We've all been in the position where we've liked a girl who HAD A BOYFRIEND! On this site, I've seen threads like, "We seem like we'd be so perfect together, but she is STILL with her BF!!!” or "I think she likes me, but she has a BF...how can I win her?” Yes, it is possible to win a girl, and get her to dump her BF for you, hell I've done it many times, but until you become a DJ and lose the AFC thinking...you've already lost.
Throughout my years of DJ'ing, I've picked up a rule that helped me remain in control and understand women better...especially ones with BF's.
This is the 85/15% RULE...
Girls need to be 100% happy in their lives and relationship. When a girl says she's "unhappy" in her relationship, or complains about her BF, she is usually only 15% unhappy in her relationship...after all if she was REALLY unhappy, wouldn't she have dumped the JERK BF by now instead of complaining about him?
OF COURSE SHE WOULD HAVE!
Being 85% happy is still okay for the girl, but she needs to fill the void that is missing, and searches for "something" to fill it - and usually, that void is "attention". Along comes a typical AFC, and the below situation comes into play.
AFC meets this beautiful girl who he is attracted to 100% at first glance. After talking with her and being as nice as possible, he finds out HB has a boyfriend who she is unhappy with. AFC thinks, "hmmm...she says she has a BF, but she's paying attention to me! She MUST like me!!!" He figures he's a shoe-in and gives it a shot, paying her 100% as much attention as possible. "I'm better than him", the AFC thinks, and spends many hours, weeks, and yes, sometimes even months talking with this HB...after all, it's only a matter of time right?
WRONG
The HB constantly complains about her JERK BF and talks openly with her new AFC "friend" about her problems, using him as an emotional tampon, and ultimately the unsuspecting AFC becomes her "girlfriend". The poor AFC is blinded by this and pulls a reversal, figuring that the HB is now only 15% happy with her JERK BF, and 85% happy with him, her new found love; when in reality it's quite the opposite. Not in control of his emotions, the AFC thinks, "all I have to do now is touch her, but I’m afraid I’ll ruin what we have...after all, having a friendship with this HB I'm 100% in love with is better than nothing at all!!” So AFC continues on with this "girlfriends" relationship, not making a move at all, and in the end spends many sleepless nights fantasizing about how "perfect" he and the HB are together, and how it's only a matter of time before she dumps her JERK BF for him...after all he treats her well, gives her the attention she needs, and listens to her problems...
The AFC (not knowingly) has created an HB who is now 100% happy in her life/relationship...she's getting the 85% happiness from her JERK BF, and the remaining 15% from her AFC friend, or "girlfriend" as the case may be. Unfortunately, because the AFC thinks HE'S the one providing the 85% happiness, he is forced to thinking that HE is winning her over.
Well sometime down the road...the JERK BF, realising he's only providing 85% happiness, sees that his HB girlfriend is seeking the 15% elsewhere. They then discuss their problems and the JERK BF tells her he'll change (he usually doesn't), and in the mind of the HB her situation has now GREATLY improved, and low and behold, HB's happiness with her JERK BF increases from 85% to 90%, 95%, and ultimately 100%. Of course the HB, only needing 100% happiness in her life, doesn't need the 15% from the AFC, and drops the AFC's level from 15% to 10%, 5% and sadly, 0%. The HB, with guilt setting in, now realises she was using the AFC to fill her 15% void. The HB doesn't call our AFC as much anymore, the time they spend together drops, and eventually the AFC has nothing. AFC starts wondering, "I don't get it? We were getting along so well? She was 85% happy with me!!!"
What the AFC does not realise, is that he inadvertently HELPED her with her relationship, by providing the comfort, support, attention, or whatever it was that HB needed, filling her 15% void.
Typical situation, usual end result.
The AFC now turns to depression, searches the web for help, and stumbles upon an AFC website, telling him to keep pursuing her. After another 6 months of depression, he comes to sosuave.com and stumbles upon this post. AFC reads this thread and realizes what was REALLY going on, as opposed to what this HB was telling him.
In words of the great masters, "Listen to what a girl DOES, not what she SAYS!!!"
The 85/15% rule doesn't just apply to this situation...the lesson to be learned here is NEVER, EVER pay 100% attention to any one girl. Why do you think the DJ's that pay less attention to HB's always get laid?? BECAUSE THEY ARE IN CONTROL!!! They control their feelings and know when to burry them when needed.
Situations like the above one are EXTREMELY hard to turn around into relationships. Best thing to do...AVOID THEM...remember the 85/15% RULE, and recognize when you are in the situation...do you best to REMAIN IN CONTROL, and you will not get used. If she's looking for that 15%, DON'T GIVE IT TO HER!!! Let her deal with things on her own, and you'll stay out of the "friend" zone.
