Tension: How to keep woman in an LTR?

[jhonny9546]

From minute 13:00 of this video

this guy talks about how a woman's emotional involvement keeps her in an LTR. Of course, it is not just that.

I can somehow confirm that my sister, who always talks with me about her life, had an infatuation with a handsome man while she is in an LTR with another man.
They only saw each other 4 or 5 times, and my sister acknowledged that this guy, despite being very handsome, was not right for her. She told me he gave the impression of being insecure and immature. She then told me about how the guy in the LTR makes her feel different even though his behavior is a bit passive. She feels secure with him, and see it more as a father.

I also know many other couples where the man doesn't seem attractive to the woman, but she is very attached to him. In these cases, the woman experiences highs and lows, as discussed in the video; it seems that this man is good at keeping her in a "limbo." I have also observed couples in an LTR who frequently fight, while others don't fight at all. This is very strange.

Now, what is your opinion on this?
How do you understand and recognize the specific kind of "emotional void" a specific woman has?
How do you decide if you need or not a strategy that could work with her to keep her emotionally involved in an LTR?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

The person who needs the other person more is generally submissive in the relationship. That's why the ability to walk away makes a person more attractive. And if you have a genuine IDGAF attitude, you can easily bind other people to you without emotionally investing too much in the relationship.

 

[Scaramouche]

From minute 13:00 of this video

this guy talks about how a woman's emotional involvement keeps her in an LTR. Of course, it is not just that.

I can somehow confirm that my sister, who always talks with me about her life, had an infatuation with a handsome man while she is in an LTR with another man.
They only saw each other 4 or 5 times, and my sister acknowledged that this guy, despite being very handsome, was not right for her. She told me he gave the impression of being insecure and immature. She then told me about how the guy in the LTR makes her feel different even though his behavior is a bit passive. She feels secure with him, and see it more as a father.

I also know many other couples where the man doesn't seem attractive to the woman, but she is very attached to him. In these cases, the woman experiences highs and lows, as discussed in the video; it seems that this man is good at keeping her in a "limbo." I have also observed couples in an LTR who frequently fight, while others don't fight at all. This is very strange.

Now, what is your opinion on this?
How do you understand and recognize the specific kind of "emotional void" a specific woman has?
How do you decide if you need or not a strategy that could work with her to keep her emotionally involved in an LTR?

Hi Johny,
You want to keep them hanging around?then paradoxically the best thing is to not see too much of them,three or four times a week max...On no account do you move in with them,unless you want marriage,children,a mortgage and the whole disaster....The Days you aren't with her,you use for your personality enhancing Social and hobby interests which to ensure an exit lane must include a few Plates,as inevitably she will use svexual leverage to ensnare you!and using your option B's will help weather the Storm,like the Tide they always come back!

 

[jhonny9546]

It's easy when you're not "living togheter".
How do you apply this when living togheter in the same house, and maybe,working on the same job at your own company?
This sounds really hard?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

How do you apply this when living togheter in the same house, and maybe,working on the same job at your own company?

Keep your private life private. Don't let the skeletons out of your closet.
Be interesting enough for other women to be desirable, so she feels like she might lose you if she screws up.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

It's easy when you're not "living togheter".
How do you apply this when living togheter in the same house, and maybe,working on the same job at your own company?
This sounds really hard?

Go out alone and flirt with other women.

 

[logicallefty]

Unfortunately, it is true. Tension is required to sustain a LTR. I learned this many years ago, but unfortunately it took me years after that before I started practicing it appropriately. With my current GF, I honestly think that interest level wise we are close to the same. But whenever she gets cranky, I simply say "Seems like you are having a crappy day, would you like me to leave?/me not to come over?/to cancel our plans tonight?", etc. She has even said "Wow, you give up on me so easily". I say "No, I just don't want to be in your way and want to give you the space you need to sort out whatever is going on". After this happens, the crankyness almost always stops and she is more affectionate. Showing them you can and will walk away is GOLDEN. It's one of the most powerful things you can do IMO.

 

[Manure Spherian]

From minute 13:00 of this video

this guy talks about how a woman's emotional involvement keeps her in an LTR. Of course, it is not just that.

I can somehow confirm that my sister, who always talks with me about her life, had an infatuation with a handsome man while she is in an LTR with another man.
They only saw each other 4 or 5 times, and my sister acknowledged that this guy, despite being very handsome, was not right for her. She told me he gave the impression of being insecure and immature. She then told me about how the guy in the LTR makes her feel different even though his behavior is a bit passive. She feels secure with him, and see it more as a father.

I also know many other couples where the man doesn't seem attractive to the woman, but she is very attached to him. In these cases, the woman experiences highs and lows, as discussed in the video; it seems that this man is good at keeping her in a "limbo." I have also observed couples in an LTR who frequently fight, while others don't fight at all. This is very strange.

Now, what is your opinion on this?
How do you understand and recognize the specific kind of "emotional void" a specific woman has?
How do you decide if you need or not a strategy that could work with her to keep her emotionally involved in an LTR?

This guy is unbearable. After listening to a few of his videos, I wonder why he wants anything to do with women at all.

From minute 13:00 of this video

this guy talks about how a woman's emotional involvement keeps her in an LTR. Of course, it is not just that.

