Sometimes I just think that God wants me to be alone

[flyingpanda505]

Really now, for the past three years I've always told myself not to be an emo and feel sorry for myself but now I just don't really care anymore. I've been reading the DJ bible and trying to get my confidence up for the longest time (since like freshman year) and still I have no results. I'm a failure. I haven't had a girlfriend since the 7th grade and I'm a junior now. It's not that I'm ugly in any way, I've even had attractive girls tell me that I'm cute and hot (I'm 6'4 and 185 lbs), but for the life of me, I always end up doing something awkward or stupid to ruin it. I can't talk to girls very well, I'm trying to work on it, but it just seems hopeless.

And then there's my social status in high school, which I cant even begin to fvcking fathom. I'm well liked by everyone, like, everyone says hi to me in the hallway (I usually get about 5-7 greetings from different people I know just in the 5 minutes as I go from class to class) but I have no idea where I belong. I mean, I like to hang out with the black kids (they're hilarious and I'm real good friends with a lot of them), I like to hang out with the soccer kids (I have some good friends there), and I'm not such a tool that I won't hang out with the smart kids/stoners/jocks every so often and just chill, but I can't find myself fitting into a single group.

I go to parties and hang out with people after school all the time, but I can't find a group of friends that I can always hang with and they're always happy to have me around, and toppled with the fact that I can't seem to get a girl just really brings me down hard. It might be because I'm not really into sports and when people start talking about college football and all that I don't have much to say. Can anyone help me with advice on how not to be so awkward or any advice period? Please?

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo FlyingPanda,



What you need to do is stop seeing yourself through the eyes of OTHER people (see----"girls" etc.).

I would suggest to you to start a journal. In it, list ALL the things in your life that you COULD be thankful for "if you WANTED to".

Then list ALL the things about yourself physically, mentally, etc. that you COULD like about yourself "if you WANTED to".

Then lastly, list ALL the things you want to improve in your life, THEN set about finding ROLE MODELS in every specific area to study in order to help you acheive those goals.

It may not seem like it right now at THIS moment, but believe me-----LIFE GET'S BETTER. And please download a copy of this thread you just started, because the day IS coming when you will look back on it and smile...and you will be thinking to yourself THEN:

"Man, was THAT a whack-assed time in my life...BUT LOOK AT ME NOW!"


March on.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Can anyone help me with advice on how not to be so awkward or any advice period? Please?"

Well to me it sounds like you have a lot to be proud of about yourself already that should automatically help you not to be so awkward but confident.

I mean think about it, you're in great shape, you look good, chicks say you are hot, all the various groups like you even if you don't totally fit into any one of them and in its own way not fitting into any one group category can be perceived by you as a good thing.

In that you are unique and a category unto yourself.

It seems the biggest problem you have now is your speech skills.

Perhaps hanging around the group of friends that you feel the most comfortable talking with for a while can help build your conversation skills up and then just translate those skills into talking to chicks not much differently than you would talk to the guys.

Perhaps you are like many young men now and get intimidated by the site of a beautiful woman and that makes you falter in your speech and screw things up.

You've got to stop looking at them as shining diamonds (if you've been doing that) and instead as people with their own imperfections and insecurities despite their pure and perfect appearance.

Doing this and internalizing that knowledge about these girls can perhaps get rid of the deer in headlights effect you seem to be suffering from currently that screws up any meaningful interaction you try to make with them.

 

[IceBreaker]

wow. your posts really caught my eye.
i know how you feel becuase i've been in the same situation.
If your like me, then you will diversify your friends. I can't stand to stay in the same group too often, becuase it gets boring, and some of them you don't even hang out with... but they do say hi, and chill with you at school, but that's about it. and some of my friends are cool, but THEIR friends are stupid.

So i guess your going to have to go out of your comfort zone and find 2-5 really good friends to really chill with. have a few girls in your group too, becuase it helps getting rid of the awkwardness. becuase, a few good female buddies, can fix your problems. like i used to say the wierdest things by mistake, and meaning something else.

i've been through this, i know how you feel. it's a mix of rejection, dissapointment, failure, and giving up. it's a wierd emotion, i can't explain it. I guess we just have to ride it through, until we know more about ourselves, becuase it's not as simple as being an optimist, or "stop thinking through the eyes of other people". i guess you have to really admit what you have, and make the best of it. Don't be afraid to be honest, becuase even the coolest guy, have the most AFC problems, the difference is being honest to yourself, and figuering a way to fix it by yourself.

 

[SharinganUser]

Wow, I thought I was reading my biography for a minute there. I am 23 and still not great with women. You should just focus on your studies and doing what you love. Women are to troublesome.

 

[Obsidian]

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone."...

