The Ex of a Friend

[AlexDP]

So apart from psychology girl and two other girls I'm pursuing (slowly though, I don't want to rush anything with either three and I have little time on my hands as it is), there's the ex of a friend. She's very goodlooking, does a lot of sport, is smart, funny.. I like her. I've never thought of her as anything more than a friend though, after all she was with one of my mates.

Four weeks ago however she dumped him (this was one week after we first started to talk a little bit more to each other). Since then he has been begging to get back with her, she is starting to resent him. We're talking more and more, BUT, because I'm still not all that interested, I also talk about my ex (the crazy BPD one) and about psychology girl. We talk about lots of stuff, recently she also said she would prefer a BF who's a little bit older and has more experience (I'm 23, she's 19, he is only 18).

I'm not saying that there are a lot of signs or that something is going on, but she did come to see me play a soccer game one day (with her ex being on the bench, because he plays the same position I do and I'm better). I scored twice that game, so that wasn't too crappy either. I wonder what the deal is, are we suddenly talking more because she wants to know her options?

 

[Jeffst1980]

Stay away from this one. Understand that there's no way you can do so much as FLIRT with her without destroying your friendship with her ex. In fact, I'm surprised he hasn't called you out on being buddy-buddy with her after she dumped him. Can't you imagine how uncomfortable you would feel if your ex was hanging out with YOUR friends? Have some empathy...how would you feel if you switched roles with your friend?

This is very typical of young women that are discovering the power of their sexual market value. Although she is not deliberately trying to hurt her ex, the siren call of such massive ego validation is quite alluring ("Two guys that used to be great friends now hate each other because of me!"). It is extremely selfish of her to dump a guy and then try to steal his friends, too.

Rest assured, she is going to continue to drop hints and set up opportunities for you to seduce her. If you want to do the noble thing, don't give her ANYTHING- stop talking with her, since that alone is violating the trust of your friend. Of course, if you never liked this friend and don't mind doing something that will devastate his world for the sake of a quick fling with his sloppy seconds, then go for it.

 

[AlexDP]

You make a few good points. Also when I told her about a girl I was interested in, her first reaction was 'is that who you really want?'. Which made it seem as if she was asking me if I didn't want her instead.

 

[Jeffst1980]

That's exactly what she meant.

Keep in mind, though, that this is a "fool's mate" situation, as far as pickup is concerned. It is absurdly EASY to hook up with an ex of a friend/ relative, because the "forbidden" nature of such does all the seduction for you. For similar reasons, it's also easier to attract girls if you have a gf. So, although this may be an ego boost for you, keep in mind that this is less about you and more about her wanting to stir up drama.

 

[Iceberg]

You make a few good points. Also when I told her about a girl I was interested in, her first reaction was 'is that who you really want?'. Which made it seem as if she was asking me if I didn't want her instead.

Yeah. I'd probably just leave this situation alone.

Actually, just the fact that you're talking to her as much as you are is making me uncomfortable. The guy is your friend right? And she's just the ex of a friend.

So keep the friend and stop talking to his ex.

 

[AlexDP]

Yeah. I'd probably just leave this situation alone.

Actually, just the fact that you're talking to her as much as you are is making me uncomfortable. The guy is your friend right? And she's just the ex of a friend.

So keep the friend and stop talking to his ex.

He's a teammate, I don't know him all that well, but he's still a teammate. I know her about equally well and I thought we were in the friend zone, but things have been a bit weird lately.

 

[AlexDP]

So yeah, I'm not sure she still sees me as a friend. I've told her all about the other girl I'm pursuing and suddenly she starts asking questions about her. Which are usually followed up with "well, don't rush it". Today she also said it was nice how we got along so well and that she liked having conversations with me. Then she mentioned she was feeling lonely.

I have no idea where this is going. I have not given her any hints whatsoever and there is nothing on my part that indicates that I like her than more as just a friend. The thing is though.. I really do like her as a friend. I realise that most people on this board don't believe in having female friends, but I do, I like them.

You guys think I should avoid her for now, to keep the friendship?

 

[Sparky]

Run to the hills as fast as you can

 

[Iceberg]

The thing is though.. I really do like her as a friend. I realise that most people on this board don't believe in having female friends, but I do, I like them.

You guys think I should avoid her for now, to keep the friendship?

I believe in having female friends. I just believe you're making a mental note of these things she's saying because you want to bang her.

Let's be real...If she were unattractive, you wouldn't be here asking about her. If she were unattractive, you'd just think "Yeah she wants me. But she has no shot, so she's just my drinking buddy."

So you're asking about her, because you're considering sex. And I'm not highly-moral person, but I avoid banging my friends ex's. Hell, I avoid befriending my friend's ex's.