Social Circles After College

[DanielT]

Hello, my main problem that I'm trying to fix is becoming part of someone's social circle. I meet new people on a regular basis and I feel like there is a connection or a certain vibe, yet I never seem to hang out with these people due to their:

-Family Obligations
-Work
-"Not Enough Time"

It's hard for me to redefine my social circle once I've left College because most people were friends due to proximity and don't have time to meet new people.

I've read before on these boards to join clubs and become more involved, however; I can't find any clubs for 25-35yr singles.

When I say clubs I mean interests such as flim, photograpy, art, etc...

Any Ideas or Insights are Greatly Appreciated.

 

[WestCoaster]

I've hung onto my old college friends

Most of my friends I met from college are still my friends. Well, when they bit the dust early they did the "I don't have time" deal, and the kids deal, and the wife nags at me deal.

But once they got over that, I'm now the guy who gets invited everywhere, to football games, outings, etc. My married friends are intensely jealous of my singlehood and live vicariously through me.

Onto your issue: Actually, I'd get involved in a gym, night classes, something like a photography club, bicycling club, wherever your interests lie. I met a lot of people through work, grad school, though of late I find myself just hanging out with friends I've known for years.

It's tough out there because of the AFCism in this country. One of my best friends of all time -- who now lives in Montana, far away from me -- is pretty much controlled by wifey.

I call him like twice a year and his wife starts bi-ching if we're on the phone too long (even if it's on my dime). Hey beyotch, we have college football to talk about da-nit! AFCism is a killer and it also kills friendships as the wives slip on the pants in the family and control the wimpy men.

 

[DanielT]

Thanks for the quick reply. That is my problem. I feel like I'm in a great position in life: Single, Never Married, Not looking to Marry, Cool Job, I enjoy my hobbies....

but not everyone is in that position and it's hurting me socially. That is the only thing that is missing from my life. I keep in contact with 1 friend who has relocated to Boston because of his job. Most my friends are what you called AFC since they've gotten married or started working a "real" job. I tried to keep in touch through email or phone, however; their wife runs their life now.

So I'm trying to find new people in this area. Great, but they have the working man's baggage that affects my old friends as well.

I am a member of a gym as well as going to cultural events on a regular basis. But, I'm not meeting the type of people that are in my position that I thought I would by doing these activities.

 

[Bungo Pony]

It's tough out there because of the AFCism in this country. One of my best friends of all time -- who now lives in Montana, far away from me -- is pretty much controlled by wifey.

This is an excellent point, and I've never thought of it this way since I find friends quite disposable. It's scary to think that because of AFC men, women have the world in the palm of their hands. They control male-male relationships. How many women cease hanging out with their buddies because they're in love? I don't know any.

Men have learned that after they're hitched, they have to answer to the woman. They have to be everywhere the woman goes. They get dragged into movies like Titanic, they go with her to watch the male strippers, and go shoe shopping. Does one really have to wonder why the woman is referred to as the "ball and chain". It's the man who attached the ball and chain to himself.

Men don't have to go shoe shopping or meet up with her friends who talk about boring woman stuff. They have the right to decide if they'd like to participate in the woman's activities. Unfortunately, when most men enter a relationship, they hand over their complete power to the woman.

 

[WestCoaster]

So sad, yet so true

Originally posted by DanielT
Most my friends are what you called AFC since they've gotten married or started working a "real" job. I tried to keep in touch through email or phone, however; their wife runs their life now.

Ugh! This is so true I can't take it anymore!

Dietcozi, I'm waiting for your astute take on married life!

 

[DanielT]

I think the main reason I came to this board is to find out how to deal with other people's AFCness, whether they're a Man or Woman, that are in my age range.

It seems most people my age followed the "path"

High School-->College/girlfriend-->Wife/ Job-->Kids-->Death (not just yet)

I'm trying to find new friends because I think most Men and Women are introduced through some type of social connection. A friend of A friend type of scenario. I don't think I will find the type of women I want in a bar setting.

Men my age are scurrying around like ants to find women to complete them. The women I meet are Married, Divorced, or Divorced w/ kids. I'm looking for people to complement my lifestyle and enjoy my interests.

 

[Bungo Pony]

Originally posted by DanielT
I'm trying to find new friends because I think most Men and Women are introduced through some type of social connection. A friend of A friend type of scenario.

Friends are just one way of meeting women. Female friends are great for this. My ex's sister set me up with quite a few women.

I don't think I will find the type of women I want in a bar setting.

I'm living proof that this isn't true. I met my wife in a bar.

I'm looking for people to complement my lifestyle and enjoy my interests.

That's a very good attitude to have.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

I found after college that all my old buddies are quickly getting married, and that social network shrinks pretty damn fast.

Before you join a club in the search to persue single women, I'd personally join a club with you ultimately enjoy doing for your own benefit first.

A runner's club - get in shape
A Salsa Lessons class - learn some great moves on the dancefloor
Rockclimbing - get to nature, tackle challenges, etc
Cooking - learn to cook things other than shake n bake.
Computer networking - learn how to download porn faster, etc

You'll enjoy the club more, and sociallize more if you actually enjoy what you are doing. I find that buddies who join clubs just for the sole purpose to network with women end up wasting their time because they had no interest in pottery.

Many jr/community colleges and community centers offer classes and ways to get connected to clubs.

I've joined a snowboarding group 2 seasons ago and have made a lot of good friends even after the season was over..good luck..

 

[Austin Allegro]

You need to:

a. join a club/organisation with lots of single people around your own age and
b. network like crazy.

The important thing is to find a club that consists of mostly young, single people.

I joined a gym/social club that has about 1000 members aged between 18 and 35.

They have 'getting to know each other' events like dinners, ****tail parties etc. I always aim to get at least one number close at these events.

It's important, however, not to treat them as sarging opportunities. The trick is to just meet lots of people, including men and women with boyfriends, and get the contact details of anyone you like. Add them to your email list and before long you'll find you get invited to other events outside the club, at which in turn you meet other people and you repeat the process.

If it all seems a bit 'false' the thing to remember is you are just hanging out, you are not expecting to make lifelong friendships with these people and you shouldn't behave as if you do. You will keep a few close friends and a lot of acquaintances but the opportunities to meet new people will always be there.