So, I did it.

[ThreeStorms]

Just sent a letter to my oneitis for three years who even works in the same company as I do. So many red flags, I know. Still, it's not *completely* AFC (just 90 percent or so):

A) I offered her my friendship, instead of begging for her love
B) There was always some mutual attraction between us. Even if mine was definitely higher than hers.

Also, I am a little drunk, if that counts.

In the letter, I basically told her that she is a great woman (I know...) and that I was always into her, but am now ready to close that chapter of half-assed trying to seduce her (she always was in a relationship since I know her, and I am too now).

So yeah, work may be a little more awkward than usual over the next weeks, but **** it. I'll let you know if.

 

[MikeBrown30]

Wrong, WRONG.

Never ever do that again, I would be ashamed of myself.

 

[Married Buried]

Post the letter. Let's have a look so we can truly judge.

 

[ThreeStorms]

Cannot post the letter, it's not even in english. Of course writing it was wrong in a way, but as we are not directly working together (thank god), and there was no chance of having her anyway (tried that for much too long...) it won't do too much harm. Just a chapter of my life I had to close mentally.

 

[Serg897]

Been there, done that. In the end its never worth it and you gain nothing from spilling your innermost thoughts and emotions out to a oneitis that has low interest, except that they lose respect for you and want absolutely nothing to do with you anymore. Watch her behavior now - I bet she will go out of her way to avoid you even more than before.

And rightfully so. You've shown that you need validation from her because you felt the need to tell her so much.

Its alright though - I've done this too. Recently. At least it will help you close this and move on. Walk away from this now and never look back.

 

[Johnnyventana]

As long as your hope wasn't that she would reply with, "But, but, please have me!"

 

[The_411]

Just sent a letter to my oneitis for three years who even works in the same company as I do. So many red flags, I know. Still, it's not *completely* AFC (just 90 percent or so):

A) I offered her my friendship, instead of begging for her love
B) There was always some mutual attraction between us. Even if mine was definitely higher than hers.

Also, I am a little drunk, if that counts.

In the letter, I basically told her that she is a great woman (I know...) and that I was always into her, but am now ready to close that chapter of half-assed trying to seduce her (she always was in a relationship since I know her, and I am too now).

So yeah, work may be a little more awkward than usual over the next weeks, but **** it. I'll let you know if.

Oh, it's completely AFC all right. Letters serve no purpose. Men = I do
Women = I feel. Writing a letter = I feel.

a) You're pining after a girl from work who is in a relationship and for 3 years.

There are so many strikes you just struck out the side in the top of first.

Never offer friendship. A woman has to earn that and that only comes as part of the sexual package. (Exception being your best buddies wives)

Why bother telling her you are closing the book? You just do it. She doesn't need to know.

 

[Desdinova]

but am now ready to close that chapter

You know how I close the chapter on women I'm no longer dating?

I BURN THE BOOK.

 

[betheman]

youre deluding yourself op, writing her a letter is not closing a chapter, a door or any other metaphor, its keeping them open. and secretly thats what you want, you want her back or for her to at least she still has the feelings you have..she hasnt.
writing these letters is actually ok with me, sending them is another issue, write them, read them and f ccuking burn them, do not send them

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Three Storms,
Oh Dear that was very silly....So many Posts on the problems with being in the friendship Bucket.....Why couldn't you just meet her for Coffee?

 

[ThreeStorms]

As long as your hope wasn't that she would reply with, "But, but, please have me!"

You mean, that's not the most likely outcome?

Of course it was a silly, weak action. I actually knew that while writing, and, without the alcohol, I wouldn't have sent it. The thing that bothers me the most is that this girl made me totally disregard the things I'm trying to live by: Think like a man - act like a man.

I just wanted to end the very unsatisfying status quo, which was, still believing to have a slight chance, always thinking about how to advance, but never making any progress. It was unbearable.

Scaramouche, of course I asked her out for coffee a long time ago. But the thing is, I rated her declines to those dates to be a lot less important than I rated the occasional BIG smile from her and the occasional good conversation. There was probably some connection, and attraction in the beginning (another collegue mentioned that too).
It was just bad timing, because a few months before meeting her, she started this new relationship (with an older, overweight guy who has kids nearly her own age...)
And believing that I have much more to offer (youth, trained body, height...), I didn't want to let it slip. Guess it was a very irrational case of save-a-ho. Seems I underestimated their bonding, which I heard, is very solid. Even if he doesn't look like an alpha. But he offers her a nice lifestyle, gotta admit that.

