The confusion that is a woman....

[Ronin I]

Read previous threads...

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/sh...&threadid=27183

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=27934

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=28899

Ok basically I'm trying to decide if I should just call this girl out on the carpet and find out what her deal is or if I should just forget about it.

What started off as high IL, has steadily decreased over the last two months. Not sure how I screwed this one up. Probably a lot of little things - being too nice, making myself seem too available, not pushing things enough physically - maybe all of the above or none of the above. Who the fvck knows? I give up on trying to figure out why women do the things they do - we can try and generalize but each situation is different, each woman is different - sure there are some patterns but...who really knows.

Anyway - after half making plans with her two Thur.'s ago to hang out she backed out as she had to get up early to leave for Boston (understandable reason). ***Sign of low IL***

But, she called me the following Monday as soon as she got back into town. ***Sign of High IL***

We spoke the next day and made plans to hang out the following Thur. ***Sign of High IL***

She backed out on Thur. saying she was exhausted and had work to do that night and had to work the next day. (understandable reason). ***Sign of low IL***

So I call her this Mon. and say we chat for a bit and she tells me she has plans Tue and Wed and that Thur her and her brother are getting together to go over her finances. I say we should get together neverhteless if only for a little bit (I have Finals all weekend) because it would be nice to see her and I could use a study break. She says that she's not sure what time she's meeting with her brother but she'll call me between now and then to let me know and set something up. I hate to give up control like that but given the circumstances and that it's not really a "date" (I just suggested we go get a bite to eat or something) I didnt think it was a big deal.

Well you guessed it, here it is almost 7pm Thur and I havent heard from her. ***Sign of low IL***

So basically I havent seen her in three weeks and she's not exactly meeting me half way as far as trying to make time to hang out.

I'm a little perplexed because if her IL dipped so low I don;t understand why she would've called me as soon as she got back into town from Boston last Mon.
I'd like to give this girl the benefit of the doubt in that I remember when I worked full time (I'm a full time student now in grad school) I was generally way too tired to go out during my work week. She even commented last Thur when we spoke "You're just killing me with these weekday dates."

Point is I don't know what the hell is up. I'm pretty much just chalking it up as a loss but I am kind of disappointed.
I have others in the wings but I kind of wanted to see where things would go with this one.

So what do you think - next time we speak (which unless she calls me won;t be until next week) - should I just say something along the lines of "So, what's up? If you're not interested any more just say so and I won;t waste any more of my time. But if you are then frankly I think you need to put a little bit more effort into this because 1) I feel like I'm doing all the work and 2) hanging out once every three-four weeks isn;t my idea of trying to get to know someone."

Frankly if she comes out and says "Yeah, honestly I'm not interested anymore" I'll just shrug my shoulders and move on.
She hasn;t given me a clearcut reason to NEXT just yet. To borrow from Gunwitch I want to make the Ho say No.

Opinions?

 

[Starman]

"should I just say something along the lines of "So, what's up? If you're not interested any more just say so and I won;t waste any more of my time."

NO!!!

I wouild never confront a girl upfront of her interest..you are putting her on the spot..and most likely she wont give you an honest answer.

women NEVER give you honest responses to ANYTHING.

by presurring her..you are still being too nice and too available.

Just lay off for a little bit..then see if she calls (at least 1 week) .. if she doesnt call by then..call one last time and make her not returning fone calls into like a joke or something

"Hey! Ms.Calllback queen? where ya been? do you need to borrow a phone? I saw a nice used one the other day in the shape of a peanut..blah blah blah

expose her rude/blow off behavior..so that it subtely shows its rude, make her laugh and not feel guilty, if she blows you off this last time..you've found out her IL

 

[stormwriter]

OK dude, so if you are "chalking it up to a loss" then YOU be the first to lower the boom. It will make you feel MUCH better about it.

"In the airplane of love, there is only one parachute."

So, you jump with the chute, and let her go down with the plane. You will get to float safely down.

When i was reading your post, i thought it was one of mine, cause it looks EXACTLY like my last situation. I had a note ready to dump her, cause i couldn't take anymore. Then i hesitated, and THE NEXT DAY, she dumped me.

My friends said, "dude, stop saying she dumped you. You were going to dump her anyways.." and i said, "yeah, but she beat me to it!!"

So, beat her to it. It DOES make you feel better about the ending.

(oh, and don't think she will come around. You know its not going to work out.)

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by Starman

women NEVER give you honest responses to ANYTHING.

I don't know about that- that's a bit of an extreme statement don;t you think?

Originally posted by Starman

"Hey! Ms.Calllback queen? where ya been? do you need to borrow a phone? I saw a nice used one the other day in the shape of a peanut..blah blah blah

expose her rude/blow off behavior..so that it subtely shows its rude, make her laugh and not feel guilty, if she blows you off this last time..you've found out her IL

For the record she has never NOT returned one of my phone calls. This is the first time she has not called when she said she would.

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by stormwriter
OK dude, so if you are "chalking it up to a loss" then YOU be the first to lower the boom. It will make you feel MUCH better about it.

"In the airplane of love, there is only one parachute."

So, you jump with the chute, and let her go down with the plane. You will get to float safely down.

When i was reading your post, i thought it was one of mine, cause it looks EXACTLY like my last situation. I had a note ready to dump her, cause i couldn't take anymore. Then i hesitated, and THE NEXT DAY, she dumped me.

My friends said, "dude, stop saying she dumped you. You were going to dump her anyways.." and i said, "yeah, but she beat me to it!!"

So, beat her to it. It DOES make you feel better about the ending.

(oh, and don't think she will come around. You know its not going to work out.)

Dude no offense but this is WEAK. I used to think like this and it really is the pu$$y way out.

When I say I'm chalking it up as a loss I mean that her IL is seemingly in the toilet so I don't EXPECT it to go anywhere from here but that doesn't mean I should totally give up.

The point is that I haven't the slightest clue where her head is at right now.

First off I wouldn't even feel like I was dumping her because we're not boyfriend/girlfriend - we're just "dating". Truth is I feel like I still hardly know her. If she turned around tonight called and said she never wanted to see me again - sure it wouldn't be a good feeling but whatever. She hardly knows me either.

Even though Starman disagrees about being direct I'd much rather do that than just toss her aside because I was fearful of having my ego bruised. My ego is fvcking strong enough to withstand rejection should it happen. B!tches do all sorts of stupid sh!t - I try my best not to take it personally.

 

[Ronin I]

Received this on AIM from her(I was logged on but "Away from my computer") at 810pm.

"hey...sorry i didn't make it to dinner with you tonight...i've been a party pooper, i know...i'm running to my moms now and i just wanted to say a quick hi...hope you had a good week so far"

Hmm.

Well - not particularly happy that she waited until 810pm to even attempt to contact me nor that she couldn't just pick up the phone - but whatever.

I think I won't respond and wait for her to have the courtesy to pick up the phone and actually call.

I've got finals to study for.

 

[Entity]

Quit letting her jerk your chain. It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. Tell her to give you a call when she does. You're not her toy that she can drop and pick back up anytime she wants to.

 

[bp1974]

Wow mixed messages. If it was me, I'd be direct and tell her something like "Look, this isn't working out. I like you but you're never around. Give me a call if things change."

bp1974