So I asked my best friend why she's going out with this jerk...

[BannedGod]

Just out of curiosity lol. She's going out with a guy that's pretty close to the definition that SS gives of a jerk. Her answer to me was:

I don't know, I just like him. He makes me feel alive.

Further proof that women will go for any kind of guy as long as they do not bore her (like you guys need any).



Anyways there is another part to my post. She is my best friend, I really care a lot for her, she's like a little sister to me... I really don't like her being with this guy, even if he "makes her feel alive". I want her to find a DJ instead of a jerk . How can I convince her that she is worth more than this trash?

 

[Microfiltered]

How can I convince her that she is worth more than this trash?

Give her my number lol

Seriously though, I don’t really think there’s much you can do to be honest. Steering her to a better guy could work (especially if it was me; can you tell I’m desperate?), but I could foresee it as being a huge waste. End result, she’s getting ****ed either way. Just going to have to suck it up.

I was also just thinking. She’s probably going out with this jerk because she’s insecure. Once again, I don’t really know how to solve this problem since these issues can run very deep. Maybe recommend her books or websites (maybe even this website) or just talk to her about it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
Anyways there is another part to my post. She is my best friend, I really care a lot for her, she's like a little sister to me... I really don't like her being with this guy, even if he "makes her feel alive". I want her to find a DJ instead of a jerk . How can I convince her that she is worth more than this trash?

If she can't figure that out for herself, what makes you feel that she deserves a DJ?

 

[BlackJackal]

I say let her learn the hard way. You dont have much of a choice anyway.

 

[skirtChaser]

you can stop having discussions about it because all you are doing is making her go to him, just ignore it and let it run it course.

or better yet, go get your own life and g/f and lead by example instead of wasting time thinking about some chick that's getting screwed by a loser. go out and find the perfect relationship that you always dreamed of her having. maybe she will see your point then.

chances are you won't find something perfect cause its not a perfect world and its not worth the time to worry about a decision that's not even up to you to make that you don't have to live with ..........or screw

 

[MacDiddy]

I want her to find a DJ instead of a jerk . How can I convince her that she is worth more than this trash?

I think you are not being genuine. I think you wouldn't mind giving her a run around the block.

If she found a ladies man, you'd be put into your little box and she'd wanna see you less. He'd use you and take the mikey out of you.

Yeah she deserves a DJ, but you'd be the butt of all his jokes.. No offence, but he's going to out alpha you cause he has the girl and he's better..

 

[Potbelly]

Why do you care so much about this woman who isn't a part of your family or is pending to be part of your family or have been with you romantically for many years as a good companion?

Simple fact of life, you can't care about everyone. It's stressful and impossible, let it go. It's not your job to make sure her life is great. Take a minute and look at your life. I bet you can find 5-10 things you're unsatisfied with in YOUR OWN life. Fix those. Invest in yourself, fvck everyone else.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Just out of curiosity lol. She's going out with a guy that's pretty close to the definition that SS gives of a jerk. Her answer to me was:

I don't know, I just like him. He makes me feel alive.

Further proof that women will go for any kind of guy as long as they do not bore her (like you guys need any).



Anyways there is another part to my post. She is my best friend, I really care a lot for her, she's like a little sister to me... I really don't like her being with this guy, even if he "makes her feel alive". I want her to find a DJ instead of a jerk . How can I convince her that she is worth more than this trash?

You can't. She has to figure that out on her own.

 

[BannedGod]

If she can't figure that out for herself, what makes you feel that she deserves a DJ?

Because she is very insecure about herself from past bad experiences (she used to have no friends in school everyone hated her - she's changed now though she's really great) and like one of the above poster mentioned, I think one of the main reason she is with him and doesn't do anything about it even if he treats her as dirt is because she is still very insecure deep down.

Why do you care so much about this woman who isn't a part of your family or is pending to be part of your family or have been with you romantically for many years as a good companion?

Simple fact of life, you can't care about everyone. It's stressful and impossible, let it go. It's not your job to make sure her life is great. Take a minute and look at your life. I bet you can find 5-10 things you're unsatisfied with in YOUR OWN life. Fix those. Invest in yourself, fvck everyone else.

I care because there are very few people in this world I actually consider good friends and give a rat's ass about what happens to them. It doesn't happen often, but she is one of them, and as extraordinary and impossible as it may sound, I actually want to... I don't know... Invest some of my time to try and make her life a little better. Yeah that sounds about right.

But you are right about the things I am unsatisfied with in my own life, and I currently am working on those, but nothing stops me from trying to do good things for the one I care about.

I think you are not being genuine. I think you wouldn't mind giving her a run around the block.

If she found a ladies man, you'd be put into your little box and she'd wanna see you less. He'd use you and take the mikey out of you.

