The desire to cuddle, and other AFC-like urges; natural or unhealthy?

[FatHairyM4F]

Okay, as I've said in an earlier thread I'm nearly 34 and never had a gf and am a virgin. So I can't draw from experience here, except that women I seemed to have a chance with in the past, seemed to pull back when I started to talk to her about my feelings for her, and my desire to have her as a gf.

My question is this: all the things that AFCs want to do with their gf's or would-be gf's...snuggle, talk baby talk to each other, hold hands, talk about each other's feelings, tell each other I love you a million times a day, shower her with gifts, compliments, attention, spoil her in general...are these NATURAL and NORMAL urges for a guy to have when he has romantic feelings for a woman, but urges that must be denied because women inconveniently don't find these behaviors attractive, manly, etc?

Or are these urges that a mature male who has developed properly emotionally, socially etc, would never have? In other words are they urges we should not have in the first place?

Whenever I have read the kinds of things I have read at SoSuave about how to be successful with women, I have always thought "so to have the woman/women I desire, I can't enjoy having her/them? I have to hold back and not do the things I really want to do with her? What's the point of being with a woman when I can't enjoy it?"

And secondly, if AFC-like urges ARE unnatural and unhealthy rather than only being inconvenient, why do some men grow up to be AFC's and other men grow up to be the opposite? I assume this second question has been asked a gazillion times on this board already, so if instead of answering it you guys would rather just refer me to threads that do answer it, that would be equally appreciated. Thanks.

 

[reset]

They're natural urges for men who haven't been with many women, and aren't particularly masculine. Cuddling, being in love, being intimate, those are all great things you can do with a girl who has earned your affection over time. But you can't just give it right off the bat, because you haven't given her something to earn.

Women like to EARN the man's affection. They value what is a challenge for them to attain.

NEVER tell a girl you want to be her boyfriend. Or tell her your feelings. You may feel those things, but your'e getting into the woman's territory.

She tells YOU she has feelings. She tells YOU she wants to be your girlfriend. Until she does that, your'e a free man, just enjoying her company for moment.

 

[rebel485]

no. if that's what you want to do, then do it. every girl is different, some may like it, others not.

 

[Jay Jay]

I love cuddling and holding hands and ****... but don't tell my girls! I have em convinced I only do it to stop em *****ing!

As for spoiling em... nah, I'd cut that **** out.

JJ

 

[DJVladdy]

Okay, as I've said in an earlier thread I'm nearly 34 and never had a gf and am a virgin. So I can't draw from experience here, except that women I seemed to have a chance with in the past, seemed to pull back when I started to talk to her about my feelings for her, and my desire to have her as a gf.

My question is this: all the things that AFCs want to do with their gf's or would-be gf's...snuggle, talk baby talk to each other, hold hands, talk about each other's feelings, tell each other I love you a million times a day, shower her with gifts, compliments, attention, spoil her in general...are these NATURAL and NORMAL urges for a guy to have when he has romantic feelings for a woman, but urges that must be denied because women inconveniently don't find these behaviors attractive, manly, etc?

Or are these urges that a mature male who has developed properly emotionally, socially etc, would never have? In other words are they urges we should not have in the first place?

Whenever I have read the kinds of things I have read at SoSuave about how to be successful with women, I have always thought "so to have the woman/women I desire, I can't enjoy having her/them? I have to hold back and not do the things I really want to do with her? What's the point of being with a woman when I can't enjoy it?"

And secondly, if AFC-like urges ARE unnatural and unhealthy rather than only being inconvenient, why do some men grow up to be AFC's and other men grow up to be the opposite? I assume this second question has been asked a gazillion times on this board already, so if instead of answering it you guys would rather just refer me to threads that do answer it, that would be equally appreciated. Thanks.

Man you are from Pluto or something? Also have your testosterone levels checked. To answer your question,

........"all the things that AFCs want to do with their gf's or would-be gf's...snuggle, talk baby talk to each other, hold hands, talk about each other's feelings, tell each other I love you a million times a day, shower her with gifts, compliments, attention, spoil her in general...are these NATURAL and NORMAL urges for a guy to have when he has romantic feelings for a woman, but urges that must be denied because women inconveniently don't find these behaviors attractive, manly, etc?"........

-No it is not masculine behavior at all.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Are you hanging out with fat big-boobed women? Yeah, I know you want their breasts against your chest when you hug them and their mammary glands just bring out that side where you want to revert like a child and suck them and play with them. (I've never felt breasts before - sandbags?)

Maybe you should go with skinnier girls with curves and forget about the fat ones with boobs. The desire to cuddle is only there with fat big boobed women, correct?

 

[Yapper]

the natural MANLY urge is to pound that pvssy like no tomorrow then ride on to the next sweet little thang.
you're an embarrassment to nature.

 

[djSlvt]

What you kidding, I love to kuddle, and kiss, hold hands, all cool man. Even in public. Just make sure she comes to you for it, not the other way.

 

[Yapper]

you see. nature only wants the real men to procreate. that's why you're programmed with reproductively counterproductive behaviors. in a more anarchic world we'd be laying all you faggots down and doing all the bitches.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

They're natural urges for men who haven't been with many women, and aren't particularly masculine. Cuddling, being in love, being intimate, those are all great things you can do with a girl who has earned your affection over time. But you can't just give it right off the bat, because you haven't given her something to earn.

Women like to EARN the man's affection. They value what is a challenge for them to attain.

NEVER tell a girl you want to be her boyfriend. Or tell her your feelings. You may feel those things, but your'e getting into the woman's territory.

She tells YOU she has feelings. She tells YOU she wants to be your girlfriend. Until she does that, your'e a free man, just enjoying her company for moment.

