The Complexity of Kindness: Mature Man POV

[Sega Genesis]

As long as you have a backbone...too many guys think being a personal doormat is being kind.

Agree and it's what I posted.

 

[Serenity]

This is also when people say I am "too good" with some people who "Only take advantage" of others and they do not deserve kind treatment

This is something you should pay attention to and work on, it is a weakness and it can be dangerous for you. Even if you are a kind person you should have boundaries and this one is a healthy boundary to have.

If you know or are reasonably certain the other person is trying to draw kindness out of you then you really shouldn't reward that. Bad behavior shouldn't be rewarded.

The kindest I will be to such people is to just calmly turn them down, only ever escalating in aggression if they keep pushing beyond the simple no.

Here I will illustrate how I'd handle two similar scenarios.

Let's say I'm in a bar, waiting to order a drink. A hot chick rolls up and asks if I'd buy her a drink. I would say no, she has given me nothing and is immediately trying to get something from me. Doesn't matter if she puts on her charm or tries to flirt a little, I know why she does it and it's not because she likes me, she likes free drinks.

Let's say I'm in a bar, I spot a hot chick at the bar. I approach her, greet her and have at least a short conversation to determine if she's still appealing and then I might buy her a drink if I feel like it. Sure, she hasn't given me anything, but she hasn't tried taking anything either. I will never demand a drink or anything in return, but I will pay attention to whether she does give me anything in return without me ever asking. If she does it's a very good sign.

Also, if I'm at a bar and a hot chick buys me a drink you can be damn sure I will buy her a drink later. I fvcking hate being given something without giving something back. If there's an attitude in women I find extremely attractive it's that attitude. So if I'm buying a girl a drink it's really a sh!t test to see whether she has that attitude.

A nice guy buys her a drink in the hopes of buying her affection, he does it because he wants something from her. So when she keeps asking for another drink and he keeps buying, he's really emphasizing that he wants something from her AND that he's weak because he has not yet received anything in return for it.

Big difference.

 

[BaronOfHair]

As long as you have a backbone...too many guys think being a personal doormat is being kind.

Yeah, being a personal Jesus is far more desirable, so long as you're not making ends meet by stealing hubcaps and helping Coyetes traffic future massage parlor girls across the border

 

[Manure Spherian]

What are your experiences on this subject?

I am a kind person and those who know me would describe me as kind. My wife likes my kindness and so have other women.

Some women do not like kind men. I don’t like them either.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I've noticed that sometimes I'll think I'm being unconditional in my actions but then feel resentment after the fact. It's easy to preach these tenants but in the moment my ego can subconsciously hide my true feelings from myself, hinting at deeper personal issues.

It's insidious and slippery. It can start with something as simple as sending a kind text. From what I can tell it comes from being thrown off center by a beautiful, kind, and affectionate woman. Almost like a primal sense of urgency is triggered.

When centered, my actions are so measured that even when I feel resentment I course correct instantly by withdrawing until I'm coming from abundance again. If it keeps happening and I keep having to kindly withdraw attention then it's simple incompatibility, and that might mean that I'm simply not mentally and emotionally available for this person, despite wanting to be.

It can be a hard pill to swallow, but remaining principled and self assured should always remain more important than trying to keep a woman around, even if that means pushing her away repeatedly and realizing you might not be ready for her. I guess what I'm describing is the implementation of self confidence.

If you're not centered, you can't possibly be unconditionally kind. Trust the process of staying true to yourself, even if it ends up pushing beautiful women out of your life.

The best women will sense this withdrawal and respond with respect and admiration. The others will naturally filter themselves out. Of course this means the best will lose respect if you deviate ; )

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

It's easy to preach these tenants but in the moment my ego can subconsciously hide my true feelings from myself, hinting at deeper personal issues.

?
You mean tenets?

 

[jhonny9546]

I don’t like them either.

So you don't like youself?

I've noticed that sometimes I'll think I'm being unconditional in my actions but then feel resentment after the fact. It's easy to preach these tenants but in the moment my ego can subconsciously hide my true feelings from myself, hinting at deeper personal issues.

It's insidious and slippery. It can start with something as simple as sending a kind text. From what I can tell it comes from being thrown off center by a beautiful, kind, and affectionate woman. Almost like a primal sense of urgency is triggered.

When centered, my actions are so measured that even when I feel resentment I course correct instantly by withdrawing until I'm coming from abundance again. If it keeps happening and I keep having to kindly withdraw attention then it's simple incompatibility, and that might mean that I'm simply not mentally and emotionally available for this person, despite wanting to be.

It can be a hard pill to swallow, but remaining principled and self assured should always remain more important than trying to keep a woman around, even if that means pushing her away repeatedly and realizing you might not be ready for her. I guess what I'm describing is the implementation of self confidence.

If you're not centered, you can't possibly be unconditionally kind. Trust the process of staying true to yourself, even if it ends up pushing beautiful women out of your life.

The best women will sense this withdrawal and respond with respect and admiration. The others will naturally filter themselves out. Of course this means the best will lose respect if you deviate ; )

I've tried to translate it, and understand, but I still have issues!
Would you like to explain it more easly with fewer words? Or which is the moral of your post? Thanks

 

[Manure Spherian]

So you don't like youself?

I didn’t word my sentence properly. I meant to say I don’t care about women who don’t like kind men.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Not sure about the kindness thing. I think it is too often mixed with naivety (from observer side).

It is important to be kind to the persons that are or were important for your life - I am still kind to my grandmother even if she does not know who I am anymore. Regarding rest of the ppl - it really depends on who they are and what they want. Wish I had that attitude since when I was a teenager. Life would be much more simple.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

?
You mean tenets?

Posting from mobile will do that, yes tenets.

So you don't like youself?

I've tried to translate it, and understand, but I still have issues!
Would you like to explain it more easly with fewer words? Or which is the moral of your post? Thanks

Ask more specific questions and I'll have better answers. Tldr, unconditional kindness is like a muscle that's developed but never perfected. Hard to obtain, easy to lose.

 

[jhonny9546]

nconditional kindness is like a muscle that's developed but never perfected. Hard to obtain, easy to lose.

The only thing that comes easy to me its unconditional kindness.
I must be glad.

 

[Bible_Belt]

When you send positive energy out into your world, positive energy comes back to you. It's the same with negative energy. Every world religion preaches this idea, it's not a secret.

 

[jhonny9546]

When you send positive energy out into your world, positive energy comes back to you. It's the same with negative energy. Every world religion preaches this idea, it's not a secret.

This sound like people would target you as the nice guy

 

[BaronOfHair]

This sound like people would target you as the nice guy

Thus it's advisable to carry a hatchet underneath your trench coat, and periodically behead someone in public, while shouting: "Death to The United States, Israel, and all the enemies of Islam"... Doing so makes clear that you're NOT a nice guy