The 1 woman I dont mind waking up with

[Strctlypltnc]

I'm gonna throw this out there and let you guys analyze this . My Best-Friend is an 11. I mean seriously she's frigin amazing to look at (like this is a bad thing) Guys drool over her constantly.
For some reason on those rare occasions (she just finally let the last idiot go after going without a B/F for 4 yrs.) when she does date she dates and hangs on to the biggest losers you could imagine and sleeps with them. An its not like she's got nothin but looks , shes smart,funny, owns her own business all of that. Her excuse is its all about the penis.
So heres my dilema:
A) She'll curl up in my bed and sleep with me and (were both buck nekkid.) Yet NO coochie for me .
B) she'll primp me all the time to the point of jumping in the shower with me to wash my back. telling me stuff like how do i expect to get laid with blackheads on my back or shaggy eyebrows etc. etc. (again None for me )
C) Every week she does my grocery shoppin right down to clipping the damn coupons.Its scary guys it costs me like 30 bucks a week to fill my fridge ?
D) I let it slip once to her mom that I was never baptised (Mom n Pops are pretty religous shes not) Mom says " How do you expect to be a member of this family if youve never been baptised) That one weirded me out some
E) Her sister makes it a point to corner me @ Thanksgiving to tell me how her sister loves me dearly................................
And the list goes on:
I've laid it out there more than once " Why dont we just hook up and get it over with. The only legitimate excuse she ever gave me was that I'm still married (Only in the eyes of god and the great state of new jersey tho) Any other time its some off the wall crap like " Itd be like my Dad leavin my Mom for my aunt?" You see her and my ex used to be really good friends yet since I've been seperated My ex hasnt spoken a word to her in a yr and a 1/2 she even accused her of having an affair with me thats why I threw her out. Her mother has taken to reading me those little DIVORCE ONLY 99 DOLLAR ads in the paper. So I can safely assume theres some pressure comin from her home front. Now me personally never had the chance to be single. So now that I am and 35 I'm kinda digging it . Yet I keep getting this nagging feeling that If I dont pursue this more seriously I'm gonna blow a good thing. I do love this woman madly shes great I've never been more comfortable with anyone and I'm sure cracking the friend zone thing isnt gonna be easy. We've been friends for yrs.

 

[DJDamage]

Its either you are not making any moves or that she likes her arrangements with you and prefer this bizzare room mate situation?!

By the way what kind of an arrangement is this that she sleeps in the same bed as you? does she live with you? why if she is not your girlfriend does she live with you??! and why are you two sleeping together nude??!! If you are not getting a hardon then there is definatly something wrong with you and wrong with her to sleep with you naked, and then she jumps into the shower with you??!!! what is that all about??!!!

Something is not kosher about this relationship I don't care how close of a "friend" you are, if you are not fvcking her then you should have boundries with her instead of her controlling your life and have her act out different roles like she is a friend, sister, mother but not a lover.

Stay away from her until she gets an offcial divorce because she might be using you somehow. If you were gay I could understand this arrangement but since you are not, then there is something fishy going on.

 

[DJDamage]

There was an episode of Seinfeld about this I just recalled, I think he refered to that guy as THE DUDE.

Jerry goes to pick up his date at her apartment and a guy answers the door and he gets flustered and he asks for his date and the guy goes " yeah sure you must be Jerry she will be right out"

On the Date Jerry asks her: So this guy is he your brother or cousin?
and she says no. and then he asks her if he is gay and she says no with a smile.
Then Jerry turns to himself and says quietly: This is a new one.

Then Jerry comes to pick her at her apartment on another date and she opens the door for him wearing nothing but a towel.

She tells him: "Sorry I am running a little bit late I will be ready soon" and she heads to her bedroom.

Then we see the Dude walks by towards the bedroom as well from the shower wearing nothing but a towel around his waist with a beer in his hand and says all happy " HEY JERRY WHATS GOING ON?!!!

and Jerry replies: "I have absouletly no idea."

