Staying True

[ebracer05]

I don't really even know why I'm writing this. For all those tl;dr, the real questions are at the bottom bolded.

I'm writing here because I'd like the insight of my older elders who have spend more time on this earth and have more life experience than I do... and who have probably spent more time feeling the way I feel right now that I have.

I guess it's better to write about it anonymously and get it out of my head than it is to let this kind of thing fester in to possible action.

I'm very overloaded right now with life. I have a job, I'm taking summer classes, I'm studying for a major medical school exam. My license is on suspension for a speeding ticket of all things. I'm stuck living with my parents and 3 younger brothers. I don't enjoy being home very much at all and while I love my family, lately we've been fighting nearly continuously. My dad is a doctor, my mom is nurse who stayed home to raise the us kids but is menopausal right now and quite honestly, I don't know how my dad deals with it. She brings the mood down in the house like you wouldn't believe. Dad is dealing with his medical board recert so between his private practice, hospital visits, and medical directorships at 3 nursing homes and 2 drug/alcohol detox centers, he's spent. One of my brothers just got accepted late in to dental school and will be moving away, and my parents have both been freaking about that.

I am seriously stressed out.

I have an REM sleep disorder that I think may actually be a delayed sleep phase disorder, but I don't care right now what it is. The bottom line is that I don't sleep well. I have to take amphetamines and sleeping pills to function optimally. I feel very lethargic, do not think well, sleep a lot, and have tendencies towards depression, and don't socialize very often when I'm not on the pills. And that p*sses me off. It p*sses me off enough that I have to depend on others to drive me around right now since I don't have a license, and it makes me even more upset to know I'm dependent on pills to properly function.

I took this exam once and I did okay but not well enough to guarantee my spot in next years class. I'm very borderline. So I'm studying my brains out to take it again and I've already been testing 3 pts higher (which is an improvement that is not statistically likely). So that's good.

But I'm just so tired of everything going on in my life, tired of the grind. I spend so much time at the house by myself... I mean... you can only walk to the grocery store so many times before it gets old... I thought I was going to crack yesterday.

I realize I'm complaining, but like I said, I need an outlet.

Now I have written about my relationship, and I'm very happy with it. I mean, legitimately happy, in a way that I haven't been probably since the first time I ever had a girlfriend when I was 16. She is very good to me, she's very domesticated, and she fits the bill completely for what I've been looking for.

It's probably out of everything going on in my life right now. Lately I'm noticing I'm really questioning my relationship. I think I'm so stressed out I'm almost becoming relationally paranoid. Like this is just going to explode in my face all of a sudden. And there is no logical rational for me to believe that's going to happen. Her sister keeps asking me "for no reason" if I think I'll ever ask her to marry me. I've been so busy though, studying/working for 12hrs+ every day of the week with barely enough time for a 3 day split workout and to cook a decent diet, I don't want to turn in to this beta guy who is a good provider but who ends up getting the short end of the stick with his woman.

I recognize hypergamy for what it is, competition in the SMP. And quite honestly, my life and the things going on in it are just too important not place 100% in the center of my focus. My career as a doctor is my number 1 priority. But that also makes me the perfect target as a provider "dad". I mean, what the h*ll kind of girl doesn't grow up dreaming she's going to marry a rich surgeon someday? I've had a short fuse lately, I've been acting extremely selfishly and probably borderline fake, and I'm just trying to get from one day to the next without breaking any of the plates I'm spinning and without getting kicked out of my house. I got in a yelling match with my mom in our driveway last night.

I know all of that doesn't sound beta at all, but it's the presentation that I'm worried is being beta. When I get tired and worn out like this, I get sloppy. If women have daddy issues, I probably have mommy issues and while I don't know that I've ever been stretched this thin before, on really bad stretches of time in my life, I like a girl to take care of me. I like to rest my head on my girl's shoulder, I like to lay my head on her t*ts when we're laying together and hold her next to me. I like hearing her tell me how much she loves me and that she's never going to leave me. I like to butter her up with language and watch it spill over in her persona and expressions and derive a level of joy from her joy and her smile. I don't dress as well as I did... I don't dress badly, but just not as sharp and put together. I don't have the energy. The things we do aren't as excited as they had been because once again, I don't have time and I don't have the energy.

That stuff sounds beta. And it doesn't help that she has been absolutely totally without complaint in driving me around at my whims as long as she isn't working. These situations show you who your real bros are in times of trouble, because in the last 4 months I've been automotively grounded, I have had just one of my bros stop by one time for lunch. He did offer to do something with me another time but it never materialized. And I had another bro make plans that ended up falling through and I don't know if it was BS or not. But basically, aside from church (I do have a faith), she is my only social outlet right now, and I don't think that's the best thing. On the other hand though, I'm really her only social outlet too. But I don't think that's good either.