Whatever. It's good to get a slap on the back of my head from you guys. A reminder to visit the forums more often. I wouldn't have written this letter three years ago when I was a regular.

<edit>Funny thing is, even if I don't like her guy, he is like a role model for the community here. Getting a youthful, intelligent, charming as hell girl 15 years below his age, without even having good looks.</edit>

 

[DJ Logic]

A chapter can only truly be closed face to face. If that is not possible, then you should write the letter to vent your feelings, and promptly burn it to preserve any scrap of manhood you have left.

 

[ThreeStorms]

Update: She actually wrote back.
It's far less bad than I feared. She said that she liked my letter *somehow*, and she also likes me, but there isn't more for her. Also that she is in a *happy* relationship since 4 years, which I already knew.
Also, she reacted in a very sensible way to the friendship offer - she said it would be ok for her, but doesn't know if that's a good idea for me at the time ( knowing I am that much into her) - maybe in a few months or so.

So, all in all, she in fact is a cool person, reacting very mature to my inmature letter. So i guess not much will change between us, except that I will not try to go for her anymore. This is final.

 

[speed dawg]

She has zero respect for you, and now, thanks to this letter, always will. If you ever get married this chick will likely laugh at your wife.

 

[5string]

Hide the pens and paper before you open a bottle of scotch.

 

[AlNess]

Update: She said that she liked my letter *somehow*, and she also likes me

That's an alternative to getting "Awww you're so sweet" with that certain tone that flat out tells you that you're not getting anywhere with her, even before she fires off the rest of her explanation. Those of us here who've gotten that before know what I'm talking about.

With this letter, you assumed a submissive position. Even though it wasn't your actual intention, your letter still came off as a request for her approval. Beta to the bone.

It's alright, though. Everyone phucks up sometime. I've done what you did here. The important thing is that you learn from it.

In the future, don't resort to written/printed communication. That's for women.

 

[ThreeStorms]

She has zero respect for you, and now, thanks to this letter, always will. If you ever get married this chick will likely laugh at your wife.

As this woman isn't a douchebag, no. Actually, I highly doubt any woman would laugh at me, even if I write the dumbest letter ever. Are women frequently laughing at you, as you seem to know this situation?

 

[MM92]

She has zero respect for you, and now, thanks to this letter, always will. If you ever get married this chick will likely laugh at your wife.

This exactly.

This thread has was one of the most painful things I have ever read.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

As this woman isn't a douchebag, no. Actually, I highly doubt any woman would laugh at me, even if I write the dumbest letter ever. Are women frequently laughing at you, as you seem to know this situation?

The insecurity in you is strong ThreeStorms.

You are trapped in the matrix that is one-itis, that's the only reason your mind could have rationalized for you to write that letter.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you think that you still have a chance with her, maybe not now, but eventually.

And as the others have said, you nailed that door shut by writing that letter.

I know you said you don't visit the forums regularly nowadays, but I STILL can't fathom how a guy who joined this board 10 years ago, would make the same mistake as a 15 year old.

If you do have all going for you, then learn to work on your social skills. Go out and meet more women. Only desperate men chase a woman who doesn't give them the time a day.







PIMP

 

[Serg897]

Have some compassion for the guy. I've done what he did too. So have many others. I understand this completely:

I just wanted to end the very unsatisfying status quo, which was, still believing to have a slight chance, always thinking about how to advance, but never making any progress. It was unbearable.

Sometimes when you are in so much pain from your oneitis the only sensible way to continue seems to be just closing any possible door for reconciliation. This means telling her, upfront, that you want to move on from her. I know it seems stupid (and it is, ultimately), but I understand where this sentiment comes from. I've done it before.

She has zero respect for you, and now, thanks to this letter, always will. If you ever get married this chick will likely laugh at your wife.

This may be true. This may not be true. But in the end, WHO CARES. So you gave some girl an ego boost and she thinks she played you - yet by the time any of us get married our previous oneitis girls should be 100% irrelevant.