The bitterness toward women thing

[Malcontent]

How do I get over it? Any advice?

2 years ago I broke up with my HB9 after her behavior was becoming intolerable. I still have flashbacks/revelations almost daily. I will remember an event with her and how I interpreted or reacted it then and how I see it now. And then I get angry that I didn't handle it better and that I allowed my reality to become warped into her world, that I basically allowed my frame to be compromised so much. She most likely was BPD or something along those lines. I don't want to attribute a victim status to myself, but maybe it is called for here. I think I have some kind of PTSD as I still get triggered by reminders. I feel the adrenaline rush when I see her car drive by. If I find a hair under the couch my heart rate changes.

I am now very bitter because I loved her and put all my energy into managing her and it still failed (Yes, AFC, although it wasn't how the relationship started). I did it because she was my dream girl physically (young, model looks, did everything I wanted sexually) and both initially and occasionally she was very loving and caring (overall, like a BPD). So I spent 1.5 years tolerating a "rough patch" because I thought she would return to the good version again. I won't go into the details because the whole story is of novel-length.

Anyway, I have this association with women I find attractive -- that they will do the same thing. I am repulsed by the idea of having to dominate a woman for her behavior to be good. Is that the only way it works? I felt like if I had constantly dominated my ex, it would've worked. The times I got angry at her and treated her like a little girl, she'd suck me off her do whatever to appease me. But I just didn't want to maintain that role. I felt like I was slowly being trained to be increasingly more abusive. So I backed off and thought "You've made your points very clear and she agreed to comply." That mindset seemed to send things out of control.

Anyway, I'm getting worked up again, so I'll get back to the point.

Ultimately, I see red flags in every woman now. If she's dressed fancily, I think gold digger. If she's pretty, I think slvt/high maintenance. If she's young, I think crazy. If she's 25+ I think she's a b!tch and not really attractive (even if she is for her age) and probably had a hundred c0cks rammed in her since her teen years.

Maybe a part of me is still clinging onto this pedestalized version of women and my brain is slowly and painfully letting go of years of brainwashing.

Just a couple days ago I ranted angrily about tattoos on women to my friend whose gf has many tats.

I've had sex once in 2 years and not a single date in that time. No prospects. I think my bitterness is very visible. In fact I think I repel everyone. It just shows in my face or body language.

Maybe I just think too much and it keeps from moving forward.

 

[Tictac]

Bitterness towards women is a waste of time and life.

You'll keep yourself there as long as you want.

Too bad that.

 

[BeDJ]

Hey buddy!

I went through a similar 'bitter' stage after I learned about game and started to apply it. The more I dated women, the more sex I was getting, the more I understood how women work was somewhat depressing to say the least. I think it takes an event to snap out of that bitterness phase. For me, I truly crippled another human being to the point where she probably won't trust anyone again. My eyes were open that this is someone just like me. Someone that has a story. Someone with a past and a future. I really thank her for making me realize that we are all human beings. I'm more selfless these days, will I get screwed? Probably. I'd rather live and love than to take everything with a grain of salt. I have so much to learn and experience in the world.

 

[jc_80]

this was one woman out of billions. there's an endless combination of looks and personalities among them. If you keep this attitude you're going to push away a good woman when she comes your way.

 

[Die Hard]

Try focusing on women who are a bit lower on your standards. I'm not saying downright ugly but suppose you normally look for HB8's or HB9's, then focus on HB7's for a while now. You know, the kind of girls that you wouldn't approach by your own choice but if you would suddenly find them in your bed at night, you wouldn't say no to them.

Less of your ego is invested when you deal with these girls, there won't be as much to lose compared to when you're dealing with higher quality girls. You will be less outcome dependant with them, you'll feel more relaxed and be better able to simply enjoy them without experiencing the higher level of anxiety that you experience when dealing with higher quality girls. These girls will also be less arrogant and treat you better (coz you're more of a cath to them than you are to the high quality girls), experiencing this will make you feel more secure about yourself when dealing with women and kinda "restore your faith" in women.

Regard it as a way to build yourself up again. Once you've had the experience of enjoying yourself with these women, feeling comfortable and secure around them, you can gradually start aiming for the higher quality girls again and feel the same with them.

Once again, don't go for downright ugly girls, coz you'll just be disgusted with yourself for picking those up. Go for girls slightly below your usual standards...
Suppose you're at the club and there's this hot babe with juicy toned legs wearing a tight mini skirt dancing in front of you, letting herself go on the dancefloor... I know you can't keep your eyes off of her, lol.
But take a moment to look past her, at the girl who stays in the background...the one who doesn't catch your eye at first and isn't jawdropping but when you take a better look at her, makes you say: "You know what, she's not that bad..."

