So I just found out, a year ago when I started seeing my now-girlfriend..

[Shivastorm_88]

She was sleeping with another dude.

She kept it on for about two months (I left two months after we started seeing each other for one month to travel), and she then cut contact afterwards, when I returned. It also wasn't a regular thing, it happened a few times.

Basically, she lived in another city than mine, and she cyber sex with him a few times, and she slept with him a few times when she arrived to my city.

We weren't exclusive, and I was free to date other girls as well. We became exclusive when I came back. And yet, why is this bothering me so much?

 

[ArcBound]

She was sleeping with another dude.

She kept it on for about two months (I left two months after we started seeing each other for one month to travel), and she then cut contact afterwards, when I returned. It also wasn't a regular thing, it happened a few times.

Basically, she lived in another city than mine, and she cyber sex with him a few times, and she slept with him a few times when she arrived to my city.

We weren't exclusive, and I was free to date other girls as well. We became exclusive when I came back. And yet, why is this bothering me so much?

Because your mind screams untrustworthy. Whether rightly so or wrongly so, your ego feels shattered. You saw her for one month, left to travel and she immediately hopped on another guy's d!ck. It makes you feel kind of bad that she could do something like that so easily and then just as easily switch back to you when you returned. Then is also the fact that she didn't tell you until a year later also makes it look really bad in your eyes.

So you are kinda jealous at this guy, really disappointed in this girl, and sad at yourself yet you know that you two were free to date other people so you are not free to say anything and that makes you feel kinda mad.

My advice? Go get something to relieve stress on, then make a decision whether your ego handle, and whether you even want to, stay with her. If you are going to be thinking disturbing thoughts about her trust worthiness and this other guy it is not worth your mental health to continue dating her, and it is better off to cut your losses as to get over this sad situation as soon as possible. If you think she is trustworthy, and you think you can manage your emotions, your thoughts, and your mental well being then maybe you want to continue it with her. Ultimately it is your decision

 

[RagingBalls]

She was sleeping with another dude.

She kept it on for about two months (I left two months after we started seeing each other for one month to travel), and she then cut contact afterwards, when I returned. It also wasn't a regular thing, it happened a few times.

Basically, she lived in another city than mine, and she cyber sex with him a few times, and she slept with him a few times when she arrived to my city.

We weren't exclusive, and I was free to date other girls as well. We became exclusive when I came back. And yet, why is this bothering me so much?

I myself never liked sloppy seconds. Why should i be bothered when i can just walk away and have another girl in a minute. Exclusive or not

Since you two weren't exclusive fvckmates, Don't be bothered by filthy sluts like that. Women are replaceable. Pvssies come and go.

 

[Jaylan]

Dude, you two weren't exclusive and you went thousands of miles away. I think if shes shown herself to be a good gf so far, you shouldn't dwell on this. Dunno why she even told you since yall were very casual at the time. Plus did you really expect this girl to put her life on hold for a guy who hasn't committed to her and is likely screwing other chicks abroad? There was no reason for her to believe you two had a legit future, was there? I mean hell, you'd have done the same thing.

So again, if you've had a good gf so far, i say roll with it. Decent girlfriends are hard to come by. But like the other poster said, if you can't manage the jealousy its best to bail. And this is not something you should throw in her face or start arguments over, because you did have an understanding that there was no commitment in the beginning.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Yeah I guess you guys are right, I can't expect her to have a pure past after all. I got to admit it was eating at me for a bit, up to the point where when we had sex yesterday and today I couldn't ***, I was thinking too much about it.

But you guys are right, it's normal that she had a life before me, and I couldn't expect her otherwise. And yeah she has been an awesome girlfriend so far, so I shouldn't throw it away because of something that occurred way in the past.

 

[JoeMarron]

Women gonna woman. That's how the species was designed. A woman didn't have time to be pining over a dude who isn't around anymore. Do what you want with this information, I think it would be a silly thing to do but if it's really bothering you then you may have to cut her loose regardless of how irrational this emotion is.

 

[VikingKing]

If its bothering you now, its going to continue to bother you. Even if you try to ignore this feeling, it will linger.

Sounds to me in your mind the relationship is tainted. Now is she trustworthy? I have no idea, but its what you think that matters.

