Successful men that are AFC = paradox?

[Heretolearn]

1. I know many people who are (and I feel I am) a 'successful' man yet still are AFC with some women. Eg. successful in business/fitness/other aspects of life outside of dating/relationships.

Do you agree? Notice this?

2. Assuming you agree with 1, how is this possible? Is it not a paradox that you can be successful at other areas of life yet still AFC? I understand that different areas in life require different skills to be successful yet sport/business clearly do not cater to AFCs. I.e you need to know what you want and go get it. To put yourself/your dreams first a lot of the time. To definitely not supplicate to others.

Yet then many (including me) revert to AFC tendencies with women... Is it a kryptonite scenario where this type of man (including me) are sensitive to this issue so revert back to pre-disposed behaviours.

What do you think? Interested in some quality input.

thanks

 

[backbreaker]

very rare is it that you find someone that is that well rounded. Some guys look at as two different means to the same end (become successful have no problem with women), as we know that's not the case.

A person who puts in the time to become successful at life, rather it be school or starting a business or becoming a musician or whatever the case is, that' time they are not out dealing with the opposite sex, building up social skills that we take for granted.

I remember when i was 21 years old, i hadn't been on a date for almost 3 years, i couldn't even look the woman in the dry cleaners, who i thought was kinda cute, in the face.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

A divorce attorney's bread and butter are the affluent, business executive, 'successful' men who thought that the virtue of their status also meant they knew how to deal with women.

Just ask John Cleese about it.

 

[Burroughs]

A common misconception is that women DON'T want AFCs...they DO as long as they are rich and handsome.

This is tough for the man is who poor and plain looking...he thinks that being LESS AFC will get him the women...maybe. But in reality wealth and looks are FAR more important to women. Men fool themselves into thinking otherwise.

 

[romangod]

1. I know many people who are (and I feel I am) a 'successful' man yet still are AFC with some women. Eg. successful in business/fitness/other aspects of life outside of dating/relationships.

Do you agree? Notice this?

2. Assuming you agree with 1, how is this possible?

What do you think? Interested in some quality input.

thanks

It's not a paradox. It's apples and oranges.


Being successful at something that has nothing to do with women doesn't equate to being successful with women. Conversely, how many times have you seen a guy that's a loser in everything he tries yet getting women is a piece of cake?


Being an AFC doesn't discriminate.


Cheers!

 

[Buddha_Mind]

A lot of career successful men are not the same ones lurking in bars gaming on chicks...they go to work 9-5, probably exercise after, balance their household budget and watch something on Netflix.

Being successful with money, career does not equal success with women.

Success with women, is a skill-set of it's own.

It is highly likely, that a man who is intelligent, and is successful in other aspects of his life, can come to understand and apply Game Theory.

Because intelligent and successful people can often pick-up new knowledge...

Some of the most successful men I've known are pretty much clueless about women -- they are great at their business and understand that fully -- but they've never stopped to really break-down their female psychology.

 

[The_411]

Not a paradox for the simple reason that you are measuring "success" with the ability to obtain money. Being AFC is a matter of "getting life" There are plenty of guys who makes laods of money and still have no control of their women. Sure they get hot women but they also shell out cash to keep them.

Being AFC is is mostly comprised of not acknowledging your social self-worth and not standing up for that worth. It's very easy to be successful in business and not recognize your social self worth.

Think about a guy who is an engineer in a startup company who makes loads of money and develops the programming or the prototype and the company gets big as a result. Sure he's succesful from a work prescpective and may have an ego from that but at the same time he's deathly afraid of asking out the attractive marketing intern because he feels inadqeuate due to weight, poor skin, bad teeth, inability to converse, social awkwardness etc.

His "success" is tied into his ability to trust his abilities in engineering not his ability to relate to people.

There are lots of guys who substitute their work/career in lieu of developing adequate social skills. Or they even hide behind their work to avoid dealing with the difficulties of interpreseonal relationships.

 

[typical]

Most successful guys assume they are good with the ladies because they are good at their job and are making loads of money. In reality they are most likely a financial support handbag for ladies that have worked out how to have their cake and eat it too.

"I'll go out with the cool guys while I'm young and hot but when it comes time to raise a family I need a guy that will stick around and be my bit(h, after the kids have grown up or when I feel like there is nothing more he can offer I will divorce him take half his assets and start the cycle again. If my looks hold up I can again have fun while looking for the next beta."

The above is what is waiting for any man that doesn't learn how to handle his woman, too bad by the time he works out his problem he will have already lost half his life to running around being a bit(h and "taking care" of his woman and kids.

 

[PappyS]

No paradox. They spend so much time focusing on their careers that they don't have time to hone their skills in handling women.

 

[typical]

No paradox. They spend so much time focusing on their careers that they don't have time to hone their skills in handling women.

I would say thats the vast majority of men somewhere between 80-95 %.

