the female strikes again

[UnexpectedTeen]

i will cut the crap and straight to the point:
purpose of the post:
Ask the elders(if still any left) how to defend ourselves against the most powerful weapon of the female arsenal: Tears

tone:
i believe i am a dj but there are more experienced ones and i believe the masters would give feedback.

Situation:
girl calls me ask"do you hate me"
Talks crap (didnt stop)
crys out overphone(heard that many pple in her class hate her but who cares?)
girl talked for 45mins b4 i ended call

How i handled"
gave a straight answer "no"
girl talks fast and non stop, cant say a thing.......
didnt know how to handle girl crying over phone, tell her i am listening
finally she finished everything she had to say, told her to go sleep
ends

ELders, How do you suggest upon handling these crying objects?

ps, i cant seem to find any post regarding protection against female equavlent of a nuclear missle please help.

 

[die4me]

I'm interested to see what they have to say, I need help with this myself. I need advice other than "avoid getting into the situation in the first place."

 

[Grey Fox]

Crocodile Tears

Look girls are overly emotional, and they tend to be spoiled by their family. For example when they were little they and didn't get what they wanted, what did they do? They cried, because then mommy and daddy would rush to her and give her whatever they wanted so she would shut up and they could have 10 seconds of silence before the next tantrum. Crying proves effective for them so they take it with them into there adult life. If a boy cries he is told to deal with it, and he stops crying because he learns that crying doesn't get you what you want.

Anyway, girls will cry at the drop of the hat when unnessasary or nessasary drama occurs. Examples:

Unnessasary: In your case when the girl claims that "everyone hates her," you both know its not true. She is just crying to get attention, pity and to have a bunch of compliments thrown at her. Other examples are: "I'm fat," "Why can't I meet a nice guy." Basically stuff that seems silly to worry about.

Nessasary: When someone dies, they find out that they have been cheated on, someone is in the hospitial. These are the serious matters in life in which it is okay to cry because this is when emotions stem from less selfish desires like seeking attention to love for another human being or concern for someone's well being.

Now here's the important part. HOW TO DEAL WITH IT:

First judge wheither or not the drama they are involved in is worth crying over. Is it something baseless, not realistic? Are the emotions stemming from selfish desires like attention, jealousy, greed. Is she being an unreasonable, inconsolable *****? If the answer is yes to all these questions, then you know she's full of crap? Does her bouts of crying and attention seeking seem to run in cycles?(You'd be suprised how often they meet all that criteria.) Once you have judged this you have to create a pyschological armor to her sobbing. This is done through basic mental excersizes.

Example : It doesn't matter, she suffers because she chooses to in order to gain my attention. I have a lot more stuff to deal with, life is harder for a man but you don't hear me complaining. Where was her friendship and concern when I was down.(Believe or not men tend to die 4 years earlier than women, and married men die about 8, take a guess.) She doesn't need or deserve my attention she can deal with it on her own.

The next part is easy. Let her know that you are not her emotional tampoon, she cannot bleed out her problems to you everytime she splits a nail, disagrees with someone or just doesn't feel "fresh-like-a-daisy." If it bothers you that much then just walk away, tell her she doesn't want you as a friend but as a shrink, and your not down with that.

-Grey Fox

 

[abcd_z]

I probably would have handled things completely differently, but then I still have much to learn. Grey fox, you hit the nail on the head with your analysis. I'm gonna have to remember that if I'm ever in a situation like that.

 

[seloifter]

props to grey for a good explanation....

known fact, girls love attention, and will generally do anything to get it.

I remember one time a female friend of mine IM'd me late and night and started talking about how no one loved her so she was gonna kill herself. I did the equivalent of patting her on the back and signed off.
How the **** could I have the nerve to do such an act? What if she really did kill herself, then I would have that on my conscious! Bull. First of all, I once volunteered at a suicide hotline. I know the difference between "suicidal" and "desperate for attention". She was farrrrr from suicidal. I mean, I said one or two haflway nice things to her and she tried exaggerating them like they were the light of her life (which if they really were owuld have been really pathetic).........
I was in no mood to be her emotional tampon. If she needed someone to cuddle her and tell her everything was alright she could go find her girlfriends.

Basically, walk away if you feel it's a desperate act of attention-whoring. I don't recommend doing like I did and wlaking away from a suicidal girl, unless you really know your **** about suicides...... but usually, don't let them turn you into an emotional tampon.

Now, to actually answer your question, which is kinda tough to do, because I can't predict how I would actually act in that exact situation...... but here's a guess

She starts talking aobut how everyone hates her, blah blah blah. She keeps yappin her mouth......
I cut her off and say "listen, I have to go, but [and here the tone matters...... I'd use a tone like you're making a list or reassuring a little kid..... argh very hard to describe..... but the voice kinda becomes high-pitched and you speak stressing vowels] no one hates you, everything will be alright, the world will go on, and if you need someone to convince you further you can call [a female friend of hers]. See ya"

 

[MoAF]

HB - RING>>> Do you hate me?
Anthony GRRR - What makes you ask that, hun?
HB - Well <yadayada for 30 sec about how ppl hate her>
Anthony GRRR cuts her off - Look, this isn't the place to talk about this, c'mover and we'll work this out

Once she is over, listen to her and keep the tone 'Don't worry baby, it'll all be alrite' to get her calm, then put her in the mood with some 'you need to relax' talk and a massage, BOOM, your home free.

 

[Pimpster]

Or just yell STOP (not in an angry tone) when she starts crying and say "only if you stop crying i'll listen to the rest of your story"
Take control of the situation. Don't let it get outta hand.

 

[TheSplat]

MoAF, ouch, putting the moves on an innocent child in their moment of weakness? LOL, nice.

 

[kevbo]

it's only their moment of weakness 'cause in doing as moaf said you got past all their defenses. i think he's got it absolutely right there. i'd probably have tried something like that the time one of my old gf's broke out cryin on the phone, but 1) i was at the gym, and 2) she was cryin because her dad was a jerk who never let her do anything (he had just told her she couldn't go to the coming dance with me), and 3) i was still way too afc.