Starting to get feelings for this girl who's cheating on her boyfriend

[Brighty]

Basically I'm a douchebag and I'm fvcking this 22 year old girl who has a long distance boyfriend - its been a while since I've been to this site so I'm not sure if I'll get a positive or negative reaction from that. Regardless, this isn't what this thread is about really.

Tiny backstory: We were fvck buddies since before she started dating this new guy, I didn't want a relationship at the time when she asked so she moved on, which I don't blame her. But yeah... even though she got a new boyfriend we sometimes still do the deed behind his back. Poor guy.

It was today that we were lying next to each other naked in her bed, bodies covered in sweat after we did the dirty, and our eyes both locked and she asked me a hypothetical question, "Hypothetically, down the line if I stop seeing <name>, would the fact that I cheated on <name> prevent you from dating me?", to which I responded "No, of course not," and then suddenly I realized something. I really don't mind the idea of dating her. I think I'm beginning to have feelings for her.

Christ.

I keep telling myself that my ego isn't getting the better of me and that the reason why she's cheating on her boyfriend is because its me and that she would never be that kind of girl, but honestly I feel like I'm trying too hard to convince myself otherwise. I am not a beautiful unique snowflake, I just have the ego of one sometimes. I've always been a strong believer in "once a cheater always a cheater", and hell, I've been cheated on before in the past... but for some reason I keep entertaining the thought.

What's your guys' stance on this? I do like the girl, she has a great personality, easy to poke fun at, she's great in bed, and she's just... well.. cool. The problem is that she's cheated on her boyfriend in the past, which is kind of my fault - well, almost all my fault :crackup: . I'm sure a few daring Don Juans have been in a similar situation and can offer me their advice on the matter... should I defy all logic and see where this takes me or buy these feelings and keep it strictly professional (well, as professional as fvck buddies can get)?

 

[SandHawk]

Has she cheated before the whole thing with you started? Because that's a really important thing to know. Because there are 2 kind of cheaters: The ones that do it once(or several times but with only 1 person) and after that, won't ever do it again because they realize that cheating on their partner is also cheating on themselves, as you keep yourself from actually moving on.

And the second type of cheater is just the kind of person that will always cheat, whether they are happy or not with their partner, they need the extra thrill from cheating.

I've recently been burned by a girl who I thought I could trust and that she cheated on her ex with me because of me. After 5 months of her being exclusive and actually telling me she wanted a relationship and the like, I found out she couldn't behave while I was away for 11 days. I ignored my guts and the red flags she showed and actually got feelings for her. And that didn't end well for me.

Trust your guts. Your guts says "RED FLAG" at the moment. Listen to your gut and don't date her. She'll cheat on you.

 

[Ease]

Even the best girl will cheat under the right circumstances.

 

[Kailex]

"You're telling me it's different, but what the h*ll's so different, if you cheated on him, you'll do it to me..."

Read my sig and then apply it.

Very few times have I seen a situation like this end up in a good LTR. It almost never happens. Whether it stems from insecurity of either person or just the overall knowledge of what transpired in the first place... usually the sparks that fly from the "affair" seldomly translate into a future relationship with absolutely no doubt.


She cheated on him with you.
Whether it was long distance or not, does NOT matter to her.

And what you witnessed was her asking YOU permission for a branch swing. She had the gall to ask you because she knows she can't be alone. She wants the next branch to hold onto and that's you.

Do you see yourself being fine with this situation? Do you think you could trust this woman after how she's done the other man wrong?

Do you really think that you could see yourself long-term with her and NOT feel without a shred of a doubt, a serious lack of trust in her as a person?

I know I wouldn't be able to do it, nor would I try. I was once in an LTR with a branch swinger and it went nowhere fast because all of the elements that made the affair exciting, were no longer there. For a lot of women, what's forbidden is truly exciting, but once it ceases to be forbidden, it's casual and not of any consequence anymore.

Sandhawk says that there are those who cheat only once, and those are the people who live with the regret of the actions they've done... but these cases are rare.


Brighty, the reason you keep entertaining the thought is because you probably have no other options at this time. At least, that's what it seems to me. If you did, you wouldn't be asking these questions and would still keep her as Plate C instead of considering her as an LTR.

Life is too short to waste on worrying about whether she'll do it to you in the long run. Just assume that she will and continue to go out with other women that you are supposed to be meeting. I'm sure there are many other girls like this:

I do like the girl, she has a great personality, easy to poke fun at, she's great in bed, and she's just... well.. cool.

....that are single and without all of this emotional baggage.
I'd rather start a new with a new girl that is single than to try to turn an affair into an LTR.

 

[loveshogun]

I keep telling myself that my ego isn't getting the better of me and that the reason why she's cheating on her boyfriend is because its me and that she would never be that kind of girl, but honestly I feel like I'm trying too hard to convince myself otherwise. I am not a beautiful unique snowflake, I just have the ego of one sometimes.

This is a golden quote. Every guy everywhere who thinks his situation is unique should repeat it to himself. None of us are inherently unique. But, through action, we can become unique. In that sense, you've answered your own question.