I can somehow confirm that my sister, who always talks with me about her life, had an infatuation with a handsome man while she is in an LTR with another man.
They only saw each other 4 or 5 times, and my sister acknowledged that this guy, despite being very handsome, was not right for her. She told me he gave the impression of being insecure and immature. She then told me about how the guy in the LTR makes her feel different even though his behavior is a bit passive. She feels secure with him, and see it more as a father.

I also know many other couples where the man doesn't seem attractive to the woman, but she is very attached to him. In these cases, the woman experiences highs and lows, as discussed in the video; it seems that this man is good at keeping her in a "limbo." I have also observed couples in an LTR who frequently fight, while others don't fight at all. This is very strange.

Now, what is your opinion on this?
How do you understand and recognize the specific kind of "emotional void" a specific woman has?
How do you decide if you need or not a strategy that could work with her to keep her emotionally involved in an LTR?

What’s the point of an LTR with no family formation? Do you want an LTR?

 

[BeExcellent]

Unfortunately, it is true. Tension is required to sustain a LTR. I learned this many years ago, but unfortunately it took me years after that before I started practicing it appropriately. With my current GF, I honestly think that interest level wise we are close to the same. But whenever she gets cranky, I simply say "Seems like you are having a crappy day, would you like me to leave?/me not to come over?/to cancel our plans tonight?", etc. She has even said "Wow, you give up on me so easily". I say "No, I just don't want to be in your way and want to give you the space you need to sort out whatever is going on". After this happens, the crankyness almost always stops and she is more affectionate. Showing them you can and will walk away is GOLDEN. It's one of the most powerful things you can do IMO.

I do this with my husband too if he's on about something and cranky. Works like a charm.

 

[member162951]

I do this with my husband too if he's on about something and cranky. Works like a charm.

Hi @BeExcellent just out of curiosity does it work on you too, when HE plays it on you?

Assuming he does of course.

Also, there is another thread running on women being turned on by "emotional" men, the last couple of pages specifically as it's an old thread.

I'm curious to know your thoughts, thanks!

 

[BaronOfHair]

I can somehow confirm that my sister, who always talks with me about her life, had an infatuation with a handsome man while she is in an LTR with another man.
They only saw each other 4 or 5 times, and my sister acknowledged that this guy, despite being very handsome, was not right for her. She told me he gave the impression of being insecure and immature. She then told me about how the guy in the LTR makes her feel different even though his behavior is a bit passive. She feels secure with him, and see it more as a father.

No disrespect intended, nonetheless it sounds like your sis might have Daddy issues. More so than the typical woman

 

[jhonny9546]

Unfortunately, it is true. Tension is required to sustain a LTR. I learned this many years ago, but unfortunately it took me years after that before I started practicing it appropriately. With my current GF, I honestly think that interest level wise we are close to the same. But whenever she gets cranky, I simply say "Seems like you are having a crappy day, would you like me to leave?/me not to come over?/to cancel our plans tonight?", etc. She has even said "Wow, you give up on me so easily". I say "No, I just don't want to be in your way and want to give you the space you need to sort out whatever is going on". After this happens, the crankyness almost always stops and she is more affectionate. Showing them you can and will walk away is GOLDEN. It's one of the most powerful things you can do IMO.

Principle of being indifferent? (But telling her or not?)

 

[BeExcellent]

Hi @BeExcellent just out of curiosity does it work on you too, when HE plays it on you?

Assuming he does of course.

Also, there is another thread running on women being turned on by "emotional" men, the last couple of pages specifically as it's an old thread.

I'm curious to know your thoughts, thanks!

Not really. But I'm more "chill" than he is. He will get fired up over traffic or work or all sorts of things. Sometimes he gets fired up at me if he thinks I should have done something differently.

I learned a long time ago not to get upset about things I cannot control. I don't waste emotional bandwidth on stupid stuff. He does at times. I do not allow him to draw me into the drama he creates (and he can be a drama king)....if he throws a grenade into the relationship and then gets mad & storms off when I react to the grenade, I wait, let him get calmed down so he can listen, and then I'll succintly discuss it, even if it's unpleasant.

He's the more hot headed one, I'm the more relaxed one.

 

[member162951]

But I'm more "chill" than he is. He will get fired up over traffic or work or all sorts of things. Sometimes he gets fired up at me if he thinks I should have done something differently.

So basically HE is the more emotional person in the relationship and you're the calm, cool and collected one.

That's so interesting! I'm wondering, how does that impact your attraction to him? There is another thread running about this.

Anyway, thank you for responding, I appreciate it!

 

[BeExcellent]

So basically HE is the more emotional person in the relationship and you're the calm, cool and collected one.

That's so interesting! I'm wondering, how does that impact your attraction to him? There is another thread running about this.

It's sort of like a role reversal given that women are typically more emotional and men are (or advised to be) the cool calm ones.

Anyway, thank you for responding, I appreciate it!

He is not necessarily the "more" emotional one. He is a passionate person (which I like) but he is less socially attenuated than I am. That's all.

These things are not binary and relationships occur between unique individuals who may or may not conform to a set of beliefs rooted in generalizations.

Nuance. Generalized beliefs do not account for individual variation and nuance, but that is where relationships form and either flourish or fail.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Tension is one thing, but if you can do the opposite for women it can also make you irreplaceable (I have exes who told me that they didn't miss me, but they did miss my hands on their body). If you can make a woman feel what she hasn't felt with other men, she'll be bound to you tighter than a wedding band.