The Chasing Conundrum

[Mythodea]

Dear Ricos Suaves, I am at a tricky crossroad and would be delighted to get your most wise advice.

I simply cannot find a way to reconcile not chasing a girl - ideally, for her to chase me - with taking action and going for what I want. I am sure you all have encountered such a problem before. The fine line between not displaying neediness or desperation yet still having initiative and drive with the girls you interact. I keep bouncing back and forth between such conundrum and it's making me lose my sanity. Not really (heh).

For example, the are a couple of French girls whom I met through my social circle on separate occasions. On the day I met each of the two, we spent several hours chatting, flirting, great vibes, and even pulled one of them home. Eventually, I made out with both of them on our day2. A few days later, I texted them to meet again but neither one was available to meet that day. "No worries" I thought, "I have more options".

My assessment after that point was simple: there is an obvious sexual dynamic in our interactions, no friendzone risks; we already made out; I already asked each to meet again but didn't happen; I should take a step back and now let them chase a little bit.

I could obviously be wrong here (I'd love to hear your opinions), but I simply felt it was the right time to take a step back. I stopped all communication with them and decided to plainly and simply be patient as I spent time with my other prospects. As you can assume, I haven't heard from them ever since (it's been over a week), and that fact made me reconsider things. I'm giving them the chance to chase, but they aren't. Wait longer? How much longer? Wait until they do chase? Re-initiate communication and go for another meet up? Next them? I am obviously interested in both girls, yet I fail to understand and internalise the proper mindset and actions that will allow me to display such intent without pushing things, losing the frame or never giving them a chance to chase.

As a clarification, there is nothing particularly special about these two girls (there's no ONE-itis over them); it is more the fact that I have encountered this dilemma so many times that I just want to get it handled once and for all and I'm simply using my most recent examples to illustrate it.

Any comments and suggestions will be most appreciated. Cheers!

 

[JJRocker]

You can always say something like I haven't had a chance to text been busy want to reenact the battle of the bulge?

Short, provides scarcity from you, is humorous, doesn't seem needy... after that I'd say write it down in your memoirs as a fondle mammory and move on!

 

[Vivacity]

Dear Ricos Suaves, I am at a tricky crossroad and would be delighted to get your most wise advice.

I simply cannot find a way to reconcile not chasing a girl - ideally, for her to chase me - with taking action and going for what I want. I am sure you all have encountered such a problem before. The fine line between not displaying neediness or desperation yet still having initiative and drive with the girls you interact. I keep bouncing back and forth between such conundrum and it's making me lose my sanity. Not really (heh).

For example, the are a couple of French girls whom I met through my social circle on separate occasions. On the day I met each of the two, we spent several hours chatting, flirting, great vibes, and even pulled one of them home. Eventually, I made out with both of them on our day2. A few days later, I texted them to meet again but neither one was available to meet that day. "No worries" I thought, "I have more options".

My assessment after that point was simple: there is an obvious sexual dynamic in our interactions, no friendzone risks; we already made out; I already asked each to meet again but didn't happen; I should take a step back and now let them chase a little bit.

I could obviously be wrong here (I'd love to hear your opinions), but I simply felt it was the right time to take a step back. I stopped all communication with them and decided to plainly and simply be patient as I spent time with my other prospects. As you can assume, I haven't heard from them ever since (it's been over a week), and that fact made me reconsider things. I'm giving them the chance to chase, but they aren't. Wait longer? How much longer? Wait until they do chase? Re-initiate communication and go for another meet up? Next them? I am obviously interested in both girls, yet I fail to understand and internalise the proper mindset and actions that will allow me to display such intent without pushing things, losing the frame or never giving them a chance to chase.

As a clarification, there is nothing particularly special about these two girls (there's no ONE-itis over them); it is more the fact that I have encountered this dilemma so many times that I just want to get it handled once and for all and I'm simply using my most recent examples to illustrate it.

Any comments and suggestions will be most appreciated. Cheers!

I am more or less in the same situation as yours and have more or less the same thoughts. I hate chasing. I hate playing the "game" in the context of dating.

When it comes to making a girl chase, a lot of factors come into picture - how she sees your value in life and to her, how old she is, what phase of life she is in, how pretty/attractive she is and how she rates herself, how many beta phaggots are orbiting her, and so on and so forth.

