The final phonecall--part II?!

[krd]

Those of you who are reading this, here is one of the few times I will say it is actually important that you go back and read my other thread in order to appreciate the full impact of this post.
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=28613

That being said, something totally unexpected happened. That girl I had all but written off about three days ago calls me tonight. Apparently, she is inviting me to go with her to her friend’s house and watch a movie on Friday. How amazing is that? Stuff like this isn’t supposed to happen to me! Not only that, I was convinced I had blown all my chances with her, and most everyone here agreed. How do you explain this one? I guess this girl is really full of surprises.

So I’m going to bask in the glory for now, but I’m not resting on my laurels just yet. In a way, I think it is a good sign that I am even asking this question, but here goes, anyway. Is there really a way to screw this one up? How do I decrease my chances of doing it? I know the best strategy is to simply relax and go with the flow, but maybe there are things I need to make sure I do. Is it crucial that I make a move on her? At this stage, I would rather wait until we know each other better and I am more comfortable, otherwise it may come off as awkward and forced. But from being here for so long, I know the reality of a DJ, and sometimes he needs to move things along. I am aware of the dangers of the friend zone. Also, her friend will be there too--another factor to consider (hopefully this isn't her friend's way of getting us together to determine whether or not I'm worthy--I know, stop being paranoid!) It’s really tough, because I’ve NEVER EVER been in such a situation in my life. She knows I am 24 years old; there’s a chance she may expect me to be a little more experienced and to not act like a wuss, but I don’t want to scare the poor girl, either. I really need to know how to act. So I’m reaching out to you fellow DJ’s to help me out.

 

[Unbridled_1]

krd,

You are probably not going to like my advice. First off, I will say don't complicate things for yourself. Do not, whatever you do, start rereading posts about how to act in this situation. Then, you will be overly nervous when you go out with this girl. Simply remember this: HAVE FUN!, show her a good time. Relax, joke around, whatever you have learned from being on this site for so long will be good enough. Go with your gut instinct, and don't be afraid of screwing up.

Your inexperience may show when it comes to the getting to the physical aspect of it. However, use this time to gain experience. Don't be afraid to take a risk and leave your comfort zone. Do not, as I stated above, try to map out exactly how you should act.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Told you it wasn't over....

I will admit, I'm surprised too. But we shouldn't be, should we?

 

[krd]

Unbrildled_1, actually your advice is kind of refreshing. I don't want to overthink things. Sometimes the temptation's just too hard to resist. Being able to relax and just live for the moment is an ability that eludes me most of the time. It's sabotaged my chances on numerous occasions, from having a good time. But right now, at least until the last couple of days before the event, perhaps it'l be a little bit easier to try. And it may prove to be a pleasant experience once I'm there. That's happened to me a few times, recently, where I was a bit worried about not having a good time, and then coming back pleasantly surprised.

TesuqueRed, how could I have doubted you? Your foresight is meritorious! Although, there were only two ways to go on this one anyway; either there was a chance or there wasn't. I guess in this case there was, and I'm grateful for that.

There are other issues I feel I must be concerned with though, such as transportation (I have no car, and I'm an inexperienced driver), but as far as the actual "DJ" part is concerned, I'd say I probably have a pretty fair chance of puling it off.

 

[BGMan]

Well, KRD, your posts are getting shorter. I think you're tackling your problem of thinking too much.

Don't worry. Nobody does it perfectly the first time. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't TRY. Just remember: don't reveal too much about yourself, or talk too much or too loudly. Or, if you're the taciturn type, go ahead and contribute to the conversation (girls also have a bad habit of monopolizing convo between themselves, which is a disadvantage when meeting with a girl and her friend). Have fun. Don't touch her (beyond light kino). Be humorous, but not Marx Bros humorous, which is seen as desperate.

Also, remember this: Seasoned DJs here can make out with a girl the first time they get with her, but I don't think you're ready for that. You'll only come across as needy and grabby, until you gain your self-confidence.

That's all I can think of right now. The most important part is to Have Fun!

Go get 'em Tiger!

BGMan

 

[SLIKKER_THAN_AVG]

Keep us posted

 

[krd]

I don't know. Somehow I feel like it's too good to be true, like maybe it's some end of the year party and she just wants to see how many people she can invite. I think I remember her saying there would be other people there. Hopefully, by other people, she doesn't mean, like five other guys.

 

[Unbridled_1]

Uh-oh, I sense one-itis coming on. Even if the whole state of Massachusetts is there, have a good time and talk to people.

 

[krd]

I don't believe I have oneitis, as much as worry that this time will be just like all the other times. I just have a lot of trouble believing things can actually go the way I want them to, because they really never have. Can a girl actually like me in that way? Plus, I don't want to be a sucker, being led on, going there expecting a date-like situation and ending up as just another party guest.

As I've said before, what really matters is my own aspiration of making it to the next level, which has always eluded me before. That's more important to me than the girl, herself. As far as I'm concerned, it could be any girl I'm attracted to. Hopefully, if what I'm speculating turns out to be true, there will be more girls there as well (I have no idea if it'll be her and her friend, her and a few friends, or a full fledged social gathering). At the very least, I can meet a lot of new people, though it might be tough to get numbers. With a lot of girls who know each other in the same vicinity, plus the one that invited me, I could end up being seen as a player, or desperate. Plus, it would be frustrating after getting this far with one girl (and driving myself nuts in the process), I'd have to go through the whole thing all over again with another one. Okay, okay, that's the end of my rant.

