Soo...can someone tell me what this is like?

[irocknike23]

So i known this girl for over 2 years.

From the first time i saw her i was seriously in love with her. But i was never man enough to tell her...

We hang out like once every 2 weeks(we both got busy schedules) but when we do its always a blast. But the thing is its hard for me to hide how i feel about her...i mean to me she is like the most beautiful girl i ever seen in my life and has the dopest personality in the world and connects with me and has more things in common with me more than any one of my friends(both guys and girls)

i just spent the past 3 days with her on a road trip and the reason im about to ask this is because since i been back from this trip i haven't been able to do anything because i miss her really badly....

its too late for me to ask her out because since i was never man enough before, now its too late because i drifted into the friend zone very far...

now what im asking is: What is it like to be friends with a girl that knows you like her a lot? I see it a lot between guys and girls all the time and they treat it as no big deal, and im pretty sure some of you are friends with girls that you really like a lot and the girl knows it....but is it ackward when your around them? Does it change anything?

because i just want to tell her how i feel about her regardless of her reaction..

EDIT: and im 19 and she is 18, i dont know if age matters or not

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

You need to find other women. You are in the friends zone and there really is no way out, at this point. Be her friend and enjoy her company but do not make the mistake of trying to "go there".

As long as you know for a fact that she enjoys your company and your friendship (and isn't just using you for validation), then just have that and look elsewhere for girls to date.

You're young. There are a lot of women out there.

Have you asked yourself why you feel so strongly about this one, and been really honest with yourself?

When you're that young and have little real experience with women, it's very easy to get caught up in some delusion that you're "meant to be". It's an illusion and it's a lie.

She's just a girl, like any other.

Stop thinking otherwise.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Oh, and to answer your real question:

What is it like?

It can be very painful.

 

[Masculinity]

So i known this girl for over 2 years.

From the first time i saw her i was seriously in love with her. But i was never man enough to tell her...

We hang out like once every 2 weeks(we both got busy schedules) but when we do its always a blast. But the thing is its hard for me to hide how i feel about her...i mean to me she is like the most beautiful girl i ever seen in my life and has the dopest personality in the world and connects with me and has more things in common with me more than any one of my friends(both guys and girls)

i just spent the past 3 days with her on a road trip and the reason im about to ask this is because since i been back from this trip i haven't been able to do anything because i miss her really badly....

its too late for me to ask her out because since i was never man enough before, now its too late because i drifted into the friend zone very far...

now what im asking is: What is it like to be friends with a girl that knows you like her a lot? I see it a lot between guys and girls all the time and they treat it as no big deal, and im pretty sure some of you are friends with girls that you really like a lot and the girl knows it....but is it ackward when your around them? Does it change anything?

because i just want to tell her how i feel about her regardless of her reaction..

EDIT: and im 19 and she is 18, i dont know if age matters or not

It's a done deal man, you have been friendzoned for a really long time. She will most likely not even consider the idea of you being a boyfriend/lover, so I'd stay away from that if I were you. BadAssCanadian gave you a good idea, have you thought if why it is you have these "feelings" towards her? It sounds like a typical story of a guy liking a girl way too much; I'm betting she's probably really attractive.

Congrats on your first post. You have a lot to learn, but you're at a good start. As you develop your game and learn about yourself you'll know not to get stuck with a girl in your mind. Go out and talk to new people and spin new plates!

 

[irocknike23]

Oh, and to answer your real question:

What is it like?

It can be very painful.

yes it is very painfull....but i cant get over her. first of all i cant hate her or anything like that because she is sweet and kind to me, second of all she txts me at least 3 times a week and hangs out with me at least twice a month so i cant really drift apart and loose feelings for her

I'm betting she's probably really attractive.

