Text Message Critiquing

backseatjuan

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Look up on youtube interviewer vibe ams.

You doing good, interest is there, that means you hot. You call her, chit chat, get her out, escalate and fck. Then don’t be like my natural alpha male friend and fall for constant fcking and relationship bullsht, it’s disgusting. Onto next one.

Yea man, texting is for logistics, phhone is for emotional connection.
 

SH03C

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"Perhaps come down to pittsburgh for drinks?" Let's dissect this line. It's a very important turning point in the conversation because you were trying to escalate. You were willing to risk it all.

I think your mistake was you didn't show her why you were interested. This shows her you have no standards and are needy/desperate.

I would say the single most important factor when it comes to online game (or even real life game) is showing appreciation for a woman's unique self. This is how you come across as genuinely interested in her and not desperate/needy for any random woman.

In order to express to her that I am genuinely interested in her, I usually escalate by combining the word "sexy" with a unique quality she is expressing to me. In your case, she expressed her passion for animals. This is perfect. You can use her unique quality to justify being interested in her.

Genuine interest = "Not just are you sexy, but I love your passion for animals. Let's hang out sometime."

Needy/Desperate interest = "I like you because you are sexy." There's millions of sexy women out there. This is low value qualification. Or "Let's hang out for some drinks." Why? There's plenty of girls out there. Why her?

It's like being a CEO of a company and saying "You know what. I like you because you are human. You are hired!" If this happened to you, you would not value the job.

The strange way that attraction works, the woman has to feel like she earned your interest in order for her to place a value judgement on you.
Excellent analysis here. Great points!

I hope this can add some conversational value to everyone reading through this thread
 

marmel75

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Again, some insight into what I should have said or how to change topics..
Way too much talking...you never asked her out. You are wasting time.
 

SH03C

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Way too much talking...you never asked her out. You are wasting time.
Agree on the length, a bit too long. I did make an attempt for the meetup though.. it's in there somewhere
 

marmel75

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Agree on the length, a bit too long. I did make an attempt for the meetup though.. it's in there somewhere
That was a kind of wishy washy way to ask for a date and then when she sort of agreed you just kept going on a different track instead of setting up the date. Stay on focus your focus in these interactions should be to get the date first then if you feel the need to do other stuff, do other stuff.

"Would you be down to grab a drink sometime and talk more in person?" Its either yes or no. Then:

"What's your schedule look like this week?"

They will likely give you a list of days they are free and you choose the one that worka best for you.

"OK, lets meet at Bar Louie at 7pm on Thursday"

She will say some form of "sound good" and then you can go off topic if you want.

But gotta stay on topic with the date until its set otherwise you come off looking a little weak in her eyes IMHO.

Its OK, you will learn, everyone went through this to some degree or another.
 

SH03C

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That was a kind of wishy washy way to ask for a date and then when she sort of agreed you just kept going on a different track instead of setting up the date. Stay on focus your focus in these interactions should be to get the date first then if you feel the need to do other stuff, do other stuff.

"Would you be down to grab a drink sometime and talk more in person?" Its either yes or no. Then:

"What's your schedule look like this week?"

They will likely give you a list of days they are free and you choose the one that worka best for you.

"OK, lets meet at Bar Louie at 7pm on Thursday"

She will say some form of "sound good" and then you can go off topic if you want.

But gotta stay on topic with the date until its set otherwise you come off looking a little weak in her eyes IMHO.

Its OK, you will learn, everyone went through this to some degree or another.
Thanks man, that's very helpful.. I'm gonna take note of this
 

SH03C

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Haven't finished reading but this is a great thread.

Good thing you're willing to put yourself out there and get feedback, OP.

To add to Spaz's suggestion for finding groups you can join: try meetup.com. There's tons of groups in your area you can search on there. Yoga groups, work meetups, health stuff, pickup soccer, etc etc.. Easy way to meet people.
Checked out that website you mentioned, meetup.com. I'd recommend this also, there's a lot of different things happening here daily..
 

SH03C

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Follow-up to @oldmanofthesea and @Shrubber101 ‘s advice.

Below is a convo from this afternoon with a girl I met through OLD last week. I moved fairly quick with this one getting her number in about 10 messages and then arranging a possible meetup for Sunday. When Sunday came around we didn’t reach out to one another, no biggie.

Point of this follow-up though is I wanted to apply the methods that you both had mentioned. How do you believe this looks? What might you have said?

Thanks guys! DC6B6275-5C14-4B1F-929A-030A15A52314.png
 

oldmanofthesea

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You are learning. There are a few key things to grasp when it comes to this stuff. It shouldn't be so complicated but it is. Once you learn the basics, it'll be easy.

When you set the place, you must also set the time. Don't ask her what works for her. Set the time. Lead the interaction. If she doesn't like the time, she can counter. It's up to you on whether to accept the counter but know in some cases, women will use this as a test of your strength. They will try to change times and venues on you to see if you have the balls to stand up to them and be willing to walk away if needed. This is one way some women test your neediness. A needy guy will always accept any counteroffer, be it time or place. A busy guy with lots of female options won't be so flexible because he is busy and simply doesn't have to!