 

[krd]

For the past few days, I’ve managed to stay relatively positive about things, but right now my main concern isn't how this "date" will turn out, but whether or not this whole thing will happen at all. Here are what I feel are the most possible outcomes.

A. She calls to "postpone" it. After all, it is her friend’s house, so there's more than one person involved here. If she or her friend decide because of more important commitments, unforeseen circumstances, or simply changing their mind, it could put an end to things real quick. I have a hard time believing I could be high on her priority list. She'd really have to think I'm an amazing guy to be worth the trouble.

B. She doesn't call at all. I think this one is likely. She does seem to be, to put it nicely, sort of on the "bubbly" side. She could either forget about it altogether, or chicken out of telling me if she changes her mind.

In the meantime, I would like to try to meet new women, but it doesn’t look promising in the foreseeable future. I just started taking a summer college course, which so far is my only outlet for the summer (apart from the gym, where it’s even harder to meet women, I find). There’s like, eight guys in the class, and only three girls. What’s more, my friend, who also happens to be in the class, already moved in on one of the girls, and was pretty successful from the looks of things. This was on the first day! I never even stood a chance. So that leaves even fewer options for me. I either have to find another way pretty soon, or hope this girl actually calls me back.

Again, I’ll find out soon enough, but it’s just so frustrating. It’s hard for me to believe things will work out, because, in my opinion, girls don’t put guys very high on their priority list. They know that if they lose one, they can easily get another, so they’re not concerned. Why would one spend that much time thinking about me? I have some good qualities, I guess, but I’m certainly not that hot an item. At least, not yet.

 

[Howie Farkes]

Quit stressing about what hasn't happened already.......

 

[Pooki]

Let's be honest krd, The Tampa Bay Devil Rays have a better chance of winning the World Series than you have of scoring on this date.

 

[krd]

Pooki, I'm sorry to see you are banned from this site, and can't imagine why. But I am not looking to "score" on this date. I just want a chance to get to know this girl a little better. I'm also aware of some of the mistakes I've made (which I posted about previously) that could have reduced my chances significantly--I'm glad she still talks to me.

But I can quit worrying for the time being--she called tonight to confirm that I was coming. What I'd previously suspected was true; it seems it’s not an actual “date”; there will be a bunch of people there, which I admit, I’m slightly disappointed about. It's hard to tell if she is interested in being more than friends. So here's my first question: Assuming it hasn't happened already (just trying to think positive, here) is there a way of preventing me from slipping into the friend zone with her?

I'm not too worried, though. It appears that she has quite a few female friends, many of whom will likely be there tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to make a good enough impression on some of them too. If all goes well, this may open a lot of doors in my social life that were previously closed to me. But again, I still have to do things in the right way. If I make the wrong impression, I won't have a chance with any of them, either. I'm a bit more confident in this case about my social ability, though. I think I’ll be more comfortable, since I know I’ve been invited. For the first time that I can remember, I’m not writing this post in a state of real distress.

But I still want to come off as cool and attractive—to actually increase my chances with some of the girls (and set myself apart from some of the other guys that may be there.). This may be tricky, because this girl could actually be interested in me, and I don’t want to wreck my chances with her by showing disrespect. But if I still don’t see any clear signs from her tomorrow, it wouldn’t be in my best interest not to see what my other options are. So I’ve got to some how strike up a balance, between making the most out of this opportunity and not coming off as some sort of player (or desperate, for that matter).

I think it’s a good sign that I’ve been able to keep this thread going with updates on my progress. Usually, there’s no progress to update! So here are the things I am trying to achieve (as mentioned above): maintaining this girl's interest level, coming off appealing and intriguing to the other girls to increase my chances with some of them, and being able to stand apart from some of the other guys (if this is even necessary). What are some ways of achieving these things? I’m just looking for a few tips and pointers specific to my situation, rather than general advice on how to be a DJ (on which I’ve seen plenty of). And I’ll continue to keep you guys posted on my situation. Peace.

 

[BGMan]

Well, I'll say again, KRD, the first thing you should do is stop thinking so much.

Also, since she'll have friends there, don't act as if she's your girlfriend. For all you know, you could be in the "friends zone" already. But there's only one way to find out.

When you're out with them, talk to every girl and have fun -- make jokes (NOT about yourself!), make "creative misinterpretations" (I'm sure you can figure out what those are), and if a cute girl starts getting all smiley and touching your arms, get her number if your "date" doesn't seem to be all that into you. (if she does seem into you, it would be disrespectful)

I know that's how I would behave in your situation.

BGMan

 

[Big N]

The second thing you can do is change your attitude toward this date. Im not even a girl and I think you sound like a total loser. Like 10 losers rolled into one. Imagine what a girl would think if she saw this line: "I cant believe a girl would actually think of me that way." I wouldnt be caught dead saying that ****. Quit writing. Stop looking at this site. Every day, look in the mirror and say "I am a stud. I don't take **** from girls." That's the best advice I can give you.

Im deleting the advice I wrote about not accepting this date. I think what you need to do right now is go to the nearest mirror, take off your shirt, flex, and say "I am a stud."