFC 'verbal communication solves everything' error. Played the waiting game when I got no response.
6. Addressed every instance of disrespect and told her in no uncertain terms that I would not tolerate it. Did not see the forest for the trees, that she would continue the attempts just in new ways. Jumped through hoops enforcing my own damned boundaries.
etc...
What disturbs me is this: Deteriorating loss of IL. Silent treatment. Talking of marriage wanting to name first kid after herself. Burst of IL for a week. Then 'See Ya!' on her part. Same Pattern!
I am stronger and more confident every day. I grow. I value myself. I treat myself right. I just think that there is another lesson that I have yet to learn, but I can't put my finger on it.
