Socializing for the Sake of Socializing

[Cowhead418]

There are times when people say I am shy and introverted, and I've been called 'antisocial' plenty of times by my parents and some of my friends.

There have also been times when people tell me to shut up because I won't stop talking, because I can really get into a topic when it interests me.

I'm not one of those types that feels compelled to talk to everyone. If I am standing somewhere waiting for a ride and someone else is there, I'm not going to talk to them unless I have something to say. I hate small talk and I especially hate forced conversations.

The last few days I have decided to listen in on other peoples' conversations for a minute or so and see what kind of stuff they were talking about. Most of the topics were stupid, boring stuff like school, or details about what the person did the last few days that no one cares about. I couldn't help but get the feeling that these conversations were 'forced' and these people were talking for the sake of talking. I will generally only talk to someone if I have something worthwhile to say. Am I the only one who feels this way?

 

[Doddy]

Everyone meets people who they just cannot talk to and find nothing to relate to. So in their nervousness they force the small talk, like when people laugh because they are nervous, or when they talk WAY too f*ckin' much.

But why play into it. If I get in that situation I will go straight to the root and say "I hate talking for the sake of talking. Do you?" and then we converse about how people get nervous and this alleviates their nervousness so the convos start to flow

I can understand people being nervous, but not on my watch!!! lol

 

[Migel]

You are very shy and probably a nerd. I guess you can talk for hours about Star Trek. You should get over this. Realize that you will be socializing with people for the rest of your life unless you live on an island. If you don't like the typical talk that people give you dominate the conversation until you are talking about something you enjoy (be sure it's not Star Trek). Dominating the conversation requires skill so don't get discouraged.
Read some Juggler's stuff, he is the master of fun small talk, because it can be fun if you are the one leading the small talk.

 

[Le Parisien]

You are very shy and probably a nerd. I guess you can talk for hours about Star Trek. You should get over this. Realize that you will be socializing with people for the rest of your life unless you live on an island. If you don't like the typical talk that people give you dominate the conversation until you are talking about something you enjoy (be sure it's not Star Trek). Dominating the conversation requires skill so don't get discouraged.
Read some Juggler's stuff, he is the master of fun small talk, because it can be fun if you are the one leading the small talk.

Cowhead418, this is REALLY harsh and mean, but I do agree with his overall assessment simply from reading what you wrote about yourself.

Many times it's about perception, things that you say, maybe you think they are interesting, if most people ask you to shut up, then you have a problem, not the other way around.
And of course people are not gonna talk about politics and rocket science when they just met casually at a bus stop! "For the sake of talking"? It's called social interaction. So why would people talking about their lives be automatically boring? Unless they have a boring life, probably like yours (sorry for the harshness)....

But don't worry Cowhead418, all this can change. Gradually get into more and more social activities, you will start to appreciate socializing "for the sake of socializing"...

 

[cant think of a user name]

If I am standing somewhere waiting for a ride and someone else is there, I'm not going to talk to them unless I have something to say.

Do you mean someone you know, or a stranger?

You are very shy and probably a nerd. I guess you can talk for hours about Star Trek.

Just because the original poster doesn't feel compelled to talk to everybody, doesn't mean he is a 'shy nerd' who enjoys science fiction.

Many times it's about perception, things that you say, maybe you think they are interesting, if most people ask you to shut up, then you have a problem, not the other way around.

How can you assume this about the original poster when he doesn't even give details in his post?

 

[Le Parisien]

How can you assume this about the original poster when he doesn't even give details in his post?

It's about "reading between the lines", you can tell from the overall tone of what was typed. You can sense what kind of person he is by how he just described the things, unless just like him you don't have a clue either...:crackup:

People have never told me to "shut up", not because I'm so socially smart that what I say is always extremely interesting. But I have enough social intelligence to stop talking about things others find boring long before they ask me to shut up...

 

[cant think of a user name]

It's about "reading between the lines", you can tell from the overall tone of what was typed. You can sense what kind of person he is by how he just described the things, unless just like him you don't have a clue either... :crackup:

I think you're jumping to conclusions. One single text-only post on an internet forum is hardly an insight into his personality.