My rule is simple. I don't over-complicate things. I don't think anything else apart from this and I care less. If I were you, I would take 2 shots, i.e., ask them out twice. I will take my first shot within 2 or 3 days from getting the girl's number and take my second shot within a week or two of taking the first shot. My experience and thinking behind the 2-shot rule is that if she did not reply to your 2 shots within a span of 7 to 15 days, it is a lost cause already, and 99.99% of the time she will not reply to your 3rd shot. I will save some of my self-respect by not taking the 3rd shot. You took one shot already. Because you have been quiet for about a week, it's time to take your 2nd shot. If there is no response, next them.

You can't make a girl to chase, she has to do it by herself. If she does not chase you, no problem, you do your job as a man. As a man, you are the pursuer. By taking 2 shots, you have done your job of pursuing enough. You keep moving on to the next person. Anything more than 2 shots is begging and at the same time losing your self-respect, according to me.

It is a numbers game. Keep improving yourself. Keep putting yourself out and keep approaching women. That's all.

 

[Mythodea]

You can always say something like I haven't had a chance to text been busy want to reenact the battle of the bulge?

Short, provides scarcity from you, is humorous, doesn't seem needy... after that I'd say write it down in your memoirs as a fondle mammory and move on!

Good idea, that line does convey both things effectively. I'll definitely give it a shot and bring back the results.

I am more or less in the same situation as yours and have more or less the same thoughts. I hate chasing. I hate playing the "game" in the context of dating.

When it comes to making a girl chase, a lot of factors come into picture - how she sees your value in life and to her, how old she is, what phase of life she is in, how pretty/attractive she is and how she rates herself, how many beta phaggots are orbiting her, and so on and so forth.

My rule is simple. I don't over-complicate things. I don't think anything else apart from this and I care less. If I were you, I would take 2 shots, i.e., ask them out twice. I will take my first shot within 2 or 3 days from getting the girl's number and take my second shot within a week or two of taking the first shot. My experience and thinking behind the 2-shot rule is that if she did not reply to your 2 shots within a span of 7 to 15 days, it is a lost cause already, and 99.99% of the time she will not reply to your 3rd shot. I will save some of my self-respect by not taking the 3rd shot. You took one shot already. Because you have been quiet for about a week, it's time to take your 2nd shot. If there is no response, next them.

You can't make a girl to chase, she has to do it by herself. If she does not chase you, no problem, you do your job as a man. As a man, you are the pursuer. By taking 2 shots, you have done your job of pursuing enough. You keep moving on to the next person. Anything more than 2 shots is begging and at the same time losing your self-respect, according to me.

It is a numbers game. Keep improving yourself. Keep putting yourself out and keep approaching women. That's all.

You are correct. I have approached the issue from a similar perspective of setting a limit to my attempts. You suggest two, Rollo suggests three, RSDAlex suggests four; doesn't really matter what the specific number is, I think you got it right with the idea that as a man I must do my part (give proper amount of time and space yet pursue up to an extent) and then let things fall where they may. That's really all I can control and thus all I should be concerned with. I think I will do a bit of testing with the amount of shots I take at them so I can find which one works better. I'll keep this post updated with the results so there can hopefully be an ongoing discussion.

Any more comments and suggestions are most appreciated.

 

[blind_one]

I don't think anything else apart from this and I care less. If I were you, I would take 2 shots, i.e., ask them out twice.

This I believe to be a solid thinking, you are not loosing anything by throwing a line into the pond.
If they do not respond favorably, well tough sh!t

 

[Mythodea]

UPDATE:

Fantastic results with JJRocker's suggestion. I texted both girls along the lines of "Hey you! I apologise for disappearing, I've been pretty damn busy...but, let's make it up this week. When are you free?". Both replied positively and I got this sense by their texts that they were happy I re-ignited things. Now I got a date with each on both Friday and Saturday. Good stuff folks, good stuff.

 

[dude99]

UPDATE:

Fantastic results with JJRocker's suggestion. I texted both girls along the lines of "Hey you! I apologise for disappearing, I've been pretty damn busy...but, let's make it up this week. When are you free?". Both replied positively and I got this sense by their texts that they were happy I re-ignited things. Now I got a date with each on both Friday and Saturday. Good stuff folks, good stuff.

Next time don't ask when are you free. It comes off weak. Take charge. Women want a guy who is confident and in charge of himself and not needy. It is good they agreed to meet you. Hopefully they don't flake. But next time give them a place and a time where to meet you. This will give you their interest level. If interested they will go......or counter offer. If not interested they will give excuses and you will know to next them.