Something Different- lack of male freinds

[6stringer]

Hey everyone. This is not a topic about women, except in the sense that lack of a social life and friends can really mess up your game..more importantly, I just miss the real friendship that only men can provide to each other.

I am 44, and due to my two best friends passing away several years ago and ending up in a new city for work reasons, I find myself having a real hard time making friends. I am not sure what the issue is, I have always gotten along with people very well, and when I meet other dudes we get along but either they are married and have their own life- which is understandable. Or have a close group of friends and not very inclusive. Doesn't help that I work 70 hr weeks either.

So any advice here? This really sucks. It's funny how much effort we all put into meeting women, when the quality of your life is much more closely measured by the friends you keep. I'd pass up banging several hb10s for some really solid friends right about now.

BTW, it does effect your Game. I get laid easily, but I ahve noticed that it never progresses much passed getting laid and I think it's in part that they notice my isolation. Much as I am not the type to try and fill my days with the women I am dating- I don't make myself too available or act needy etc. I think they find it weird to know a man with almost no family and no friends and it lowers my value in their eyes.

Any advice? any guys want to grab a drink in NYC?

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Hey everyone. This is not a topic about women, except in the sense that lack of a social life and friends can really mess up your game..more importantly, I just miss the real friendship that only men can provide to each other.

I am 44, and due to my two best friends passing away several years ago and ending up in a new city for work reasons, I find myself having a real hard time making friends. I am not sure what the issue is, I have always gotten along with people very well, and when I meet other dudes we get along but either they are married and have their own life- which is understandable. Or have a close group of friends and not very inclusive. Doesn't help that I work 70 hr weeks either.

So any advice here? This really sucks. It's funny how much effort we all put into meeting women, when the quality of your life is much more closely measured by the friends you keep. I'd pass up banging several hb10s for some really solid friends right about now.

BTW, it does effect your Game. I get laid easily, but I ahve noticed that it never progresses much passed getting laid and I think it's in part that they notice my isolation. Much as I am not the type to try and fill my days with the women I am dating- I don't make myself too available or act needy etc. I think they find it weird to know a man with almost no family and no friends and it lowers my value in their eyes.

Any advice? any guys want to grab a drink in NYC?

Can't you just say "yeah, I'm new to the city and just starting to create a network of friends. [insert something positive about the city]". I don't think it's that egregious to not have friends right out of the gate.

I'm only 26, but I feel like as we age, there's less single people our age out there as people get married and begin to build their own family. I can see a difference at 26 vs say 21, and I'm certain it's more stark at 44.

NYC has to have some networking opportunities out there.

 

[FairShake]

44? I think you need to start golfing and hanging out at old dude bars.

Be open and friendly and patient. Your friends will NOT be like the guys you knew before. They will be guys you golf with and drink at old dude bars with. You might have them and the missus over for BBQs on rare occasions.

Beware the single, never-been-married, childless 40+ year old. Not pointing fingers but they can be needy and self-centered. Avoid that guy and avoid BEING that guy.

I apologize if it sounds like I'm poking fun. I'm not, I'm trying to be real with you. And break balls a little. But I think golfing, moderate drinking, and pursuing outdoorsy physical things like cycling and jogging are what helps you meet people at that age.

 

[6stringer]

44? I think you need to start golfing and hanging out at old dude bars.

Be open and friendly and patient. Your friends will NOT be like the guys you knew before. They will be guys you golf with and drink at old dude bars with. You might have them and the missus over for BBQs on rare occasions.

Beware the single, never-been-married, childless 40+ year old. Not pointing fingers but they can be needy and self-centered. Avoid that guy and avoid BEING that guy.

I apologize if it sounds like I'm poking fun. I'm not, I'm trying to be real with you. And break balls a little. But I think golfing, moderate drinking, and pursuing outdoorsy physical things like cycling and jogging are what helps you meet people at that age.

Actually, I loved your post. I think you have the wrng impression of my style of 40. I'm 40 like Clooney, or Hank Moody is 40. No-one of my generation is the kind of 40 that plays golf, lol. actually a guy at a bar recently told said to me I reminded him of Hank Moody- I've never been more flattered)
To give you an idea, I am back in school for my second degree. In my english class is that hottest 23 yr old girl.. all the guys were taken by her. They all were amazed, I got the number and banged her- and would have yesterday if she wasn't in the hospital - crazy but true.

But... what you said about not being that guy who never married etc.. You made me think of something that hadn't occurred to me and I owe you. I've been aware of that perception for a while now and looking back on my recent "relationships" I realize that, while not being necessarily beta- I did go out of my way to show that I was capable of commitment etc. Now that I think about it.. maybe that is where I keep messing up- by showing that I am capable of commitment, not a player etc, I may have become like the guy who wants a relationship too much and drives it away. Holy Crap, I'm looking back and seeing it... I overcompensated each and every time I was with a woman who I considered relationship material because I didn't want to be "that guy"

Thanks man, great post, doesnt answer my friends question, but have definitely shed some light on my relationships.

