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Master Don Juan
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The article offers a lot of great insight and facts into what creates attraction. Much of the article covers things that are talked about here on a regular basis.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201707/the-laws-attraction
A few excerpts:
-Throughout her 20s, management consultant and author Nita Tucker dated doctors—usually tall ones. She was drawn by their status and her mother's insistence that a physician would be a great catch. "If someone said he was a doctor, I was turned on," she says. "I went out with enough to staff a major hospital."
Then Tucker moved to Seattle, where the SuperSonics had just won the NBA championship and were the town's biggest celebrities. To Tucker, a basketball player seemed an even better catch than a doctor. Plus, he'd be taller.
One night at a bar, Tucker noticed some guys from the team, including one who had just been dubbed "Most Eligible Bachelor" by a local paper. Tucker smiled and tried to catch his eye. "But I didn't smile quite high enough, because the guy next to him came over instead." That man, Tony, invited Tucker to join the group. She spent the rest of the evening flirting with the players and ignoring him.
Tony, it turned out, was the team's vice president, and he invited Tucker to a game the next day. "I said, 'Of course!' because I wanted to be with the players," she says. "They were funny and cute. Tony was a boring executive. He had a dated haircut and long sideburns."
And yet Tucker went out with Tony nearly every night that week, mostly to basketball-related events. "I was using him," she says. She started to feel guilty about it. "I told my roommate that I was going to stop going out with him, and she said, 'I'll take him!' She was so enthusiastic that I thought, 'Wait a minute. I'm not going to give him up right away.' He was always so nice to be with. After about 10 dates, I looked at him across the table and realized I was falling in love." They have now been together for 37 years.
-The main adaptive problem for men, evolutionarily speaking? The fact that human female ovulation is largely concealed. Other female primates signal fertility in clearly detectable ways, such as a chimp's pink genital swelling. A male human is given no such guidance.
-Couples, whether same-sex or heterosexual, tend to fall within similar ranges of size, education, religious beliefs, values, and socioeconomic status. The exceptions—say, couples with widely divergent levels of physical attractiveness—often knew each other well as friends or acquaintances before becoming romantic
-New studies suggest that, consciously or not, we seek partners who resemble us, in terms of appearance, height, or IQ
-A study published last year by a team at Sweden's Karolinska Institute found that individuals with a mental disorder such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder were more likely to partner with others who have mental disorders than would be expected by chance.
-Evolutionary theorists believe that a woman who has the demonstrable ability to occupy the role of provider can decrease a man's sense of power and purpose and compromise his self-evaluation or feelings of manliness.
-People with dopamine-dominant personalities (curious, creative, adventurous types) tend to be drawn to fellow dopamine-influenced adventurers. Serotonin-dominant people (traditional, conscientious, and rule-following) are also drawn to people like themselves. On the other hand, testosterone-dominant people (analytical, skeptical, and tough-minded) and estrogen-dominant individuals (nurturing, contextual, imaginative) are drawn to each other, essentially to their behavioral opposites.
- The 'bad boy' can be someone high on the 'dark triad' personality traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. When people are high in all three, they can become powerful, but through a dark route." That's the allure of the bad boy: Someone who seems as if he doesn't care about the rules, or about conventional relationships, can be strangely appealing. "It seems like not being afraid of life,"
-She took him shopping and recruited a hairstylist friend to give him a more flattering cut. Suddenly, "he was so good-looking that all these other women started coming on to him." (Research confirms the old adage that a prospective partner becomes more attractive when you discover how much others want be with him or her.) "Tony's confidence really blossomed, which also made him more attractive," Tucker says. "It didn't take much."
-when you focus on your strengths and seek out the environments where you're most confident, you'll feel more secure, which can translate into appearing more attractive to others.
