Struggling with no contact

[exhausted]

I was suppose to be on vacation with the ex this week, also today is her bday.

She broke things off in a rage uninviting me from all our summers plans (months ago) recently she reached out and asked me if i was still going i said no as she is unstable and terrible to me.

Why cant i just shake this off and move on already?

I just dont get it, 3 years tog and she is npd and literally 2 people, one great the other a nightmare, screaming and yelling and rages and twisting things beyond belief.

I made the mistake of connecting with her 6 months after my dad passed and it has literally ruined me as far as moving on from this girl.

I'm embarrassed for all i have endured yet instead of being mad and moving on im hurt and dont get any of it.

 

[resilient]

If you're struggling to live in the present, I think you need more things happening that get you pumped to wake up in the morning.

Seriously, what gets you jazzed af?

What inspires you? Go after that!

How's your life been since your dad passed away?

My parents are still living only grandparents have passed away. From what I hear though, the grieving process takes a while. Use self-awareness to be mindful of what you're feeling. Don't fight it! Allow yourself to feel those emotions when they come on strong. Just do yourself a favor and don't hit up the ex. Call a bro.

Don't be embarrassed by anyone man, especially here on this forum.

We're here to support and give insights. We've all struggled with no contact before.

It takes discipline, detachment, and a concerted effort to focus on ourselves once again when we suddenly go solo.

In the end, though, self-growth is all worth it. You'll feel happier when you go after your pursuits no matter how trivial. The point is, you did something, that you're proud of.

 

[exhausted]

If you're struggling to live in the present, I think you need more things happening that get you pumped to wake up in the morning.

Seriously, what gets you jazzed af?

What inspires you? Go after that!

How's your life been since your dad passed away?

My parents are still living only grandparents have passed away. From what I hear though, the grieving process takes a while. Use self-awareness to be mindful of what you're feeling. Don't fight it! Allow yourself to feel those emotions when they come on strong. Just do yourself a favor and don't hit up the ex. Call a bro.

Don't be embarrassed by anyone man, especially here on this forum.

We're here to support and give insights. We've all struggled with no contact before.

It takes discipline, detachment, and a concerted effort to focus on ourselves once again when we suddenly go solo.

In the end, though, self-growth is all worth it. You'll feel happier when you go after your pursuits no matter how trivial. The point is, you did something, that you're proud of.

Appreciate the support.

What gets me jazzed up? Hmm, still sparring and boxing even at 39, its my passion.

What inspires me? Being successful. I hate failing at anything. I try to be my best everyday. Suppose the failure of yet another relationship troubles me. Tired of them not working out. Just continued failures.

Life after my dad passing, well it's like having a knife in your heart and soul every day u try to ignore. I lost passion to play golf and watch sports like i used to. It's rough as my dad and i were close , the ex gf clearly filled the void, diminished the hurt, even with her drama and stress. Too bad i didnt find a worthy companion to bond with.

I keep busy, i have a lot to do daily, work, make dinner, gym, dog to the park, my son in college still lives at home and will commute.

I just am ready to have a life companion and just cant find one.

3 years with this girl, wasted as she did not grow or improve, just showed her deficits.

I feel i have grown in many ways and she has not. Ive accepted a kid that wasnt mine, never thought i could do that.
Have put others before me, her and her kid in many situations, she rarely did me, Raised my son to go to college which he is ,as that was my main goal for him to get a college education. Saved money quite well for a future.

Though something is always missing. All the time.

You put your heart into someone and they just break it. This girl was not normal tho, npd, fine one minute and raged the next, alwsys breaking things off and always trying to get back together.

Such a mindfuchk

 

[Billtx49]

I feel i have grown in many ways and she has not.

That statement contains your logical NC motivation. Remember it. She's not ever going to change given her personality disorder and you have better experiences coming in your future. You are personally moving ahead at a certain mph, and she's living her life stuck in Park.

 

[MrAddiction]

Maybe this helps explain it.

I can recommand watching the other vids of this guy too. It Helped me tremedously.

 

[exhausted]

Maybe this helps explain it.

I can recommand watching the other vids of this guy too. It Helped me tremedously.

Wow. That makes so much sense.
Unbelievable how simple it really is, endorphins are like a drug we get programmed to yearn for to settle down from the fight and stress and have peace and happiness.

Thank you.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Block the ***** from phone and social media then delete her number. It's the best way.

