Still friends? An attempt to escape the zone.

[mmx]

Hey guys, here's my situation with this one particular girl I know. I would like for it to be analyzed, as I'm wondering whether I'm playing my cards right or not.

The beginning: I met this girl in high school, 9+ years ago (we'll call her Jen). Now Jen and I were great friends, and at this time of my life, I was an AFC. Obviously, I didn't even know I was in the LJBF zone at the time, but I foolishly asked her out and tried to impress her. No surprise here, I was single for a while.

The enlightenment: Right before college started, I attempted to ask her out again. Absolutely lost, I obviously got shot down again. That's when I found about this site one night and educated myself about the dating scene. I immediately got rid of Jen and cleared my disease: one-itisment. I found myself a girlfriend in my second year of college and had a 1 year LTR (which was a great experience). During this time, I met up with Jen about 2-3 times in person, totally random off-the-street type thing. We had a conversation or two and went on our own ways for a while. Communication at this point was pretty much non-existent. I have distanced myself away from her.

Now, since my break up with my ex-girlfriend, Jen and I started talking again out of the blue (she messages me over MSN a month or two ago) but this time I'm armed with knowledge: our conversations are brief, and I don't go over my head to do her any major favours like an AFC would and I'm holding my ground... or am I?

The present: Last week, she calls me up asking for drugs. I tell her I'm not a dealer but a friend of mine can help out. I get her what she wants and that's that. Now, before you guys say "You just pulled off an AFC move", it was more of a "favour for a favour". I told her I need a new pair of leather gloves (second pair I get from her) so she hooks me up from the store she works at for dirt cheap. Side note: I got the gloves before I got her the drugs.

Today, she calls me up asking about advice on a computer she bought and wants my opinion. I tell her that if I have time, I'll look into it, since I'm at work and very busy. Two hours later, I give her a call back and ask her the model number of the computer. She gives it to me and I tell her I'll look over it. I don't call back.

I leave work two hours later and buy some new windshield wipers for my car at a store. She calls me up again while I'm installing them asking what I think about her new computer. I tell her "If you buy me a drink, I'll tell you how much it sucks." and start chuckling a bit. She laughs too and says "You serious? It's that bad? Oh man..." and blah blah. To cut it short, I end up telling her at the end "I should take you out one night." She says "I'm working tonight, but I'm free Thursday (tomorrow) if you want to take me out..."

I'm still on the phone with her, focusing on my driving and my mind starts to wonder-off into oblivion when I pull off a stupid move and ask her "So you still talk with Bob?" (a mutual friend of ours). "Blah blah, no it hasn't been the same since we slept together..."

Uh, what? Did I just hear that correctly? "You slept with Bob?!"

"Yeah, we had an affair and..."

I immediately come to my senses and promptly tell her "Whoa, whoa, whoa... before you go off with your problems, I don't want to hear 'em... I'm not a counselor here." She starts saying "Oh sorry, didn't mean to disturb you..." and I say "That's alright... look, I gotta get going, give me a call tomorrow and we'll do something if I'm not busy." and hang up.


Damnit. So, what's the situation like? Am I still in the zone? I'm contemplating of just shifting my focus on her co-worker at the store. I can easily move on and forget about her, but I'm wondering if I still have a chance or not. Did I already blew it and haven't realized it yet?

Yeah, I should probably go back to reading the bible all over again. Any input is appreciated... thanks guys.

 

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I'm sorry to say you are definitely still in the friendzone. And from what you're writing here I highly doubt that you will ever be able to escape it. She uses you as a tool and even though your game and knowledge clearly has improved it seems to me you are still trying too hard. It's a good thing that you demand something of equal value in return for your favours, but I think she still feels like she know she can have you. I loved the "If you buy me a drink, I'll tell you how much it sucks."-line though! Good stuff.

You are not a challenge to her and the fact that she mentions other guys she has slept with (without even considering how you would respond to that information) is a bad sign. A clear IOD. She is not interested in you in a romantic way. Unfortunately.

It's been 9 years. I wouldn't waste any more time trying to get that chick. Should have written her off years ago in my opinion.

I see what you were trying to do when she talked about that Bob-dude. You didn't want to be the "girlfriend" who has to listen to that stuff, but I think you came of as being jealous or angry.
First you were nice to her, asked her out and then when she tells you that stuff, you turn cold and ends the conversation. Big mistake. You gave her all the power. You should have just playfully commented on the situation and changed the subject. That would make you look secure...However in this case i don't think it would have mattered. There's no escape here my friend..

Go out and start gaming new chicks. A few projects so that you don't have to face the ugly feeling that is one-itis again!!

And it's always a good thing to read the bible again But it seems like you have some of the basic-theory down.

Move on. Good luck!

 

[mmx]

Cool stuff, thanks for the advice! Yeah, I figured I was still in the zone, just wanted to confirm it. And you're right on the way I reacted on her comment; I should've played that out a bit more smoothly. Kind of came into a shock for me since I would never see those two hook up (especially since Bob is somewhat AFC-ish and knew her as long as I did). Ah well, moving on.