Yes. I have a problem. I was suffering from oneitis from a girl, but eventually I moved on after she next'd me(I got close to her, but I held back too much - trying to ease in too slow). I started to see other friends and grils and got over the oneitis after awhile. Well turns out she is friends with someone within my group which I always hang out with and I saw her again. I dont even consider her that hot. She is not my type at all (HB6), but her personality is what makes me so attracted to her. The oneitis is back and I cannot stop thinking about this girl. I even have dreams about her, and its becoming a problem because it is so distracting. It took months to shake off the oneitis last time, and Im afraid it will continue...
Suffering from serious oneitis
- Thread starter attugc
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U know what u have to do, u have to cut off all ties with her. Dont see her again EVER. How u go about doing this is your choice, dont punish yourself anymore unless you want to!! Be a warrior and a man and do what most men on these boards cannot do, and cut off all ties with her. If you dont do it, u know what is going to happen..................
It is going to become a repeated cycle, and is going to waste years of your life.....................
It is going to become a repeated cycle, and is going to waste years of your life.....................
i know the feeling man....what you need to do is cut that girl off completely. You will never get over her if you keep seeing her. Delete her number, erase her from your life. Erase that friend that is always hanging out with. Thats no friend if he's chillin' with your girl or ex girl or whatever she was/is to you.
JohnnyLegard
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I don't think you should cut off all ties... call her, meet up with her and talk about it. Instead of running away from her, be a REAL MAN and go for what you want. What do you really have to lose? You lost her because you were too timid, so don't be this time... it's that simple. And if she doesn't like you, then you know for sure, and that will be that. It won't be a cycle if you do that.
JohnnyLegard
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If you want to be happy in life, you have to have a thick skin. If you can't take rejection, and if you can't take being hurt, then really you don't leave yourself a lot of room for meeting people that you really like.
What are you going to do? Everytime you think someone might reject you, shy away from them? A little pain is never a bad thing. It's too simple of an answer to forget about someone and to cut off ties with them just because you like them too much. And to what end does that brings you? To chase after other women that you're not as interested in?
Maybe you did screw the whole thing up, and maybe you're not going to change her mind. But you should at least try. Think about the absolute worst that can actually happen. She tells you no and you feel like crap for a day. What's so horrible about that? I think that if you know those things for sure, then it's a lot easier to move on, and at least you know that you tried.
I would much rather go after the woman who I had "oneitis" for and know for sure, even though she probably will reject me. At least it will clear me from that "I wonder if" cancer that will be eating me at the back of my neck for a long time to come.
And I think deep down you want to know too, that's why you posted. You have everything to gain, and nothing to lose. Maybe your ego will be hurt a little, but that's it.
What are you going to do? Everytime you think someone might reject you, shy away from them? A little pain is never a bad thing. It's too simple of an answer to forget about someone and to cut off ties with them just because you like them too much. And to what end does that brings you? To chase after other women that you're not as interested in?
Maybe you did screw the whole thing up, and maybe you're not going to change her mind. But you should at least try. Think about the absolute worst that can actually happen. She tells you no and you feel like crap for a day. What's so horrible about that? I think that if you know those things for sure, then it's a lot easier to move on, and at least you know that you tried.
I would much rather go after the woman who I had "oneitis" for and know for sure, even though she probably will reject me. At least it will clear me from that "I wonder if" cancer that will be eating me at the back of my neck for a long time to come.
And I think deep down you want to know too, that's why you posted. You have everything to gain, and nothing to lose. Maybe your ego will be hurt a little, but that's it.
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I think by oneitus, he already means a woman he had pursued and didnt succeed with but still has feelings for.
I will tell you the fellas are right. Ive been on both sides of the game. Ive had oneitus (both with girls who werent interested in me and girls friends who dumped me)
when I cut off contact COMPLETELY for 6 months, all the feelings, infatuations, oneitus was GONE. Even when I saw the girl after 6 months, I had 0% interest.
Then there were times when I tried to be "mature" about the oneitus, and remained "friends" and had contact with her. This dragged out to like a year and a half (and counting) and still hasnt been any easier.
The best thing is to just TOUGH it out, cut contact, get her out of your system, then you can get on with your life.
I will tell you the fellas are right. Ive been on both sides of the game. Ive had oneitus (both with girls who werent interested in me and girls friends who dumped me)
when I cut off contact COMPLETELY for 6 months, all the feelings, infatuations, oneitus was GONE. Even when I saw the girl after 6 months, I had 0% interest.
Then there were times when I tried to be "mature" about the oneitus, and remained "friends" and had contact with her. This dragged out to like a year and a half (and counting) and still hasnt been any easier.
The best thing is to just TOUGH it out, cut contact, get her out of your system, then you can get on with your life.
JohnnyLegard
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I know where you're coming from I really do, but six months of that feeling sucks. Whereas a day of having your ego hurt is much better.
I'm only giving the contrary because my girl right now was someone I had "oneitis" on both sides for. I was crazy about her, we spent time together, she blew me off because I was timid. I finally grew a pair of balls and now I have her. To be honest, it's a whole lot better than all the one night stands I've had where they meant absolutely nothing to me other than lust for that one night.