Go for those. Build yourself up and "heal yourself" through them.

 

[Malcontent]

Try focusing on women who are a bit lower on your standards. I'm not saying downright ugly but suppose you normally look for HB8's or HB9's, then focus on HB7's for a while now. You know, the kind of girls that you wouldn't approach by your own choice but if you would suddenly find them in your bed at night, you wouldn't say no to them.

Less of your ego is invested when you deal with these girls, there won't be as much to lose compared to when you're dealing with higher quality girls. You will be less outcome dependant with them, you'll feel more relaxed and be better able to simply enjoy them without experiencing the higher level of anxiety that you experience when dealing with higher quality girls. These girls will also be less arrogant and treat you better (coz you're more of a cath to them than you are to the high quality girls), experiencing this will make you feel more secure about yourself when dealing with women and kinda "restore your faith" in women.

Regard it as a way to build yourself up again. Once you've had the experience of enjoying yourself with these women, feeling comfortable and secure around them, you can gradually start aiming for the higher quality girls again and feel the same with them.

Once again, don't go for downright ugly girls, coz you'll just be disgusted with yourself for picking those up. Go for girls slightly below your usual standards...
Suppose you're at the club and there's this hot babe with juicy toned legs wearing a tight mini skirt dancing in front of you, letting herself go on the dancefloor... I know you can't keep your eyes off of her, lol.
But take a moment to look past her, at the girl who stays in the background...the one who doesn't catch your eye at first and isn't jawdropping but when you take a better look at her, makes you say: "You know what, she's not that bad..."

Go for those. Build yourself up and "heal yourself" through them.

I have used this approach in the past, but I usually end up feeling bad because a girl will fall in love with me (or something resembling it). Then I just leave them hanging because they aren't really what I was looking for.

Any advice on that?

 

[backbreaker]

if they are making you bitter, you are taking them way too seriously. That's my experience.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Regarding bitterness, it is a protective mechanism of your mind, because you've been hurt before. I think seeing it for what it is would be the first step in growing out of it.

 

[Malcontent]

Hey buddy!

I went through a similar 'bitter' stage after I learned about game and started to apply it. The more I dated women, the more sex I was getting, the more I understood how women work was somewhat depressing to say the least. I think it takes an event to snap out of that bitterness phase. For me, I truly crippled another human being to the point where she probably won't trust anyone again. My eyes were open that this is someone just like me. Someone that has a story. Someone with a past and a future. I really thank her for making me realize that we are all human beings. I'm more selfless these days, will I get screwed? Probably. I'd rather live and love than to take everything with a grain of salt. I have so much to learn and experience in the world.

Yeah, I just wonder what that "event" will be. I feel like life is passing me by and here I am scowling about it. I'm struggling with whether or not I just need to let the time pass naturally or shock myself into change.

 

[Malcontent]

if they are making you bitter, you are taking them way too seriously. That's my experience.

Yeah. I think I take a lot of things too seriously. But when I'm getting laid I don't so much.

 

[Malcontent]

Regarding bitterness, it is a protective mechanism of your mind, because you've been hurt before. I think seeing it for what it is would be the first step in growing out of it.

Yeah. Sometimes I tell myself "This is your time to learn and reflect, stop fighting it." But I think I also have some impatience, maybe even a paralyzing fear of running out of time. The conflicting messages in my brain...

 

[Die Hard]

I have used this approach in the past, but I usually end up feeling bad because a girl will fall in love with me (or something resembling it). Then I just leave them hanging because they aren't really what I was looking for.

Any advice on that?

Collateral damage...

People fall in love, people fall out of love. People get into relationships, people break up. Nothing lasts forever.

A man must spin plates. Even if you don't like that idea and would rather settle for ONE woman, then you must still spin plates to FIND that one woman. Furthermore, once you find that one woman, you need to be able to "handle" her and the relationship, which is something you have to learn, like a skill you have to develop. Which you can only achieve by gaining experience, thus......by spinning plates.

So no matter what you're looking for with women and your romantic life, spinning plates is a must, there is no way around it. And unless ALL the plates you spin in your life are gonna dump YOU, you are gonna dump some of THEM. It's a part of life, you will meet many women who like you more than you like them, who want more from you than you want from them, who wish to stay with you till the end of time while you don't want to stay with them till the end of time. They will feel hurt because of you...

Accept this as a part of life, there is no way around it. The only other option is swearing off all romantical contact with women. You may not have chosen that consciously, but it's kinda what you've experienced these last years, right? No sex, no relationships etc. Doesn't make you happy, does it? You can't stay stuck in this position forever...

