Ronny_Neumonic II
Master Don Juan
I don't know whether this would be classified as advice, warning, or just telling my story. At this stage I really don't see any point in holding it back though.
I spent my early teenage years hanging with a group of about 20 guys and girls and things were going ok. I was in a boys school for nearly my entire school years, and I was just beginning to get a big interest in girls that were actualy obtainable, although I must say for kids, we had some very strict social rules, and about the worst thing I could think of was asking a girl to go out with me and having to face rejection. It was embarressing. But you know, one of the main reasons I thought this way was because I had a rep to protect, which when I think about it turns out to be a good thing for a young teen like I was.
Skip forward maybe a year and all of these girls have deserted our group. Why? Well while we stayed within the comfort zone of the group, the girls were maturing and getting out there and meeting new people. They all had new boyfriends and we'd hardly ever see them.
Skip forward another year and I had maybe 5-10 people that I would consider 'decent' friends around me. I was 14/15 at this stage and I was beginning to see solitude as a way of escaping away from all of my worries, which were mainly social.
I always liked to spend this time looking back at the years that were previous and thinking that I had it made when I first started out. I was becoming more confident, my conversational skills were improving, and I had my choice of women. Of course nothing was ever as rosey as it seems when you look back, but compared to what I was about to turn into, those early years made me look like an aspiring DJ with alpha male tendencies.
I first found this site as a link from another site called datandrelating.com, or something similar. It was 2002 and I was 16. I had actually said to myself before one year in school that I was going to make friends with this cool group of guys I knew in school that hung with loads of ladies and always went to parties and stuff. And...I did. I've been rarely motivated in my latter teenage years, but this was actually an amazing achievement for a shy guy like me.
I remember the link well. It was to the old DJ bible and when I read some of the things that some of these guys were saying about chicks I couldn't hardly help but laugh. The one that sticks in my head went something like:
"You say, sure I'd be able to live without you, but things would definitely be different...even better!"
and I honestly thought in my head "What would this geek know? I've probably had way more success with women than him, and I know to NEVER piss off a chick.." *etc*
However when I had my first REAL dose of women trouble I came running back.
Once I started to read all this info I began improving myself a lot. I had started taking medication for my acne, had hit the gym, and I could feel in my body that life was getting good. Also at this time I was totally obsessed with a chick, probably more so than I had ever been before that time. It was devastating me and I can't precisely know when it all started to happen but at some stage around march-may 2002 I stopped giving a ****. I stopped working out, I didn't care about women at all - because I would still score my fair share whenever I went out or anything, sometimes using all this DJ knowledge which I had spent hours of my life reading , but the only problem was the total lack of motivation.
I started first year in college last year and I totally blew it. I stayed in my house most days, going out the odd time - but when I did go out partying I would just get hammered and go after random girls.
I blew my first semester in college and it's only now in the second semester, that I realise that. I had no desire whatsoever to even study for my exams.
Of course this whole "don't give a fvck" attitude was really just a way to hide my MANY social phobias, and I really did give a fuk. During one of my worst months, all I ever did was play counter strike. I would wake up at about 3-4pm and go downstairs and start playing. My parents would come home from work and I'd tell them I was in college etc and would stay there playing games till about 4-5am. It wasn't like I wanted to stop either - I thought this was amazing fun, being away from anything that could possibly hurt me. I thought everyone was always looking at me thinking I was some sort of freak. I know it sounds silly but I honestly feel like I havn't been myself for nearly *2* years.
I don't really know why I'm writing this - I didn't plan on making it this long. I just wanted to post this as a kind of progress report with myself(I plan to monitor my improvements over the next few months), and also to warn all those other people using the DJ theories as a way to mask their real fears.
I look back over my teenage years andI did have some amazing times, met some amazing people - but theres a feeling inside me that I've just wasted 2 years of my life. By wasted I mean *TOTALLY* wasted, becuase in these 2 years I don't recall making even one decent change to my life.
You see posts telling you to break the comfort zone, while I stayed at home letting my comfort zone shrink more and more. So now I'm beginning to work on expanding it. If I do ever find myself beginning to curl up and die again I will seek medical help, but I can't help but feel now that a new chapter in my life has just been inked, and now it's time to start all over.
Tomorrow I'm going to go to the gym in college and kick some ass. As a matter of fact I think I've been writing this post for so long that it's time to go for a walk and sample something a bit more tangible than a glass screen, so I'm gonna grab some tunes and go for a walk.
