Striking while the iron's hot as oppose to playing it cool just in case?

[drift king]

This is more a general question, if you're acting too keen, acting needy, desperate, being too available AFC etc, usually you need to no contact but that doesn't necessarily get you the girl.

If her interest comes back again even slightly after a big gesture from you.. is it better to capitalise on the situation even if you're not sure what it is?

(as in she's texting you again, appears interested but you're not sure plus you dont want to do the things which turned her off again in the first place.. should you go for it or just chill for a few days and recontact then?)

If you know she has plans on the weekend, and she contacts you on saturday but not indicating she wants to meet which is the better way to handle the situation?

(i know i should be out getting more plates, that's what i did instead.. but i can never tell whether leaving it for a few days her mind may change again depending on her mood etc) i dont know if playing it cool after showing such interest after a gesture will make it look like im playing games and turn her off again.

 

[Aaron B]

if she contacts me on saturday, i already have plans

i'm not available at the last minute generally

 

[drift king]

if she contacts me on saturday, i already have plans

i'm not available at the last minute generally

Yes exactly, that's what i did.

all i replied with was 'you're welcome, you too' in response to her thank you text and have a good weekend.

her final text was 'see you later, go out and drink '

my confusion with this was why is she telling me to go out and drink?

I dont drink! at all, ever. She knows this, from the times we've been out. it's like she's assuming i've not got plans that night and telling me what to go out and do. i could be out with another girl for all she knows. it's like she's making the assumption i'm staying in or something.

she doesn't know what my plans were, all she knows i was in a rush the night before when i left after my gesture so if she's trying to figure out why i did the gesture or what im doing i wasn't gona respond to give her that indicator. she's very covert like most women not asking direct questions and hinting at things to get me to talk about it.

i was thinking maybe it might have been a semi-booty call but at the same time i knew very well she had plans that night too.

 

[Iceberg]

Yes exactly, that's what i did.

all i replied with was 'you're welcome, you too' in response to her thank you text and have a good weekend.

her final text was 'see you later, go out and drink '

my confusion with this was why is she telling me to go out and drink?

I dont drink! at all, ever. She knows this, from the times we've been out. it's like she's assuming i've not got plans that night and telling me what to go out and do. i could be out with another girl for all she knows. it's like she's making the assumption i'm staying in or something.

she doesn't know what my plans were, all she knows i was in a rush the night before when i left after my gesture so if she's trying to figure out why i did the gesture or what im doing i wasn't gona respond to give her that indicator. she's very covert like most women not asking direct questions and hinting at things to get me to talk about it.

i was thinking maybe it might have been a semi-booty call but at the same time i knew very well she had plans that night too.

Your post is a bit cloudy...so I'm trying to cut through the clutter and get to the issue. So, forgive me if I'm wrong on anything...

The "gesture" you refer to is the flowers you gave her? And the question you're asking is, "Now that we're texting each other again, how quickly do I act?"

Now to recap, this is a girl who you haven't had sex with, correct?

And this is a girl who told you that she "never was interested in you" that you're "obsessed with her" and that you "have too much free time".

To me, that sounds like several well-placed kicks in the balls.

To answer your question in a general sense: There is no general rule. Sometimes I'll act quickly. Other times, I'll wait. Depends on many many variables (the girl, interest level, whether or not this meet-up will guarantee sex).

In regards to this specific woman, I don't know why you're doing this to yourself. Even if she does turn out to be a booty call, the hoops you've had to jump through are just so emasculating, I'm getting pissed just imagining myself in that scenario.

 

[drift king]

Your post is a bit cloudy...so I'm trying to cut through the clutter and get to the issue. So, forgive me if I'm wrong on anything...

The "gesture" you refer to is the flowers you gave her? And the question you're asking is, "Now that we're texting each other again, how quickly do I act?"

Now to recap, this is a girl who you haven't had sex with, correct?

And this is a girl who told you that she "never was interested in you" that you're "obsessed with her" and that you "have too much free time".

To me, that sounds like several well-placed kicks in the balls.

To answer your question in a general sense: There is no general rule. Sometimes I'll act quickly. Other times, I'll wait. Depends on many many variables (the girl, interest level, whether or not this meet-up will guarantee sex).

In regards to this specific woman, I don't know why you're doing this to yourself. Even if she does turn out to be a booty call, the hoops you've had to jump through are just so emasculating, I'm getting pissed just imagining myself in that scenario.

you're right, i need new options.

but in a general sense i wanted to have an idea of what i should be doing, i've been in this scenario too many times now and always seem to f it up a few days later so i need to figure out the best plan of action post doing something like this as a gesture.. not just for her.

it's like part 1 of the plan works, but i have no part 2.

sarging is hard, and i feel like i've commited quite a lot both financially and emotionally into that 1 that i dont want to drop it yet till i felt i've done everything i could.

obviously IF i had other options i probably wouldnt care so much about this 1 but unfortunately it seems like the most likely chance of lay despite me sarging everyday now till xmas. not counting my chickens, i spent all this year sarging and had minimal success if any.

