The ex-bf (you)

[Fumbduck]

There are numerous posts/threads about that feared "ex" lurking in the shadows, and if you are ever pursuing a girl coming out of a LTR, and the ex that broke up with the girl comes back in the picture you should immediately take caution because there's a good chance she may go back with him.

Let me ask you; WHAT does this ex do to make the girl want to come back with him? WHY is the ex-bf so feared by other guys pursuing these type of girls?

Thanks fellas

-FD

 

[bkbcoach]

exbf

My opinion is that the girl still has feelings for the ex which threatens the current bf. Do you know how long someone can keep feelings for a person they were in a relationship with or even someone they had a crush on? A LTR usually means there is a lot of emotions and feelings and a girl especially will feel that the ex could change or her current bf does not instill the feelings the ex bf did. Kinda of like dating a women who is separated, regardless of her feelings toward you or how good a bf you are she still has a longer history with her ex and has to wonder if her and the ex can rekindle their former magic.
How much should the current bf worry? I guess that depends on why they broke up and whose choice it was. I learned sometimes it is not good to be next after a ltr because trust takes time and the girl sometimes is not really ready for something serious even if she says she is.
I know men don't talk about feelings but girls like to talk so ask her how she feels about her ex and what she would do if the ex came back in the picture. It might give you some idea of what is going on with her.

 

[KontrollerX]

The ex is feared for many reasons.

1. You are encroaching on his territory and disrespecting him whether you know the guy or not. If he is unstable you may be in a fight unexpectadly one day that you'd rather not be in or even be killed depending on where you live.

2. The girl may simply be with you even if the relationship feels genuine to you to punish her ex boyfriend whom she really loves and wants to be with for maybe cheating on her in the past or for whatever reason or she may still harbor feelings for him deep inside even though her forked tongue tells you those hollow lies of "No, you are the only one for me baby!" to you every night but while you are fvcking her or whatever she is thinking of him.

3. The unknown. Probably in most cases you never knew the guy or ever met him so you can't size him up as far as if you could take him in a fight, if he looks better than you, what kind of job he has, car he drives, how big his c0ck is in comparison to yours and if it made her feel better than yours lmao and a whole host of other insecurity producing questions that it can cause to roam around in your head about whether you are indeed the better catch than him.

4. The ex comes around begging your girl for friendship and she wants to do this thinking its safe and agreeing to hang out with this guy alone at places. You being of the wrong mindset might think don't be insecure let them hang out nothing will happen she loves me but in reality a persistant guy who has even a spark of attraction and emotional investment with your girlfriend can win her back gradually if you two have fights and if she is emotionally vulnerable and turns to him in the aftermath of those fights be it on the phone or whatever because eventually the phone or online will turn to a hot sexual encounter in person as a means to comfort your poor innocent little girlfriend. How tragic right?

A true DJ wouldn't be worried about the majority of the things I just said as a true DJ knows he is the best choice for her quite clearly and doesn't pay any mind to the other man in the past's attributes.

The only thing a DJ might be concerned about is his safety ie if the guy is mentally unstable enough to resort to violence against the DJ such as a surprise attack kind of thing but if that DJ's screening processes are good enough and he does enough digging before getting seriously involved with a chick he probably won't even have to deal with that.

 

[Skepsis]

KontrollerX, that is pne of the best posts I've read in awhile. Good job.

 

[zinc64]

There are numerous posts/threads about that feared "ex" lurking in the shadows, and if you are ever pursuing a girl coming out of a LTR, and the ex that broke up with the girl comes back in the picture you should immediately take caution because there's a good chance she may go back with him.

Let me ask you; WHAT does this ex do to make the girl want to come back with him? WHY is the ex-bf so feared by other guys pursuing these type of girls?

Thanks fellas

-FD

If she she gets back with the ex then it was either mean't to be or you projected it. You shouldn't try to control anything. I don't know if any of you are familiar with the law of attraction or believe in it but your thoughts make your world IMO. If you fear something and have strong emotions attached to it then odds are it will happen.

 

[Fumbduck]

Thanks for the replies guys-

The second part to this thread is going to be very "UN-DJish" in the minds of many, however if 'you' are that ex who did the breaking; you obviously have some advantages, (also disadvantages because you hurt her) what is the best way to raise IL and attraction towards you once again?

Call her and ask to meet up? Distance yourself completely from her and cut all ties? Remain close in her life, show some feelings, and joke with her?

The ex has some advantages due to the previous history- so, what is the very best way to handle a situation like this?

 

[Latinoman]

I don't care what people say...but once is over...it is over. Trying to hang out with an ex-gf in hopes to get laid is unmanly.

Going back to original question...I find it a sign of disrespect toward her man, for a woman to be hanging around with a man she has had sex in the past. I won't tell her what to do...but I will make it clear how I see it. It is her choice as I have no problems dumping a woman.

Many times, the ex- has NO advantage.

 

[Fumbduck]

any one else have some thoughts?

 

[ready123]

how to get the ex again depends A LOT on why and how you guys broke up

hardest part is overcoming all the negative anchors. also depends on what you're trying to accomplish - relationship? or just a hook-up

but i agree w/ the once it's over, it's over. the desire to go back to an ex usually comes from a place of scarcity

 

[Fumbduck]

Break-up was painful for her, but was ended on 'good' terms and now speaking/joking with one another again at least once a week. (2yr relationship and 2 month break) Seems like the communication is back to where it was when we were first seeing one another. (Flirtatious, sincere, joking, c/f, etc) I take everything w/ a grain of salt- I feel like I know her very well, so it's worth a shot. Research has told me that a lot of ppl say once is enough, it won't work out, but i may need to make my own mistakes to see for sure. A learning experience if anything...that is what we're all here for I suppose.

The ultimate goal is a relationship, not just a hook up.