So if you want to be happy, get with the program and be active with women. The cards will fall however they will fall with each woman you meet... You will go on dates, have one night stands, have short term relationships, have long term relationships etc. But you have to accept everything that comes with it, there's no way around certain things. Women will feel hurt because of you.


Regarding your feelings of guilt over this fact, those feelings are strongly linked to your own hurtful experiences in life. Abandonment and rejection are matters that you've been dealing with more than the average man. That's why you're more sensitive to these matters than the average man. When a woman feels hurt because of you, you recognize her feelings from your own experiences in life and feel bad about it. You need to come to terms with your own hurtfult experiences in life, put things in perspective. Once you do that for your own hurtful experiences, it will automatically translate to the hurt you see in others. Seeing a woman being disappointed because she fell in love with you while she wasn't all that for you, will start having a smaller impact on you once you come to terms with the disappointment in your OWN life.

 

[Stagger Lee]

Well it's hard not to be angry/bitter toward women and their white knight enablers even if a woman hasn't royaly screwed you over in a romantic relationship.

If men knew and acknowledged how women whether by female nature, nurture or both really think about most men, the things they say and do behind men's backs and how they work so hard to screw everything male and masculine over they'd really oppress women. It's not really oppression though when it's the only safe place to keep women. Men would repeal women's vote and every law and rule passes since the early 1900's if not earlier. There is a reason for thousands of years and most all human history females weren't allowed autonomy.

I know that's not much help, but you're not the first or last man to experience poor female behavior if there's in solace in that.

 

[logicallefty]

I know I am one bitter SOB, but working on it and getting better, or at least my friends say I am.

Still, the more I learn about women, the more I understand why our Grampas and Great Grampas kept them barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. They knew something that our blue pill counterparts have not yet figured out.

 

[Mike32ct]

this was one woman out of billions. there's an endless combination of looks and personalities among them. If you keep this attitude you're going to push away a good woman when she comes your way.

^This.

If you blame some new woman for stuff other past women may have done, you aren't being fair to her.

 

[Moonlounger]

Sounds like taking your focus off of women for a little while might be good. Take some time and finish some things you've been putting off, and develop a new interest or two.

Casually interacting with women has helped me in the past get over some bitterness. Just talking to random women I meet, all ages, no goal in mind, just a friendly conversation.

As for the whole dominating women thing, yeah it definitely seems like that sometimes, but I think the key is to live your life, be a leader with respect to women, and see which ones like following you. Sure there will be little **** tests here and there, but if she doesn't want to follow, time to move on.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Malcontent,
I agree with Die Hard on lowering your sights a bit...Really attractive Women are a lot of Maintenence and a constant worry...Sure it's great for your ego to cart them around,but is it worth it?...I am influenced by three primary factors,facial appearance,personality and body...If your Primary objective is Screwing them on a regular basis then you may be better foregoing the first,you can be more relaxed about her...In a Plate probably only the body and desire to please is enough...I have a Plate only four foot nine,cant dance with a shorty like that!..but in bed they are all the same height,this Bird is very talented and grateful she expects nothing more than a bag of Cherries a Chinese Takeout Meal and a good servicing every week,nothing will come of it but we are very happy with the arrangement!

 

[Fruitbat]

Aaa

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

My opinion, based on my own experiences.

Bitterness is a self-fulfilling loop of negative feedback, nothing else.

You're angry because you're not getting laid. You try and get laid, and you can't so it makes you angry. And being angry keeps you from getting laid, which makes you even angrier.

Consider the flip side. You're happy because you're getting laid. Which makes it easier to get laid. Which makes you happier. Which makes it even easier to get laid.

Two sides of the same coin.

You can't just flip a switch and suddenly change directions.

You have to SLOW DOWN the cycle of anger, until you're kind of neutral.

Then SLOWLY build up a positive feedback loop, starting with VERY SMALL successes, which make you feel good, which makes it easier to get better bigger successes.

See it as a small part of the laws of nature.

See being the "angry man" who repels women as learning what DOESN'T work, as part of a necessary path of education leading to the silky smooth vajayjay fun house of pleasure.

Don't try and get laid just yet. Start with happy eye contact, successful kino, kiss closes, finger bang closes, etc.

To avoid the "I-don't-want-to-hurt-their-feelings-when-they-fall-in-love" self deception, just let them know through your actions you're not looking to get married.

Your life is an experiment. Your job is to try a bunch of stuff.

The stuff that doesn't work is a clue to do less of it.

The stuff that does work is a clue to do more of it.

Now that you know what DOESN'T work, try some other stuff.

(Hint: The experiment ends when you're dead, there's no rush.)

 

[Longshot]

Re-read taiyuu_otoko's reply, especially the last five lines- golden.