Nuff said?
Throughout my years of DJ'ing, I've picked up a rule that helped me remain in control and understand women better...especially ones with BF's.
This is the 85/15% RULE...
Girls need to be 100% happy in their lives and relationship. When a girl says she's "unhappy" in her relationship, or complains about her BF, she is usually only 15% unhappy in her relationship...after all if she was REALLY unhappy, wouldn't she have dumped the JERK BF by now instead of complaining about him?
OF COURSE SHE WOULD HAVE!
Being 85% happy is still okay for the girl, but she needs to fill the void that is missing, and searches for "something" to fill it - and usually, that void is "attention". Along comes a typical AFC, and the below situation comes into play.
AFC meets this beautiful girl who he is attracted to 100% at first glance. After talking with her and being as nice as possible, he finds out HB has a boyfriend who she is unhappy with. AFC thinks, "hmmm...she says she has a BF, but she's paying attention to me! She MUST like me!!!" He figures he's a shoe-in and gives it a shot, paying her 100% as much attention as possible. "I'm better than him", the AFC thinks, and spends many hours, weeks, and yes, sometimes even months talking with this HB...after all, it's only a matter of time right?
WRONG
The HB constantly complains about her JERK BF and talks openly with her new AFC "friend" about her problems, using him as an emotional tampon, and ultimately the unsuspecting AFC becomes her "girlfriend". The poor AFC is blinded by this and pulls a reversal, figuring that the HB is now only 15% happy with her JERK BF, and 85% happy with him, her new found love; when in reality it's quite the opposite. Not in control of his emotions, the AFC thinks, "all I have to do now is touch her, but I’m afraid I’ll ruin what we have...after all, having a friendship with this HB I'm 100% in love with is better than nothing at all!!” So AFC continues on with this "girlfriends" relationship, not making a move at all, and in the end spends many sleepless nights fantasizing about how "perfect" he and the HB are together, and how it's only a matter of time before she dumps her JERK BF for him...after all he treats her well, gives her the attention she needs, and listens to her problems...
The AFC (not knowingly) has created an HB who is now 100% happy in her life/relationship...she's getting the 85% happiness from her JERK BF, and the remaining 15% from her AFC friend, or "girlfriend" as the case may be. Unfortunately, because the AFC thinks HE'S the one providing the 85% happiness, he is forced to thinking that HE is winning her over.
Well sometime down the road...the JERK BF, realising he's only providing 85% happiness, sees that his HB girlfriend is seeking the 15% elsewhere. They then discuss their problems and the JERK BF tells her he'll change (he usually doesn't), and in the mind of the HB her situation has now GREATLY improved, and low and behold, HB's happiness with her JERK BF increases from 85% to 90%, 95%, and ultimately 100%. Of course the HB, only needing 100% happiness in her life, doesn't need the 15% from the AFC, and drops the AFC's level from 15% to 10%, 5% and sadly, 0%. The HB, with guilt setting in, now realises she was using the AFC to fill her 15% void. The HB doesn't call our AFC as much anymore, the time they spend together drops, and eventually the AFC has nothing. AFC starts wondering, "I don't get it? We were getting along so well? She was 85% happy with me!!!"
What the AFC does not realise, is that he inadvertently HELPED her with her relationship, by providing the comfort, support, attention, or whatever it was that HB needed, filling her 15% void.
Typical situation, usual end result.
The AFC now turns to depression, searches the web for help, and stumbles upon an AFC website, telling him to keep pursuing her. After another 6 months of depression, he comes to sosuave.com and stumbles upon this post. AFC reads this thread and realizes what was REALLY going on, as opposed to what this HB was telling him.
In words of the great masters, "Listen to what a girl DOES, not what she SAYS!!!"
The 85/15% rule doesn't just apply to this situation...the lesson to be learned here is NEVER, EVER pay 100% attention to any one girl. Why do you think the DJ's that pay less attention to HB's always get laid?? BECAUSE THEY ARE IN CONTROL!!! They control their feelings and know when to burry them when needed.
Situations like the above one are EXTREMELY hard to turn around into relationships. Best thing to do...AVOID THEM...remember the 85/15% RULE, and recognize when you are in the situation...do you best to REMAIN IN CONTROL, and you will not get used. If she's looking for that 15%, DON'T GIVE IT TO HER!!! Let her deal with things on her own, and you'll stay out of the "friend" zone.
Nuff said?