 

[Çharismo]

Hey man! Things like this happen all the time so don't feel too bad about you messing up. We are all human-beings after all. As long as you don't become a stalker and obsess over her or maybe do something even worse...I think you did fine. All you have to do now is just stick to your guns and stay disciplined enough to move forward with your life. I know it's easy to throw out generic and or cliche advice but everything gets better with time until this woman becomes nothing more than a mere distant memory of the past. As they say :- this too shall pass. Do your best to get your mind off her by listening to audio books, talking to friends, going to places or even traveling for a little bit or maybe even pick up hobby or 2...it will help you clear your mind. I know it's not easy to cut off someone that you had a 3 year relationship with but consider it a blessing that you saw her for who she is now rather than 3 more years later down the line.

Maintain a cool, calculated distance and assess this situation for what it is. See what you could have done better if it's even possible, some of the decision making and most of all you should assess what is it that drew you to this women. Are you attracted to dysfunctional women or was there something genuinely that you over-looked? People do tend to get moody but having temper tantrums and displaying rage is not appropriate conduct at all. Couples do butt-heads here and there but the etiquette you are writing about is something you shouldn't tolerate at all and something you should reflect on as to why you would allow something like that in your life.

Keep marching forward...

 

[exhausted]

Hey man! Things like this happen all the time so don't feel too bad about you messing up. We are all human-beings after all. As long as you don't become a stalker and obsess over her or maybe do something even worse...I think you did fine. All you have to do now is just stick to your guns and stay disciplined enough to move forward with your life. I know it's easy to throw out generic and or cliche advice but everything gets better with time until this woman becomes nothing more than a mere distant memory of the past. As they say :- this too shall pass. Do your best to get your mind off her by listening to audio books, talking to friends, going to places or even traveling for a little bit or maybe even pick up hobby or 2...it will help you clear your mind. I know it's not easy to cut off someone that you had a 3 year relationship with but consider it a blessing that you saw her for who she is now rather than 3 more years later down the line.

Maintain a cool, calculated distance and assess this situation for what it is. See what you could have done better if it's even possible, some of the decision making and most of all you should assess what is it that drew you to this women. Are you attracted to dysfunctional women or was there something genuinely that you over-looked? People do tend to get moody but having temper tantrums and displaying rage is not appropriate conduct at all. Couples do butt-heads here and there but the etiquette you are writing about is something you shouldn't tolerate at all and something you should reflect on as to why you would allow something like that in your life.

Keep marching forward...

Thanks for the guidance!

 

[bullgoose]

"What gets me jazzed up? Hmm, still sparring and boxing even at 39, its my passion. "

39 myself and decided to start living for my boxing and ONLY my boxing !!! Recently went to the far east to do muay thai. Went into fanatic mode, no interest in people, hardly gave them the time of day. TRAIN - EAT - REST - TRAIN _ EAT - SLEEP. train twice per day monday to saturday rest day sunday. Was amazing to see the skirt come out the woodwork and try tapping into that masculine energy. It actually annoyed them when i rejected all overtures to go the saturday night drinking evenings. Focus on your boxing mate, good things will stem from it.

 

[exhausted]

"What gets me jazzed up? Hmm, still sparring and boxing even at 39, its my passion. "

39 myself and decided to start living for my boxing and ONLY my boxing !!! Recently went to the far east to do muay thai. Went into fanatic mode, no interest in people, hardly gave them the time of day. TRAIN - EAT - REST - TRAIN _ EAT - SLEEP. train twice per day monday to saturday rest day sunday. Was amazing to see the skirt come out the woodwork and try tapping into that masculine energy. It actually annoyed them when i rejected all overtures to go the saturday night drinking evenings. Focus on your boxing mate, good things will stem from it.

Will do! If I don't hit bags, train and spar my soul seems to be out of sync so to speak.
Good for you making that trip to grow your art.

 

[Billtx49]

my soul seems to be out of sync so to speak.

Take the time you need to heal. You will know when you're ready to go again.

 

[exhausted]

Hey man! Things like this happen all the time so don't feel too bad about you messing up. We are all human-beings after all. As long as you don't become a stalker and obsess over her or maybe do something even worse...I think you did fine. All you have to do now is just stick to your guns and stay disciplined enough to move forward with your life. I know it's easy to throw out generic and or cliche advice but everything gets better with time until this woman becomes nothing more than a mere distant memory of the past. As they say :- this too shall pass. Do your best to get your mind off her by listening to audio books, talking to friends, going to places or even traveling for a little bit or maybe even pick up hobby or 2...it will help you clear your mind. I know it's not easy to cut off someone that you had a 3 year relationship with but consider it a blessing that you saw her for who she is now rather than 3 more years later down the line.