I've always been a strong believer in "once a cheater always a cheater", and hell, I've been cheated on before in the past... but for some reason I keep entertaining the thought.

This is only a part of the truth. The real truth is that:

Everyone has a price, and is thus a potential "cheater" if you moralize it.

Admittedly, some peoples prices are much higher than other - but that doesn't mean that they CAN'T be bought. It just means that whatever would get them to make the move hasn't come along yet. What I'm saying here is that, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is true because people are cheaters to begin with even if they haven't figured it out yet.

You, your friends, your girl, other girls, and people in general might think there are certain things they won't do (unique snowflake type thoughts), but thousands of years of recorded human history have shown that human beings are capable of ANYTHING given a combination of the right circumstances and the wrong actions.

So, I personally prefer not to moralize, even though I recognize the truth in the statement "once a cheater, always a cheater."

**DISCLAIMER**

What's your guys' stance on this? I do like the girl, she has a great personality, easy to poke fun at, she's great in bed, and she's just... well.. cool. The problem is that she's cheated on her boyfriend in the past, which is kind of my fault - well, almost all my fault :crackup: . I'm sure a few daring Don Juans have been in a similar situation and can offer me their advice on the matter... should I defy all logic and see where this takes me or buy these feelings and keep it strictly professional (well, as professional as fvck buddies can get)?

Well, more importantly, I think YOUR stance on this is that it's a problem. So, it's a problem.

In my opinion, though, I also think it's a problem, because if you two ever have a fight, guess what little situation suddenly becomes ammo?

You shoulda taken the train when it first left the station.

 

[NJ1985]

Man I am going through the same exact situation right now! I got to know this woman since April of this year and she is truly amazing,smart, great personality, and we really started hit it off since then. When things started picking up she told me that she had just broken up with her boyfriend in a long distance relationship and that she wanted to move on. With that in mind, I proceeded to be myself and really make her see that I am a good guy. I am an American living in Brazil and the guy she is with lives in Portugal, and from what she said he isn't pulling his weight in the relationship. So in August I discovered she went to Portugal last minute for a few days because he bought her a ticket on short notice and she just up and left. The minute she sent me the message my heart dropped because I was really feeling this girl. Anyway I told her the way I felt and she was all surprised and what not, so she returned to Brazil a few days later and I gave her the silent treatment for a couple days and she gave in and contacted me saying she was sorry that she didn't tell me that she got back together with him and so on, and that she didn't want to stop talking to me and she felt bad about everything. So I forgave her for it and maybe like a week or two later we meet up at a bar with other friends and we are hanging out drinking, after we split to another spot and one thing led to another and she kissed me.(we were both a bit drunk). So she kept the secret but I met up with her on another occasion and we were completely sober and she made the move again, now she is a beautiful woman and it was hard to resist. So I started catching feelings for her and she admitted that she had feelings for me too and then she felt guilty saying that she shouldn't be with me in this way, and things got complicated after that, we didn't see each other for a while but would talk from time to time, then all of a sudden recently we re connected when she passed by while I was at a bar with my friend. So that re-ignited our feelings for each other. To sum things up, we met up on Friday night and drank some wine and conversed for a while and she told me about all the faults about her guy, and what she liked about me. So we left the bar then she initiated the kiss again several times, and finally at 3:30am we went to her house so I could wait until the bus/trains started running again and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. It was great and amazing, but the messed up part is the day after she was going to Portugal to visit him again, and she will return in a couple weeks and she said its possible for her to return single. But I'm thinking single or not she would give me the opportunity again, and I know she isn't a bad girl she just fell for a guy close to her that treated her how she should have been treated. So I'm at a cross whether or not to wait and see what happens and if she does come back single to try a relationship with her, or even if she doesn't if I should continue seeing her, I mean I kinda feel bad because I had a part in her cheating, but it was different because our feelings for each other, and her man obviously wasn't playing his part. It is a bit confusing but I am just weighing out the options. She is an amazing woman and I can see myself with her but the only thing that crosses my mind is if she would do the same to me,which I have a feeling she wouldn't but it is possible but not necessarily the case, any thoughts or suggestions for me? Would be much appreciated...

 

[Night-hawk]

I find it funny, in a twisted way, how you consider, even though reason is conflicting with feelings, a girl who probably earlier that day ate her bfs ass before going over to you to let her lick your balls. We all make mistakes.

Good advice on this one. At the end of the day your feelings will most likely lead you man. If that's the case, as Jiminey Cricket would say, "let your conscience be your guide."

 

[mikey2012]

Even the best girl will cheat under the right circumstances.

WORD...All slvts are capable of cheating if right guy comes along.

 

[CHICAGO27]

I hate to say this dude but you are part of the problem. Women repeat their behavior and its most likely if you guys got serious, eventually, you would be the one on the other end. How do you think this poor guy feels? Regardless if this guy is AFC or not why even bother with a disloyal chick? I'm sure you have plenty of options. Why use one on a chick who is taken? IMO.