(Didn't feel like editing myself today, so it's long. Just skim it.)
Hey guys, was not at my best last night and am posting the stories to get feedback but also to serve as a cautionary tale: when you've picked out the wisdom on here that you want to apply to your life, commit to it. I floundered last night because, despite seeing results in the past, some of this DJ behavior still isn't routine to me and I let myself slip.
I work with both of these girls (and before you start - I'm wrapping up this contract and moving away in three weeks, hence kill mode being switched on).
Girl #1. Let's call her "Party"
Party girl is a pretty typical hot babe. Great curves, big boobs. She doesn't "party" in the popping ecstasy and hitting the club sense, but she's always out in large groups of girls, staying out all night, being loud, etc. (Fyi: I am decidedly more low key). She is recently single and we were friends beforehand. She's pretty much a confirmed AW. She's four years younger at 25.
-Tried making one-on-one plans in the past but she never followed through.
-This week, asked her what days are good to go for a drink. She said Wed/Thurs. I picked Wed.
-Wednesday came and she texted saying that she was super hungover from a party the night before and wanted to reschedule to Thursday. I just wrote back that I'll get back to her. She wrote back a couple long messages apologizing but looking forward to Thursday.
-I text her back end of work day Thursday, I'm going to this bar that most of us at work go to on Thursdays but I told her that we could meet beforehand for a drink. (She's gone all weekend and I knew that if things went well I'd just skip the work social).
-Thursday night text convo. She sends me about 6 messages in a row, just joking around, whatever. Then...
Me: 9pm @ this bar.
Her: What's going on there?
Me: Dunno, never been. Wanted to check it out.
Her: It's awesome. Any of your buds coming out too?
! ALARM BELLS !
Me: Nope but I just got some work I have to do. See you at [work thing] later if you're there. (Love this. A year ago I wouldn't have the balls.)
Her: Thought we were going for a drink.
--------- THIS IS WHERE I SHOULD'VE ENDED IT ---------
Her: We going for a drink or are you working?
Me: Yeah stuff just came in I gotta deal with.
Her: That really sucks! I'm here ready to go!
Me: Could maybe swing 10pm.
Her: Ugh that's soooo far away.
Me: Aight, come have a beer here while I finish up.
Her: K, [my girl friend] is coming with, ok?
Me: Actually not really feeling that. See ya at [work thing]. (Good, but I shouldn't have had to do this twice.)
Conclusion: Knew she was an attention ***** beforehand but proceeded anyway. When she asked if my friends were coming I used the skills I've acquired on SS to detect the low-interest and immediately pulled chute. When she reacted in the needy, sad way she did to me canceling I took the bait. She then says she's bringing a friend along. It should've never got to that point - my instinct was right the first time.
Girl #2. Let's call her "Artsy"
Artsy girl is not the type of looker that guys would be clamoring over. I, however, have an affinity for the reserved, nerdy girls. She's not artsy like a vegan hippie, rather she's a little quiet (not shy) and is pursuing a career in the arts. She's 7 years younger at 22 and in an entry-level position at my work whereas I'm in a senior role though in different departments - I'm not her boss or anything like that.
-A couple weeks ago I texted her to come over. It was pretty direct, we knew we were both out and both drinking with different people. It was midnight. She took a while to respond that night and said she was too drunk to hang with co-workers. Understood - boyfriend, doesn't do one-nighters, or some other reason: moving on, no big deal.
-However, over the course of the week we flirted some more in person and I was seeing a lot of green lights. I told her I'd see her at the work thing that I mentioned in the Party girl story.
-So after Party girl thing didn't work out, I go to the work social and eventually bump into Artsy girl. I chat a bit then leave and mingle. I go to the bar, see her, flag her over. We sit at the bar but she doesn't want a drink, she says she's had enough and trying not to get too drunk around co-workers. We chat for a while - it's flirty, lots of eye contact, her playing with her hair, it was green light central...
-Then: I ask her if she wants to get out of here and bounce to another bar. She acts kind of awkward and isn't sure. I told her it's no problem, let's go, I'd never lead her wrong. She wasn't so sure about that but I said come on and she said okay and started to follow... I got to the door and saw that she walked across the room and was talking to someone. I figured she was just saying goodbye so I waited by door and ****ed around on my phone. I was surprised that, two minutes later, she was still over there and then I saw her move to the bar with another co-worker...