She is actually not too attractive(but she is not ugly)

in all honest she is a 8 on a very good day.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

yes it is very painfull....but i cant get over her. first of all i cant hate her or anything like that because she is sweet and kind to me, second of all she txts me at least 3 times a week and hangs out with me at least twice a month so i cant really drift apart and loose feelings for her

She is actually not too attractive(but she is not ugly)

in all honest she is a 8 on a very good day.

she's sweet and kind to you. Ok, that's cool... but that is somehow different than any other sensible human being? What sort of issues do you have going on? Inferiority? Insecure? Something is up.

She texts 3 times a week but only sees you twice a month. You're buddies but not as close as you think. You probably entertain her when no one else is really texting her, and also you keep her entertained when she has no other plans. I'm serious. You'll be in denial about this but it's the truth.

Wake the fvck up.

The real reason you have such strong feelings for her (beyond the fact that you find her attractive and she makes you feel good) is that she keeps you strung along just enough to press those attraction buttons and turn the attraction into an all out lust-fest. She's activating the parts of you that cloud all rational judgement.

It's a game. She's playing it very well and you're losing.

 

[irocknike23]

she's sweet and kind to you. Ok, that's cool... but that is somehow different than any other sensible human being? What sort of issues do you have going on? Inferiority? Insecure? Something is up.

She texts 3 times a week but only sees you twice a month. You're buddies but not as close as you think. You probably entertain her when no one else is really texting her, and also you keep her entertained when she has no other plans. I'm serious. You'll be in denial about this but it's the truth.

Wake the fvck up.

The real reason you have such strong feelings for her (beyond the fact that you find her attractive and she makes you feel good) is that she keeps you strung along just enough to press those attraction buttons and turn the attraction into an all out lust-fest. She's activating the parts of you that cloud all rational judgement.

It's a game. She's playing it very well and you're losing.

wow....that post is 100% correct word by word....(makes a hell of a lot sense)


what should i do to get over this whole situation, because the level of love im on cant be described...its so freaking bad that when i see girls that are way hotter than her i never want them because all i want is her...

 

[Johnnyventana]

irocknike23 summed it up best. Also, OP, find a real GF (or some plates) and go dark on your "friend." The GF will get your mind off this friend and you'll probably find your friend suddenly missing her free attention. To which you can reply, "Oh well."

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

what should i do to get over this whole situation, because the level of love im on cant be described...its so freaking bad that when i see girls that are way hotter than her i never want them because all i want is her...

You are not in love.

Get that clear.

You are feeling lust for someone you just can't have. The problem is that this lust will generate such strong emotions that you'll mistake it for love and you'll get so caught up in the feelings that you can't turn it off.... This forces you to make really rash decisons and do things to your own detriment that won't make the situation any better.

A lot of guys get into trouble when this sort of stuff happens. (I have been there many times, when I was younger)

The pleasure centers of the brain become so highly activated that it's almost like an addiction to a drug. The feelings are very intense and very real and can be more powerful than heroin, but it isn't love. It's something very superficial with out anything rooted in actual reality.

Walk away.

Actually, the best thing to do is to profess your love for her. Send her flowers. Text her endlessly... Call her all the time and within a week, she'll be the one doing the walking away.

 

[irocknike23]

You are not in love.

Get that clear.

You are feeling lust for someone you just can't have. The problem is that this lust will generate such strong emotions that you'll mistake it for love and you'll get so caught up in the feelings that you can't turn it off.... This forces you to make really rash decisons and do things to your own detriment that won't make the situation any better.

A lot of guys get into trouble when this sort of stuff happens. (I have been there many times, when I was younger)

The pleasure centers of the brain become so highly activated that it's almost like an addiction to a drug. The feelings are very intense and very real and can be more powerful than heroin, but it isn't love. It's something very superficial with out anything rooted in actual reality.

Walk away.

Actually, the best thing to do is to profess your love for her. Send her flowers. Text her endlessly... Call her all the time and within a week, she'll be the one doing the walking away.

once again i love your post, thx so much for the advice.

but how do i walk away...im not in a relationship with her...were just freinds who like to hang out...should i start ignoring her txts and blow her off when she wants to hang out?