On top of all of this, I have felt like cheating and I don't even believe in that. At all. I have always taken a categorical no tolerance policy towards cheating for men and women. But I'm thinking to myself that I'm 25, I'm in college, I've spent most of my college years in LTR's, I'm only going to be in college a little while longer now and it's never going to be any easier for me to get serious action than it is in college. Especially now. I'm older, my game has leveled up massively from the pithy place it was originally, I'm in the best shape of my life, I look fantastic, and I'm going to be a f*cking surgeon. That's not some lie I'm feeding to chicks, it's the d*mn truth! Numbers are not everything, I realize, but I have slept with less than 5 women in my life. And again, this is mostly a function of the fact that I've spent probably 80% of my life since 16 in LTRs, most of which lasted for 2+ years. I got plenty of sex, just monogamous sex.

But I love my GF. I mean, I really do. And I would feel a guilt about cheating on her that I just couldn't take right now. I don't know if I could take it under more normal circumstances. I have learned in life that when a good thing comes in to your life, you need to take it and run with it to its logical conclusion. That is not an excuse to pedestal her; some girls are genuinely good things to have in your life, and she is a good thing. She's great actually.

I don't have a specific question. I'm just trying to make sense out of all of this. I called this staying true because that's what I want to do. Stay true to my work, my studies, my commitments, and everything else in my life. The temptation is just so strong to deviate. Quitting my job just sounds so easy. Taking a year off of school sounds so easy. Getting a quick ONS from this HB9 in my class sounds so easy. H*ll, sometimes just dropping everything and working my job sounds like the best decision of all. But I wouldn't be happy with any of that.

I guess what I want to know is, particularly from the older guys here...

When you guys are in your weaker moments, how do you stay true to your goals, your path, and everything else in your life? When you feel like you don't have anything left to give, how do you keep being the man for your woman? Where do you derive your motivation? What is it that keeps you going, not when it's easy, but when it's hard?

 

[ebracer05]

I feel like a pr*ck even writing stuff like this when there are people out there with issues like cancer and death to contend with.

I had started to write a bunch of more sorry @ss sh*t but I'm not going to tonight. I need some rest. I'll address whatever else needs to be addressed another time.

 

[hithard]

Most men go through testing times in their lives and sometimes its like a waterfall of problems beating down on you. There are no easy solutions just put your head down and work through it. Really your options are quit and have a hard life, or have a hard short term period in your life and then enjoy the rewards.
Worst thing you can do at times like these is add drama. You are just creating a distraction from what you should be doing.

 

[Senzoi]

Take a break from her and get everything else in your life in order. The last thing you need is another source of stress from worrying about her cheating potential, and if you're emotionally dependent on her enough to fear your psychological state from splitting from her, then you need more help than anyone here can give you.

Good luck.

~ Senzoi

 

[sodbuster]

The best thing to do is to find the 1 thing in your life that is most important[medical school] and start dropping the other things from your life. You may have to even drop part of your family. I don't spend too much time with my dad, after hanging around him too long I want to shower all the "negativity cooties" off me. When I was in Dental school, I HAD girlfriends leave me because They didn't respect my need to study. BUT I HAVE my degree

A popular cultural lie is "you can have it all". You CAN"T. There is only so much time in a day,so much money in your life. You can have ALOT, but it may be at different times in your life. I had a social life,but no kids. Got married,had kids...no social life. Kids are growing up now,starting to get a social life back after the divorce.

 

[jhl]

\
When you guys are in your weaker moments, how do you stay true to your goals, your path, and everything else in your life? When you feel like you don't have anything left to give, how do you keep being the man for your woman? Where do you derive your motivation? What is it that keeps you going, not when it's easy, but when it's hard?

Ebracer, the problem is written in your statement. And I'm going to lay down the not-so-good news for you.

You asked how you keep being the man for the woman? You feel that this relationship is an obligation rather than something that adds to your life.

In order for the relationship to work, she must ADD VALUE to your life and vice versa (that means YOU). Make no mistake, you can't be some beta chump, but on those rare occasions that you feel like sh*t is hitting the fan, your GF's presence and actions should make you feel better in your lows. Everyone is happy in the high points. It's the low points that define your LTRs and clearly she's not making you feel any better which makes me wonder if you should even be in this relationship in the first place.

I heard several paragraphs about your situation, but not one word as to how your girlfriend is treating you to make your life better. That's a real bad sign. Either she's not doing anything or she's not giving you enough.

As someone who has seen and kept in contact with at least 30-50 people who have gone to med school (many of whom are in LTRs), let me tell you that it's gonna get a LOT more stressful once you get in. You'll have to deal with distance issues, lack of time (trust me as busy as you think you are it gets worse), much more BS, and board exams.

If the situation gets harder than it is do you have the confidence to stick it out with your GF? If you don't you better consider your long term prospects with her.

I see a case of someone who is attached to a girl b/c he has invested in a girl for a long time rather than someone who truly enjoys being with her.

Let go of that hold, and accept the fact that things won't work out. If you do, you'll feel a lot better about the whole situation. Women come and go in life. If you can't make it through this together you certainly won't make it through later on in life when things get harder.