-I walk over to her and ask if she's coming. She says no, she owes this co-worker guy a drink, blah blah. I rolled my eyes and walked away. (Again, well played, CWord.)
--------- THIS IS WHERE I SHOULD'VE ENDED IT ---------
-A little while later I was talking with some people and she walked by, so I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her over. Asked her what she's saying, etc. I told her again, let's get out of here. She said no, she was going to stay. I'm smiling the whole time and said, "This is the last time I'm going to offer. Let's go." She said no, she's going to stay and was clearly feeling awkward - whereas I was smiling and genuinely did not care. We wished each other a good night and that was that.
Conclusion: Who knows. I indicated above where I should have cut it off, but I guess I just couldn't wrap my head around a 22 year-old, fairly average girl just starting out in the biz not following my lead here.
Overall: The stuff I've learned on this forum has been immensely helpful. I also feel that if a girl is single, not a jesus-freak, and you're a decent enough dude she will at least go along for the ride for one night to see where you're at. Party was probably a write off from the start, but still surprised about Artsy - she's the type of situation that makes me second-guess some of the DJ stuff. Artsy is definitely the type of girl I'm normally attracted to but I get the sense that my directness might've scared her off... She mentioned some stuff about being in a choir and she puts off the vibe of someone who is not very experienced in dating - so, I thought to myself, maybe being too forward and trying to take the lead so soon was scaring off the type of chill girls I'm interested in... "Last time I'm going to offer?" WTF, that was me getting way too carried away with this alpha sh-t, like I was trying to club her over the head and drag her home...
...But then I look back at those two bolded lines in the stories above and see how, if I left the situations at that, I would've left the night feeling more sure of myself than I do today. So the moral of the story might be that the lessons on SoSuave pervert the mind and cost you quality women, but it might also be that if you just stick with the advice on here that you know in your gut is correct, you'll at least end a night with your head held high. :rock:
Hey guys, was not at my best last night and am posting the stories to get feedback but also to serve as a cautionary tale: when you've picked out the wisdom on here that you want to apply to your life, commit to it. I floundered last night because, despite seeing results in the past, some of this DJ behavior still isn't routine to me and I let myself slip.
I work with both of these girls (and before you start - I'm wrapping up this contract and moving away in three weeks, hence kill mode being switched on).
Girl #1. Let's call her "Party"
Party girl is a pretty typical hot babe. Great curves, big boobs. She doesn't "party" in the popping ecstasy and hitting the club sense, but she's always out in large groups of girls, staying out all night, being loud, etc. (Fyi: I am decidedly more low key). She is recently single and we were friends beforehand. She's pretty much a confirmed AW. She's four years younger at 25.
-Tried making one-on-one plans in the past but she never followed through.
-This week, asked her what days are good to go for a drink. She said Wed/Thurs. I picked Wed.
-Wednesday came and she texted saying that she was super hungover from a party the night before and wanted to reschedule to Thursday. I just wrote back that I'll get back to her. She wrote back a couple long messages apologizing but looking forward to Thursday.
-I text her back end of work day Thursday, I'm going to this bar that most of us at work go to on Thursdays but I told her that we could meet beforehand for a drink. (She's gone all weekend and I knew that if things went well I'd just skip the work social).
-Thursday night text convo. She sends me about 6 messages in a row, just joking around, whatever. Then...
Me: 9pm @ this bar.
Her: What's going on there?
Me: Dunno, never been. Wanted to check it out.
Her: It's awesome. Any of your buds coming out too?
! ALARM BELLS !
Me: Nope but I just got some work I have to do. See you at [work thing] later if you're there. (Love this. A year ago I wouldn't have the balls.)
Her: Thought we were going for a drink.
--------- THIS IS WHERE I SHOULD'VE ENDED IT ---------
Her: We going for a drink or are you working?
Me: Yeah stuff just came in I gotta deal with.
Her: That really sucks! I'm here ready to go!
