Stuck in a rut!

[R4dianeclipse]

Ok guys I really need some advice. Basically my problem is completely my fault. I don't ever make friends because I just don't take the chance and go talk to random people. If there is a girl I find attractive, I know that if I either talk to her or her friends I could get closer to her and make a lot of new friends. I always end up doing nothing and regret it once I'm at home from school. I know this is completely my fault, I just feel too akward talking to people I don't know. I seriously don't even know how I made the friends I have now!

A lot of times I just get discouraged, but most of the time I just do nothing. I realize that if I don't take a chance, I will be this way for the rest of my life. Yet I still act this way and just sit back and do nothing. I used to like this cute "scene" girl. I KNOW I am good looking but I still didn't talk to her OR her friends. Then I get bothered if I see her talking to some other guy because I know that could easily be me. If I just wake up and get my ass out there. I guess you could say I'm scared.....when I shouldn't be.

 

[Touchout]

Read the DJ Bible, grab your balls, and start talking to some girls!

 

[2_intense2]

I realize that if I don't take a chance, I will be this way for the rest of my life

at least you are aware of what your problem is, thats all ways a start.

hate to say this but rejection is a hell of alot better than regret..
rejection; at least you tried
regret; you might of gotten the girl, but you will NEVER know..

just feel too akward talking to people I don't know

I'm guessing you guys are in the same class, so you KIND of know each other.

try something simple like asking to borrow a pencil..(corny) but it opens up the floor to SMALL talk, which may or may not lead to something..

 

[R4dianeclipse]

Read the DJ Bible, grab your balls, and start talking to some girls!

I have read the DJ bible, it's putting it to use that is the problem. Even though I know what my problem is, I don't fix it. If I see a girl walking by me and I don't even look at her and say "Hi". It makes me mad with myself to know that I can't do something so simple. Yes rejection is better than regret, but for some reason I always seem to choose regret...

 

[gmillar]

Look, there's nothing we can tell you that will magically make you want to get out there. Try joining a sports team, or a club. I thought that sounded dumb too, but the fact is it is an extremely easy way to meet people. Other than that, you sort of just have to do it. I guess you could ask a friend if he'll help by forcing you to talk to people?

 

[R4dianeclipse]

You know how people are telling you to smile all the time? Isn't it hard to sort of..."fake" a smile? I read one of BBB's post called The Man, it helped a bit.

 

[R4dianeclipse]

I understand

Tomorrow I'm gonna start if my day a bit differently. I'll make tomorrow a good day.

 

[R4dianeclipse]

It seems like I'm only in a good mood or a talkative mood once I'm out of school for the day. I get home and feel like I can just do anything. Like if someone was standing around me, I could just go up and talk to them. Then I can't wait for school the next day but it ends up the same.

 

[R4dianeclipse]

It sucks because I'm the guy who sits in class and says nothing to anyone. I mean I'm not the creepy type who sits there just looking around and stuff. I'm just quiet and I really want to stop that. The school year is almost over and the summer is hell when your friends are lazy. I just want to make some new friends and maybe FINALLY get a girlfriend before the year ends. I just don't talk and then when I WANT to talk I end up saying nothing at all. How did others go about breaking from their shell? I seriously can't even say "hi" and smile to people when I walk by them. It's like I'm not even there when I'm walking around campus, I don't think at all. I had the prefect chance to talk to this girl I have been trying to talk to.

She walked right by me by herself, there was no one around.....I said nothing. Not even "hi". It was my perfect chance and I missed it. Every day I tell myself I am going to improve and start walking around saying hi to people as they pass by, but every single day I ***** out!

 

[hot-male.com]

true

try something simple like asking to borrow a pencil..(corny) but it opens up the floor to SMALL talk, which may or may not lead to something..[/QUOTE]

its true. man you can only help yourslef. we cant tell you a magic word that give u confidence. youre just gonna have to take a leap and if it fails try again. =D i have really good idea that just might work.. you might get a little nervouse but u could atleast give it a go. write her a note during class saying something like.. omg you actually get this stuff and make a weird face or say hows youre day going *smiley face*. when your finished just chuck it on her desk and wisper loudly PSST ITS A NOTE!!!! u could get a laugh ir smile out of that. or you could just give it to her and when she looks smile and give eye contact.. =D give this a try.. it could be very worth it

 

[ElStud]

Just do it man. I didn't think I could approach this girls lunch table, but I did, took me real long to get the balls, but I did it. Sure I didn't get the number, but we had a good conversation.

 

[R4dianeclipse]

Well, whenever I am at home I feel really good. I could do anything. Then I step onto campus and when I start thinking about actually doing something, like smiling and saying "hi" to people I get nervous and feel a little anxtiety and end up pussing out...I know it's all up to me, but I have been this way the whole year and each day I tell myself I am going to do something and end up doing 0!!! haha

I also know I am good looking, I have had people tell me this. Girls just don't talk to me because I'm so quiet.

 

[hot-male.com]

mmm

just do what i told you to do in my 1st comment... itl be worth it. and then you wont have to worry about it anymore.. and youl start getting more confident after that. if you just start the 1st step the rest get easyer and easyer to follow. whats your msn or AIM or hotmail or whatever you call it..

 

[Plec07]

There are two things you could try.

The first, and I'm surprised nobody has mentioned this yet, is to get one of your current friends who is more confident than you. If possible, the alpha of your group to just give you that extra push you need to talk to someone. It really is so much easier to talk to people when your already with other people, especially someone who your good friends with and know they won't think less of you if you get rejected or f*ck up in some way.

The other is to try some NLP and 'anchor' yourself to feel like you do when you get home by simply squeezing your wrist or something similar. Some people may look down on this or think it's down-right bullsh*t. I have tried it and it worked a little bit, but not to the extent it really helped me. I've heard about success stories with this so I imagine you can do it if you look into it enough. Just google self NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) and anchor yourself to become confident on command.

PM me your MSN, or add me on AIM if you wanna chat more about this.

 

[SucceedSocially]

Basic advice for getting out of a rut:

1. Don't waste too much time trying to logically talk yourself into something. Nervousness/anxiety isn't rational. You gotta force yourself to do what scares you.
2. Build up to things gradually
3. Try to force your hand
4. Make your environment support you

More details:

1. I know you know that rejection is no big deal, people will probably like you, etc. You're still scared though. You gotta just talk to some people and get used to it via real experience.

2. You're scared to talk to certain people. Any way you could build up to talking to them? Like you could start by having quick conversations then having an excuse to leave a minute later. Or talking to people you don't really care about, or who don't intimidate you. Or you could join a team or club that'll force you to meet people.

Make a list of Easiest to Hardest 'talking to people' scenarios and then over a month or so work your way up it.

3. Try setting up rewards where if you talk to people you reward yourself and if you don't you miss out on something. Like say "I have to say hi to three people today or I can't watch TV/use the computer/play videogames when I get home". Or like I said, put yourself in situations where you have to talk to people. Make yourself talk to them somehow.

4. If there are too many fun things to amuse yourself with at home then cut down on them. No playing WoW all evening. No more than an hour of TV. Make a rule that you have to spend more time out of the house and with people.

 

[R4dianeclipse]

Ok I'll try this out. It's worth scaring myself into doing things. I have girls that like me and I still am "scared" to talk to them. Whenever I even think of talking to them I get anxiety. I pass this one girl in between class and each day I say to myself "I should say hi." Then I get a lot of anxiety and end up doing nothing.