 

[backbreaker]

ebracer05 I feel your pain bro. I really do. More than you will ever know. We've all been there, some moreso than others. I'm going to share an experience

I have said this 100 times buit younger i went 3 years without a GF. but, I never have talked about my actual reason for going 3 years without a GF.

before i got the idea for the business I started, I was dating this girl. Nice girl, cute, probalby a HB7, 6.5 at worst. not ugly but not a drop dead goerougs. I liked her a lot. I was still in my AFC ways but she did not care at this point in thime.

anyeay, i told her the ideas about my business and of course she was happy with it beucase i had some ambition.

and I started out fine and then, all her friends would make fun of me beucase i never went out anymore. then they would make fun of me beucase didn't know how to have fun, then because i stopped spending my money on clothes and started spending it on my business. then my car got beat up pretty bad and i decided that beucase i could still drive it perfctly, the damage was 100% cosmetic, you know i will just tough it out right now and her frirends laughed atm e for that.

eventually, her friends points of view became her piont of view and she started to despise who i had become. her friends, the same ones who were over my house every other day when i wasn't with my business, the same ones who would go out with us to barnes and noble and drink coffee and kick it all the time, the same ones i used to hang out with, basically set up her a person to cheat on me with and encouraged her to leave me which she did. and all her friends thumbed their noses in my face. I was hurt pretty bad. just 19 at the time i was still quite naive about women and how the world works. i made the decision at that point that trying to date while i was doing this was an utter waste of time.

It's just the world we are in today. Yes women want to date and marry a surgeon but there aren't very many women want to put in the financial and emotional sacrifices to stick with a man who wants to be a surgeon. they want the finished product. she thought when i said i was going to start my business within 2 months i would be driving around a porsche and **** lol.

a few years later we ran into each other, and by this time i was making real money and you could see it on her face, she was sick. but i'm not one to rub **** like that in, and i wished her the best. she tought me a lesson that i never forgot.

what am I trying to tell you? i'm trying to tell you something that you don't want to hear. you can't do both. at least not today in this day in age

There is a quote in the book as a man thinkith

“He who would accomplish little need sacrifice little; he who would achieve much must sacrifice much. He who would attain highly must sacrifice greatly.”

that's not what you want to hear. that's not what i wanted to hear. but my desire to succeed in what i wanted was more than the desire i had tog \et a woman at the time. women will come.

I don't want you to get in the mindset that, well i must not be very good catch beucase these women aren't looking at me and they keep cheating on me or they don't stick around. that does nothing but build bitterness and build low self esteem. best to take yourself out the game utnil you are ready provide the necessary resources to maintain the type of relationship that you want.

A popular cultural lie is "you can have it all". You CAN"T. There is only so much time in a day,so much money in your life. You can have ALOT, but it may be at different times in your life.

this is probably the best single quote i have ever read on this forum. brilliant.


dating and managing life is like a video game, take.. resident evil. ify ou play resident evil, you know that you have this inventory box and you only have like 10 slots in the fvckign invenotry and it's never enough to carry around all the **** you want to carry around. you want to hold the hand gun and the shot gun but you can't hold both beucase you have to have the herbs and the key card as well lol. you can't tote around all the **** you want to tote around so you have to go find the inventory save box thingy and you have to make a deciison on what you want to keep on you so that you can best make it to the next part of the game.

that's dating/real life. i know you want a GF and to have a social life and have the school but you CAN'T. if you do all three will suffer. if you want to be a kick ass doctor and get into the best schools and make the most money you have to devote all your resources to that.

 

[ebracer05]

I took today off from everything and spent some time on myself. That might not have been the most practical thing to do from a short term productivity standpoint, but I feel like it was the best thing to do. I went to church to worship and I didn't go like I usually go, just to fill in time. I went to get some things off my chest and talk with God. I know not everyone here is religious, but I am and I feel like I derive a lot of strength from my beliefs.

After church, I went with my girlfriend's brother in law and a bunch of other guys I know shooting. One of my bros knows this guy who owns a gun shop and he has 2 other buddies who own gun shops. So they all came. We had a skeet competition and I didn't do as hot as normal, but I still shot third best out of 20 really good shots, including some dudes who have military and police experience.

Then the guys brought out the big guns. The gun stores owners brought like, so many different weapons it was unbelievable! Like, basically all the guns from Rainbow Six Vegas. They all have class 3 licenses, so they had belt fed machine guns, sub machine guns, a mounted 37mm, desert eagles... The dude even brought incendiary rounds!

F*ck yea!!!!

After that, I got together with my GF.

When I made my OP, I didn't give her enough credit. I wasn't writing about the good things in my life, I was making a case for why I was having a bad time lately.

Anyways, this girl is a gem. She's absolutely amazing. And I believe I have done what Backbreaker said to do, fall in love responsibly. This girl does everything for me. She has driven me around, everywhere, without complaint due to my license suspension. I mean, I have tried to fill her car up with gas and she gets mad. She buys me food all the time. She doesn't let me pay. I insist sometimes because I feel like that as the man I should do that, but I don't know, she has to have daddy issues because her's died 4 years ago from cancer after being an abusive b*stard her entire life. He was a total c*ck from what I hear. Maybe she's trying to be my mom. I don't really care right now, but I don't mind it.