Me: Could maybe swing 10pm.
Her: Ugh that's soooo far away.
Me: Aight, come have a beer here while I finish up.
Her: K, [my girl friend] is coming with, ok?
Me: Actually not really feeling that. See ya at [work thing]. (Good, but I shouldn't have had to do this twice.)
Conclusion: Knew she was an attention ***** beforehand but proceeded anyway. When she asked if my friends were coming I used the skills I've acquired on SS to detect the low-interest and immediately pulled chute. When she reacted in the needy, sad way she did to me canceling I took the bait. She then says she's bringing a friend along. It should've never got to that point - my instinct was right the first time.
Girl #2. Let's call her "Artsy"
Artsy girl is not the type of looker that guys would be clamoring over. I, however, have an affinity for the reserved, nerdy girls. She's not artsy like a vegan hippie, rather she's a little quiet (not shy) and is pursuing a career in the arts. She's 7 years younger at 22 and in an entry-level position at my work whereas I'm in a senior role though in different departments - I'm not her boss or anything like that.
-A couple weeks ago I texted her to come over. It was pretty direct, we knew we were both out and both drinking with different people. It was midnight. She took a while to respond that night and said she was too drunk to hang with co-workers. Understood - boyfriend, doesn't do one-nighters, or some other reason: moving on, no big deal.
-However, over the course of the week we flirted some more in person and I was seeing a lot of green lights. I told her I'd see her at the work thing that I mentioned in the Party girl story.
-So after Party girl thing didn't work out, I go to the work social and eventually bump into Artsy girl. I chat a bit then leave and mingle. I go to the bar, see her, flag her over. We sit at the bar but she doesn't want a drink, she says she's had enough and trying not to get too drunk around co-workers. We chat for a while - it's flirty, lots of eye contact, her playing with her hair, it was green light central...
-Then: I ask her if she wants to get out of here and bounce to another bar. She acts kind of awkward and isn't sure. I told her it's no problem, let's go, I'd never lead her wrong. She wasn't so sure about that but I said come on and she said okay and started to follow... I got to the door and saw that she walked across the room and was talking to someone. I figured she was just saying goodbye so I waited by door and ****ed around on my phone. I was surprised that, two minutes later, she was still over there and then I saw her move to the bar with another co-worker...
-I walk over to her and ask if she's coming. She says no, she owes this co-worker guy a drink, blah blah. I rolled my eyes and walked away. (Again, well played, CWord.)
--------- THIS IS WHERE I SHOULD'VE ENDED IT ---------
-A little while later I was talking with some people and she walked by, so I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her over. Asked her what she's saying, etc. I told her again, let's get out of here. She said no, she was going to stay. I'm smiling the whole time and said, "This is the last time I'm going to offer. Let's go." She said no, she's going to stay and was clearly feeling awkward - whereas I was smiling and genuinely did not care. We wished each other a good night and that was that.
Conclusion: Who knows. I indicated above where I should have cut it off, but I guess I just couldn't wrap my head around a 22 year-old, fairly average girl just starting out in the biz not following my lead here.
Overall: The stuff I've learned on this forum has been immensely helpful. I also feel that if a girl is single, not a jesus-freak, and you're a decent enough dude she will at least go along for the ride for one night to see where you're at. Party was probably a write off from the start, but still surprised about Artsy - she's the type of situation that makes me second-guess some of the DJ stuff. Artsy is definitely the type of girl I'm normally attracted to but I get the sense that my directness might've scared her off... She mentioned some stuff about being in a choir and she puts off the vibe of someone who is not very experienced in dating - so, I thought to myself, maybe being too forward and trying to take the lead so soon was scaring off the type of chill girls I'm interested in... "Last time I'm going to offer?" WTF, that was me getting way too carried away with this alpha sh-t, like I was trying to club her over the head and drag her home...
...But then I look back at those two bolded lines in the stories above and see how, if I left the situations at that, I would've left the night feeling more sure of myself than I do today. So the moral of the story might be that the lessons on SoSuave pervert the mind and cost you quality women, but it might also be that if you just stick with the advice on here that you know in your gut is correct, you'll at least end a night with your head held high. :rock:
