"The art of seduction" perfect storm for affairs.

[ricorico]

In the past 2 years I have known or heard of 5 couples where men/woman was having an affair. It seems All of the affair people were "in love" with their new soulmates.

After reading the art of seduction I can see how the love feeling is created in an affair without even being conscious of it.

The affair partners are actually being seductive naturally.
They create friendship,Triangulation,uncertainty and push pull and pinning for more time and affection.

Had they both been single without all of this drama because they were available would they just have become the soulmates they think they are when in the affair?

Why have psychologist or relationship expersts not studied this?

Was speaking with an older guy in his 30's about affairs. He admitted he had one and broke it off . The affair went on for 2 years. He admitted shortly after the affair began he realized he had fallen in love with her.

The kicker is, 4 years BEFORE the affair began he had been dating her. They dated for 1 year when she gave him the ultimatum of getting married or she would begin dating other guys. He let her go then without thinking twice because he was not in love with her.

I asked him if he didn't think it ironic when she was available, she was just another woman he dated. But with secrets and uncertainty the affair caused unintentially he "happened" to fall in love. He actually thought about it for awhile and said it made perfect sense.

So affairs while some think may be just a situation for easy sex may actually prove destructive if they are prolonged as they do create situations which mimic "The art of seduction".

Would definately explain why my uncle left his wife and kids for a fat sow of a woman I would not be caught dead with. gave up everything for her. I think now that the fog is lifted and he sees what he ended up with he's miserable.

Most allof these affair people say "I didn't mean to fall in love, in fact I did not want to. It just happened". I think the longer the affair, the more likely they " Art of seduction" will literally force them to fall in love.

Any thoughts?

 

[MeteorMash]

I think I see what you mean

My take on it is that it is just another illusion brought on by the "grass is greener" effect.

Ahhh, yes. the grass is greener on the other side. always. I think people don't tend to want what they can't have so much as they want what they think they are not getting.

Just like your uncle, when He had the woman, he was cool, but she was just another chick to him. But after he got married, he saw this woman as different from his wife. His wife must not have been giving him something that he though he needed, which was supplied by this other woman. Since she was giving him the missing piece, in his eyes she somehow becomes a better deal than his wife. He then decides to leave his wife for this other woman, only to realize that she was actually worse. He would have been better off if he just stayed. This happens to a lot of people. They fall for the one thing they want instead of the many good things they have.

You Get what you want, but you lose what you had.

I think these guys are confusing love with infatuation. They are obsessed with whatever they are not getting at home, thus fooling themselves into thinking they are in the "wrong" relationship and falling for this new person. I'm not saying this to be 100% true, but just my theory on things

 

[ricorico]

I agree. It can be "The grass is greener" syndrome. But what i am saying is there are tons of single people also with the cheater The Other Woman or man sometimes stays for years obsessed with the cheater.

Why is that? Because cheater is actually applying rules of "Art of seduction" without realizing it.

Why would a single man or woman suddenly become obsessed with someone who is not available when there are tons of options out there way better and available?

Because the want what they cannot have. They are being supplied the adreneline rush of triangulation,uncertainty,person not being available when they want,allowing someone else to have upper hand with their time(because affair person can only be seen or called at THEIR availability) causing emotions to be anxious. which causes single person in long tern affairs much pleasure,pain,drama,uncertainty and deep feelings which according to "law of Seduction" eventually can turn to obsessive love.

this is all unconsiously done. But very interesting as it shows how "laws of Seduction" can actually work.

 

[MeteorMash]

I agree. It can be "The grass is greener" syndrome. But what i am saying is there are tons of single people also with the cheater The Other Woman or man sometimes stays for years obsessed with the cheater.

Why is that? Because cheater is actually applying rules of "Art of seduction" without realizing it.

Why would a single man or woman suddenly become obsessed with someone who is not available when there are tons of options out there way better and available?

Because the want what they cannot have. They are being supplied the adreneline rush of triangulation,uncertainty,person not being available when they want,allowing someone else to have upper hand with their time(because affair person can only be seen or called at THEIR availability) causing emotions to be anxious. which causes single person in long tern affairs much pleasure,pain,drama,uncertainty and deep feelings which according to "law of Seduction" eventually can turn to obsessive love.

this is all unconsiously done. But very interesting as it shows how "laws of Seduction" can actually work.

Yea. From the position of the other person, I can see your point

Maybe for them it is a rush of some kind. They thrill of being able to snag a person who is "unavailable" or who already has someone. All the emotions can eventually turn into obsessive love, when the person realizes that they place so much time onto this one person and ultimately wish they could have them. This is basically what the law of seduction teaches. Being unavaibable, being a challenge. I agree that the thrill of the chase is very real.

But I also think there is more than one law of seduction. Being unavailable for some is a huge turn off. I know many women who have not dropped me because they thought I had a girlfriend. I myself would never mess with a chick who was taken, no matter how hot she is. Even if i did, I would expect nothing out of it but sex.
I think the people who think logically about such things are not letting their emotions blind them and lead them. People who stay in affairs for years to me are either in it for the sex, or are so obsessed with this person that they are letting their emotions get the better of them. Attraction in general, for men and women, is not a logical process. I think this is why the laws of seduction can work so well sometime.

this doesn't mean one should think with their emotions however. The sooner people realize this, I think the better of they are in dating