This girl grew up Mennonite/Apostolic... basically almost Amish. She got away from that, but she never got away from the cooking. Her and her mom are the single BEST cooks I have ever eaten from. I had my own business running before I lost my license... I ran a music lessons franchise in my town and given all of the other plates I had spinning, I made an incredible amount of money. It was really too easy and I didn't appreciate it. I charged a fee for lessons to students and paid teachers to teach... less than the lesson rate. I kept the difference. I was basically a marketing pimp for the teachers. And I was making close to 1k per week with very little effort. I realize in the scheme of everything that's not much, but since I have zero expenses from living at home, I could live it up pretty well on about 50k per year. It's unfortunate I squandered so much of the money.... but I have eaten at some A+ places before, and they can't touch this girl's cooking.

She works super hard. She works full time as a pharmacy technician and is getting a degree in physicians office management. She works during the day and goes to night school. She lives on the same farm that her dad (a large animal vet) left their family and gets up early every morning to feed her horses and take care of things. It's just her and her 64 year old mom now. She buys groceries every week for her autistic uncle who lives next door that her mother and her take care of.

About the only free time she has is spent with me. Since we've been dating, she's done like maybe 4 things that I have not been a part of that weren't related to school or work.

When I have a bad day, she cooks me these unbelievable cinnamon rolls. She makes me these amazing cookies. If I f*ck up a dress shirt, she can fix it. She has repaired things I wouldn't have imagined possible. She buys me alcohol and drives me home when I'm too drunk to drive (Blink 182 anyone?) And she's never said no to me about anything. She gives me total deference. I really do love this girl. I have dated a lot of women. I've been in a good number of LTRs for my age too. Basically, I have a double major in academics and women lol. I have never felt the way I do about her about any of them and I feel like I"m in a pretty good place to judge that given my experience level. In my eyes, she has done plenty enough to earn the level of affection I have for her. I mean, I can't express enough how much I care for this chick.

Now, sometimes she does p*ss me off. Tonight for instance. She has been super tired and stressed out lately because her life is becoming complicated like mine, just in a lesser way. She's more concerned about the future, as in, wtf is going to happen when I go to medical school. This chick wants me in the bag. And I know this goes against every rule on this website, but I would seriously consider bringing her with me and getting a place together. So far, she has proven willing to take care of me and support me through this crap and she has an idea what the real show will be like since her dad was a vet (and vet school is harder than med school, BTW). She was also raised with very traditional values (something I require) and knows exactly how to be a woman and how to take care of a man. She's told me more than once she would work a job while I go to school, fix the meals, iron my clothes, and make love to me while I'm in med school.

I know it will never be the simple, but I honestly see it as a viable option, depending on how things go with her.

But anyways, since she's been so tired, I really wanted to get physical with her. I have been running gear and unfortunately, due to all of this stuff, my cycle is going to be less than optimal because I just don't have time to spend an hour in the gym every day and make all this food. But the first 7 or 8 weeks, I did gain about 25lbs of good muscle. Not bad. I'm going to cruise through the rest of my cycle since I'm on the amphetamines again so they don't kill my gains but I don't see myself growing much more. I should be pretty cut up.

 

[ebracer05]

I am f*cking rambling right now, lol. I have been hornier than sh*t while on cycle. Like, I am normally a very horny guy... I don't have that refractory period the majority of men have... I can just keep going. On cycle... I am a machine that needs careful monitoring, because I could seriously f*ck all day long.

Well, since we can't make anything happen at my house or her mom's house since our parents are there, I am a member of this gun range that is gated and locked and we go there and make it happen in the back of our cars. So we go there tonight to "watch the sunset".

(Side note - in an LTR, do you still need to make up BS reasons to get sex from a girl? Like, sometimes I've just told the girl I want her and that's it. Sometimes I make up BS reasons. One method doesn't seem to work any better than the other)

Well we get in the back seat and I start kissing her and she's just not in to it. I try again, and she's just not in to it. I'm f*cking about ready to do a freeze out at this point and don't know what's wrong. I just asked her wtf was going on. And she said she was just exhausted and wanted me to hold her. She said she just felt like being held.

Now she has never pulled that before. Normally, once I get it started, she's a machine I can't turn off. And as long as it doesn't become a habitual thing, I don't mind doing something like that for my girl. H*ll, as horny as I am, there are sometimes I am just not up for it. Like after I've raked my mind over the coals for 12 hrs with my practice exams, I don't want sex, I want a hard drink, a sleeping pill, or something and a bed to crash in.

But she even told me tonight, that if I wanted to, we could do it. She always gives me deference. And so I told her it was fine. Now I"m f*cking horny with no outlet because I'm trying this no fap BS. But from when I saw her at church this morning to when she dropped me off at home, there was a transformation and I think the time I spent holding her was good for her soul.

Anyways, back on point to, to your suggestions.

I know you can't have it all, you can't have all you want, and life doesn't always end in rainbows and fireworks. There's nothing special that exempts me from that. And I am willing to forsake a lot of things. I really don't have a social life right now. It's just my GF. I don't spend much time with my family. I don't really even eat dinner with them or anything. I just live in the home and try and tune it out when they're all fighting (because we live in a good Christian household ).