It sounds like you need to
1) Find 1 or 2 good (at least decent) friends. You don't need a whole f*cking group to hang out with constantly, but you need to have a good male friend.
2) Quit worrying so much about what other people think.
3) Quit worrying at all what women think of you. They're just women. Who cares what they think. Strive for personal quality, not popularity.

Also, try getting better sleep and exercising. You sound a tad bit stressed/depressed.

 

[Bible_Belt]

There are several threads on SS where shorter guys complain about not being tall, and idealize the life that tall people must lead. You are doing the same thing in regard to having a gf. You think it's the end-all be-all of existence, but only because you don't have it. If you had it, you'd see that it's just one part of life and happiness, not the definitive factor.

Just go tease some freshman and sophomore girls. If you push their buttons right, they will quickly ascribe to you God-like status, for simply being tall and older if for nothing else.

 

[lildevil]

Ok flying panda I understand what your saying and its a very vivid point through what your going through....A few years ago I had much less than you no girlfriend or friends...

Let me ask you a question...but dont answer...when you go around your school do you try hard for everyone to like you or try to be as nice as possible so you dont stir things up and have any problems with anyone that you know....because when you dont have problems you dont disturb the waters or rock the boat....Does it sometimes seem like u try as hard give it your best for this people to like you but this people don't give as much as you give to them....with the girls do you want to have a girlfriend and are afraid that they are going to say "no"...I don't like you....or get away from me u creep out or somethin along the lines...To you being nice to everyone is the way to go and when your nice to everyone nothing bad can happen...

Flying panda theirs nothing wrong with you your probably very smart and have many things going for u but u rather not to look at the brightside....


Have u ever asked yourself what it is that your doing....you probably have already tripped over with this question in your own destroyed ego that u have and as as much as you try to find is just giving you bad messages worthless paradigms and useless believes....It happens to the best of us but heres where you have to cut the line...

your biggest problem is your trying to get validation in so many ways from the people around you....you probably wear your best pants or best shirts or the best shoes try in the halls you try get a high five hear a high five on the other side .....thinking that been at your best and almost showing that everything is good and everything is great and that you like everyone..cuz sometimes their will be many people who are not going to give much in to bein your friend as much as u need ....<<<>>>

Tip:never and i mean never give your best performance(what)....yes you heard me.... your trying to Fvcking hard your trying to be the life of the party but ends don't meet you are a person not the ****ing entertainer for everyone or the guy that has to sustain everythin so ends meet and no you dont have to be good with everyone or have a certain group...

Be a freakin leader wake up smell the coffee cuz its morning and you still laying on your butt...learn how to pick the people you like to hang out with people who like you and feel relax to say anythin or do whatever because the two of you respect each other and they trust you...ask yourself what do u want to see in the people u chill with do u want respect? do u want trust? do U want to feel comfortable around them?...Always know what you want because then its easier to put your friends on side or aquainteces on the other.... it doesnt need to be the whole fvcking school..just one or two you can chill or talk too man people u can feel alright with and without the need to give your best effort so that at the end of the day they think your still cool ...


Tip:If you don't have friends or say that they are true friends than why really hang out with them...

start learnin to like who you are....<<very important>>>> If you learn how to start changing this addictive behavior this bad habit of putting your self down because this is not the real you... know that really deep inside you is this amazing guy who is fVcking trying to get out the one who is positive this is the real you....your are a wonderful human being and from now on you will see how much wonderful things get when you start thinking about yourself in a very special way...

make a contract with yourself as you have learned that this negative thoughts that you have its not the real you on the contrary you will learn how to love yourself unconditionally and replace old believes with sooothing ones with ones that make u stronger cuz from now on you never can aff afford to be weak ...and get all of this negative feelings out of the way.....because your special person and great after all....I know that u like for someone to tell U how smart you are how great you are...as you read this you will learn how to start replacing all the bad things you use to think with more special thoughts...

But now is your turn to learn how to give your self empowering thoughts....Im strong... im confident...Im special...im Unique...

Tip: simple get sticky note:and in them write self empowerin believes I will give you a few.....

I believe in myself
Im lovable just as i am
Im a strong and powerful person
​

Then stick one of them or tape it to a side next to your bed every week change it or ever so often...then evrynight before going to sleep read the sticki note and fully embrace the feeling of the words and the meaning for ten seconds ...when you start at first be strong you can do it your ego can try to go against it remember thats not the real you.....make a contract with yourself to do this and sign a deal with yourself to start living a life a greater and stronger life.....

PS:I will make a better guide to post it here....



Always look forward never look backword

 

[flyingpanda505]

Seriously guys, thank you all so much for your help, especially lildevil. I'm going to reread these posts continually and work hard to improve my self esteem. Its really nice to know that I'm not the only one who has gone through this shyt. I'll keep you guys updated and if you guys have any more advice, please share it :box: