So I could use some advice...

[Plaguetard]

So I stumbled upon this website today and thought there is some great advice in here so I figured I would ask for some help.
I am currently engaged. I love my fiancée to death. When I met her I was happy being single and was that guy who dqted 6 different girls a week, got laid when I wanted, but was ultimately getting bored of it all. I am a full time single father of 3 kids. When we girst met, it was great. She went out of her way for me, we ****ed all the time, hell some times she before work. However, the last month and a half, my fiancée is *****y a lot, takes me for granted, and is absolutely defiant in my request, like I asked her to get off Instagram and talk tonight and she refused. I still go out of my way for her A LOT. But the sex is down to maybe twice a week and she barely ever goes out of her way for me.
I almost feel like because I continue to treat her well when she treats me bad she feels like she doesnt have to try. The only time I get a lot of attention is if I go out with friends I get hit on by other women a lot, some times being asked to go hoke with two girls for a threesome. I have thus far always declined, as I do really love my fiancée. However how can I gain back some effort and submissiveness from her?

Thanks,
plague

 

[backbreaker]

1. put your age in your profile

2. Just beucase you love your fiancee, doesn't mean she loves you back.


3. I'm actually married, it will be 3 years in June and I will tell you this and this will be echoed by others; absolutely nothing gets BETTER when you get married. sex doesn't get better.. it's not like your wife had these ultra nice sex positions she's just been saving for when she was a married woman or anything (Though I know why they don't that would have been pretty kick ass lol, like unlocking a video game cheat code or something), they don't appreciate you MORE when you are married. It's not like she says oh he is suck a dork but now that i'm married, i think he's a great guy lol

3. You've been what I call "checkmated".

What does that mean you might ask? In laymens terms she has you by the balls and she knows it. She knows you love her. She knows you love her to the point that she doesn't have to work/try anymore. You don't have any leverage. You've left your queen open with no no guard, you have no moves. In her mind what are you going to do, leave her? short of her cheating on you, and that's coming, she knows you aren't going anywhere no matter how big of a ***** she is. So what's the point in trying to play nice anymore?


This is the sign, the tale tell sign of a low quality woman; the woman who gets of on the chase, more than she gets off on the man. See my wife knows im' crazy about her, i tell her everyday. well not everyday but you get what i Mean, she knows how I feel about her. Alot of women i dated in the past i could not tell that to, even if I did feel that way about them because for them, they would have "won" and the game would have been up. That's your fiancee right now. Only a quality woman can appreciate a man's love and keep up her end of the table. Any woman that stops doing the things that made you like her once she knows you "won" is a low quality woman.

I have a great marriage and as anyone on this forum can attest to I'm crazy about my wife. With that said, if my wife would have done that, even in the slightest before we got married, i would have called it off without hesitation.



I have some questions for you


1. how long did you date your GF before you proposed?

2. How old is she?

3. Does she have any kids herself?



I mean, you just have to do a better job of screening your woman. I hate to break it to you, and you aren't going to listen to this, nor are you going to listen to the guys after me that are going to tell you the exact same thing but I'm still obligated to tell you this anyway beucase it's correct; this relationship is done. the worse thing you could do is marry this owman and be in a sexless, loveless marriage of conviencnce, that wont' be all that convenience once she falls out of love with you and takes your ****. But you'd have no one to blame but you becuase she's showing you right now she'd make a bad wife so than you will not only take a knock on your self confidence for being in a bad marriage for X years, you'd also take another hit because it's one that in retrospect, you know you could have prevented because you SEE the warning signs.


I don't care how ****ing inconvenient it is, I don't care if you hurt her feelings, I don't care how much your kids like their new mommy. GET OUT. That's my advice to you. She is broadcasting to you as loudly as possible she doesn't respect or love you and she isn't all that attracted to you. She likes the fact that you were a player and she won the game. She won out. But she doesn't actually like YOU.

 

[Plaguetard]

Thanks for the response. I am 31. She us 32. We dated for about a year and a half before wi proposed. We have been engaged for about 6 months. It has only been the last month and a half she has gotten *****y. It is like perma PMS. she has 2 kids.

I have considered leaving, and trust me, I wont stay in a ****ty situation. I have pulled the trigger two other times. I do appreciate your advice but I dont know if 2 years is worth throwing away because of a crap month and a half. I do feel like she thinks she does not need to work at it anymore.

I should add that recently she got into a heated custody battle over her kids, and also we have some stress in our lives. I am not concerned about the sex itself, when we have sex it is amazing. And we do it outside on the hood of the car, or make videos, all kinds of fun stuff. It just seems to suddenly becoming scarce. I get that this is almost a power play, and part if my wants to start pulling back and doing less for her. You think a bad month should outweigh 2 good years that much?

 

[backbreaker]

You think a bad month should outweigh 2 good years that much?

FVCK YES

she doesn't get a be a **** free card becuase she lived with you for 2 years.