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Don't just cut off contact. That will send the wrong signal, if you value maintaining any sort of friendship with her. (chances are, once you can get this "love" stuff out of your head, you actually won't give a sh!t)

Be friendly but get busy doing other things. Hangout when you want to but start finding other things to do. Let her do the inviting and let her do the contact initiating.

Don't text her until she texts you... etc..

Just back away.

 

[Chickfight]

Whenever someone starts a thread here starting with "I've known a girl for x years". I know it's not an easy situation.

It's okay though, most guys have been through the same situation, but very few of us have had the intuition and foresight to end it ourselves. I'm not saying you should either, because the best way to learn from this is to crash and burn.

When girls sense that one of their guy friend likes them, they give them just enough signs of interest to keep them hooked. Most of them probably don't even do it conciously. It's probably an evolved instinct or something. Unfortunately, when you've got oneities for a girl you're friends with and you don't understand and accept why they're doing this, it is the biggest mindfvck and it makes it virtually impossible for you to walk away.

A friendship with a girl will work, but not if you have any strong feelings towards her. Friendships aren't supposed to make you feel like crap. My advice is to distance yourself from this girl and see other girls and be open to them. You'll find one that makes you completely forget about girl 1 and actually likes you back. When you catch yourself thinking about her and all the "amazing" times you shared. Stop yourself and put your mind somewhere else. It helps I promise you. Don't indulge in those memories or fantasys.

Oneities for a girl will make you think crazy thoughts like everything she does is amazing and makes her special and unique. Or that she's perfect for you and you're meant to be together. I'm promise you, this is an illusion and once you move on you'll look back and wonder what the fvck got into you. Speaking from experience here.

 

[Igetit!]

So i known this girl for over 2 years.

From the first time i saw her i was seriously in love with her. But i was never man enough to tell her...

We hang out like once every 2 weeks(we both got busy schedules) but when we do its always a blast. But the thing is its hard for me to hide how i feel about her...i mean to me she is like the most beautiful girl i ever seen in my life and has the dopest personality in the world and connects with me and has more things in common with me more than any one of my friends(both guys and girls)

Hmm. Looking at the things I put in bold........

"From the first time I saw her I was seriously in love"

"To me she is like the most beautiful girl in the world"

She "connects with me"


Going by all that,it seems like a Hollywood love story. It's a beautiful dream,but once she tells you about the OTHER GUY she's been dating,it'll all come crashing down and snap you back to reality.


You said that you two see each other every two weeks. Whose idea was this? And I would ask you why you agreed to this bi-weekly thing,but you pretty much summed that up with all that "I'm seriously in love/she's the most beautiful girl in the world" type stuff you said earlier.

just spent the past 3 days with her on a road trip and the reason im about to ask this is because since i been back from this trip i haven't been able to do anything because i miss her really badly....

You haven't been able to "do anything"? As in doing what? You said that you've known this girl OVER 2 YEARS. If you haven't said or done anything to make your interest known in over 2 years,why is it all of the sudden such a problem now?


I know you miss her and all,but what do you want to do,hurry up and see her so you can CONTINUE being scared and hiding your feelings?


What for?

now what im asking is: What is it like to be friends with a girl that knows you like her a lot?

What's it like? I'd describe it as a root canal without novicane,but even that wouldn't do it justice.

To REPEATEDLY be around a girl you like,who turns you on,but who you know wants NOTHING to do with you sexually itself sucks,but just wait until she tells you about the "new guy" she's been dating,or if you're just out somewhere and happen to see her holding hands with and/or kissing some other dude who treats her like dirt.


That'll make the root canal seem like a piece of cake,lol.

I see it a lot between guys and girls all the time and they treat it as no big deal,

It's probably no big deal to THE GIRL because she knows she has you by the balls. The fact that you spend so much time with her let's HER KNOW that you likely have no other options.