I have forsaken my lifting. I went from 6 days a week to 3, and I'm probably going to go down to 2 soon. I have given up my music and quit the band I started but never had a chance to play with. I quit the business I was working on. I quit everything, literally, except my GF and this exam studying. I am doing a good job of staying true to this. I know you're not going to get anything f*cking worthwhile without gut level sacrifice that the average person doesn't get. This isn't the minor leagues or amateur sh*t, this is the pro level. And no one is going to make it easy. My dad is a f*cking doctor and knows the dean of admission at a med school in the area, and it's still not easy for me.

I will let everything go in my life for this. This is my path. This is my destiny. But I will not let go of the girl unless there is no other way. Having to leave her or her leaving me because she's not willing to deal with the sh*t of being a doctor... that would do a serious number on me. I have never been good with curtailing my emotions, and in this case, they're all out there. I'm just being honest. I love this girl in a way that underscores all of my other loves. But I would do it. If I had to.

My ultimate goal is to be an established surgeon, make some fantastic advancement in my field... a legit artificial heart, some sort of invention or new therapy... a technique to regenerate necrotic cardiac tissue (I want to be a heart surgeon BTW)... and to have a family. I want both of those equally bad.

I'm not talking about some white night BS, a fairytale romance, or anything like that. I want a woman to come home to, I want children to raise and mold, and I want a thermonuclear powered career.

This sacrifice thing isn't a new idea for me. I know that's a requisite for my success. Maybe a better way to phrase what I'm trying to ask is what can I do to give my relationship the best chance, in the midst of this. If I am reading this girl right and know her like I think I do, she is traditional and independent enough to make it through this struggle with me. She loves me like a mother f*cker. And love will drive a woman to do all sorts of bat sh*t crazy things.

I am naturally a very amicable guy, I have a great sense of humor, and I can be the life of the party. But lately, that has been suppressed and like I said, I feel the weight of the world on me. I am probably depressed, I'm back on my anti anxiety medicine that is a b*tch to get off of, and I just don't have the spark I normally do. It's not like I'm totally flat, I just feel like my edge has dulled. I'm probably asking for something unrealistic, to keep driving myself this hard and it not affect my state negatively. But that's the biggest thing I"m worried about. I want to add value to my relationship and I still feel like I am, but not as much. When I think back to what we used to do, I mean, it's still good, but it's not like it was.

It's like I"m too tired, and my mind is too full of other more important stuff to think up something super fun for the two of us to do. I remember when we first started dating, I dressed up in a suit when she came over and had my multicar garage cleaned and cleared out. She had wanted to learn ball room dancing and I am pretty good at it... I've won college level competition ribbons. So I taught her how to do it in the garage, in my suit, to a bunch of old music. It sounds cheesy, but that meant a lot to her.

Another time, I had her pack some sandwiches and food and we went to a park with a bunch of ledges. We found a place to lay a blanket down and watch the sunset. We ate the food. I found some stupid toys from the kids section in Walmart and we blew different colored bubbles, shot each other with cheap squirt guns, and then got busy under the sheets.

She's said that's one of her favorite memories.

We used to do things like that all the time. We still do things like that but it's much more infrequent because I just don't have time. Really, if it was up to me, I would spend my time with her zonked out on the couch, spooning with her and depending on how shot I was, having some sex.

I have to push myself to get anything more than that together. And so basically my breaks from studying are trying to figure out something new we can do. But it doesn't help that both of our lives seem to be imploding at the same time. She's a big planner (which is good), but she plans too much. Like I said, she's been super stressing about what's going to happen when I go to medical school. And maybe I said too much tonight when I talked to her... I mean, h*ll, she has told me more than once it doesn't matter what I do, even if I did something really really bad (like use roids??? she doesn't know about that...)... she would never leave me. I told her that I don't know what my future holds as far as where I am going to end up, but I want her to be a part of it. And she obviously agreed.

Honestly, after blowing a bunch of sh*t up with those guns, incendiaries, and a few grenades, I feel a lot better. I'm just horny lol.

The grind will start back up again when I wake up. I take a practice exam every saturday and I scored 3 pts higher this time. Statistically based on my score, I am equally likely to score 2 pts higher or 2 pts lower on a retake. 3 pts above is very unlikely. It's just going to keep getting better, but I have to keep my wits about me.

This isn't very cohesive at all, but I'd still like to hear responses.

I want to keep being the man in my relationship. I'm not talking about being a c*ck and pushing through just to get my own way... I mean the man. I want to continue to sustain and nurture it.

And I want to know how to keep myself as sane and normal throughout this process. Quite honestly, I don't think the juice is helping because of how horny I've been and it just f*cks with your hormones anyways. I may just have to PCT and accept the fact I might lose some more weight than I'd like.

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses.

 

[Boilermaker]

I tried to sift through your gigantic rambling; trying to get to the bottom of it.
Regardless of your bull-sh!t pedestalization and your hyperboles on how good of a house-cat she is,

if a woman is negotiating/rationing/bargaining and/or manipulating the "sex time" with you and moreover, if you rationalize and accept this sort of behavior; that relationship is doomed in the long run.