 

[BlackwaterPark]

Not at all. Guys I know who're successful with women spent their school years socializing, hooking up, etc. Studies were the last thing on their mind. Youll find that most of your med school, hi tech, investment banking guys otoh were bookish types with the mentality of ill work hard now and hope it pays off. Their experience with women is generally much more limited. Success breeds confidence, which means more success. Many of these guys have little success with women when young.

 

[BlackwaterPark]

It is highly likely, that a man who is intelligent, and is successful in other aspects of his life, can come to understand and apply Game Theory.

Because intelligent and successful people can often pick-up new knowledge...

Disagree. Conventional smarts and social intelligence are completely different. Many successful guys are awkward as ****. It actually seems to me the confident suave guys(high social intelligence) are more likely to blow off school and career in favor of partying. You see it all the time with your hs college athletes. Some might be smart, some not, but they get a ton of pvssy and I doubt they learn game theory.

 

[st_99]

I understand that different areas in life require different skills to be successful

You answered your own question. I'm sure there are tons of guys that have been gaming chicks since they could walk and are 'experts' in the dating/sex field. BUT, they could still be severely lacking in other areas of their life. Anything in life
you get really good at takes a specialized skill set that can only be developed with time and determination. Getting girls
to fall for you is no different.

 

[zekko]

No paradox. They spend so much time focusing on their careers that they don't have time to hone their skills in handling women.

Sounds like as reasonable an explanation as any.

Funny how these successful AFCs are so reviled here, when what they've really done is put women at the bottom of their priority list. Which is kind of a DJ thing to do, isn't it?

 

[Boilermaker]

Marraige usually ends up being the absolute worst decision a man will ever make.

Please don't be dramatic, and naive. Your exaggeration is through the ceiling. Posts like this are driving the occasional visitor away, making us look like women-hater psychos.


there are about a billion people who are married on the planet*, and every one of that half billion would come here and talk about how happy he is, and how great a decision he'd made. We are programed to justify our choices and keep ourselves happy.

Don't embarrass yourself like our veteran bad boy and come back 6 months later with a ring on your finger.

Marriage has pros/cons just like single life.

"Game" raises the quality of either one of them dramatically.

That is the take-home message from this forum.


*Source: Wolphram Alpha
number of marriages ~ 20 million per year
number of divorces ~ 5 million per year
lifetime expectancy ~ 60 years
Median age of total population ~ 30 years
assume marriage age to be 30.

(60 - 30)*(20 - 5) = 450 million married couples, roughly. (steady-state)

450 * 2 ~ 1 billion married "individuals" ..

 

[sodbuster]

As a business man, I can read Jack Welch,Peter Lynch,Iococca, etc. and learn what I need to learn that school didn't teach me. There weren't resources available on women...Or I'd have read them 30-35 years ago. Obviously school doesn't teach classes on women

NOW, they aren't as important to me as doubling my net worth in the next 5 years...not like it's going from $1 to $2 either. SO, I'll never be as good at women as some of the younger guys... rather say I have 5 or 10million in bank than I've tapped 100 women. But I won't say either one out loud.

 

[Boilermaker]

I am not married. Please go ahead and blurt out your irrational musings about marriage. You are not convincing anybody though. I have no doubt you 'll be married eventually as well. The more hardcore anti-marriage guys are, the easier they seem to tie the knot.

So much for their propaganda.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Espi,
Sadly many of the young people posting here will live to rue the Day they involved the State in their personal affairs...Read Bettina Arndt's "Marriage Diaries"it sends a shiver down your spine...plenty of Guys there who weren't too happy with Marriage...Talk to some of those walking wounded,victims of the self serving,lick spittles with a vested interest in Family Law.

 

[backbreaker]

Dear Espi,
Sadly many of the young people posting here will live to rue the Day they involved the State in their personal affairs...Read Bettina Arndt's "Marriage Diaries"it sends a shiver down your spine...plenty of Guys there who weren't too happy with Marriage...Talk to some of those walking wounded,victims of the self serving,lick spittles with a vested interest in Family Law.

why would you want to read a book with nothing but bad experiences about marriage? that would be the same thing as going to Barnes and noble and buying a book about people who failed at starting a business, on why you should not start a business. I (would hope) that it's pretty much common sense that if you pick a bad spouse bad things can happen


I have absolutely no problem at all with Espi's point of view. it's extremely practical actually. I'm just saying, getting marriagge advice from a guy who walked in the door to find his wife getting gangbanged, is just as impractical as the guy who refuses to believe anything other than his wife is an angel and the "only reason to live"

 

[Burroughs]

I think a man shouldn't be afriad to live his life outside of the box...he doesn't have to live his life according to the paint-by-numbers system that westernized society has conditioned in him.

Beware such societal and religious mores like marraige...they can cost you a lot of money. HALF of your money, in fact.

I think these are wise and excellent points.

The problem is most people; men and women both, live their lives under the yoke of fear. Fear of being alone, childless, without a beta provider, without companionship. These fears magnify year after year and lead to the relationship wasteland that is the western (and soon eastern) world.