Internally,it IS a big deal to the guy because everytime he thinks of her or see her,he's CONSTANTLY REMINDED that he's rejected.



I can deal with asking a girl out and her turning me down,because I simply move on. It's done and over with,but to constantly be in the presense of someone who told you they didn't want you as a man?


Not my cup of tea dude.

because i just want to tell her how i feel about her regardless of her reaction..

DON'T DO THIS.


Look,you're in the friendzone,so it's over. If you're just bent on doing this anyway,then just ASK HER OUT.


Ask her out,don't "tell her how you feel". Don't say ANYTHING about "feelings","liking her" or anything that has to do with emotions.


I think you should follow what "Bad Ass Canadian" said,he covered it perfectly. When you start backing off,she's going to wonder what's up,so you can't just quit cold turkey.


Just do it gradually. If that doesn't work,that "crash and burn" method someone suggested my come in handy. If it comes you that,then just ask her out. Don't "tell her how you feel",or talk about "feelings" or anything like that. Just ask her out.

She'll reject you with the LJBF thing,then you can make a clean break.


Don't let this all be for naught. Learn what you did wrong here so you don't have to go through this again. I or any other the other members here could just tell you straight out what you did,but you're a big boy,figure it out.




And Chickfight,this thing you said here......

Friendships aren't supposed to make you feel like crap.

I like.

+1 rep.

 

[Mike32ct]

What's it like? I'd describe it as a root canal without novicane,but even that wouldn't do it justice.

To REPEATEDLY be around a girl you like,who turns you on,but who you know wants NOTHING to do with you sexually itself sucks,but just wait until she tells you about the "new guy" she's been dating,or if you're just out somewhere and happen to see her holding hands with and/or kissing some other dude who treats her like dirt.


That'll make the root canal seem like a piece of cake,lol.

As always, Igetit is spot on.

Since your original question is and I paraphrase, "What is it like to be in love with a girl and be in the friendzone with her?", I snipped the part of Igetit's post that I REALLY want to emphasize.

You see, initially, being in friendzone with a girl you want doesn't seem like a big deal. You probably will even enjoy it at first. You two talk, text, and you both enjoy the attention and company of each other. She might even be a bit flirty with you which feels great. Plus, since you haven't made a move, you are still in your comfort zone, which feels good in the short term. The problem comes later when you find out that she is dating, kissing, fooling around with, or <gasp> HAVING S*X with another guy. That is the awful part that is MUCH worse than any root canal.

I've been in that situation myself several times in the past. As long as you (naively) believe she is completely "single" and not hooking up with or trying to hook up with anyone at the moment (which is rarely the case with any remotely attractive girl), everything is cool. But prepare for your world to be shattered when you find out what is really going on. Prepare to be sick to your stomach when you find out which d*uchbag really gets her tingly and did stuff with her you only dreamed of.

 

[bigneil]

"What is it like to be friends with a girl that knows you like her a lot?"

Pain and suffering.

(great root canal analogy Igetit!)

Also Mike32ct said it all with: "Prepare to be sick to your stomach when you find out which d*uchbag really gets her tingly and did stuff with her you only dreamed of".

 

[Iceberg]

because i just want to tell her how i feel about her regardless of her reaction..

If you forget every great piece of advice people gave you in this thread, remember this: Never "just tell her how you feel". You can't explain your way into attraction. You can't sit down, have a chat, and come to a mutual agreement that you're both attracted to each other. It's feelings, and passion and chemistry. It's not signing a mortgage.

You can go for a kiss. You can set up a date. You can disappear for a few months and return to her as a different, better man that what she remembered you as. But you can't discuss attraction anymore than you can paint a smell.

P.S.

You don't love a girl you've never kissed, banged, or dated. That's some 5th grade, Disney movie crap.