 

[sapphire]

Yes I agree with the above assessment. Either she is the biggest c0ck tease, doesn't picture you other than a girlie friend and is therefore not physically attracted to you or both. Yet, as you say she is fycking other guys you refer to as "losers".

I would sit down and seriously reassess your relationship with your supposed 11 before you get in too deep and really get screwed by her and I don't mean literally.

 

[NewMan]

**
My Best-Friend is an 11. I mean seriously she's frigin amazing to look at (like this is a bad thing) Guys drool over her constantly.
**

That's your problem right there. You've put her on a pedastool.


****
hangs on to the biggest losers you could imagine and sleeps with them

A) She'll curl up in my bed and sleep with me and (were both buck nekkid.) Yet NO coochie for me .
*****

Who are the losers here again?

Perhaps you should redefine that.

There should never be a situation where a girl is sleeping naked in your bed and you don't make a move on them - unless they are related to you.

I'll say it again.

UNLESS THEY ARE RELATED TO YOU.


You are acting like her brother or so it seems.

Cut out the brotherly activities.

Cut out the motherly activities (grocery shopping for you - PLEASE).

That's of course unless you like the present situation.

 

[Squid]

You shower together? this is really wierd imo, seriously, shower together? and nothing happens? I absolutely cannot believe that you had a hot woman in the shower with you and you tried nothing? Dude, you need to take charge of the situation, don't ask her, next time she gets in the shower with you lay one on her, make your move, don't ask, do it. If she tells you to stop then let the talking begin.

It's been my experience that women like a man who takes charge, not one who asks "why aren't we together?"

 

[Strctlypltnc]

I'll be the first one to admit its weird. But let me emphasize a few things first. This is not someone that I've been friends with for a short amount of time. We've been friends for the better part of 15 yrs. fellas. Business partners, drinkin buddies you name it. I know the skeletons buried behind the skeletons in this chics closet and likewise.
Hence my reluctance to pounce, one day her father needs a hand doin some work on his house , I go over help the guy out ,he offers up dinner to ante-up. I'm scuzzy I need a shower beforehand and the next thing i know shes in there scrubbin my back ?????
Now I date 3 other women quite religously and she knows this. So please dont assume I'm being manipulated or controlled here. No we dont live together either we both have our own places so dont assume I'm playing house with this woman.Nor is she the type to sit around and dump her emotional baggage on me or anyone else for that matter.
I'm not dealing with some college girl here I've seen this woman take whatever. Shes quite successful at what she does and quite shrewd when it comes to her business so I cant really envision her wasting her time gaming me of all people. Especially when after all this time she knows all she really needs to do is ask.

 

[NewMan]

What are you doing here? I don't get it.

You dig this girl but you have not made a move on her.

As far as I can see she is getting away with murder here.

She acts like your GF. She may as well be labelled as it - except for the fact that your not fvcking her.

I don't know what her incentive is here to be with you - considering you'll do pretty much anything for her and her family.

And then again, she done everything except explicity tell you "Fvck me big boy".

I don't think you could have got many more signals here.

Do you want to live the rest of your life thinking about "what if's" with this chick? because that's what is going to happen.

If you want this chick your going to have to make a play for her. I would not worry about losing her as a friend, because you've known her for a long time. So the worse thing that will happen is that she will turn you down and tell you "I couldn't - I think of you like a brother".

The best thing?

Your banging this hottie on a regular basis.

What do you really have to lose here?

 

[Desdinova]

I'll tell you exactly what's happening here. She's using you to fill the position of "stable relationship guy". She's using other guys to fill her sexual needs. She's just putting pieces together instead of getting one guy to fill all of them.

You have a few choices here.

1) Continue to fulfill her need for a stable relationship
2) Ditch her
3) Work on fulfilling her sexual needs too

Option #3 is difficult since its easier to start a sexual relationship before starting a stable relationship. The whole "you're still married" thing is an excuse to prevent herself from being sexually involved with you.