You are a man; and you shouldn't have to find stupid excuses like how hornier than average you are and how exhausted she was that day and so on.

Wake up. We are all guys here. We are all horny. Don't come up with idiotic explanations like "it's just my hormones" ...

PS: This is not a thoughtful response, hope this is a slap in your face; so you will see what's happening here. And she's a solid 7 yeah, since she's skinny. Don't expect an 8 or even a 7.5 for this, ok? And why the fvck are you posting pictures if you are not secretly wanting us to number her? A psychological dilemma...

 

[Burroughs]

Ok..I'll say it...when you become a heart surgeon you'll be able to do much better, your girl should never NOT want to fvck after you've initiated launch sequence lol...that is some underhanded $hit no matter how many cinnamon rolls she makes.....unless you plan on fvcking those cinnamon rolls.

 

[In2theGame]

ebracer05 I feel your pain bro. I really do. More than you will ever know. We've all been there, some moreso than others. I'm going to share an experience

I have said this 100 times buit younger i went 3 years without a GF. but, I never have talked about my actual reason for going 3 years without a GF.

before i got the idea for the business I started, I was dating this girl. Nice girl, cute, probalby a HB7, 6.5 at worst. not ugly but not a drop dead goerougs. I liked her a lot. I was still in my AFC ways but she did not care at this point in thime.

anyeay, i told her the ideas about my business and of course she was happy with it beucase i had some ambition.

and I started out fine and then, all her friends would make fun of me beucase i never went out anymore. then they would make fun of me beucase didn't know how to have fun, then because i stopped spending my money on clothes and started spending it on my business. then my car got beat up pretty bad and i decided that beucase i could still drive it perfctly, the damage was 100% cosmetic, you know i will just tough it out right now and her frirends laughed atm e for that.

eventually, her friends points of view became her piont of view and she started to despise who i had become. her friends, the same ones who were over my house every other day when i wasn't with my business, the same ones who would go out with us to barnes and noble and drink coffee and kick it all the time, the same ones i used to hang out with, basically set up her a person to cheat on me with and encouraged her to leave me which she did. and all her friends thumbed their noses in my face. I was hurt pretty bad. just 19 at the time i was still quite naive about women and how the world works. i made the decision at that point that trying to date while i was doing this was an utter waste of time.

It's just the world we are in today. Yes women want to date and marry a surgeon but there aren't very many women want to put in the financial and emotional sacrifices to stick with a man who wants to be a surgeon. they want the finished product. she thought when i said i was going to start my business within 2 months i would be driving around a porsche and **** lol.

a few years later we ran into each other, and by this time i was making real money and you could see it on her face, she was sick. but i'm not one to rub **** like that in, and i wished her the best. she tought me a lesson that i never forgot.

what am I trying to tell you? i'm trying to tell you something that you don't want to hear. you can't do both. at least not today in this day in age

There is a quote in the book as a man thinkith



that's not what you want to hear. that's not what i wanted to hear. but my desire to succeed in what i wanted was more than the desire i had tog \et a woman at the time. women will come.

I don't want you to get in the mindset that, well i must not be very good catch beucase these women aren't looking at me and they keep cheating on me or they don't stick around. that does nothing but build bitterness and build low self esteem. best to take yourself out the game utnil you are ready provide the necessary resources to maintain the type of relationship that you want.



this is probably the best single quote i have ever read on this forum. brilliant.


dating and managing life is like a video game, take.. resident evil. ify ou play resident evil, you know that you have this inventory box and you only have like 10 slots in the fvckign invenotry and it's never enough to carry around all the **** you want to carry around. you want to hold the hand gun and the shot gun but you can't hold both beucase you have to have the herbs and the key card as well lol. you can't tote around all the **** you want to tote around so you have to go find the inventory save box thingy and you have to make a deciison on what you want to keep on you so that you can best make it to the next part of the game.

that's dating/real life. i know you want a GF and to have a social life and have the school but you CAN'T. if you do all three will suffer. if you want to be a kick ass doctor and get into the best schools and make the most money you have to devote all your resources to that.

man this post really hits home. Nice BB.

 

[backbreaker]

I am f*cking rambling right now, lol. I have been hornier than sh*t while on cycle. Like, I am normally a very horny guy... I don't have that refractory period the majority of men have... I can just keep going. On cycle... I am a machine that needs careful monitoring, because I could seriously f*ck all day long.

Well, since we can't make anything happen at my house or her mom's house since our parents are there, I am a member of this gun range that is gated and locked and we go there and make it happen in the back of our cars. So we go there tonight to "watch the sunset".

(Side note - in an LTR, do you still need to make up BS reasons to get sex from a girl? Like, sometimes I've just told the girl I want her and that's it. Sometimes I make up BS reasons. One method doesn't seem to work any better than the other)

Well we get in the back seat and I start kissing her and she's just not in to it. I try again, and she's just not in to it. I'm f*cking about ready to do a freeze out at this point and don't know what's wrong. I just asked her wtf was going on. And she said she was just exhausted and wanted me to hold her. She said she just felt like being held.