You guys say forget it, I say go for it. I think that's the only way to really get over "oneitis" with real satisfaction and nothing on your chest, especially if it ends in failure. You only live once, might as well make something of it.
I'm only giving the contrary because my girl right now was someone I had "oneitis" on both sides for. I was crazy about her, we spent time together, she blew me off because I was timid. I finally grew a pair of balls and now I have her. To be honest, it's a whole lot better than all the one night stands I've had where they meant absolutely nothing to me other than lust for that one night.
You guys say forget it, I say go for it. I think that's the only way to really get over "oneitis" with real satisfaction and nothing on your chest, especially if it ends in failure. You only live once, might as well make something of it.
Johnny, props for you for winning your girl.
but I again I say, ONEITUS is a situation where the girl you like, doesnt like you back!!!
what is the point of going for a girl who doesnt return your phonecalls, takes you for granted, or blows you off on dates?
this is not a case of does she or doesnt she like me??
Oneitus is a clear case of ZERO interest on the girls part and 100% on the guys part
I too have tried to win exgirlfriends back by swearing to change, buy her gifts, being extra special to her, with negative results
then Im left feeling like a basket case wondering "whats wrong with me? that she rejected me?"
as long as you keep those ties, those questions will eat away your insides and self confidence
the best way is to just deal with feeling like crap for a few months, lose contact, and reevaluate who she is and what she meant to you in the mean time, eventually as time goes by, you realize she isnt SH1T and not worth your time, and all those feelings go away
and by that time, when you have zero % inteerest, she somehow becomes interested in you
weird but true
but I again I say, ONEITUS is a situation where the girl you like, doesnt like you back!!!
what is the point of going for a girl who doesnt return your phonecalls, takes you for granted, or blows you off on dates?
this is not a case of does she or doesnt she like me??
Oneitus is a clear case of ZERO interest on the girls part and 100% on the guys part
I too have tried to win exgirlfriends back by swearing to change, buy her gifts, being extra special to her, with negative results
then Im left feeling like a basket case wondering "whats wrong with me? that she rejected me?"
as long as you keep those ties, those questions will eat away your insides and self confidence
the best way is to just deal with feeling like crap for a few months, lose contact, and reevaluate who she is and what she meant to you in the mean time, eventually as time goes by, you realize she isnt SH1T and not worth your time, and all those feelings go away
and by that time, when you have zero % inteerest, she somehow becomes interested in you
weird but true
JohnnyLegard
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Ok, ok... if ther girl doesn't like you back then really there's nothing you can do.
Also, you gotta know when to back off. If you're being a weird stalker sending her flowers and whatnot, then yes, you're not helping your cause.
You should definitely take a break from the girl, but don't completely forget about her. That's next to impossible. You just have to read them right. And if it's obvious that she's not interested in you at all well then tough luck.
But the only way you're going to know for certain is if you go for it at the right time.
Also, you gotta know when to back off. If you're being a weird stalker sending her flowers and whatnot, then yes, you're not helping your cause.
You should definitely take a break from the girl, but don't completely forget about her. That's next to impossible. You just have to read them right. And if it's obvious that she's not interested in you at all well then tough luck.
But the only way you're going to know for certain is if you go for it at the right time.
johnny stop giving shyt advice...he wants to get over this, he does'n want to start things up again. Its like giving a drug addict more drugs to cure him. Do a cold break or dont do it at all.
JOhnny c'mon what are you thinking
JOhnny c'mon what are you thinking
Thats what its all about!! You even if he DOES get the girl, she will have lost respect for him and will sense that he still has 100% interest in her, this will then lower her interest in him, and she will dump him, leaving his heart shattered. Then the cycle will repeat, or he will just keep thinking about her etc etc, until finally one day he gets the balls to cut off all contact.
Johnny good on you for getting your girl, but dont act TOO interested and turn into a chump, u might have it all figured out now, but before you notice your girls interest level has plumitted and it will be too late.
Anyways I am sure attugc will have made up his mind what he is going to do anyways, none of us can stop him, he is simply asking for our advice. In cases like this, 99% of the time, the person will do what they were going to do anyways. Maybe he needs to be burnt again to realise what he has to do, it has to come from within (sorry dont want to sound like Mr Miyagi *dude from the Karate kid*).
You have to realize that the term "one-itis" is seen to be when your obsessed with one girl. However, everyone has different morals and opinions.
Now, sure she next'ed you cause you did so and so. Regardless though, sometimes one-itis can be a good thing. I beleive it's your brain telling you, "You have to try harder for this girl". The fact that you got one-itis in the first place is because there was chemistry there that she created for you. However, along with having one-itis side by side you have to realize that by having it, you either make the chemistry for her, or if you can't, try to kill the chemistry she's given you.
See what I'm saying? I know what I want to say but I don't know if you understand. Basically, in some situations it can be useful and in others it's not.
Now, sure she next'ed you cause you did so and so. Regardless though, sometimes one-itis can be a good thing. I beleive it's your brain telling you, "You have to try harder for this girl". The fact that you got one-itis in the first place is because there was chemistry there that she created for you. However, along with having one-itis side by side you have to realize that by having it, you either make the chemistry for her, or if you can't, try to kill the chemistry she's given you.
See what I'm saying? I know what I want to say but I don't know if you understand. Basically, in some situations it can be useful and in others it's not.