 

[st_99]

too much planning, too much thinking, too much caring = lost frame = no attraction = no sex.

 

[drift king]

Your post is a bit cloudy...so I'm trying to cut through the clutter and get to the issue. So, forgive me if I'm wrong on anything...

The "gesture" you refer to is the flowers you gave her? And the question you're asking is, "Now that we're texting each other again, how quickly do I act?"

Now to recap, this is a girl who you haven't had sex with, correct?

And this is a girl who told you that she "never was interested in you" that you're "obsessed with her" and that you "have too much free time".

To me, that sounds like several well-placed kicks in the balls.

To answer your question in a general sense: There is no general rule. Sometimes I'll act quickly. Other times, I'll wait. Depends on many many variables (the girl, interest level, whether or not this meet-up will guarantee sex).

In regards to this specific woman, I don't know why you're doing this to yourself. Even if she does turn out to be a booty call, the hoops you've had to jump through are just so emasculating, I'm getting pissed just imagining myself in that scenario.

you mention there is no general rule.. is a girls interest level likely to drop in a few days of no contact though? (like i said, the iron is supposedly hot.. but you dont know that for sure so it's a risk)

 

[Iceberg]

you're right, i need new options.

but in a general sense i wanted to have an idea of what i should be doing, i've been in this scenario too many times now and always seem to f it up a few days later so i need to figure out the best plan of action post doing something like this as a gesture.. not just for her.

Well, in a general sense you shouldn't perform a gesture like this.

Summary: Girl doesn't like you, so you give her flowers. Girl still doesn't like you.

If the girl already likes you, then the flowers will be a nice (but unnecessary) gift. If the girl doesn't like you, flowers change nothing.

If your general question is "How do I get a girl interested after a rejection" I'd tell you to go No Contact, and maybe reach out in the future.

You've already done No Contact. So that's it.

it's like part 1 of the plan works, but i have no part 2.

sarging is hard, and i feel like i've commited quite a lot both financially and emotionally into that 1 that i dont want to drop it yet till i felt i've done everything i could.

I don't want to oversimply your situation - but it's just a girl. So what do you mean "do everything you could"? You've already done everything you could. You made the effort. She rejected you. Then after the rejection, you gave her flowers. What's left?

obviously IF i had other options i probably wouldnt care so much about this 1 but unfortunately it seems like the most likely chance of lay despite me sarging everyday now till xmas. not counting my chickens, i spent all this year sarging and had minimal success if any.

Help me through this one - how is she your most likely chance? I'm not seeing anything likely about this at all. In fact, I'd wager that 99% of the guys she's slept with did NOT have to buy her flowers beforehand.

st_99 said it more simply that I did....

If you have to plan, and think, and care this much about a girl you haven't even slept with, then you're done. In this woman's future, there will be men who get her into bed with nothing but a smile and a drink. But you're getting all Romeo on her.

If it works, cool. But your way of doing things is contradictory to everything that I believe.

you mention there is no general rule.. is a girls interest level likely to drop in a few days of no contact though? (like i said, the iron is supposedly hot.. but you dont know that for sure so it's a risk)

No Contact is a tool designed to help YOU adapt to moving on from a low interest prospect. SOMETIMES the woman, now realizing that she's lost you, will make an attempt to re-kindle the romance. SOMETIMES. But don't get it twisted. No Contact is for you. Not her.

And if the woman's IL rises, it's because at some people she had a high IL for you anyway. In this particular case, I see no evidence that this woman ever wanted you. You know more about her than I do...So I could be very wrong. This whole situation just reaks of neediness to me. You're holding onto this girl like a life raft.

 

[Aaron B]

i wouldn't have replied at all on a saturday, as i would have been busy living my life

why do most guys believe that they have to respond to all of her messages immediately?

how many times in the past has she waited an extended period of time to respond to one of your messages (or didn't respond to it at all)

in general, your immediate, instinctual response is BAD and WRONG.

if you don't clearly understand how your response furthers YOUR AGENDA, why are you sending it?

when you take time to reflect and structure your messages properly, you can avoid unknowingly communicating desperation and neediness.

everything you do sends her a message. what message are you sending?

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Don't waste your time with this girl. Go do something beneficial to your life. It seems by the way this woman is communicating with you that she is not beneficial to your life other than a tiny bit of socializing through text messages... Which seems to be driving you crazy / over-analytical. Best bet is to just forget about her.

Perhaps there's a reason why she's being this way with you? Is there a back story to this?

 

[drift king]

i'm just thinking that in general, if she has low IL and you then do something that reignites that IL, how long do you have before it reverts back to how it was before?

i feel like instead of sitting back a few days after a gesture it might go against you as said gesture was last week, it wont be lingering in her mind anymore, she wont have those same feelings of emotions she had 4 days ago.

so it seems like you need to capitalize on it then and there esp if she contacts you the next day to say thanks.

i really dont know what the right move is in general. last time this happened with a different girl, i tried to capitalize on it but i came across pushy. this time i've waited a few days and recontacted, trying to be less needy. didn't think the high risk tactic of trying to pounce the next day was the right strategy.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

i'm just thinking that in general, if she has low IL and you then do something that reignites that IL, how long do you have before it reverts back to how it was before?