 

[irocknike23]

thanks for all the advice to all of you.

i kinda understand a lot more now and am getting what you guys are all telling me.

i should move on, stay friends with her but dont let my mind take me over into a fantasy when in reality it can never be....

the biggest problem im gona have is looking at other girls because like i said when i look at girls that are way hotter than her i never want them because i still want girl 1....



maybe over time this will fade but right now the feelings remain very strong

 

[ne0phyte]

u master don juans got experience coming out of the wazoo! i wish i had guys like y'all to guide me when i was in HS haha.

to the OP, what they said is 100% true. whatever you do, don't profess your feelings to this. back in hs, i friendzoned a girl who i took to a school dance. she was very much into me, but i liked her friend more. guess what, i ended up naturally being a challenge to her. i didn't shower her with attention, i didn't spend all my time with her. I had this one hooked without even knowing it.

When i didn't want her, she wanted me. she called me to hangout, etc. but then suddenly, i started to like her. and instead of playing it cool, or making a move, I told her how i felt, much like you were planning to do. that turned her interest in me into ZERO. she couldn't explain it, and I sure as hell didn't get it at the time either haha. but i thought i could stay "just friends" with her. she then got a boyfriend, it HURT like HELL to see her doing stuff with another guy, when it could've been with me had I not been so stupid. imagine how much worse it could've been if she started telling me how great her bf was. my advice is to get away from her. don't put yourself through unnecessary pain.

what everyone here has told you is right. you're young, don't get caught up on this. instead, use your oneitis like I did to get out there and talk to NEW girls. SHOW INTEREST from the get-go, don't hide your sexual side. You will make mistakes, and you will keep making them (I know I still am), but if you recognize them, you will come out a better man, and women will chase YOU.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Everyone's advice in this subject is fantastic. This is a basic newb AFC problem. We've all seen it before and we all know what to do. But we all are forgetting what helps getting over a girl you have oneitis for...

Having a another girl being attracted to you. This will boost your confidence like no other. It helps you realize that you are still sexually attractive. You are actually fun to be around. You are somebody to someone else. Realizing this helps fuel your lose of interest with your oneitis.

I remember when this one girl continued to ignore my texts. She didn't wanna talk to me. I felt like crap. Low. But then I went out to eat, and decided to chat up the cute cashier. Next thing I know, she's flirting big time and I'm walking feeling like a million bucks. I complete forgot that another did wanna deal with me. I realized I could get another girl.

Next day, the girl that was ignoring me ended up texting me everyday that week. And at the end of the week, I got the booty.

You can get other women. She may seem like shes amazing, but believe me when I say that there are way more fascinating women out there for you to me. You can meet another one. Don't think you can't, because. And she'll even treat you better.

Good luck with getting over her. And good luck on finding the new better one.

 

[d!ckmojo]

@irocknike23 you can convert her from the friendzone to the Fvck-zone, but its nearly impossible to do. But if you are dead-set determined to do it, its going to require a massive paradigm shift.

The advice I give you is as following:

cover yourself in super dope badass tattoos.

Ride a motorbike.

When you go out, drink only black coffee, American beer or str8 whiskey.

Be seen EVERYWHERE with 2~3 smoking hot babes hanging off you and following you around, laughing at your jokes and agreeing with everything you say. Let it be known that you are banging them without it sounding like a brag.

Never smile.

Always wear sunglasses. When you take off your shades, eye contact is piercing and direct.

Have every guy you walk past put up his hand to give you to a "high 5".

Be the "go to" guy for everyone in her circle of friends~ You make things happen.

Be aloof to her.

Neg hit her subtly but consistently.

Always cut short your interactions with her. Leave her wanting more, yearning to spend time with you.

Drip every utterance out of your mouth to her with sexual innuendo. Make sure its subtle though, you want double entrendres and meaningful phrases, not see-through sleaziness.

Don't feel a scrap or shred of desire for her~ she's the one who wants you, you don't care about her because you have heaps of smoking hot babes anyway.

In other words, change every single thing about yourself and your interactions with others, especially with her.

If you do all this, you might have a 50-50 chance of converting her into the fvck-zone.