Maintain a cool, calculated distance and assess this situation for what it is. See what you could have done better if it's even possible, some of the decision making and most of all you should assess what is it that drew you to this women. Are you attracted to dysfunctional women or was there something genuinely that you over-looked? People do tend to get moody but having temper tantrums and displaying rage is not appropriate conduct at all. Couples do butt-heads here and there but the etiquette you are writing about is something you shouldn't tolerate at all and something you should reflect on as to why you would allow something like that in your life.

Keep marching forward...

I've sat back and Ponder the last few days about your question if I am attracted to dysfunctional women. I do not believe so as this girl's true colors did not come out to about a year into the relationship. By that time that she had out of nowhere episodes or temper tantrums and some raging the gaslighting threw me off along with the fact that she's bipolar so I have a split personality to deal with one night is sweet loving and normal and the other that is mean and cruel and selfish. She had seen two different psychologists that both diagnosed with bipolar however she refused to think she was bipolar she tried meds a few times but they're not like feeling sleepy. At the end of our relationship she blame me for convincing her she is crazy and wasting money on meds and doctors haha. The irony. I do remember breaking up with her very calm and composed and loving about over a year into the relationship because she would just out of nowhere go off and cause fights and be crazy. I told her that I have a positive or and try to carry a positive vibe everyday and I understand people have bad days but it seemed like out of nowhere she would just flip out and cause problems and run out of my house. This happened quite a bit so I told her that we should break up that something was wrong I've tried to be helpful and add positivity and love to her life and it hasn't changed she just gets worse and worse. She then told me she has trouble with Stress and Anxiety gave me pity party and explain how she love me and she would be better but over the last three years things just got worse and worse. She would say she wants a future to be married and have kids however she couldn't go a week or two without causing problems or it seemed every month or every other month she would get mad and flip out and break things off of me and then days later would Hoover back and try to be back together. I told her I cannot ask somebody to marry me who breaks up with me all the time let alone ever. A year ago we put a plan in place that she would pay off her bills and save money as she's lived at her parents house the last 6 years and we would Prime for a future to buy a house together as I have a house but we both wanted a bigger house and some land in the country. So fast forward to today A year later she has $100 in her savings I have a lot of money at least Twelve Grand in mine she has continued to break things off every month or so rage and flip out and scream at me and her effort was to spend one day a week together. So the last time she flipped out on me and was terrible to me for days she tried to Hoover back and I said no it seems quiet ridiculous and embarrassing to look back on but she was literally two people one who's loving and very very close connected to you and the other had any time could pop out flip out rage go nuts and break things off like a crazy person. It has been a terrible mind-f*** my problem was caring and loving and staying and trying to endure trying to help her and prove what a waste of time and money and the worst thing is not being appreciated at all and receiving no credit none

 

[soulforge]

Hey man I know how you feeel.. I was with my ex 2 years and on the surface she was a very normal woman, others would believe she was sweet as sugar..

But this woman on occasions could say and do the cruelest of things..Definitely a Narcissistic..

I am 6 months NC and still think about her atleast 2 or 3 times a day.. I still miss her too..

But I know there is no going back and she is not good for me... So I cut ALL contact with her.. even changed my mobile number..

You just need to look at it, as your recovering from a terrible drug addiction, and you are now cold turkey..

Yes it's painful, and you will have imense cravings for your drug... but you have to fight it..

One day that feeling will be gone.. I am much better than I was 6 months ago...

Keep focused.. I swear the gym.. bodybuilding is my saviour right now, you keep moving forward and never look back..

Think of all the woman in the past, you thought you could NEVER get over... I doubt you even once think of them anymore..

That video is great by the way.. certainly has helped me process the situation better!

 

[backbreaker]

if you struggling with NC there isn't enough **** on your to do list everyday

 

[exhausted]

Hey man I know how you feeel.. I was with my ex 2 years and on the surface she was a very normal woman, others would believe she was sweet as sugar..

But this woman on occasions could say and do the cruelest of things..Definitely a Narcissistic..

I am 6 months NC and still think about her atleast 2 or 3 times a day.. I still miss her too..

But I know there is no going back and she is not good for me... So I cut ALL contact with her.. even changed my mobile number..