Next mistake was allowing her to make the date tentative by saying she will "know what time she's free later." 80% of the time a girl does this, it will result in a flake. You are a busy successful guy and can't wait around for days to see if this girl can figure out when she will be able to meet. You aren't going to lock up you entire evening hoping she is free at some point. Any time a girl says any form of "I'll let you know," your response is always, "I'd love to meet you but I am busy and can't keep my schedule open. If you can't commit to a specific time now, just get back to me when you know your schedule becomes clear and we can try again then." You take the offer away. This demonstrates further value on your side and usually increases her interest accordingly. If she complains, just politely explain to her that you have friends and other things you would like to do that evening and can't put them all on hold while you wait for her to figure out when she's available. If she doesn't accept that, you ghost her because she has disqualified herself as a good prospect for you.

Also, generally when girls say, "I'll know what time I will be free later" or "let me get back to you", they are either trying to let you down gently and hope you just go away when they don't get back to you, or they are going to spend their week talking to as many more guys as they can and will select the best one to finally commit to at the end of the week. Can't really blame them for this but from your perspective, it's lame for a girl to expect you to just wait and see and hope. F-that. There are real world scenarios where a woman truly won't know exactly when she is free, but there is no reason she can't pick a time to commit to, even if it's later than planned, to ensure she will be free by then, or suggests another day/time that definitely is free. Think about it: could you offer that same thing to someone else? Of course you could. So why can't she?

Next mistake was the follow-up text. Ball was in her court before you sent that follow-up text. You wait to hear from her or she doesn't ever hear from you again.
 

SH03C

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You are learning. There are a few key things to grasp when it comes to this stuff. It shouldn't be so complicated but it is. Once you learn the basics, it'll be easy.

When you set the place, you must also set the time. Don't ask her what works for her. Set the time. Lead the interaction. If she doesn't like the time, she can counter. It's up to you on whether to accept the counter but know in some cases, women will use this as a test of your strength. They will try to change times and venues on you to see if you have the balls to stand up to them and be willing to walk away if needed. This is one way some women test your neediness. A needy guy will always accept any counteroffer, be it time or place. A busy guy with lots of female options won't be so flexible because he is busy and simply doesn't have to!

Next mistake was allowing her to make the date tentative by saying she will "know what time she's free later." 80% of the time a girl does this, it will result in a flake. You are a busy successful guy and can't wait around for days to see if this girl can figure out when she will be able to meet. You aren't going to lock up you entire evening hoping she is free at some point. Any time a girl says any form of "I'll let you know," your response is always, "I'd love to meet you but I am busy and can't keep my schedule open. If you can't commit to a specific time now, just get back to me when you know your schedule becomes clear and we can try again then." You take the offer away. This demonstrates further value on your side and usually increases her interest accordingly. If she complains, just politely explain to her that you have friends and other things you would like to do that evening and can't put them all on hold while you wait for her to figure out when she's available. If she doesn't accept that, you ghost her because she has disqualified herself as a good prospect for you.

Also, generally when girls say, "I'll know what time I will be free later" or "let me get back to you", they are either trying to let you down gently and hope you just go away when they don't get back to you, or they are going to spend their week talking to as many more guys as they can and will select the best one to finally commit to at the end of the week. Can't really blame them for this but from your perspective, it's lame for a girl to expect you to just wait and see and hope. F-that. There are real world scenarios where a woman truly won't know exactly when she is free, but there is no reason she can't pick a time to commit to, even if it's later than planned, to ensure she will be free by then, or suggests another day/time that definitely is free. Think about it: could you offer that same thing to someone else? Of course you could. So why can't she?

Next mistake was the follow-up text. Ball was in her court before you sent that follow-up text. You wait to hear from her or she doesn't ever hear from you again.
Spoken like a true master of the art. Much appreciated!
 

oldmanofthesea

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Good job. Love the way you framed it and teased her, that you were making the decision on whether she was normal/worthy or not. Most guys are afraid to take that risk for fear of losing the girl, and that conveys neediness. You did great.
 

Mazer

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You should have asked the first girl for her number, too much chit chat. I don’t believe in building rapport with messaging either. She ignored your offer to meet up. I would have ignored and let her double message you. Sounds like her interest isn’t high enough. You want someone with high interest from thh get-go. I would just Next.
 

Skyline

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Pretty good, a lot better than most guys when it comes to messaging.

I still stress the importance of text game in todays modern age.

Getting her off the platform is my number 1 goal when I talk to a new online girl. I do this by doing what you were doing, just talking like a normal person. But every guy is going straight for the number/snapchat grab..

You have to throw in some compliments about her personality/interest. Someone else already pointed this out but bringing up that she seems like the compassionate type is pretty big.

Being able to casually throw in these subtle comments/flirts is massive.

If the conversation is flowing well, grab her number/snapchat. You’re already doing what 95% of the guys on online dating don’t do. Look at some of the replies in this thread for example.

Keep it up dude, you’re already ahead of a lot of people.
 
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