Thank you all.
I spent my early teenage years hanging with a group of about 20 guys and girls and things were going ok. I was in a boys school for nearly my entire school years, and I was just beginning to get a big interest in girls that were actualy obtainable, although I must say for kids, we had some very strict social rules, and about the worst thing I could think of was asking a girl to go out with me and having to face rejection. It was embarressing. But you know, one of the main reasons I thought this way was because I had a rep to protect, which when I think about it turns out to be a good thing for a young teen like I was.
Skip forward maybe a year and all of these girls have deserted our group. Why? Well while we stayed within the comfort zone of the group, the girls were maturing and getting out there and meeting new people. They all had new boyfriends and we'd hardly ever see them.
Skip forward another year and I had maybe 5-10 people that I would consider 'decent' friends around me. I was 14/15 at this stage and I was beginning to see solitude as a way of escaping away from all of my worries, which were mainly social.
I always liked to spend this time looking back at the years that were previous and thinking that I had it made when I first started out. I was becoming more confident, my conversational skills were improving, and I had my choice of women. Of course nothing was ever as rosey as it seems when you look back, but compared to what I was about to turn into, those early years made me look like an aspiring DJ with alpha male tendencies.
I first found this site as a link from another site called datandrelating.com, or something similar. It was 2002 and I was 16. I had actually said to myself before one year in school that I was going to make friends with this cool group of guys I knew in school that hung with loads of ladies and always went to parties and stuff. And...I did. I've been rarely motivated in my latter teenage years, but this was actually an amazing achievement for a shy guy like me.
I remember the link well. It was to the old DJ bible and when I read some of the things that some of these guys were saying about chicks I couldn't hardly help but laugh. The one that sticks in my head went something like:
"You say, sure I'd be able to live without you, but things would definitely be different...even better!"
and I honestly thought in my head "What would this geek know? I've probably had way more success with women than him, and I know to NEVER piss off a chick.." *etc*
However when I had my first REAL dose of women trouble I came running back.
Once I started to read all this info I began improving myself a lot. I had started taking medication for my acne, had hit the gym, and I could feel in my body that life was getting good. Also at this time I was totally obsessed with a chick, probably more so than I had ever been before that time. It was devastating me and I can't precisely know when it all started to happen but at some stage around march-may 2002 I stopped giving a ****. I stopped working out, I didn't care about women at all - because I would still score my fair share whenever I went out or anything, sometimes using all this DJ knowledge which I had spent hours of my life reading , but the only problem was the total lack of motivation.
I started first year in college last year and I totally blew it. I stayed in my house most days, going out the odd time - but when I did go out partying I would just get hammered and go after random girls.
I blew my first semester in college and it's only now in the second semester, that I realise that. I had no desire whatsoever to even study for my exams.
Of course this whole "don't give a fvck" attitude was really just a way to hide my MANY social phobias, and I really did give a fuk. During one of my worst months, all I ever did was play counter strike. I would wake up at about 3-4pm and go downstairs and start playing. My parents would come home from work and I'd tell them I was in college etc and would stay there playing games till about 4-5am. It wasn't like I wanted to stop either - I thought this was amazing fun, being away from anything that could possibly hurt me. I thought everyone was always looking at me thinking I was some sort of freak. I know it sounds silly but I honestly feel like I havn't been myself for nearly *2* years.
I don't really know why I'm writing this - I didn't plan on making it this long. I just wanted to post this as a kind of progress report with myself(I plan to monitor my improvements over the next few months), and also to warn all those other people using the DJ theories as a way to mask their real fears.
I look back over my teenage years andI did have some amazing times, met some amazing people - but theres a feeling inside me that I've just wasted 2 years of my life. By wasted I mean *TOTALLY* wasted, becuase in these 2 years I don't recall making even one decent change to my life.
You see posts telling you to break the comfort zone, while I stayed at home letting my comfort zone shrink more and more. So now I'm beginning to work on expanding it. If I do ever find myself beginning to curl up and die again I will seek medical help, but I can't help but feel now that a new chapter in my life has just been inked, and now it's time to start all over.
Tomorrow I'm going to go to the gym in college and kick some ass. As a matter of fact I think I've been writing this post for so long that it's time to go for a walk and sample something a bit more tangible than a glass screen, so I'm gonna grab some tunes and go for a walk.
Thank you all.
)
