Temper problems

[backbreaker]

I have always been what you would call competitive.... but over the last 2 or so months, I've taken it to an entirely new level.

I dont' know if I would call it "high strung" or "ultra competitiveness"... I don't like to loose. Better yet.. I don't loose. At anything. Loosing isn't even an option. And when an opprotunity presents itself where I could... not win, I go AWOL. I recently broke a glass window in my new house becuase I made a bad decision on a horse race. To make matters worse, I threw the LCD screen threw the window. I had a girl ask me about a computer problem, and I guess she didn't get the answer she thought she should get, and said she will ask around to some other computer guys about it... I am THE computer guy... I had a computer Company for crying out loud. Needless to say I let her have it (however, it never fails, I always get laid when I get mad)

I know getting mad doesn't help anything, but at times it's just so damn soothing to break something. Anything.

I am going to take up some type of contact sport again, to get out some of the damn agression... but it's coming from somewhere. I think I am just that damn passionate about whatever it is I am doing. But throwing pc screens though windows is not a very desirable trait.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

So tell us why you are feeling the need to prove yourself?

 

[backbreaker]

come again?

I've just been on edge more than usual the last couple of months. Forget what I said about the chick, she can kiss my ass... but just in general I have been going off on people when I am usually a "i'm not going to argue with you, event hough I know I am right" type of person.

Perfect example. My grandmom is in ICU (my mom's mom) and in all honestly, it's not looking too good.. not horribly bad, but not great.

Anyone who has ready any of my post know how I feel about that entire side of my family. Don't even get me started on that.

So I find out what's going on the other day from my mom. That was Monday. She called me tuesday and asked me have I went to go see her, I said no. Same thing wednesday. Same thing thursday.. so I can tell my mom has a problem, so I ask her, is there anything she wishes to tell me. So she tells me i am being an ******* for not going to see my grandmom. me being an ******* , when I told her point blank 3 or so years ago that after she kicked me out the house, when I had no place to go because i made her BF at the time mad, (after he chased me down with a kitchen knife and threated to kill me... becuase he thought I locked him out of the house), and for always cursing me out when I wouldn't give them any money (see above), and just not giving too much of a damn about me in general, that in all honestly, I don't give a **** what she does from here on out.. I'm done with them all.

Usually I just let my mom be my mom, I have my viewpoints, i'm not budging, at leat until someone sits down and we have a long heart to heart talk about why things are the way they are.

But last night I let her have it. To the point where she was speachless. I told her I frankly dont' give a **** if she dies or not, what the **** have anyone of of you done for me in the last 5 years? I said some other things that I won't post.. but I let her have it.. now, all of this is stuff I don't resent saying, because i do feel it deep inside, but i let her have it pretty good. and even though I don't like my mom, I don't love my mom.. I do respect my mom, she is my mother and yonly get one.. I just keep my emotional distance from her. I don't lash out like i did. I let her be her, and stay away.

Another example, one of my two best friends has basically become a lazy bum. He is 6 months older than me, no job, has past due bills, etc, etc.. basically living off of my other best friend. And I told him, in so many words, he needs to get his lazy ass in gear and make something of himself before life passes him by. This is a guy I have never yelled at in my entire life. And I am screaming at the top of my lungs... part of that is just me trying to stress how bad of a path he is heading down, but part of it is just me being fustrated with ignorant people

 

[Bible_Belt]

Backbreaker, your message box is full. I was going to tell you that you should get into trading financial markets. I think you would be very good at it. You can get an e-mini s&p futures account for only a few thousand bucks.