Now she has never pulled that before. Normally, once I get it started, she's a machine I can't turn off. And as long as it doesn't become a habitual thing, I don't mind doing something like that for my girl. H*ll, as horny as I am, there are sometimes I am just not up for it. Like after I've raked my mind over the coals for 12 hrs with my practice exams, I don't want sex, I want a hard drink, a sleeping pill, or something and a bed to crash in.

But she even told me tonight, that if I wanted to, we could do it. She always gives me deference. And so I told her it was fine. Now I"m f*cking horny with no outlet because I'm trying this no fap BS. But from when I saw her at church this morning to when she dropped me off at home, there was a transformation and I think the time I spent holding her was good for her soul.

Anyways, back on point to, to your suggestions.

I know you can't have it all, you can't have all you want, and life doesn't always end in rainbows and fireworks. There's nothing special that exempts me from that. And I am willing to forsake a lot of things. I really don't have a social life right now. It's just my GF. I don't spend much time with my family. I don't really even eat dinner with them or anything. I just live in the home and try and tune it out when they're all fighting (because we live in a good Christian household ).

I have forsaken my lifting. I went from 6 days a week to 3, and I'm probably going to go down to 2 soon. I have given up my music and quit the band I started but never had a chance to play with. I quit the business I was working on. I quit everything, literally, except my GF and this exam studying. I am doing a good job of staying true to this. I know you're not going to get anything f*cking worthwhile without gut level sacrifice that the average person doesn't get. This isn't the minor leagues or amateur sh*t, this is the pro level. And no one is going to make it easy. My dad is a f*cking doctor and knows the dean of admission at a med school in the area, and it's still not easy for me.

I will let everything go in my life for this. This is my path. This is my destiny. But I will not let go of the girl unless there is no other way. Having to leave her or her leaving me because she's not willing to deal with the sh*t of being a doctor... that would do a serious number on me. I have never been good with curtailing my emotions, and in this case, they're all out there. I'm just being honest. I love this girl in a way that underscores all of my other loves. But I would do it. If I had to.

My ultimate goal is to be an established surgeon, make some fantastic advancement in my field... a legit artificial heart, some sort of invention or new therapy... a technique to regenerate necrotic cardiac tissue (I want to be a heart surgeon BTW)... and to have a family. I want both of those equally bad.

I'm not talking about some white night BS, a fairytale romance, or anything like that. I want a woman to come home to, I want children to raise and mold, and I want a thermonuclear powered career.

This sacrifice thing isn't a new idea for me. I know that's a requisite for my success. Maybe a better way to phrase what I'm trying to ask is what can I do to give my relationship the best chance, in the midst of this. If I am reading this girl right and know her like I think I do, she is traditional and independent enough to make it through this struggle with me. She loves me like a mother f*cker. And love will drive a woman to do all sorts of bat sh*t crazy things.

I am naturally a very amicable guy, I have a great sense of humor, and I can be the life of the party. But lately, that has been suppressed and like I said, I feel the weight of the world on me. I am probably depressed, I'm back on my anti anxiety medicine that is a b*tch to get off of, and I just don't have the spark I normally do. It's not like I'm totally flat, I just feel like my edge has dulled. I'm probably asking for something unrealistic, to keep driving myself this hard and it not affect my state negatively. But that's the biggest thing I"m worried about. I want to add value to my relationship and I still feel like I am, but not as much. When I think back to what we used to do, I mean, it's still good, but it's not like it was.

It's like I"m too tired, and my mind is too full of other more important stuff to think up something super fun for the two of us to do. I remember when we first started dating, I dressed up in a suit when she came over and had my multicar garage cleaned and cleared out. She had wanted to learn ball room dancing and I am pretty good at it... I've won college level competition ribbons. So I taught her how to do it in the garage, in my suit, to a bunch of old music. It sounds cheesy, but that meant a lot to her.

Another time, I had her pack some sandwiches and food and we went to a park with a bunch of ledges. We found a place to lay a blanket down and watch the sunset. We ate the food. I found some stupid toys from the kids section in Walmart and we blew different colored bubbles, shot each other with cheap squirt guns, and then got busy under the sheets.

She's said that's one of her favorite memories.

We used to do things like that all the time. We still do things like that but it's much more infrequent because I just don't have time. Really, if it was up to me, I would spend my time with her zonked out on the couch, spooning with her and depending on how shot I was, having some sex.

I have to push myself to get anything more than that together. And so basically my breaks from studying are trying to figure out something new we can do. But it doesn't help that both of our lives seem to be imploding at the same time. She's a big planner (which is good), but she plans too much. Like I said, she's been super stressing about what's going to happen when I go to medical school. And maybe I said too much tonight when I talked to her... I mean, h*ll, she has told me more than once it doesn't matter what I do, even if I did something really really bad (like use roids??? she doesn't know about that...)... she would never leave me. I told her that I don't know what my future holds as far as where I am going to end up, but I want her to be a part of it. And she obviously agreed.

