Here we go with the quick NEXT HER advice.
Instead of a Submit button on this forum the button should just say "Next Her!"
I think it would be WRONG for you to leave her in this time of trouble for her, especially if you care for her. Obviously her health issues are getting in the way. More church attendence sounds like she is praying her condition doesnt worsen or turn into something more serious. When a member of my family was diagnosed with Cancer they also turned to god and prayed a hell of a lot more than I was used to seeing them pray.
Talking to the older dude with kids sounds like she is seeking guidance from someone who maybe has experience dealing with a crisis. Maybe the guy knows someone who went through what she did or is somehow well equipped to help her deal with whats going on. What is his occupation? Maybe he is in the medical field or is a religious person who can help her cope with medical or religious questions she has during this time.
It definitely sounds like she is very afraid of what is happening and is trying to seek help.
The best thing I can think of is tell her you are here for her, research her condition and have a discussion about it with her, tell her you will stand by her and maybe join her to church some day and help her pray for better health.
Also once you have discussed her situation you can ask her what the nature of the relationship is with this guy. Maybe is a friend of the family or did they meet with him approaching as if for a pick up? She will tell you exactly what is going and spare no detail if she has nothing to hide. Maybe he is a mentor (a lot of churches have mentoring programs, so the two things may be related).
There just isnt enough details to conclusivley say she is cheating or not caring about you. Not even close! All you people who jumped to this "Next Her" crap should be ashamed.
It would be unfair of you to dump her because she has a medical condition beyond her control that is impacting her lfie. Think about it, if you needed surgery you sure as hell wouldn't want someone you care for deeply to dump you even though you would probably be spending a lot of time dealing with your condition.
It is difficult to deal with people who are going through difficult times and this sure sounds like one of those times for her, but if you really care for her you will stand by her. If you let her know that she can talk to you about this and that you are interested in what is going on with her and want to help, she will talk to you more. Heck, go to the gym with her, find ways to spend more time with her with her new schedule.
She obviously has more important things to worry about right now than playing head games with you, and if you arent supportive of her maybe she will lose interest in the end, but reach out first and understand that this is a unique circumstance before you make any decisions.
There are a few things that will help you narrow down if its over or not though (that no one else has asked and you didnt mention)
1. Did her apparent drop in IL coincide with her diagnosis (not when you found out about the diagnosis but when SHE found out)?
2. Does she go out and have fun with people still without you or are most of her activities the same as normal besides the church and gym thing?
3. The nature of her relationship with the guy. If she mentioned him to you she probably doesnt have much to hide. Tell us if you know if he picked her up or if he's related, or a friend of the family, etc. Also ask yourself if he is in a position to better deal with her problems than you and thus she may be seeking him out more than you.
Those are just my 2 cents.
It may or may not be over, but anyone on this board will need more info to say for sure!