I mean, you are having all these problems and you aren't even married yet. **** hasn't even gotten real for you yet. AT all. She's doing all this, and you can get up and walk out at any time. How do you think she's going to act when you can't?



This is how you play the situation. Have a talk with her and tell her that you want to put the wedding off for another 6 months to a year. For whatever reason. The stress of her custody battle. Tell her that it's not fair to you that she doesn't have your full attention right now considering that you only get to be married for the first time once you want it to be special and right now, this isn't special.

then go grab a bag of popcorn and watch the fireworks.


i'm not trying to come off rude but this forum talks about it all the time how women doop us into and how the justice system this and society that.. in reality it's this right here; guys are just hopeless AFC romantics and believe in "the one" and that "love conquers all". This girl is showing you that once **** gets rough, she's done. she's showing you that signs that are going to be magnified once you put a ring on her finger.



Exactly what you said is exactly how she sees it. "I put in my 2 years, i EARNED a husband". Is that a woman you really want to marry? apparently so.

 

[SecondHalf]

OP, before I was half way through your post I knew what I would ask:
Does she know you'll walk away?

Then as I read further, you're response to BB is that you've "pulled the trigger two other times". With her, and came back? It doesn't matter. If not her, she doesn't know it then. If it was her, she likely now views it as an idol threat.

This is how you play the situation. Have a talk with her and tell her that you want to put the wedding off for another 6 months to a year. For whatever reason. The stress of her custody battle. Tell her that it's not fair to you that she doesn't have your full attention right now considering that you only get to be married for the first time once you want it to be special and right now, this isn't special.

then go grab a bag of popcorn and watch the fireworks.

This is perfect advice. When she wants to duke it out, don't get 'caught up into the petty argument that will follow as it will end up like you whining and she will own you. Just reply, "I don't want to talk about this endlessly, I think my reasoning is clear". Be strong, and absolute.

Three other things ...
You must accept her direction if she takes this opportunity end it. However, if she does, you were lost anyway. Whatever you do, don't react. Just say that's fine and get on with it in case it's an empty threat. If she ends it, you don't react and she comes back and wants to try again, it must be on your terms.

Your original past seemed a "under the influence". You won't have near the effectiveness with getting her back on track if you're pickled during or often. This is important. (and maybe I'm wrong and you were mad and hate spell checkers ).

Last, six weeks is not a very long time. Be patient, she's scrapping with the ex over her children. She likely hates men a little right now and the last thing she needs is a needy man. Deliver the BB bomb (verbatim is good!), remember why she fell for you, then be that man.

There hasn't been enough information shared by you for anyone to be sure she's "low quality" or any such thing yet. If you have "amazing" sex, then it's a sure bet that she likes it too. You can't continually have "amazing" mechanical sex. There has to be some skin on the table for that (from both of you).

Just be strong, don't whine to her and don't react to her moods (especially with alcohol, that's viewed as weakness by her and is realllly working against you).

SH

 

[Plaguetard]

Thanks. Some excellent advice. And yes, I never use spell checker and should especially when writing this on my phone.

I pulled the trigger twice before with other girls, not her. I will do the wedding thing. I think that makes perfect sense anyways. I am not going to marry a girl who seems like she doesnt have time for me. I do see where BB is coming from, but we have been through a lot so and she has been patient with me before so I am going to make a last attempt here.

Personally after reading so many things on here, I think where I went wrong is we used to have this great communication, and when we were frustrated with each other we would juat be open and say something about it. I think, while she still does it my way, she now feels like when I say something I am just whining.

Going to put some of this into practice today, will let you guys know how it goes. I am glad I atumbled across this website and appreciate the advice.

 

[backbreaker]

Thanks. Some excellent advice. And yes, I never use spell checker and should especially when writing this on my phone.

I knew i liked you lol

 

[Greasy Pig]

Welcome OP! There's excellent advice on these boards.
And remember, don't marry someone expecting they'll change.
If her behaviour doesn't improve soon, it won't be any different when you marry her.
She may get caught up in the excitement and romance of the actual wedding but that will wear off quickly.
Don't walk down the aisle with her until she proves her quality.

 

[donking]

A woman that is initially sweet and kind before you declare your love, and then changes into a bit ch afterwards is not someone into you.

 

[Big Nuts]

Blended family = 98% chance of FAIL

Can't believe men can tolerate this arrangement in their lives. My idea of a fvcking nightmare!!!

 

[VladPatton]

I know this is something you don't wanna hear, but think hard, really hard if this is the girl you want to marry. It's better to be a bachelor than to be with a miserable bıtch for the rest of your life. Never be afraid to walk.

The guys with marriage experience know their shıt. Don't get suckered into a bad marriage, divorce, custody battles, and alimony, man. Fück what family and society dictate! They're not in your shoes.

Do what is right for you and trust your gut...after all, it brought you to this place.

 

[Night-hawk]

to these replies.

 

[Bwana]

If it were me I would end it. What you are seeing now will get worse and not better. I would not end it until I had several other options lined up since it is much easier to show your true alpha to new women if you are getting laid.

