Subtle disrespect or circumstances?

[Bonhomme]

What's the best thing to do when a gal appears to have showed you subtle disrespect, but you may have just caught her at the woirst possible times?

I had IM'd this gal Wednesday night (too late to call -- she lives with folks) to ask about concert arrangements for tonight (which ended up being canceled on account of the power failure), but after a few lines of dialogue she said was in the middle of some business, and had to go, would call me back tomorrow, and left the chat before I could say goodbye.

She did put her screen name on away status so no one could IM her when she left the chat, so I didn't take it personally, but that was a bit rude to just leave like that. Then the next day the power went out, and pretty much everyone was incommunicado, so I can't very well hold her not calling against her.

I got a hold of her Friday morning, and she told me she'd been stranded at a friend's house with no gas. I told her I was taking off soon to get together with a friend, and asked where she was at. After telling me in vague way, she abruptly said she was "on the other line, and would call right back."

I didn't hear from her, but after a few minutes got bomabarded with several calls, so she might have called. Anyway, before I took off I called, but she didn't answer, so I left a message stating I couldn't wait around any longer, but might be able to give her a ride, since I have a full tank of gas, and to call me soon if she needs a ride and doesn't have to go too too far.

Again, it's possible that her phone ran out of charge or lost service for a bit. My call phone had been behaving erratically all day, usually unable to receive calls, but people were still able to leave voice messages that my phone did not display.

So, with so many weird things going on, I don't feel quite right giving her static for dissing me. Too many other possiblities, combined with the fact that she was in a crappy situation at the time.

My thought is to just chill, give her the gift of missing me, not take it persoanally, and see if she contacts me. Then calmly tell her it was a bit rude to cut the chat so abruptly if she doesn't apologize straight out. We did have a good date abouit a week ago, and she was psyched to check out the concert with me.

What do the rest of you think I oughta do?

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Originally posted by Bonhomme
Again, it's possible that her phone ran out of charge or lost service for a bit. My call phone had been behaving erratically all day, usually unable to receive calls, but people were still able to leave voice messages that my phone did not display.

All other things aside (they don't sound too good, sorry)... cell phones were still acting up as late as tonight after the black outs... so it could have been that... As for the other stuff...

 

[Bonhomme]

Yeah, I know, SM

Thing is, I wish it was straightforward enough for me to just rip her a new one straight out. She has responded to that every time I did. Perhaps the best thing to do is call her on the rudeness while recognizing the situation ... when the whole power outage crisis has passed.

Thing is, I had a very good date with this gal last week, and worked up a pretty good vibe with kino and rapport. At the time she may have even been open to my taking her home, though I didn't pick up on it until later. My bad.

Afterward, I think she realized how close she was to being seduced, and got cold feet after getting a chance to think about the whole thing.

I think she's attracted to me at a certain level, but there's a bit of an age difference, and she may be intimidated by that. I suspect she's ruled me out as a LTR prospect for that reason, but feels she would become too attached if we got involved. The old mind vs. body conflict.

But she's played hot and cold with me before. Last week's date just got way hotter than at any other time.

I think I gotta chill, and LJBF her with my actions, see if she contacts me, and if not, call her on the rudeness with allowance for possibilities as mentioned above.

I wish there were 10 other womwn in the picture, but right now there are none who are as bright interesting, and hot. Not nearly.

 

[drixsa]

you are worrying too much about this one girl

besides that you are also callin way way too much

does she have your number? let her call you

excellent date or not

whats the saying..."dont put all your eggs in one basket"?

 

[abcd_z]

For the most part, I would say we don't have enough info to tell if she's interested or not. But, there is ONE thing that happened that should have cued you in.

Originally posted by Bonhomme
I got a hold of her Friday morning, and she told me she'd been stranded at a friend's house with no gas. I told her I was taking off soon to get together with a friend, and asked where she was at. After telling me in vague way, she abruptly said she was "on the other line, and would call right back.

If she was really interested in being with you, she would have jumped at the opportunity for you to drive. I'm guessing you came off as a somewhat AFC, and she was pulling away from that.
Remember: Someone with a low IL often "doesn't have the time" to be with you, but someone who's really interested will find some way to MAKE the time.

