Taking life too seriously

[Huno]

Hello, everyone, long-time reader, first-time poster. I've lurked the boards on and off for a few years, and have read a good portion of the DJ Bible. I have a question that I'm not sure is answered in the Bible, nor have I found any satisfactory answers to by searching old posts.

Throughout my life, I've been told that I take things too seriously, that I appear tense, quiet, removed, etc. This would be true--in everything I do, I try to do it well. An example would be when I dropped from 300 lbs. to 170 (I now weigh 190, I'm lifting weights). It took a lot of concentration and sacrifice to achieve this. This is the way I do things.

But, in turn, I notice that I tend to be very serious whenever I do anything, especially when I'm working, studying, etc. Countless times, I've been told to "relax" because I take things too seriously, and it tends to repel people. Girls seem to be especially turned off by my demeanor, since they generally tend to be more "fun-loving." And, as we all know, girls don't like boring guys.

I don't know quite how to describe it, but I know I am not "loose" enough. I'm not an unhappy person, but I guess I don't radiate an aura of coolness, nor do I act suave or anything like that.

Does anyone else have this problem? And, has anyone tried to (and successfully) become more of a exciting person?

 

[izza]

Being Boring

Huno,

Taking life too seriously is a bad thing. Insert some spontaneity into everything you do. SEXSEXSEXMEWANT.

People that live a long time and truly enjoy life see its humor, and know that all things are temporary. Let me guess at a few things about you, Huna and other overserious sosuave members.

I'm guessing you are shy, or if not shy at least grievously concerned with what people think of you. The thought of disturbing a stranger is abhorrent. God forbid you do something stupid or vulgar in front of other people. The notion of blatantly hitting on strange women is just unthinkable. I don't know if that's you, but that was and sometimes is me.

Lack of humor comes from a lack of imagination. It happens to people whose lives are so routine and boring, people who are TERRIFIED of people's reactions. What a SH***Y way to live life!

Learn to ask yourself "what random thing do I feel like doing right now?" Once you learn to answer this question in any situation, you become a far more fun person; you teach yourself how to be spontaneous. It works.

Right now, you there who's reading me blather about how to be fun: do something ludicrous, or embarrassing or just plain stupid. I can't tell you what to do because you have to learn to make it up for yourself. Stop reading, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Don't read on until you've done something.

Good, go do something random in public tomorrow. Personally, I started hitting myself on the head.

Two exercises that worked for me. I felt like it one day in the library so I started walking around backwards, not making any eye contact with anyone. It was so much fun - everyone was staring at me, but when I was done I laughed for a good 15 minutes. The other day I decided to stick my tongue out at every hot girl I saw to get over my AFC terror of them. That was fun. If anyone out there is too chicken**** to do either of those things, they need to go outside and do both of them asap.

Final advice: what are your dreams in life? What do you want to be? Why are you on this earth (and don't say to get women because that is the worst answer you could possibly give)?

These are very serious questions, but ask them and try to answer them. You'll begin to realize that what people think of you is a grain of salt, and begin to take life far more lightly.

Shake things up, and stop being such a narcissist, too concerned with vetting your prim and proper image to have any spontanaity. Always remember, my sons: OOGEL BOOGEL!

Izza

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I'm curious, are you possibly trying to prove something; even if it's just to yourself? If so, try to focus on just enjoying what you're doing, maybe even try doing it a different way just to see what happens. It's much easier to play and have fun when high stakes, like having something to prove, isn't involved.

 

[willtmail]

Izza -

That is excellent advice. Huno, I believe I have that problem as well. I can completely understand where you are coming from. I can be cool around certain groups of people, but other times, I can't. Sometimes, I'm on and the life of the party, while other times, I'm just completely lame. It's frustrating.

Anyway, I'm very curious about what others have to say about this as well. Again, well said, Izza.

 

[tmpgstx]

Yeah, i've had this problem, and friends of mine do also. It's more often the intelligent serious types that do. We take everything seriously and hate to be second at anything. We are often the best at what we set our minds to, so this creates a fierce competitive serious attitude based on previous acheivements.

If i'm understanding you correctly, you have built up frustration that girls aren't finding you attractive, though you're often told you're all that and more. It creates confusion. You have to consider the intimidation factor and also not opening up or expressing emotions.

With women, expressing some sort of emotiions is what creates chemistry with them. They want you to share with them, your experiences, your likes and dislikes etc. When in the presence of a girl you like, think of something that really makes you feel good and expressive.

For example, imagine something fun and beautiful as if you were right there breathing the air, and hearing the sounds. It could be anything or place you find facinating. Next, put her in it with you! She's there to. Now when you're talking to her you'll be glowing. Try it, it doesn't take much and you'll open up alot and your funny and fun side will come out in a playful manner.

 

[BigWillyStyle]

For example, imagine something fun and beautiful as if you were right there breathing the air, and hearing the sounds. It could be anything or place you find facinating. Next, put her in it with you! She's there to now! Now when you're talking to her you'll be glowing.

What have you been smoking?

Anyway, don't be so self conscious and critical of yourself.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Stop ANALYZING life...

Start LIVING it!

 

[tmpgstx]

Actually Willy, it's a technique i knew of before, but came across again in much detail from an e-book by Mike Pelinski of highstatusmale.com.

If you have problems expressing emotion, can be a good tool/technique to set things in motion. Think of it like a visual affirmation or something, causing you to relax and be more open.

 

[Huno]

Thanks all for the replies, this helps a lot!

Francisco d'Anconia: I never thought of if that way... I'm not sure if that's the case, I'd have to think about that. I guess, in a way, I want to prove to myself that I can do something difficult. Sometimes I fail; I tried several times to drop the weight before I finally got it.

tmpgstx: I think that is very close to my mindset. I'm especially interested in what you meant by the following:

If i'm understanding you correctly, you have built up frustration that girls aren't finding you attractive, though you're often told you're all that and more. It creates confusion. You have to consider the intimidation factor and also not opening up or expressing emotions.

izza: Wow, you're good; that was very insightful. I think you've hit the nail on the head with your comment about worrying about what others think, and about being shy. Admittedly, I didn't do something spontaneous after I read this, but I will definitely do something out of the ordinary tomorrow. I get uncomfortable just thinking about it, but it has to be done.

If anyone else has anything to add, I'd love to hear it. In the meantime, I'm gonna think about all your suggestions; thanks again!

 

[tmpgstx]

Huno, to elaborate more on the intimidation part of it, read the following thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=68858