Subcommunication: Girlfriend's guy friends

[HyenaPrince]

All my grandfathers married women that were 8+ years younger than them. Is this like a new modern rule that has been created?

Our culture goes through a cycle about every 4 generations. The Silent Generation thinks differently than the Baby Boombers, who think differently than Generation X, who thinks differently than Millennials. This means every generation collectively thinks differently and has different ideals. They share a way of seeing the world throught the same lense. This is why people after World War 2 were rather conservative and cautious. The generation after that, in turn, was wild and free and wanted to express itself. It's a back and forth. And this is why people nowadays don't f*ck with age gaps that are too big. They want like-minded people from the same generation as them. Mind you, there are always rebels that swim against the current.

 

[rart]

You were trying to get into Her circle. A woman should be trying to get into Yours instead. You should not have cared about her circle.

Additionally you tried to reason with her, for example by saying the stupidest thing like "... but I'm your boyfriend"

The only thing for you to do would be to plate her or soft next her. What that means is to forget about her, do your thing, spend time with other women, just like she is spending time with other men.

When and if she comes back, then you reestablish your frame. As of right now, you are in hers.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What would the "female world" say about a man concerned that his "woman" is spending too much time hanging with "male friends"? Don't they usually shame now adays and assume the male is "insecure"? Or do they say "maybe you are right"?

 

[Dash Riprock]

I've read this post 1000x before, but a few "tough brotherly love" thoughts for OP:

-OP's gf breaks the age limit formula for serious dating: your age/2+7. If OP is 28, this would make his bottom limit 21. It's an estimate based on EQ. Not bible, but a good guide.

-The girl is 18. 1-8. Hardly a mature adult and not even close to being emotionally developed, like he's expecting her to be. Yeah, she's going to be all over the place and a high cheating risk, despite any "boundaries" he sets. He needs to accept and understand this if he wants to date her.

-CAUTION! - Controversial SS Statement: She is ALLOWED to have friends, male or female (I hear the SS gasps now, haha). You don't own her. And in this day and age, the line between both sexes is blurred. Plus, these are people she's known since high school so what's the big f*ucking deal? A confident man wouldn't give a f*uck because a confident man has an abundance mentality and knows he can easily replace the girl if she f*ucks up. A confident man would say, "Cool, go have fun with the high school posse. I'm doing XYZ, we'll sync up later. Ciao." And that's it.

- If my gf wanted to swing by when I'm hanging out with my friends, I may also say no. I don't want these two worlds to intermingle on a regular basis. There was actually a famous Seinfeld episode about this.

-Get your own life with hobbies, interests, maybe another business. Get busy and stay busy so you're not so available to just invite yourself wherever she's at to "drop by." That's really weak, dude. Wreaks of suspicion and insecurity. At 28, don't you have better things to do than hangout with 18 year-olds?

-See this girl as a (very temporary) side dish on your huge plate of food. Tasty, yes, but not the main course.
Ironically, the more unavailable you make yourself (within reason) and busy you keep yourself and hang out with YOUR friends, the more she'll respect, admire, and be attracted to you.

Good luck.

~Dash~

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The famale world doesn't know ****

The female world knows they want to weaken men. They do this by getting them to make choices or accept positions that are to the mans detriment. So yes they will lobby for the man to be in a weak position of his chick hangs with dudes and he's supposed to keep his mouth shut.

 

[Lookatu]

I've read this post 1000x before, but a few "tough brotherly love" thoughts for OP:

-OP's gf breaks the age limit formula for serious dating: your age/2+7. If OP is 28, this would make his bottom limit 21. It's an estimate based on EQ. Not bible, but a good guide.

-The girl is 18. 1-8. Hardly a mature adult and not even close to being emotionally developed, like he's expecting her to be. Yeah, she's going to be all over the place and a high cheating risk, despite any "boundaries" he sets. He needs to accept and understand this if he wants to date her.

-CAUTION! - Controversial SS Statement: She is ALLOWED to have friends, male or female (I hear the SS gasps now, haha). You don't own her. And in this day and age, the line between both sexes is blurred. Plus, these are people she's known since high school so what's the big f*ucking deal? A confident man wouldn't give a f*uck because a confident man has an abundance mentality and knows he can easily replace the girl if she f*ucks up. A confident man would say, "Cool, go have fun with the high school posse. I'm doing XYZ, we'll sync up later. Ciao." And that's it.

- If my gf wanted to swing by when I'm hanging out with my friends, I may also say no. I don't want these two worlds to intermingle on a regular basis. There was actually a famous Seinfeld episode about this.

-Get your own life with hobbies, interests, maybe another business. Get busy and stay busy so you're not so available to just invite yourself wherever she's at to "drop by." That's really weak, dude. Wreaks of suspicion and insecurity. At 28, don't you have better things to do than hangout with 18 year-olds?

-See this girl as a (very temporary) side dish on your huge plate of food. Tasty, yes, but not the main course.
Ironically, the more unavailable you make yourself (within reason) and busy you keep yourself and hang out with YOUR friends, the more she'll respect, admire, and be attracted to you.

Good luck.

~Dash~

Great effort made and great words of tough brotherly love that is pretty much complete. A lot of us were too lazy or didn't want to put forth the effort with such a concise and eloquent post on an otherwise broken record that we always seem to hear about. Kudos to you.

 

[Clamslammer]

So update:

Since the other night when I applied dread game and ghosted her for a few hours she's been extremely affectionate, horny, and her mood has shifted to a bit more positive than she has acted for the last month similar to the way it was when we first started dating.