 

[Bonhomme]

No kidding

Yes, what all you are saying is true. I blew it by not striking better when the iron was hot, and that's that. Another stupid ****ing lesson. I'm sick to death of lessons!

The real problem is there's no one in the picture right now. There are no baskets to put my eggs in.

The IM was next to nothing. Just happened to catch her online while I was winding down after a long day. The calls each were triggered by changes in circumstances (i.e. the power outage, and resulting difficulty with communication). My cell phone was out completely, I couldn't get messages on my land lines, and I've been calling one of my buddies way more than her. It's been damn hard to get in touch with people!

So she's probably not sure of my intentions, either, given the circumstances. She probably expects me to call her any minute.

She hasn't officially blown me off, so I'm gonna blow her off.

If she doesn't contact me first, I'll call her in a few days, give her a word about IM etiquette, and tell her it's not my fault she got stranded at her friend's place.

Now I gotta figure out where the hell to find ten other women. Even the friggin' dance classes have more guys than gals here.

*****************

It's a ****ing shame that one can drive a gal away by doing what they would do for any other friend under similar circumstances.

 

[PlayerinTraining]

Re: Re: Subtle disrespect or circumstances?

Bonhomme
She hasn't officially blown me off, so I'm gonna blow her off.

If she doesn't contact me first, I'll call her in a few days, give her a word about IM etiquette, and tell her it's not my fault she got stranded at her friend's place.

Do me a favor and think about this. You are getting upset over an INSTANT MESSAGE!!!

Would you really be this upset if there were other women in your life at this time?

There was a power outage across a quarter of the continental United States. She was at a friend's house with no gas in her car to get home. Knowing how women react to hardship, (they don't handle it well), her response isn't unusual.

If I were you, I'd forget about it, and save your rant to her for something more important.

 

[Bonhomme]

More mad at myself than anything

You're right, PT. Just leaving this alone is the best thing to do.

But I should have known better than to contact her that much, regardless of circumstances.

Yes, I wouldn't have done so if there were others in the game, nor would I have been as bothered.

If I ever get to thinking like that again, I'll post field reports so you guys can keep me in line.

Realizing what you're doing wrong is the first step toward correcting it.

 

[Don Ronny]

WTF is going on here?

BH my man. I consider you to be fairly knowledgeable in the ways of DJs and am shocked at this post. I know we are all improving all the time but you already know you have made a very basic mistake here.

Sounds like someone needs to re-read the DJ Bible!

J/K

Now you know that you have to make a decision and run with it as soon as the thought enters your head. You should have busted her balls playfully on this one but you missed your window, so this is what you do.

Wait a few days for the madness to calm down. Call her in about a week and just say you were calling to see if she is alright, because you know how vulnerable and defenseless she can be without you (said in a C&F way) With all this blackout nonsense, you will have no shortage of conversation. IOW, show her you were concerned and this comes off a little AFC, but toss in the vulnerability comment and you switch things up into FLirt Mode. Then let your dazzling personality do the rest!

Oh, and to get yourself into the proper state of mind to pull this off, go sarge some new chicks. DOnt even think about bonin them, just sarge them in a relaxed way to keep your flow tight and also give you that magnetic "I can replace you with 10 hoes" aura.

Good Luck man. Keep us posted!

- Don Ronny

 

[Bonhomme]

And the plot thickens ...

Thanks for the advice and well-deserved boot in the ass, Don Ronny.

Thing is, neither time was good to bust her chops.

But this has gotten weirder.

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=35843

I think calmly sticking to my guns is the best thing to do, perhaps good-naturedly busting her chops as you suggest.

 

[JJMcLure]

Sounds like she has low IL.

She is cutting you off, not calling you etc. Look at that for what it is and don't try to rationalise it.

"Ripping her a new one" will only cause you to come across insecure and let her know she has some control/power over you and your feelings/state. It's not a good move.

As you (should) know, if you pull away she may come back. If you push too hard she will pull back further.

 

[myfriendblu]

Low IL. Pretty easy to see that from the outside, without the vagina - blinders on