The message board as of late is riddled with, "My Failure" or "I Mess Up Again" posts. The posts about sucess with women, situational advice(the unquie stuff, not what do you do on a first date stuff) has been replaced by self-pity-party and negativity posts. Morale around here has been a bit lagging, as this sort of thing spreads like sickness. Rather than having to go through this boring, and at times AFC like ranting, I'm going to take you babies by the hand and show you how to deal with your "mistakes" like good DJ would.
So you've killed an IL in a girl, threw up on her at a party, been unable to preform, said something stupid, ran over a girls dog and then backed over, whatever the problem its time to look at why you make mistakes.
WHY YOU MAKE MISTAKES:
Reason One: You put her on a pedestal. You worship the very ground she walks on, your knees go weak at the sight of her. Your so infatuated you would drink a gallon of her bathtub water, because you think it has mystic healing properties.(A strech, but you get the point.) If you feel like your subservient, you'll act like it, you'll run around like a lap dog for her. She'll see this, and your lack of confidence and write you off as another guy friend. Your lack of confidence will also turn you into a bumbling stooge, because you think thats what you are in the presence of this "incredible" woman.
Reason Two: You listen to every voice but your own. You seek to much advice, you then analyze everything she says and does. You worry your self stupid over the small things. In the end your mind is cluttered, you can't think, you stall and she hands you your walking papers. Be of one mind on everything, do what you think is appropriate, you want to use a little kino, then go for it. You want to move in for a kiss, pucker up then. You want her number, ask. You want an LTR after 6 months then discuss. When you listen to others, and do everything they tell you, your actions will not be natural and this will be apparent and lead to messing up.
Reason Three: Your still learning. You new to this stuff, DJing is not an overnight process. Some guys just never had a chance to start this stuff early, others are still developing the mindset for this stuff. As you learn you will get better.
DEALING WITH MISTAKES:
So you do something dumb infront of a girl, thats fine, she's not perfect either. Shrug it off and just say, "Eh, first time for everything." Or something to that effect. This reinforces the fact to the both of you that this foul up was a one time thing. Knowing this there is no reason to beat yourself up over it. In fact there is nothing wrong with making a mistake here and there.
WHY ITS OKAY TO MAKE MISTAKES:
As stated earlier, a lot of you are still learning. Your mistakes are lessons to give you experience. So pinching a cute girls butt got you slapped in the face, what did you learn, don't pinch a girl on the butt.(Right away at least
) The fact is you learn, and that each time you have the courage to try again your armed with experience and you will do progressively better. THE ONLY MISTAKE THAT IS NOT OKAY TO MAKE IS TO GIVE UP AND STOP LEARNING. If you make the same mistake twice, thats because you didn't bother to learn from your first mistake.
HOW TO AVIOD MAKING EASY MISTAKES:
1. Get more experience: The more you know how the game is played the moves in the game will become clearer and simpler.
2. Do What Is Natural: If you can't normally walk a tight rope, then why do it to impress a girl? You can go at your own pace, just be sure your moving forward each time you do something with a girl.
3. Accept The Fact That You Will Make A Mistake: Accept that you may do something wrong, instead of worring about making a mistake. If your comfortable with the fact that you might do something wrong, its much less likely to happen. When you worry, you get sloppy and you make mistakes.
HOW TO RECOVER FROM A MISTAKE:
If you walk into a place, fearful of the fact that someone will call you out for a previous mistake. People will pick up on it and call you out. When they do, you have two options, act ashamed, or you can just say "It Happens." It takes a lot of guts to walk up to a woman, act like nothings wrong and pick up where you left off. That in itself is a victory you should hold high. If she holds it over your head, forget her, she's not the sort of gal you want. The only way to recover from a mistake, is to accept that it happened and move on.
SOME FINAL THOUGHTS:
Look we all mess up. I've made mistakes in my time. But, I am always willing to keep trying and learning. The fact I decide to continue on boosts my confidence.(Don't know why it just does) Your mistakes are in the past, leave them there, along with your EXs.(Another problem I'll rant about later) The future holds nothing but oppurtunites to get laid and have relationships. That is how you should see your future, not the mistakes but the triumphs. If you didn't make mistakes, your victories wouldn't be so sweet and worth while. So hold your head up, hold everyone with an even gaze, especially the girl and start anew.