Key point right there. If your display of affection is unwarranted then you will come across as someone who falls for anything with tits and ass. As long as someone earns your respect and affection, it is nothing wrong with rewarding her and showing that you like her. With that said, dont go overboard.

 

[L777]

To each his own. Personally I can't stand crap like that, I point blank refuse to hold hands in public, and I certainly have never told anyone, except my mum, that 'I love you.'

Unless you really do love the person romantically, which I find impossible to do without having had sex and known them for a LOOOOONG time, I think stuff like this is an indicator of your fear of losing her....ironically, that is exactly what will happen if you do it much. Good luck bro.

 

[vorbis]

its one of those things that the girl needs to initiate. If she wants to hold your hand, cuddle with you, thats cool. Personally I like doing that kind of stuff with my gf. Its not weak to be affectionate towards someone you're close with.

 

[danielzxc]

Answering your question is like trying to answer whether ANY counterproductive behaviors are "natural and normal". I guess they must be, else why would the exist in the first place, and who would consciously choose something counterproductive. The thing is, in the moment, these things aren't counterproductive at all. Whispering sweet nothings into each others' ears doesn't hurt you THEN... the effects are felt LATER, when she dumps your ass. (Okay, it probably wouldn't have been only because of THAT.. but if it came with a bunch of other wussy behaviours, then the combined effect of them dooms you.)

Me, I personally couldn't stand doing most of the stuff you listed. (Holding hands is fine. Shyt, so is hugging. But the way I do it, it doesn't come across as AFC-ish. I guess attitude is the difference.) It's not something I have to THINK about not doing, I don't really feel the urge. But that's probably cos I know how damaging that stuff is in the long run... because I've done all that before... poured my heart out to chicks, done all the wussy stuff and all it got me was AGONY. So I just know to avoid all that. It's all well engrained by now. Some guys, I guess, maybe just have to learn it for themselves, other guys, maybe, they never feel these urges.

"Natural" or no, who knows? Bottom line is, however "natural" that stuff feels, on its own, and without a great deal of non-wussy attidude and other behavior, this will get you dumped, heartbroken and miserable. If you've ever experienced any of that, then that should be enough for you to know never to do this stuff again, and no matter how "unnatural" it feels for you, to CHANGE.

 

[Sp1kez]

NEVER tell a girl you want to be her boyfriend. Or tell her your feelings. You may feel those things, but your'e getting into the woman's territory.

She tells YOU she has feelings. She tells YOU she wants to be your girlfriend. Until she does that, your'e a free man, just enjoying her company for moment.

Best advise you could ever give, the only real relationships I've had with girls were the ones where I kept my cool during the initial stages and never even mentioned feelings or a relationship. Just recently I picked up this HB8 and went on a couple dates with her, after deciding she wasn't worth my time I decided to to a little experimenting, one night we were sitting in my car looking at the stars and we were making out then I dropped the bomb "What do you want out of this?" and she didn't know, needless to say she didn't call for awhile and avoided the whole issue when we did talk.

 

[Obsidian]

According to the kino escalation ladder, cuddling should generally come before kissing, which should come before sex. If you're asking whether you should do it on a regular basis, well, hmm...Imo, kino and kissing are basically minor forms of sex anyway: You release the same chemicals and become similarly aroused regardless of where exactly you're touching her. It's just a matter of degree.

to sum up, I'd say they're fairly natural. But to make yourself seem like more of a man, make sure to balance a healthy fraction of make-out sessions in with the cuddling.

 

[Babnik]

Holding each other, cuddling, telling her how you feel about her is fine with me, BUT AFTER SEX.

My original urge is to screw the girl. Once I did that several times and I feel tired - I have more or less "cuddly/warm" feelings. After my hormone levels go up, I want to screw her again.

Maybe you guys whack off too much and you end up with the AFTER SEX feelings for girls?


And then, don't you feel that all that affection and feelings and desires ALL COMBINED are released through kissing and sex?

I mean... this is how it feels for me. Its all those things combined, but releasing them through talking or holding hands just doesn't do it. Kissing, touching/rubbing and sex. I have sex because I care for her . Even if I care for a very short time.

 

[Obsidian]

Pook says sex is about more than just intercourse.

 

[comic_relief]

Maybe you should go with skinnier girls with curves and forget about the fat ones with boobs. The desire to cuddle is only there with fat big boobed women, correct?

Why is that my last two women with curves and A or B cups LOVE to cuddle? Gee, guess we can chalk it up to the fact that all women are different and have different wants and needs.

comic_relief

 

[comic_relief]

Shouldn't this be in the mature man's forum? I digress.

I'll talk about the first question that you have. The other one can have a search done on them. Cliff notes version of question two: It has to do with parental involvement, enviroment, genetics (small degree), and past history.

First question is a very simple answer: "DO WHATEVER THE FVCK YOU WANT TO DO!!!" If that is how you like the idea, than fine do it, but after you are in the relationship.

Most of sosuavian theorem is about the initial stage of gaming the girls. Not the maintence of an LTR. That is tough for some people to comprehend. Once you are in an LTR, throw the tricks of the trade out the window. Keep the basics with you (confidence, give/take, be a challenge sometimes, among other basics). Although, that is for my age group and may not apply.

I suggest that you actually post this in the mature man forum and ask for their advice.

comic_relief

 

[The Juan and only]

Oh ffs. Just do what you want to do.

Imo hugging,cuddling,lying together,playing with her hair/fingers etc is the best way to escalate things anyway (in a non-club environment). You just have to calibrate it -- i.e touch her when possible without appearing desperate.