Honestly, after blowing a bunch of sh*t up with those guns, incendiaries, and a few grenades, I feel a lot better. I'm just horny lol.

The grind will start back up again when I wake up. I take a practice exam every saturday and I scored 3 pts higher this time. Statistically based on my score, I am equally likely to score 2 pts higher or 2 pts lower on a retake. 3 pts above is very unlikely. It's just going to keep getting better, but I have to keep my wits about me.

This isn't very cohesive at all, but I'd still like to hear responses.

I want to keep being the man in my relationship. I'm not talking about being a c*ck and pushing through just to get my own way... I mean the man. I want to continue to sustain and nurture it.

And I want to know how to keep myself as sane and normal throughout this process. Quite honestly, I don't think the juice is helping because of how horny I've been and it just f*cks with your hormones anyways. I may just have to PCT and accept the fact I might lose some more weight than I'd like.

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses.

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[ebracer05]

I apologize for that f*cked up post. I took my sleeping pill before I started writing it thinking it was going to be a quicker thing than it was... and well, that's why I like to turn off my phone and go to sleep immediately after taking it.

Now that I'm sober minded I'd like to add a few important things that I didn't say last night or that I don't feel like got emphasized appropriately.

We didn't get sexual because I gave her a pass. When she said she just felt like having me hold her, I guess I got a p*ssed look to my face because she sat back and started mildly freaking out, telling me to talk to her and asking me what was wrong. I explained to her that I wanted to get sexual with her, she didn't, and I was going to let her have what she wanted that night. She told me that just because she want something doesn't mean she has to get it and said we could get sexual if I wanted to. I again told her that we weren't going to tonight... not because I was trying to punish her, because I was p*ssed or anything else... I was legitimately trying to give her a pass and this may just be a weird thing about me, but I don't want to have sex with my GF if she's just doing it because she knows I want it. I want want the passion going both ways and for her to be in to it.

So after I established that we weren't going to get sexual, my overall energy level and passion did decrease. I wasn't trying to punish her, but when you choose to give something up to accommodate another person, sometimes there's a let down associated with that.

She acted sketchy and nervous the rest of the time I was with her, asking me if something was wrong, bothering me, frustrating me, all sorts of things, multiple times. I explained to her 2x again what the issue was and by the third time I was getting p*ssed because I felt like she was trying to get me not just to accommodate her wishes for the night, but to also disregard what I wanted, say I didn't want it, all so that she'd feel better. And that kind of stuff makes me mad. I'm not going to tell her that yea, I had originally wanted to f*ck you but then I decided not to and you know what, that was the best thing I've ever decided to do. Thanks honey, what would I do without you?? Again... BS.

Please tell me if I'm wrong anywhere in here. I'd really like to know if one of you thinks there is an issue in here because sometimes it's difficult to see problems when we're too close to them or too invested in them.

BB has said a million times that nothing worth acquiring in life is going to come easy. I feel like that equally true for a man who wants to make his dreams come true and for a man who wants a solid relationship. They take work. I would say they take sacrifice. They're not always 50-50. Sometimes the man has the edge, sometimes the woman. What is important is that over time, it should equilibrate roughly to 50-50. That is comradery. Sometimes one person has to give, sacrifice or work harder than the other. And the reverse is always true. This isn't Disney magic BS or the incarnation of the dream Hollywood and the media spits at us daily... it's real life. By definition it means we have real work to do as men and it also means that the women we choose have responsibility in our relationships comparable with ours... just in different spheres. As a man, my sphere may be making money and her's may be raising children and keep house. Sometimes I may have to come home from work and help with the dishes. Sometimes she may have to come in to work and help me with something. At the end of the day, you have to do what it takes to get the job done. And also like BB said, you have to be judicious about who you fall in love with. Falling in love isn't bad, but you have to make sure you do it with the right person. Likewise, a man shouldn't expend the energy and the work necessary to sustain a legit relationship on a girl who isn't worth it! Save that work for someone who is worth it!

I also think that it is much more productive to look at my GF's lack of interest in sex last night as a problem with me, not so much with her. I'm the man. I'm responsible for the sh*t that goes down in my relationships and with my woman. I'm supposed to get her in the mood. If I'm f*cking that up, I think the fingers need to point at me before they point at her... if you point them at her, what's the solution? Leave? Start instigating? You can't negotiate desire, remember. But if I point the finger at me, it gives me something to work with because I can change what I'm doing and change my approach.

This is not an attempted exoneration or letting her off the hook for anything. I think guys need to take responsibility for EVERYTHING that happens in their life. If their girl isn't horny the first thing they should ask themselves is what the f*ck is wrong with my game? Why aren't I getting her wet. And it may be a problem with her. But it might also be a problem with you. Get that speck out of your own d*mn eye before you start trying to dig the post out of hers.

So given that this is a one time event in about 8 months, it's not a pattern, and I opted out having been given more than one opportunity not to... I think you guys are being trigger happy. Again, if I'm wrong please set me straight. My gut's telling me what I've written here. And if I need to address this, I'd like to do it sooner than later. I don't like to let things linger and come back to them... I like to address things directly, as close to when they happen as possible.