Social Rut/ Getting Invited to Parties

[familyguyfan]

I feel as if I'm in a social rut right now. I have plenty of friends, all in different groups, so I have backups if the group I feel like hanging out with that night can't do anything. But lately I haven't really been doing much with any of them. My main group of friends is getting more popular now, but they're hanging out with me less, even though I know and/or am friends with a good deal of the more popular people. They don't call me and almost every time I call one of them they're already doing something or they don't know what they're doing that night yet and just say they'll give me a call later when they figure it out, but no one ever does.

And the thing is, I would say it was just that group of friends, but that's how it is with more than just them. They're all drinking more now, and I like to drink too, and have been missing out. I also have a bunch of friends that are a little younger than me, so most of them don't have their licenses so when I'm with them I drive, and I've given them rides at other times before. But whenever they find out about a party they almost always get someone else to take them.

Now you guys are in high school, so you know that a lot of times people will call their friends and ask if they know of any parties going on that night, and when neither knows they'll just be like "ok well ill call you if I find anything out and you do the same". So, this obviously has happened to me quite a bit. Well it seems every time I talk to someone about if there's any parties that night, even if it's one of my good friends, if they find out about one later they don't call me. This has happened several times recently, and I know because I know they went to the party later when i found out about it.

So what can I do to get my friends to do more stuff with me, and how can I get invited to parties more? I think one factor may be that a lot of people seem to think I'm a little uptight because I've had a couple parties at my house before, and I've been uptight then. But when I'm drinking and whatnot and I'm somewhere else I'm not uptight at all. How can I prove to people that I'm not?

And a few clarifications before the questions are answered. I don't want to go to parties to meet people, I want to because I like to party and it's fun. So it's not just an issue of that. And also, please don't respond with "find some new friends." I will try that if possible, but it is difficult because I am a junior and I guess would be classified as semi-popular. And if you want to go to parties you have to be friends with popular people, so I'm not gonna make friends with popular people any easier than kind of getting back in the circle with my current friends. Also, I'm not just interested in popularity if that's what you're wondering. I really don't care about popularity. All I want is to have some good friends, be able to get invited to parties, and to get girls. Popularity brings some of that, but that's not what I'm out for.

 

[familyguyfan]

No one has any replies?

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

How can you say this

And also, please don't respond with "find some new friends."

when later you say this

All I want is to have some good friends,

Well, let me break it to you. There is no guide to making good friends. The friends you have now are just regular type friends.

a 'good' friend are those special friends, those that put you above all others. Your friends won't even invite you to their parties! that is what I call regular friends, those friends that you hang out with, get along with, but to them you are just another friend among many.

I know this from experience. In my high school almost everyone knew me. I got along with everyone, hanged out with many different people in different times, but later I found out that nobody really considered me one of their best friends. I was just a regular friend to everyone, nobody gave a damn about me (not that it matters a lot to me, but in life you really need a best friend or 2).

In conclusion I would have to say that you might as well look for your own action, instead of waiting for it to come to you. Those that you call friends don't invite you to their parties, oh well you can't wait forever for them to call. Go outside and find action somewhere else. Go to a club, movies, anywhere.

 

[familyguyfan]

Well thanks for the advice. I am gonna start getting more active to make some other friends.

However, a few clarifications. My main group of friends is not the one that doesn't invite me to their parties. If they ever had one they would definitely let me know. A few months ago I would have considered them "good friends," so basically its just recently that I haven't been doing stuff with them a lot. And I know that they still like me, maybe just not as much as before. I don't really know. Maybe you're more right than me, but I guess it doesn't matter. The bottom line is I should try and branch out, while still keeping my current friends in mind. The one thing keeping me from saying that to them I'm just a "regular" friend is that I know they do care about me.

 

[Finch]

My advice to you is to find a pull that you can depend on to get some alcohol from. This is the best solution because your friends are basically looking for a party to meet people and get faded at. Well you have part of that equation if you have alcohol.

I also recommend that when you talk to these more popular friends that you take control and just tell them that you should meet each other somewhere. If you have alcohol, tell them and I'm sure they'll be even more encouraged to meet up with you.

Make things happen.. don't wait around. I know it's difficult, but you gotta do something if you're getting tossed aside.