The world can benefit from people learning to accept others' diversity rather than by stereotyping and labelling them just because they are different to what certain individuals find to be socially acceptable.

Having said that, he may or may not be a "nerd" in your eyes, but to assume on the go that he is one, and to tell him something is wrong with him, both stigmatises and discourages the original poster.

 

[wootapotky]

Don't listen to migel. You are an introvert. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted. What it means is that you get more energy by being by yourself. Fvck anyone that says there's something wrong with you. I find it a form of weakness that extroverts depend on other people to make themselves happy. Michael Jordan is an introvert, Harrison Ford is an introvert. Unfortunately we live in a world that places value on being extroverted, but it's fvcking bullsh!t. If anyone tells you that you are shy and antisocial say, "Fvck you, I'm an introvert which means I don't get excited about talking about bullsh!t"

Also it is more of a masculine trait since guys use the right side of their brain and the left sideof the brain, which about 80-90% of women use, is the side that controls verbal skills. Just another sign that our world is becoming more feminized. You don't have to be an extrovert to have charisma as Michael Jordan has proven. Women are the ones that talk have bullsh!t chit chat. Many many actors are introverted, I've heard Robin Williams is, I think Jim Carrey is though I could be wrong, Tom Hanks supposedly is, Johnny Depp appears to be because of his disinterest in being in the spotlight, Johnny Carson, David Letterman, Clint Eastwood, Steve Martin and many, many more. Jimi Hendrix was an introvert also, and he was the coolest guy ever, he was very good with women. Remember introversion does not equal social ineptness.

Here's an article on introversion.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

 

[Cowhead418]

Many times it's about perception, things that you say, maybe you think they are interesting, if most people ask you to shut up, then you have a problem, not the other way around.
And of course people are not gonna talk about politics and rocket science when they just met casually at a bus stop! "For the sake of talking"? It's called social interaction. So why would people talking about their lives be automatically boring? Unless they have a boring life, probably like yours (sorry for the harshness)....

Whoa, hang on a second here. Never did I say that most people tell me to shut up. It's just that sometimes I can really get into a topic (ex: baseball) and go overboard. I know that and I've worked on cutting down on that. I just was trying to make the point that I'm not 'quiet and antisocial' all the time. I am quite capable of holding a conversation. It's just that I don't feel compelled to talk to people about topics I find boring.

Read this article by Pook and you'll better understand the point I'm trying to get across:
http://dapook.blogspot.com/2006/07/social-life-is-womans-life.html

You are very shy and probably a nerd. I guess you can talk for hours about Star Trek

First, the term 'nerd' is thrown about a little too loosely these days. Second, I couldn't tell you the name of a single character from Star Trek.

You mean someone you know, or a stranger?

Generally a stranger because I'll usually have something to say to someone I know.

Don't listen to migel. You are an introvert. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted. What it means is that you get more energy by being by yourself. Fvck anyone that says there's something wrong with you. I find it a form of weakness that extroverts depend on other people to make themselves happy. Michael Jordan is an introvert, Harrison Ford is an introvert. Unfortunately we live in a world that places value on being extroverted, but it's fvcking bullsh!t. If anyone tells you that you are shy and antisocial say, "Fvck you, I'm an introvert which means I don't get excited about talking about bullsh!t"

Also it is more of a masculine trait since guys use the right side of their brain and the left sideof the brain, which about 80-90% of women use, is the side that controls verbal skills. Just another sign that our world is becoming more feminized. You don't have to be an extrovert to have charisma as Michael Jordan has proven. Women are the ones that talk have bullsh!t chit chat. Many many actors are introverted, I've heard Robin Williams is, I think Jim Carrey is though I could be wrong, Tom Hanks supposedly is, Johnny Depp appears to be because of his disinterest in being in the spotlight, Johnny Carson, David Letterman, Clint Eastwood, Steve Martin and many, many more. Jimi Hendrix was an introvert also, and he was the coolest guy ever, he was very good with women. Remember introversion does not equal social ineptness.

Here's an article on introversion.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

Thanks for the response and the article. I'm fine with being introverted and I'm tired of people telling me I need to change. I'm not antisocial! There's a difference!