You just need to look at it, as your recovering from a terrible drug addiction, and you are now cold turkey..

Yes it's painful, and you will have imense cravings for your drug... but you have to fight it..

One day that feeling will be gone.. I am much better than I was 6 months ago...

Keep focused.. I swear the gym.. bodybuilding is my saviour right now, you keep moving forward and never look back..

Think of all the woman in the past, you thought you could NEVER get over... I doubt you even once think of them anymore..

That video is great by the way.. certainly has helped me process the situation better!

Thanks I appreciate it. One of my biggest difficulties in life is when I feel I am very very good to somebody and receive no appreciation or effort in return. Somehow I see this as a betrayal. Mainly because I feel in a partnership both are to take care of each other in certain ways and when one person is never reciprocating but always asking for more yet giving nothing, causing problems and being terrible then it is a betrayal.
However I have no one for at least a year that this girl has problems many many problems so I can only blame myself for trying more and more when I knew better when my family and friends told me it was pointless. I'll tell you one thing I can't look back and say I didn't try

 

[Billtx49]

One of my biggest difficulties in life is when I feel I am very very good to somebody and receive no appreciation or effort in return. Somehow I see this as a betrayal. Mainly because I feel in a partnership both are to take care of each other in certain ways and when one person is never reciprocating but always asking for more yet giving nothing, causing problems and being terrible then it is a betrayal.

Every quality man deserves respect. You weren't getting any. That's all you need to know.
Betrayal requires her to know a few things and care about whats right and wrong, and then choose to do wrong.

We tend to view disordered women in terms and motivations we can understand, but they don't operate that way. It's best to write one of these women off as an unexplainable life occurance.

 

[exhausted]

Every quality man deserves respect. You weren't getting any. That's all you need to know.
Betrayal requires her to know a few things and care about whats right and wrong, and then choose to do wrong.

We tend to view disordered women in terms and motivations we can understand, but they don't operate that way. It's best to write one of these women off as an unexplainable life occurance.

You're right I'm trying to use reason and logic with a mentally, or personality ruined person.

 

[soulforge]

Thanks I appreciate it. One of my biggest difficulties in life is when I feel I am very very good to somebody and receive no appreciation or effort in return. Somehow I see this as a betrayal. Mainly because I feel in a partnership both are to take care of each other in certain ways and when one person is never reciprocating but always asking for more yet giving nothing, causing problems and being terrible then it is a betrayal.
However I have no one for at least a year that this girl has problems many many problems so I can only blame myself for trying more and more when I knew better when my family and friends told me it was pointless. I'll tell you one thing I can't look back and say I didn't try

It doesn't matter how GREAT you treated this woman, or how you took care of her.

You will NEVER get any appreciation.. It all comes back to VALUE

Some woman only value status and money!

No matter how well I treated my ex, she never appreciated me.. Why? I didn't have the money and the status

A woman like this will always drop you, as soon as a better prospect comes along

 

[exhausted]

It doesn't matter how GREAT you treated this woman, or how you took care of her.

You will NEVER get any appreciation.. It all comes back to VALUE

Some woman only value status and money!

No matter how well I treated my ex, she never appreciated me.. Why? I didn't have the money and the status

A woman like this will always drop you, as soon as a better prospect comes along

Not even status.

About being an entitled brat getting what she wants and didn't from me.

Wanted me to downgrade from the home i have for one closer to her parents in a diff city. Ugh no thanks as she wasn't even my wife. What a dummy. Spoiled cvnt.

All about control is all.

My value is higher than hers by levels.

I Make much more money.
Have a very respectful job.
Am well renouned in the community.
Have a good savings, she literally has 100$ to her name and lives at her parents for free for 5 years now.
I'm responsible she barely is.
No arrogance but I'm at least 2 levels better looking than her.

She has a 6 year old who ive been around over 3 years who loved me and i was great. Im a much better parent than she is and tolerated her own kid better than she did as she has no patience. I'm great w kids always have been, just born like that. I always ran sports camps for kids even as a teenager as i was a premier baseball player.

I'm honestly levels above her.
But she's bipolar npd and a pain in the ass.

Hell thinking back a week before the last time we talked she sent me an email with a home for sale in my city which was 40grand cheaper than mine and 500sq feet smaller. Wtf? Why would we or i downgrade like that?

All because she had to control the home we lived in?


Makes no sense.

She made snarky comments about not wanted to live in my house because she didnt choose it. Haha.