Your over-thinking. Your also mis-calculating what getting her those flowers did for her interest level. I don't know all the history here, but its very apparent that she has low interest in you at best and although she was normal enough to thank you for getting the flowers; somewhere in your brain you have taken that as "her interest is high again." Its not, trust me, and if I recall she even mentioned she didn't know why you got them for her. Ask yourself, would an interested woman say that to you? Would an interested woman encourage you to go out on a Saturday night?


i feel like instead of sitting back a few days after a gesture it might go against you as said gesture was last week, it wont be lingering in her mind anymore, she wont have those same feelings of emotions she had 4 days ago.

Bro, your over-analyzing so much, that your probably confusing yourself. NOTHING is lingering in her mind. The problem here is you were needy, clingy and AFC to the max in the beginning and now that is how she see's you. No amount of "no contact" or ****y texts, etc is going to change that now. Your reasoning on wanting to try every possible avenue with this girl because you have invested so much time and money is beyond a chump move.

so it seems like you need to capitalize on it then and there esp if she contacts you the next day to say thanks.

Not in your situation. The truth is this girl is meeting new guys, while your sitting on the couch analyzing her every thought and move.

i really dont know what the right move is in general. last time this happened with a different girl, i tried to capitalize on it but i came across pushy. this time i've waited a few days and recontacted, trying to be less needy. didn't think the high risk tactic of trying to pounce the next day was the right strategy.

Ever heard the phrase, "you might have won the battle, but you didn't win the war?" Well that certainly applies in this situation. You see, just because you waited a few days to re-connect with her, doesn't cancel out all the chump stuff you did prior to that one episode. You seem to mistakenly think that this one flower move has put you back on a even playing field and it hasn't. I'm going to be blunt here because I can tell you want to get better with women and you want to learn; you have absolutely NO CHANCE with this girl, its over, done, she will never be more than a text message on your phone. You won't see her naked, you won't date her, you won't kiss her. If you respect yourself, you will move on and learn from your errors and get better for the next girl. Also wouldn't hurt to read the DJ Bible, and internalize a lot of the basic principles. When you get caught up in following "rules" such as don't call for 3 days, always end conversations first (which is a good one), etc etc, you miss the whole point of what this board is trying to teach. Don't become a rules guy, become a DJ.

PIMP

 

[drift king]

PIMP

you make a lot of sense.. but i've already gotten her naked and made out with her several times. does that still make no difference?

looking back now i see what you mean when she said she didn't know why i got her those flowers.. she cant be that stupid.. she knows in her mind what i want.. she did say 'if you want to waste your time and money then ok but dont blame me if nothing changes.'

i cant believe she can be that dumb and not know what the flowers were for and if im kissing her on the lips saying goodbye as i left. i know she told me straight out shes not interested but i know her ex-bf persisted and she eventuall fell in love with him.. the issue though is she's got a lot of other sh1t going on in her life more important than me that it's hard to get a look in esp if she has no IL anymore.

it feels like as if something should have been done sooner.

 

[Iceberg]

you make a lot of sense.. but i've already gotten her naked and made out with her several times. does that still make no difference?

looking back now i see what you mean when she said she didn't know why i got her those flowers.. she cant be that stupid.. she knows in her mind what i want.. she did say 'if you want to waste your time and money then ok but dont blame me if nothing changes.'

i cant believe she can be that dumb and not know what the flowers were for and if im kissing her on the lips saying goodbye as i left. i know she told me straight out shes not interested but i know her ex-bf persisted and she eventuall fell in love with him.. the issue though is she's got a lot of other sh1t going on in her life more important than me that it's hard to get a look in esp if she has no IL anymore.

it feels like as if something should have been done sooner.

She said THAT and this situation is still up for debate in your mind?

Dude, I want to help you and all, but I'm literally laughing out loud now. This has reached a comical level.

Let's just throw this out there....even IF these rude azz comments from her were sh1t tests, you'd still have to be a total punk to want to pursue this woman. She has zero respect for you.

There's this type of pornos called Cuckolds, where the man gets aroused by his wife degrading him and watching the wife get plowed by other dudes. You're slowly reaching that level of manhood. You're getting all boned up over a girl who treats you like a sh1t stain. Is that your thing, dude? I mean, if that turns you on, then who am I to judge? Some dudes get hard by dressing up as superheros. Whatever works.

 

[ArcBound]

Your iron is ice cold my friend.

 

[puabestmate]

Speaking from experience, striking while the iron is hot yields the best results. But a lot of it temporary - one night stands, or very short flings.

It depends on what you want. If your target is for LTR long term relationship, then it does not hurt to wait. If there is a genuine chemistry, she will respond and not flake out even after a week. I met my last GF of 2 years like this. She gave me a wrong nmber by mistake, and she called me 2 weeks later and ask me why I haven't called her.

But all my other lays come from contacting the girl within a couple of days, or on the same day.


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