Still stuck on baby's mom.

[Fixmylife]

So, here's the deal. I had taken a hiatus from sosuave, and women, because I'm busy (online classes, working 40 hours at night, 14 hours weekly baby visits and so forth.) That may be the root of my problem.
As some of you may know, my ex (9 month relationship)changed her number, and didn't contact me for the entire pregnancy. Since that, I've taken her to court, paid child support faithfully, and now we get along quite well. I'm much better than I was when we dated.(higher paying job, more confidence, 20+ lbs of muscle, positive attitude) Part of me feels that I am too good for her now, especially after what she pulled. The theory is that she just wanted a baby.
Another part of me can't get over the fact that we should try again for the little one, (15 mos.) I also can't shake the fact that I want to sleep with her. This probably stems from lack of dating and seeing her regularly. She apologized for what happened, has tried to make me jealous, and often makes comments about the baby like "he's so cute...he looks just like you." Also, we both live at our parents houses. She makes a special effort to talk to me when we exchange, and there are often awkward pauses.

Anyway, I would like you guys to talk some sense into me, or give me some suggestions and how to reconcile, or at least start to bring it up, or on how to act around her. I've had suggestions to start dating around, and I will look into that harder, which is probably the most "dj" think to do. I've heard that women do like single dads.

 

[Albatross953]

Good on you for stepping up. This will be what was important when you look back at 80 not how much ass you got.

Take her on a date and see what happens if that's what you want. Just don't knock her up again.

 

[j.619]

Another part of me can't get over the fact that we should try again for the little one, (15 mos.)

This, right here, is very commendable. If you can make it work, great. If not, don't force it for the sake of your child. You and baby's mom will be SO unhappy for the entire 18 years, thus the child suffers. I'm a byproduct of a broken home and feel like things would have been easier had my parents stayed together for me and my sisters' sake. That's just me, I don't really know how it is they felt about it or if it would have even worked.

There's no DJ way to approach it. Try to hang out and see if you can stand each other. If not, be DECENT (as opposed to romantic) with each other for the sake of kiddo.

 

[Dgwizdal]

What was the situation when you broke up? Did you go out like an AFC?

 

[( . )( . )]

Good on you for stepping up. This will be what was important when you look back at 80 not how much ass you got.

*Shudders* Is it just me or does this expression make anyone else's skin crawl?

To me it reads ""Although you had no reproductive rights or choice in the matter, and were duped for your sperm and wallet. Good on you for "stepping up "":crazy: Maybe I'm just biased because I'm only on year 8..9? of child support payments.

OP correct me if I'm wrong but didn't this chick next you after she acquired your seed? If she's proven to be that low rent how do you expect for this to have a happy ending?

 

[Fixmylife]

I appreciate the positive comments, he's a great little boy and I love him very much.
I don't believe I went out like an AFC. She broke up with me, strung me along, then got mad when I didn't insist we get back together. She then got really mad at me for hanging out with my friends and threatened to change her number. I said fine, she changed it immediately, contacted me a few times after that within a week and wouldn't let me go to any ultrasounds. I waited three months, tried to get in touch, she *****ed at me and called me a sperm donor. She was extremely pissed off at the start after I took her to court (after the birth.) Then she found out from a third party that I wasn't dating anyone, and has been very nice ever since. The not dating anyone thing is AFC, but I was just wrecked for a really long time.

She has been decent, but does *****y stuff, like ignoring holidays and not giving me the right amount of hours... 7 instead of 8 on fathers day, my fault apparently ("you should have told me earlier!") I just deal with it and try to be decent.

Also, ( . )( . ) it is nice to see a devils advocate, this is actually what I was looking for.

So you guys are saying, just ask her on a date? We talk pretty regularly, and can easily deal with each other. That just seems awkward to me, probably my problem. I'm not sure what she is looking for. She starting going to church, (same religion I was following before we met) and has this "holier than thou" attitude. She is obviously still physically attracted. Maybe more so.

 

[Albatross953]

All due respect, this isn't about him not having rights. I'm the first guy to say if a woman can abort, a man should have the option to walk away.

OP decided on his own to take her to court. OP decided to take visitation. Its not clear, the child support may have been his idea too.

There aren't enough guys willing to be fathers in the world. Its why half the women out there are screwed up.

So YES I commend the man for stepping up. By making the choice to. Not because some woman tricked him into thinking she was on the pill. And not because some court said he had to.

 

[Fixmylife]

All due respect, this isn't about him not having rights. I'm the first guy to say if a woman can abort, a man should have the option to walk away.

OP decided on his own to take her to court. OP decided to take visitation. Its not clear, the child support may have been his idea too.

There aren't enough guys willing to be fathers in the world. Its why half the women out there are screwed up.

So YES I commend the man for stepping up. By making the choice to. Not because some woman tricked him into thinking she was on the pill. And not because some court said he had to.

I do appreciate that, its really all about the boy. Who would be a better dad for him than me? I did my due diligence and got a paternity test. After I met him for the first time, there was really no question, (same nose, eyes, hands, feet.) But you know, just in case. Due to me being there, I've kind of diffused her whole, "poor me, I'm a single mom and the dad just left!" story and ability to play the victim. Few guys want to step into a situation with a willing father already there (divorce situations feel different, because that's more definite). I'm not saying she would get back with me out of desperation, and I was never meaning to be plan B. I started feeling this way when we went to get him a haircut. She made sure to mention that they were going to get some frozen yogurt afterward, in my city, but I didn't want to invite myself. She insisted we both be there for his first haircut, I didn't realize that was that important to women.