 

[familyguyfan]

Originally posted by Finch
My advice to you is to find a pull that you can depend on to get some alcohol from. This is the best solution because your friends are basically looking for a party to meet people and get faded at. Well you have part of that equation if you have alcohol.

I also recommend that when you talk to these more popular friends that you take control and just tell them that you should meet each other somewhere. If you have alcohol, tell them and I'm sure they'll be even more encouraged to meet up with you.

Make things happen.. don't wait around. I know it's difficult, but you gotta do something if you're getting tossed aside.

Thanks. Good idea.

Some people will just use you for your alcohol if you don't know them that well, but people that you're already friends with generally won't unless they're d*cks, so I'm in good shape with that idea. Plus, even if it is someone that may just be using you for the alcohol, it's still a good start as it will allow them to get to know you better.

 

[Finch]

Exactly, you have it in the bag. Try it out and if you feel like you're being taken advantage of put your DJ skills into effect and let them know otherwise.

 

[Disconnect]

Guys, I have a problem - how do I pull alcohol? The hellhole I live in has a drinking age of 19 - I got 2 fÜcking years to go! I don't know anyone who's old enough to get alcohol, or even if there was, don't know why they'd do it for me.

My mom doesn't drink at all. She forbids sex, drugs, violence, and liquor. So I have to do shìt in secret all the time. It sucks, but I get by.

All you underage guys, how do you get booze? Parents? Friends? Or fake ID's? (I'm gonna start looking into this fake ID business - sounds useful.)

Thanx for any tips!

 

[LikRetsam]

Dad.

 

[Finch]

It's all about connections my friend. You have to work for them. Unless you have some sort of family member or of age friend.. then you're going to have to find another way.

Several ways are you could just ask some people that you work with that are over age. Generally you can get a vibe from people if they party or whatever by finding out what they do on the weekends. If this person's a partier then you'll probably be in luck if you ask them to pull for you.

This strategy is a little sketchy, but you can always just become close with a bunch of guys who you know always have access to alcohol. You don't have to become real close like a best friend and you don't have to hang out with them very often either. Just make sure they're chill with you asking for a pull.

Always be sure that you tip whoever is pulling for you and tip well to give this person the incentive to pick up the phone on a Friday night when you have no one else to rely on.

 

[brad67]

Drinking age is 21 here, kids get fake ID's and go to liquor stores where guys are more likely to sell.

Alcohol is almost like a currency where I go to high school, it gets you the girls, the parties, the popularity.. kids with fake IDs are the DJ's in my school..

I know what you mean about the "call me ill call you thing".. I think in High school when theres a party you cant always invite like 40 people, so when someone finds out about one they cant always tell everyone they know as much as they'd like to.. you just have to keep impressing them and make them want to be around you more and you should be going to parties day and night.. of course this isnt always easy.. you need to figure out why they are the ones who are going to the parties and use that information to change yourself.. it sucks but in High School if everybody in a clique acted like themself then thered be a thousand 1 person cliques.

 

[Disconnect]

How bout college/university? Are parties different there? And is it easier to get invited to one, since I hear they are big?

 

[familyguyfan]

Originally posted by Finch
It's all about connections my friend. You have to work for them. Unless you have some sort of family member or of age friend.. then you're going to have to find another way.

Several ways are you could just ask some people that you work with that are over age. Generally you can get a vibe from people if they party or whatever by finding out what they do on the weekends. If this person's a partier then you'll probably be in luck if you ask them to pull for you.

This strategy is a little sketchy, but you can always just become close with a bunch of guys who you know always have access to alcohol. You don't have to become real close like a best friend and you don't have to hang out with them very often either. Just make sure they're chill with you asking for a pull.

Always be sure that you tip whoever is pulling for you and tip well to give this person the incentive to pick up the phone on a Friday night when you have no one else to rely on.

Exactly. At my job there's a few guys over 21 I could probably ask. Plus, I've got several friends with fake IDs, a few that have stores they can go to where the guy knows them, and also a few more that just look old (this usually only works for getting cigars though). I've only bought alcohol a couple times though. I usually always just drink whatever there is wherever I'm at (though if the supplier there wants money I'll pay them).