Like arcbound said, can your ego handle staying with her after acquiring this information?

Well it certainly bothered you enough to come post on here about this.

 

[SAYNO]

So how did you come by this information? Did she tell you this? If she did why?

Did you find out by accident, were you snooping?

Like I said before if most guys only understood, there really is no such thing as a single woman..not unless she is grotesque looking, in a coma or dead otherwise they are either:

1. In a relationship
2 Cumming out of a relationship or..
3. Going into a relationship

And all the above means that someone at some point in time before you has banged her.

And that basically means that there is no down time.

 

[Jaylan]

So how did you come by this information? Did she tell you this? If she did why?

Did you find out by accident, were you snooping?

Like I said before if most guys only understood, there really is no such thing as a single woman..not unless she is grotesque looking, in a coma or dead otherwise they are either:

1. In a relationship
2 Cumming out of a relationship or..
3. Going into a relationship

And all the above means that someone at some point in time before you has banged her.

And that basically means that there is no down time.

This is something more men need to realize and stop thinking women are little chaste princesses. They have pasts, and if you dont commit to them, they wont commit to you. Always assumes shes recently screwed someone else, especially if you are doing the same thing.

You're 100% justified to feel this way. Women that don't bond to one man after sex are a scary investment for monogamy indeed. You have to wonder why she picked you out of her little harem, after chuckling behind both of your backs.

Why should she have bonded to some dude whos traveling around for weeks hooking up with other chicks? Lets be real here. If the guys has a good gf so far, he should make this work. I can understand why hes jealous and put off...but the girl didnt do anything terrible here.

It would be stupid of any person whos single to put their dating life on hold for someone traveling abroad hooking up with other people. Hows that person to know they have any sort of future with the traveling person?

Like I dont understand some of you here. You want chicks to spread their legs quickly and frequently, but you also want them to bond to one guy after sex? How is she supposed to bond to a guy whos not even trying to commit to her? Seems like she was initially willing, but OP had other things and other women he wanted to do.

Now if OP was in the same city as her the whole time, I would definitely give her no benefit of the doubt. But considering there was no certain future, and they had no commitment to each other, its foolish to expect a woman to bond to such a man. Why set yourself up for that kind of emotional pain? So like I said, a smart single person would do exactly what OPs girlfriend did.

 

[djdfuser]

Dude, you're uncomfortable with this woman because your a man and she's behaved like one. The feminists will bleat on about the double standard and superficially, they have a point especially if you behaved the same during the non exclusive period. But until the human race is androgynous, this kind of behaviour will NOT be felt equally between men and women. Which is why non exclusive periods are an absolute NO both ways in my opinion.

Deep down, mate I mean right deep down in your gut, you're trying to avoid sticking your face where another dude's ejaculated the night before or worse, spend years ploughing your time and resources in to bringing up another dudes child.

Women just don't get this. They'll tolerate a bit of infidelity because for them, the outcome is not catastrophic as long as the resources remain. But tell her you've flunked all your exams, failed in all your business, get bullied by other men, forced a previous girlfriend into an abortion, avoided paying another ex girlfriend to help raise your child and still rely on your parents to wipe your ass and see how she rolls with that.

Oh, and congratulations for being and feeling a man.

 

[expos]

She was sleeping with another dude.

She kept it on for about two months (I left two months after we started seeing each other for one month to travel), and she then cut contact afterwards, when I returned. It also wasn't a regular thing, it happened a few times.

Basically, she lived in another city than mine, and she cyber sex with him a few times, and she slept with him a few times when she arrived to my city.

We weren't exclusive, and I was free to date other girls as well. We became exclusive when I came back. And yet, why is this bothering me so much?

Because this is the type of woman who will bail at any moment and take refuge with another guy when things aren't going well in your relationship. I have hard time feeling comfortable with a woman who goes from relationship to relationship that quickly. It reeks of instability, lack of sense of self, neediness, and insecurity. These types of women are awful.

You also feel this way because you have a pseudo-ownership of her. You take her out for dinners, dates, and spend time together. You are connected to her and have feelings for her. In other words, you take care of her, and it doesn't feel good when someone else is taking her out for a spin (or took her for a spin when you were with her).