 

[Colossus]

Blended family = 98% chance of FAIL

Can't believe men can tolerate this arrangement in their lives. My idea of a fvcking nightmare!!!

It is a nightmare, I grew up in a blended family. My father went through 10 years of stress and disrespect.

OP, in my opinion you are starring to see her true colors. Also a good chance she is taking out her angst towards her ex husband on you, because you are there. Hence the rebelliousness, etc. And now that you are engaged, she has a sense of power and security.

And let me tell you a little secret: great sex doesn't mean SH!T. Yeah it's nice to have and you wouldn't want to be in a relationship where the sex is awful, but it has absolutely zero predictive value regarding the future quality of your relationship. If anything, great sex will mask the other sh!t in your relationship that is piling up high and deep as we speak.

I wouldn't start a blended family if I were you, you will regret it.

 

[speed dawg]

I am a full time single father of 3 kids......she has 2 kids

OK, here's my advice: End it and get out of there. Seriously. We've got enough damn bastard kids running around killing people and what not. We don't need any more. Devote your life to your kids. If you want to f*ck women, do it. But stop being a p*ssy and having relationships with them, and then bringing them around your kids. You messed that up when you got married and then divorced. You forfeited your freedom when you had those 3 kids. For their sake, don't mess their heads up by bringing in a 'mother' figure. It doesn't work.

Now, will you do this? Probably not, you seem weak. You obviously are strung out by this woman. But still, that's as simple as I can make it. She already disrespects you, it ain't getting any better.

Get out, and quit having 'relationships' because you're lonely. Wait until your kids grow up. I can only imagine that you're ignoring them like mfer just to spend 'quality time' with this useless broad. And tell her to go take care of her kids too.

Selfish pieces of sh*t, this is my pet peeve. Have to take care of your little feelings and your little needs? Are you lonely? Man f*ck that. You don't have needs, your kids do. Man up.

My opinion, take it or leave it.

 

[In2theGame]

I agree with the poster Bwana, saying that its a sign of things to come later on. Seems like shes becoming disrespectful towards you already and id imagine also that it will get worse once your married to her. Im not going to say end it because i know deep down you dont want to but i would begin second guessing this before you make a mistake and have to deal with a messy divorce down the line.

 

[G_Govan]

This is how you play the situation. Have a talk with her and tell her that you want to put the wedding off for another 6 months to a year. For whatever reason. The stress of her custody battle. Tell her that it's not fair to you that she doesn't have your full attention right now considering that you only get to be married for the first time once you want it to be special and right now, this isn't special.

I was with you until the bolded part. This would be an attempt to negotiate desire. It never works, in fact, it usually makes things worse.

Women don't need to be told these things, when they feel like giving you time they will. She's stopped doing it because as backbreaker mentioned, she knows you're wrapped around her finger.

Don't be fooled into believing that sex means the same thing to women as it does men. Women use sex as a primary tool for manipulation and control because they see how strongly we react to it. Women can make any man feel like he's a pornstar because they know how to assuage our egos when it suits them.

This isn't to say they don't enjoy it themselves, but you need to keep things in perspective and not allow sex to cloud your thinking. Its part of how they get you hooked.

As others have mentioned, the situation doesn't seem ideal for you anyway.

 

[Zunder]

What is a mother of two doing on that instagram shyt anyway?

What a fvcking mess mate. I can't give you any advice that hasn't already been given, except to say don't be a fvcking idiot and marry this woman. Don't be like those families in the haunted house movies......when the ghost says "GET OUT", then get the fvck out.

 

[backbreaker]

I was with you until the bolded part. This would be an attempt to negotiate desire. It never works, in fact, it usually makes things worse.

Women don't need to be told these things, when they feel like giving you time they will. She's stopped doing it because as backbreaker mentioned, she knows you're wrapped around her finger.

Don't be fooled into believing that sex means the same thing to women as it does men. Women use sex as a primary tool for manipulation and control because they see how strongly we react to it. Women can make any man feel like he's a pornstar because they know how to assuage our egos when it suits them.

This isn't to say they don't enjoy it themselves, but you need to keep things in perspective and not allow sex to cloud your thinking. Its part of how they get you hooked.

As others have mentioned, the situation doesn't seem ideal for you anyway.

my advice to him has nothing to do with actually negotiationing. My advice to him is to get her to show him her true intentions

 

[speed dawg]

my advice to him has nothing to do with actually negotiationing.

You mean 'negotiating'? Actually, yes, that part of your advice was negotiating desire, which, as the other poster pointed out, is impossible. The rest of your advice was OK. But this guy doesn't need to do that 'sitting down and talking' stuff. Then he'll be wanting 'closure' and stick around for her to simply wear his ass out. And the kids will get scarred for life.

my advice to him has nothing to do with actually negotiationing. My advice to him is to get her to show him her true intentions

She already has. Time to move on to the solution.