Yeah she deserves a DJ, but you'd be the butt of all his jokes.. No offence, but he's going to out alpha you cause he has the girl and he's better..

And I care because? I wouldn't even sleep with her if I had a chance (read what I said earlier: she's like a sister to me) so why should I care if he "out alpha" me? That's what I want...

Anyways I guess you guys are right, she will eventually (hopefully) figure this on her own.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Because she is very insecure about herself from past bad experiences (she used to have no friends in school everyone hated her - she's changed now though she's really great) and like one of the above poster mentioned, I think one of the main reason she is with him and doesn't do anything about it even if he treats her as dirt is because she is still very insecure deep down.

So a DJ would deserve a innately insecure woman?

 

[BannedGod]

Hahah good point. I guess like most people she would have to work hard on that. Yet I do not think that being with a jerk who plays with her all the time is the best way to improve her problem of insecurity - it's probably simply making it worse.

 

[Centaurion]

...He makes me feel alive....

Translation : He is engaging her emotionally, by giving her the thrill of her life.

 

[Potbelly]

I care because there are very few people in this world I actually consider good friends and give a rat's ass about what happens to them. It doesn't happen often, but she is one of them, and as extraordinary and impossible as it may sound, I actually want to... I don't know... Invest some of my time to try and make her life a little better. Yeah that sounds about right.

But you are right about the things I am unsatisfied with in my own life, and I currently am working on those, but nothing stops me from trying to do good things for the one I care about.

So you are helping her out and helping yourself out right now. You are trying to improve both of your lives am I right?

Let me ask you this. If you had 1 hour to make 4 dishes and one hour to make 2 dishes, which of these would turn out better?

Think about it. You have limited time. Time spent doing one thing cannot be used to do another.

 

[BlackJackal]

Why do you care so much about this woman who isn't a part of your family or is pending to be part of your family or have been with you romantically for many years as a good companion?

Simple fact of life, you can't care about everyone. It's stressful and impossible, let it go. It's not your job to make sure her life is great. Take a minute and look at your life. I bet you can find 5-10 things you're unsatisfied with in YOUR OWN life. Fix those. Invest in yourself, fvck everyone else.

Exactly.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Hahah good point. I guess like most people she would have to work hard on that. Yet I do not think that being with a jerk who plays with her all the time is the best way to improve her problem of insecurity - it's probably simply making it worse.

Possibly but she's getting some type of payoff none the less. If it outweighs her perceived negative aspects of the relationship, it would be difficult to convince her that her situation is as bad as you believe it is.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Translation : He is engaging her emotionally, by giving her the thrill of her life.

And this is her payoff for being with him. This is why "nice guys" can hardly compete with "bad boys." The typical emotion driven woman usually will choose a life of thrills over a nice life.

 

[dav22]

I think the real problem is that you don't know enough girls.

 

[MooseGod]

I think you guys are giving the OP too much of a hard time... There's nothing wrong with caring about people that are close to you. If she's truly like a sister to you like you say, then it's understandable to not want her dating an *******. But then again, if he makes her happy then what's the problem? It's her life.

She just sounds like a typical immature girl, and maybe she'll come around eventually, unfortunately for most chicks that point is where they're no longer gorgeous, they have 2 kids, and are either stuck in a loveless marriage or are single moms.

 

[BannedGod]

I think you guys are giving the OP too much of a hard time... There's nothing wrong with caring about people that are close to you. If she's truly like a sister to you like you say, then it's understandable to not want her dating an *******. But then again, if he makes her happy then what's the problem? It's her life.

She just sounds like a typical immature girl, and maybe she'll come around eventually, unfortunately for most chicks that point is where they're no longer gorgeous, they have 2 kids, and are either stuck in a loveless marriage or are single moms.

Yea it seems like this forum really promotes selfishness. I don't see what the hell is wrong with wanting to help others then myself from time to time... Whatever.

So you are helping her out and helping yourself out right now. You are trying to improve both of your lives am I right?

Let me ask you this. If you had 1 hour to make 4 dishes and one hour to make 2 dishes, which of these would turn out better?

Think about it. You have limited time. Time spent doing one thing cannot be used to do another.

So your telling me it's bad to help others and you shouldn't do it. Yet by telling me this you are helping me out, giving me some tips and all. Didn't you just say it was bad to help others? Make up your mind -_-

Possibly but she's getting some type of payoff none the less. If it outweighs her perceived negative aspects of the relationship, it would be difficult to convince her that her situation is as bad as you believe it is.

Truer words couldn't be spoken. Although it kind of sucks to know I can't really help her out. I hate feeling hopeless about something -_-

 

[penkitten]

so here is a song that comes to mind when i saw your thread...
Is she really going out with him?
Is she really gonna take him home tonight?
Is she really going out with him?
cause if my eyes dont deceive me,
Theres something going wrong around here/I]