I haven't mentioned anything about her guy friends or the circumstances from last Saturday night when she was at the get together. Last week she said there was a possibility that they were all going to hang this weekend while I was at work but since the dread game, focusing on myself and prioritizing what I want to do in my day to day ,ie going to the gym, running, or working on hobbies projects, she hasn't mentioned the guys or hanging with them. She's actually been more focused on our plans for the weekend and what we're gonna do together.

Some of you gave very good advice. Others might be clouded out from the limited details I was able to give of the full scope of the situation and that's why the advice might have been a bit misleading or misguided.

However, some of you must be absolutely black pilled and act as though there's no way of saving a possible sinking ship. Why would I next a girl so immediately when the sex is phenomenal and I am enjoying the young woman in the mean time? Why not improve myself, create indignation by expanding my social group, and retaining a worthwhile relationship?

I am not gonna give up good ***** just because I haven't been doing so swell the last month with retaining attraction and then falling into a bluepilled frame when she tests me on this falling of attraction. Instead I'd rather improve myself, reestablish attraction, milk this for what it's worth and then if I grow bored I'll next her.

Don't give it up...keep plowing it but find something better long term in the meantime. This ones not long term material

 

[dude99]

There's some more details I probably need to provide but I actually did put my "foot down" so to speak. However, this resulted in me coming off as insecure and jealous.

Basically, the gist is there's a 10 year age difference in her and I. She's 18 and has some friends left over from high school. I briefly met the group of guys one day as they were visiting her at her coffee shop job. When I walked in they acted as though they couldn't talk much to me and seemed a bit intimidated with me being much older and dating a girl within their peer group.

My girlfriend went over to a get together at one of the guy's parents house while I was at work on a Saturday recently which I had no problem with but when I got off I was heading back home and told her I had just off. She told me she had been drinking and needed to sober up for a bit. I asked if I could swing by and hang out, have a few beers, and chill. She said that the guy whose house they were at didn't like people swinging by. I said "but I'm your boyfriend" and she immediately texted back that I never let her hang out with her friends and that it's only "one Saturday". I knew I had probably shown some jealousy with the boyfriend comment so I just said "oh no, it's no worries, just sober up and be safe". She then said it was really more to do with his parents. I didn't text her for the rest of the time and when she was coming home she gave me a call. This is where I should some insecurity and pressed her on why I couldn't have just come to hang out especially with my girlfriend drunk around a bunch of dudes. She said she wasn't the only girl there and that she doesn't understand why I'd be so worried. She said that the real reason the guy didn't come by was because I was "too old" and would be hard for all the younger friends to relate to. I asked if she vouched for me and she said yes. We continued to argue about it and I finally calmed down and said for her to forget about it, and that I was just a little concerned not because I don't trust her but that I can't trust a bunch of guys I haven't gotten to know to be around my drunk girlfriend.

However, since this event she has been bringing up the guys a lot and specifically the guy whose house they were at. She says nothing but positive things about him.

Yesterday, I was driving home from work and gave her a call. I was telling her I was gonna go for a walk and asked what she was up to. She said she was hanging out and I asked where and she paused and then said the guys house with the other guys. She asked if I wanted her to come walk with me and I said that she'd be welcomed to but that there was no pressure. She said it was too far to drive and that maybe tomorrow she'd walk with me. I said that's fine and hung up.

After that conversation I felt I really might be about to get dumped by her so I felt the only thing I could do was employ some dread game and not text, call, or snap chat her until she does.

I went on my walk. Didn't look at my phone for two hours and saw 3 texts, a snapchat, and a phone call from her. In these messages initially she said that she was just too tired to walk tonight and was just going to go home after she left the guys house. However, since I didn't reply for an hour she called me when she was leaving. When I didn't answer and hadn't opened her snap I think she got nervous I was pissed so she tried calling me. When I didn't answer she sent me a text that she was just trying to call me and see if everything was alright. When I finally called her I said sorry I left my phone in my truck I had just got done with my walk. She proceeded to ask me where I went for my walk and where I was at the moment. She seemed worried and then asked if I'd be willing to meet up for a late dinner. I said sure and she was extremely nice to me the whole time.

Sorry for the ramble but those are the rest of needed details to better understand the premise.

Dude she's 18. Legal, yes but only 18. Her frontal lobe hasn't finished developing yet. She lacks the maturity for an actual relationship. She still thinks the world revolves around her. She may be a woman in many ways physically but she is a child in many other ways mostly mentally.
Her father is still paying her bills and she is still hanging out with high school kids.Having an 18 year old for a girl for a girlfriend when you are 10 years older, you're literally going to have nothing in common.
As you are already experiencing, You are working in your career, she is illegally drinking with high school boys.

Never commit to an 18 year old. Just spin her as a plate. You will be much happier with her if you seriously don't give a fack.

 

[metalwater]

This is definitely true but she wasn't hanging with these guys before, at least not outside of school/work.

My theory was the relationship was growing stale by complacency on my part and not being "as fun" anymore because of late twenties things like career. I am sure she sees these guys her own age as being fun to a certain degree because they don't have a lot of priorities or independence in there lives.

But I think I can offer her fun, I just have to balance it with career.

Will love to hear the updates from you in the future and how it works out for you. I hope it will be well. It all depends on what you are willing to accept and what you need in terms of commitment and behavior from her. The behavior you described is over the line for some men and they will not accept it, for others, they really don't care and there is another group that doesn't like it but chooses to accept it. Group one and two have no problems.. and will move on with all things and likely be successful. Group three will burn and burn and burn inside. In case your in that group, is why the harsh advice. If your in group 1 or 2; its all good.