Also by trying to fulfill her sexual needs, you'll run the risk of getting one-itis (if you don't already have it).

I'm guessing she's quite content having you as "stable relationship guy" since Social Proof isn't doing a damn thing. If you wanna get her jealous, tell her you need to spend more time with (insert girls name) or mention that this other chick already washed your back / did your shopping / sleeping in your bed.

I guarantee she'll be upset that some other chick is moving in on her "territory".

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Sweet Jesus, 35 years old and you need help figuring this situation out? I've posted this response to guys before but reading your initial post hurt my eyes so much that I'll post it again:

OK, you are a textbook example of a 'surrogate boyfriend', a guy who fullfills the role & resonsibilities of a boyfriend with absolutely no reciprocation of intimacy on her part in exchange for them. It is the ideal situation for a woman. All the benefits and security of a reliable, loyal, sensitive and stable relationship with none of the requisite intimacy expectations. It's an analagous situation to a guy with a fvckbuddy. Total sexual gratification with none of the security responsibilities required of a true relationship.

The question you need to be answering for yourself isnt why she wont become intimate with you, but why SHOULD she become intimate with you? She has everything a woman wants from a good relationship without having to be intimate with you to get it in return. For Christ sake, you'll spoon with her naked without it even occuring to her that you'll do it unconditionally?!

You've stated several times that you've been friends for years, that's the problem, that's why you will NEVER fvck this woman or have anything close to what you think is a legitimate relationship with her. You actually think she is your 'friend'.

Originally posted by Strctlypltnc
Any other time its some off the wall crap like " Itd be like my Dad leavin my Mom for my aunt?"

So basically she considers the thought of sex with you to be synonymous with incest.

You are planning to divorce your wife, why? Is it because you're too much of a simp to be a man with her or is it because of your 'surrogate boyfriend' obsession with your "best friend" has gone on "for years?" If you're getting divorced, do it, pull a trigger man, but stop lying to yourself about this other woman. And that I think is your greater problem, yourself. What you've described here is a common response women have when taking advantage of a 'surrogate', I've responded to this many times in different version in the past. It's nothing new, enough women will only too happily take advantage of older AFCs like you in exactly the same way guys will take on a booty call. It's what each gender will naturally do when presented with unlimited and unconditional access to our primary impulses (i.e. sex for guys, security for women) without any expectation of reciprocation. She's only doing what any other woman would. The problem is with YOUR willingness to give it to her while simultaneously devaluing your own marriage and/or, negating that, limiting your potential to have even the desre to seek out women who will respond to you as an adult, mature man.

Your last point was the correct one. Yes, you should cut off all contact with this woman and cease to be her surrogate. And I mean ALL contact with her, no 'best friend' self-delusional bullsh!t "how ya doin'" phone calls or IMs or any contact with her family - who BTW are also playing into your 'surrogate' role with her. Be a man for once in your life. You stated also that you thought you needed to be truly independent for a while after your marriage; YESSSSS!!! Stop it with this serial monogamy lie you've swallowed for half your life. Put off women for once and put yourself as your first priority, for God sake. And when you are comfortable being number one in your life then 'date' as many women at the same time as you can for a long while (like until you're 40).

Whatever you do, DO NOT contiue with this woman. Any woman that would play you to this degree for as long as she has isn't going to be your wife.

 

[Desdinova]

Rollo, you've definately got a better way with words than I do.

It's an analagous situation to a guy with a fvckbuddy.

Excellent way to describe it!

 

[dietzcoi]

Somebody call Jerry Springer!

Do you happen to live in a trailer?

Either this is the best lie I have ever heard, or we are dealing with some seriously messed up people here

Guys: Learn from this. These types of whacko women are out there.. you want to be lured into this type of situation?

Be careful out there!

Dietzcoi

 

[Alpine]

Personally I just use her as bait.

But at 35 you should know what's good for you. Grab your balls and go for it understanding that you might end up hating each other forever.