 

[JoeMarron]

I don't really have any advice but I can relate to this. I'm far younger than you but my social circle is practically nonexistent, I'm pretty antisocial in general. The friends I do make I don't keep in contact with them so they fade away. It's definitely something I need to work on, I could use some hobbies that involve getting out the house. I happen to be married but we don't live together at the moment. I suppose my situation will change when that happens although I certainly don't want to rely on just her and her social circle for friends.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Beware the single, never-been-married, childless 40+ year old. Not pointing fingers but they can be needy and self-centered. Avoid that guy and avoid BEING that guy.

.

i am that guy.

as if 20 somethings weren't needy and self-centred. in my experience that is the ONLY reason people get into relationships and replicate their useless genes. to feed their needy self-centredness because they're too sh!t scared to be on their own.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lsEQxmoY7c




.

 

[GotED?]

I have zero friend in life and I enjoy and prefer it that way at age 41.

People are a lot of work, and usually end up disappointing me in the end. I feel much happier being just with a partner in life (when I have her), and when I don't - I work on improving myself and sample different types of women while redefining my filtering for women so I can get even a better quality one next time.

It never affects my dating being single and friendless, I have to swat off women sometimes and have dates every month, sometimes women just pop out everywhere and sometimes not, doesn't matter. You just have to improve on yourself and make yourself available in public.

It is all in the mind and how you think about your world. If you love yourself and has self-respect, it doesn't matter who you have (or don't have) in your life. You can rule your own world in the security of your dominant manhood and frame.

Be well.

Exodus

 

[Zarky]

^^^Me too. I gotta say I have essentially no male friends and I have no interest in any. So perhaps OP is taking this lack of dudes in his life a little too seriously. Just a thought.

My entire social circle is basically chicks I'm f*cking, chicks I've f*cked, and chicks I'm trying to f*ck. Sometimes I end up hanging out with their pals when I'm with them, but I really have no "friends" other than women I've screwed. There's one dude I play tennis with once every 3-4 months but we don't speak other than to arrange a game.

I think the older you get... especially in your 40s and beyond, the fewer "bros" you have. They're either married or dealing with jobs and kids and stuff. The only thing I can think of is join a semi-serious sports league or something and maybe you'll meet some "guys" to do some "bonding" with. I could see how that might be fun but it's not something that I really need in my life.

Kind of interesting the differences between people. I myself can't be bothered with relationships that don't have a sexual undercurrent. But then I'm very sexual. What's the point of hanging out with people if you can't -- or don't want to -- f*ck them?

 

[6stringer]

Its probably a matter of experiences. I grew up with a cool brother and my friends were awesome, fun great people. Women, until I got my **** in them, tend to bore the c**p out of me. AS far as women go I like to set up a date and time, get it done and leave as soon after as possible before they start their banal chatter. There are exceptions, of course, and those are the ones I may have a relationship with, but even then, there is a different quality to hanging with men.
It's cool that you guys don't care about it, but as someone who does, I'd like to do something about it.... if possible.
Something I would like to point though... I find that alot of the language you guys use "bonding" and placing "loving yourself" first is something I find kind of odd. Its how media and society have painted mens friendships and, especially, "loving yourself" is definitely a product of Oprah influence in our society. Men have hung out, hunted, fought and played besides each other for millenia and I've felt for a while now that there is definitely this influence to break those bonds among the elites and feminists. There is nothing they fear more than the power of men when men back each other up.
They have infiltrated all the usual gathering places exclusive to men, men get married and its considered almost normal that women will drag them away from friends, and when men do congregate they are seen as a threat or a gang...Then we wonder why our society has become so effeminate and soft with guys falling behind women in almost every measure.
There is more to life than the pink.

 

[jurry]

Check out meetup.com

 

[GotED?]

Check out meetup.com

I strongly recommend meetup.com

I meet most of my women there on mutual group hikes and common interest events.

My previous 1 year long French partner was from a hike via meetup.com.

Looks like I am slowly getting involved and netted by a Spanish woman whom I met from also a mutual meetup.com group (non-hike).

A lot of people complain they don't meet good looking women from meetup. But as far as London meetup.com, there are ample women (usually outnumbering men on hikes).

My past partner was about a HB6.5 or 7.0 (yes, being realistic and not ego boasting), good down-to-earth French woman. The current one from Spain I am starting to date is about HB 8.0 or 8.5 and there seems to be a lot of sparks and connections.

If I did live in an area of small city or non-city without a meetup.com presence, it would be greatly more difficult (but have to be more creative) to meet a constant supply of different women in a neutrally threatening environment where their b!tch shields are not 100% up.

Good luck.

Exodus