The Hidden Message

[Tajmya]

My hubby and I seperated two months ago. I left because of communication problems, and him not wanting to try to work it out. He is very macho and prizes his "manhood". We disagree, and he gives me the silent treatment until I can "forget" it and move on to other topics that won't "stress him out". He was not willing to go to counseling (big surprise, I'm sure). He has a history of staying out all night with the fellas.....his justification for this is he drinks too much to make it home, and "hey, at least I call to let you know"..... his cell phone is left in the car when he comes home, or on silent when we are together. His excuse for this is that one day I picked it up and hit redial, it was a female who answered "hey baby!". She was just a friend, or so he says.

Oh yes, as crazy as all this sounds. There were some great times we had together as a family (we have kids from previous marriages).

Contact with him as been sporadic, and yes we have had s-e-x, about twice the first month of the seperation. He has since refused my reqeusts for s-e-x saying that he feels confused when we are together, and that he feels it will "open a can of worms" if we simply date and take things slow to attempt a reconciliation. He has said he was genuinely hurt by my leaving and his pride wouldn't let him take me back, and he doesn't seem to own up to his faults in this seperation.

He dwells on what he's done for me (good) in the marriage, and completely ignores the bad, or excuses it away (sometimes sounding totally ridiculous.

Here's what I want you gentlemen to tell me......give it too me straight.

Last weekend, I called his cell phone at about 9:00a.m. Sunday morning, at first it rang, then it was turned off. He called back at about 11:00a.m. ( I missed the call). I called him back at 12:00 or so, and the phone stayed off until 11:00p.m. that day. His excuse was that he was having a good day and wasn't sure if I was calling to nag him????? Sounds like bull**** to me, but anyway. I called on Monday to try to reconcile our marriage again. He said "no". I abandoned him and the marriage, he feels like he didn't beat me or dog me out that bad for me to leave, he doesn't know if I would up and leave again at a moment's notice, he is at peace, he would be miserable if I came back wondering who I was with while we were seperated, and that I'd wonder who he had been with, he doesn't want counceling, a wife is a headache, he is not a toy I can pick up and throw down at will, he says that I am a good person, and I will find someone else, and that I should go on with my life. He is very angry when he says this. He also says that his pride and his manhood would not let him because people (his peers) would think he was a "wimp" to take me back.

Tuesday night he said "I'll call you back" I called him and the cell phone was off. I go ride by the house at 1:00a.m. and his truck is gone. I asked if he was seeing someone else the next day and he says "You are worried about the wrong thing" and "Why would I get seriously involved with someone two months seperated from my wife". Is this just bull****? Can he have fallen in love with someone so fast?

I put 3 questions to you gentlemen at SoSuave.......

1. I love my husband, and with all this against us, is it worth letting him cool off a bit, and trying to pursue it again, AND HOW to make him feel secure?

2. What kind of relationship could he have established in this short period of time with another woman, and could this relationship be a key part in his attitude towards our reconciliation?

3. Sorry guys, I am desperate.....HOW DO I PUT AN END TO THIS AFFAIR/AFFAIRS, AND GET HIM BACK IN MY BED? WHERE I KNOW WE CAN MAKE THINGS WORK?

 

[Levex]

Originally posted by Tajmya

HOW DO I PUT AN END TO THIS AFFAIR/AFFAIRS, AND GET HIM BACK IN MY BED?

Where's SamePendo when you need him.

 

[Fenderules]

wow this is a first i'v seen. usually its the guy trying to say that.





but none the less the formula works the same for you as it would for a guy. AS you said.....you are desperate!




man, women, or child........... nobody wants to be with somebody else that is compltely desperate and truly be happy.



it sounds like your husband is extremely insecure. you said he had a macho attitude. I'd like to point out that that is very differnt from an confident attitude. A macho attitude is a guy who is so insecure, he has to build a rock hard shield on the outside to make it look like he is tough and yadda yada. While a confident guy is ****y and perhaps a little stubborn, he will not fight a loosing war or argue a pointless arguemtn for the sake of being right. He is confident and knows he cannot know everything about everything so if he does not know/understand he back down.

as for the 2 month relationship?? hmmmmm if he is seeing a women and you were not tuly split with him..... i'd consider this cheating. Even if its not sex, or if its just a purely sexual realationship, it is cheating. I just look at from my perspective. If me and my wife (if i had one) were having troubles and took some time away from each other, and i found out she was seeing somebody else, i'd have to lower my self-value quiet significantly in order to stay with her cause i find that out flat insulting. Once a cheater........gone! i dont care, i'v learned from all my family members. The ones that ended it right there held their head high and are happy in the end. The ones that took them back are still miserable (like my aunt, she refuses to accept my uncle is cheating). its quite sad.

if you feel terrible, it will only get worse if go back with him and he continues this behavior.

perhaps by being desperate you scared him off..... i dunno. but its obvious your not thining objectiviely. my advice to still maintain your distance for a little bit longer. go out and do things and have fun. make sure its abouty YOU. sounds like your panicing right now.

I'v never been in that expericne so i dunno if my advice is sound. Perhpas it is since im looking at it objectively. From what i'v seen, everyone who followd the logical path are happier then theo nes that followed their emotions.

pm if you wanna talk more

 

[Skullcrusher]

A woman can fake an orgasm, but a man can fake an entire relationship.

 

[Dominant]

Haha this guy sounds alot like me.

Not that I would cheat on my wife or leave her guessing all night long. But still, I would NEVER get back with a woman who dumped me. I would bang her though.

To your questions:

1. No, it's not worth it. I highly doubt this guy would ever get back with you after you dumped him. Yeah, it's pride. But also, it's just common sense to a man. If the girl will dump him once... you get the picture. The guy wants to be treated like a king. King's don't get dumped. King's definitely don't go back after they get dumped.

2. He could have established a relationship with a woman. This relationship, however, most likely isn't love. More likely, she flatters him in ways and makes him feel like a king, like a winner, in ways you didn't. Especially after you dumped him; he probably felt like a loser. Needed a pick-me-up. Also it's a sexual relationship.

3. I don't know, I doubt you could. My only advice is be patient and do your best. The chances a low, but anything's possible.

-Dominant