Disconnect, I'm surprised you're having trouble with it since the drinking age where you are is only 19. If you look somewhat old try just buying it without a fake ID (BE CONFIDENT though and act as if it's a normal thing; much like DJing) and if you try that at a few places and it doesn't work, then look into getting a fake (a good one though; you'll prob have to spend around 100$ US on it). I know 15 year olds that have fakes and can buy beer with no problem. Just find some kid working that you know won't make a big deal of it.

And brad, my school is the same way with alcohol being like a currency.

 

[Disconnect]

"Need to find a geek with a powerful computer and no life". I'll see, and if not, I can try to make one myself. The obituaries+photoshop = success?

 

[TyTe`EyEs]

There are much easier ways of getting a fake. Just find a 21 year old who looks somewhat like you and is willing to sell their I.D.





That's what I did.

 

[familyguyfan]

Well tonight sucked. This girl in my grade who is probably the hottest girl in the school had a huge party tonight. My entire grade basically went. I was gonna go with one of my friends but he f*cking ditched me. And he is one I would consider a "good" friend. We had been talking about going all day and he was trying to find a ride for us and he said he would call me back in a few minutes. 20 minutes later no call, so I call someone that he was with. Of course I hear a ton of people in the background and I know they're at the party but the guy was like "Oh hey, I gotta go". So I call my friend back and he doesn't pick up (I know he didn't just not hear it because it only rang like 4 times before it went to the machine.) And the worst part is I even offered to drive him if he couldn't find a ride (so he could drink), but I drove by later that night cause I have another friend that lives on the same street as the girl, and his car was parked outside. Some friend, eh?

And it wasn't just something where he forgot to call me, or there were already too many people there. He led me on the whole day/night only to just be a d*ck. I even passed up going to another party with some other friends in a different grade, just so I could go to this one. And I even told him about that so he knew I really wanted to go.

And I definitely was thinking of just going up there by myself. But, it's generally considered a loser move, and also my grade at my school has a lot of assh*les and shes friends with a lot of them and I thought they would probably answer the door. Though at a party that big I probably could've just snuck in and nobody would've noticed, because once I was there people would be cool since I am friends with a lot of the people that went.

Oh, the reason I couldn't go with anyone else was because I had to work all day and into the night some, so by the time I got off pretty much everyone was already there.


I'm definitely gonna confront my friend about it. Any ideas on how I should go about doing it? I don't really want to completely lose him as a friend (a lot of my other good friends are his good friends too, so it'd be awkward), but I want to definitely let him know he can't being doing that kind of thing anymore.

 

[familyguyfan]

Basically what my problem is, it seems like a lot of people like me, they'll hang out with me during school, or if we're already somewhere together, but they don't want to hang out with me for some reason. So, I'm gonna try the alcohol thing, but are their any other tips on how to fix this?

 

[Disconnect]

Listen, dude. Some people are just bìtches - as simple as that. Especially in highschool, it seems. Most of my friendships, and the friendships of the people around me are pretty loose, so to speak. People constantly ditch each other - their social circle is so big that they cannot pay attention to everyone.

But what happened to you is not that, if your friend, and I use the term loosely, was leading you on throughout the entire day, and then left you. He was polly like 'oh sh1t' when you called. Anyways, talk to him about it.

Maybe he's one of those two-faced hypocrite impulsive liars.

 

[Diaoz]

Originally posted by familyguyfan
Basically what my problem is, it seems like a lot of people like me, they'll hang out with me during school, or if we're already somewhere together, but they don't want to hang out with me for some reason. So, I'm gonna try the alcohol thing, but are their any other tips on how to fix this?

Yeah I'm actually in the same shyt.

When I happened to be with my 'friends', we'd hang out and have fun and all.

But when I call 'em up to go out they'd always like "Yeah I'd get back to you" or "Oh I have something on"

And they barely ask me along when the hang-out.

Same shyt with your mate who stood you up for the party. I often have functions, parties, events blah and have arrangements all made with my 'friends'. It's either they end up there themself or they just scrap it at the last minute.


I've just let it passed through because I felt they're just not "assertive" enough, and can't plan/stick to plan for nutz but it's getting quite bad these days.


Would appreciate discussion on why such shyt happens and how to get out of it! Thks!

 

[I-am-someone]

If your friends are bums, dump them and find new friends. I know it sounds harsh, but you have to accept that you cannot change them. They remain who they are. Go out, meet new people and make new friends that will go out and do **** with you.