-Finding love at a bar happens less often than you think, University of California, Davis psychologist Paul Eastwick says. A better plan is to join an activity group where you'll meet new people who share your interests. "If you keep moving through those networks, you'll eventually get to know people you click with
https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201707/the-laws-attraction
A few excerpts:
-Throughout her 20s, management consultant and author Nita Tucker dated doctors—usually tall ones. She was drawn by their status and her mother's insistence that a physician would be a great catch. "If someone said he was a doctor, I was turned on," she says. "I went out with enough to staff a major hospital."
Then Tucker moved to Seattle, where the SuperSonics had just won the NBA championship and were the town's biggest celebrities. To Tucker, a basketball player seemed an even better catch than a doctor. Plus, he'd be taller.
One night at a bar, Tucker noticed some guys from the team, including one who had just been dubbed "Most Eligible Bachelor" by a local paper. Tucker smiled and tried to catch his eye. "But I didn't smile quite high enough, because the guy next to him came over instead." That man, Tony, invited Tucker to join the group. She spent the rest of the evening flirting with the players and ignoring him.
Tony, it turned out, was the team's vice president, and he invited Tucker to a game the next day. "I said, 'Of course!' because I wanted to be with the players," she says. "They were funny and cute. Tony was a boring executive. He had a dated haircut and long sideburns."
And yet Tucker went out with Tony nearly every night that week, mostly to basketball-related events. "I was using him," she says. She started to feel guilty about it. "I told my roommate that I was going to stop going out with him, and she said, 'I'll take him!' She was so enthusiastic that I thought, 'Wait a minute. I'm not going to give him up right away.' He was always so nice to be with. After about 10 dates, I looked at him across the table and realized I was falling in love." They have now been together for 37 years.
-The main adaptive problem for men, evolutionarily speaking? The fact that human female ovulation is largely concealed. Other female primates signal fertility in clearly detectable ways, such as a chimp's pink genital swelling. A male human is given no such guidance.
-Couples, whether same-sex or heterosexual, tend to fall within similar ranges of size, education, religious beliefs, values, and socioeconomic status. The exceptions—say, couples with widely divergent levels of physical attractiveness—often knew each other well as friends or acquaintances before becoming romantic
-New studies suggest that, consciously or not, we seek partners who resemble us, in terms of appearance, height, or IQ
-A study published last year by a team at Sweden's Karolinska Institute found that individuals with a mental disorder such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder were more likely to partner with others who have mental disorders than would be expected by chance.
-Evolutionary theorists believe that a woman who has the demonstrable ability to occupy the role of provider can decrease a man's sense of power and purpose and compromise his self-evaluation or feelings of manliness.
-People with dopamine-dominant personalities (curious, creative, adventurous types) tend to be drawn to fellow dopamine-influenced adventurers. Serotonin-dominant people (traditional, conscientious, and rule-following) are also drawn to people like themselves. On the other hand, testosterone-dominant people (analytical, skeptical, and tough-minded) and estrogen-dominant individuals (nurturing, contextual, imaginative) are drawn to each other, essentially to their behavioral opposites.
- The 'bad boy' can be someone high on the 'dark triad' personality traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. When people are high in all three, they can become powerful, but through a dark route." That's the allure of the bad boy: Someone who seems as if he doesn't care about the rules, or about conventional relationships, can be strangely appealing. "It seems like not being afraid of life,"
-She took him shopping and recruited a hairstylist friend to give him a more flattering cut. Suddenly, "he was so good-looking that all these other women started coming on to him." (Research confirms the old adage that a prospective partner becomes more attractive when you discover how much others want be with him or her.) "Tony's confidence really blossomed, which also made him more attractive," Tucker says. "It didn't take much."
-when you focus on your strengths and seek out the environments where you're most confident, you'll feel more secure, which can translate into appearing more attractive to others.
-Finding love at a bar happens less often than you think, University of California, Davis psychologist Paul Eastwick says. A better plan is to join an activity group where you'll meet new people who share your interests. "If you keep moving through those networks, you'll eventually get to know people you click with