-Grey Fox
So you've killed an IL in a girl, threw up on her at a party, been unable to preform, said something stupid, ran over a girls dog and then backed over, whatever the problem its time to look at why you make mistakes.
WHY YOU MAKE MISTAKES:
Reason One: You put her on a pedestal. You worship the very ground she walks on, your knees go weak at the sight of her. Your so infatuated you would drink a gallon of her bathtub water, because you think it has mystic healing properties.(A strech, but you get the point.) If you feel like your subservient, you'll act like it, you'll run around like a lap dog for her. She'll see this, and your lack of confidence and write you off as another guy friend. Your lack of confidence will also turn you into a bumbling stooge, because you think thats what you are in the presence of this "incredible" woman.
Reason Two: You listen to every voice but your own. You seek to much advice, you then analyze everything she says and does. You worry your self stupid over the small things. In the end your mind is cluttered, you can't think, you stall and she hands you your walking papers. Be of one mind on everything, do what you think is appropriate, you want to use a little kino, then go for it. You want to move in for a kiss, pucker up then. You want her number, ask. You want an LTR after 6 months then discuss. When you listen to others, and do everything they tell you, your actions will not be natural and this will be apparent and lead to messing up.
Reason Three: Your still learning. You new to this stuff, DJing is not an overnight process. Some guys just never had a chance to start this stuff early, others are still developing the mindset for this stuff. As you learn you will get better.
DEALING WITH MISTAKES:
So you do something dumb infront of a girl, thats fine, she's not perfect either. Shrug it off and just say, "Eh, first time for everything." Or something to that effect. This reinforces the fact to the both of you that this foul up was a one time thing. Knowing this there is no reason to beat yourself up over it. In fact there is nothing wrong with making a mistake here and there.
WHY ITS OKAY TO MAKE MISTAKES:
As stated earlier, a lot of you are still learning. Your mistakes are lessons to give you experience. So pinching a cute girls butt got you slapped in the face, what did you learn, don't pinch a girl on the butt.(Right away at least
) The fact is you learn, and that each time you have the courage to try again your armed with experience and you will do progressively better. THE ONLY MISTAKE THAT IS NOT OKAY TO MAKE IS TO GIVE UP AND STOP LEARNING. If you make the same mistake twice, thats because you didn't bother to learn from your first mistake.HOW TO AVIOD MAKING EASY MISTAKES:
1. Get more experience: The more you know how the game is played the moves in the game will become clearer and simpler.
2. Do What Is Natural: If you can't normally walk a tight rope, then why do it to impress a girl? You can go at your own pace, just be sure your moving forward each time you do something with a girl.
3. Accept The Fact That You Will Make A Mistake: Accept that you may do something wrong, instead of worring about making a mistake. If your comfortable with the fact that you might do something wrong, its much less likely to happen. When you worry, you get sloppy and you make mistakes.
HOW TO RECOVER FROM A MISTAKE:
If you walk into a place, fearful of the fact that someone will call you out for a previous mistake. People will pick up on it and call you out. When they do, you have two options, act ashamed, or you can just say "It Happens." It takes a lot of guts to walk up to a woman, act like nothings wrong and pick up where you left off. That in itself is a victory you should hold high. If she holds it over your head, forget her, she's not the sort of gal you want. The only way to recover from a mistake, is to accept that it happened and move on.
SOME FINAL THOUGHTS:
Look we all mess up. I've made mistakes in my time. But, I am always willing to keep trying and learning. The fact I decide to continue on boosts my confidence.(Don't know why it just does) Your mistakes are in the past, leave them there, along with your EXs.(Another problem I'll rant about later) The future holds nothing but oppurtunites to get laid and have relationships. That is how you should see your future, not the mistakes but the triumphs. If you didn't make mistakes, your victories wouldn't be so sweet and worth while. So hold your head up, hold everyone with an even gaze, especially the girl and start anew.
-Grey Fox